Messages

31

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: December 06, 2020, 03:49:35 AM »

Kerr saw the trepidation that passed through Ben's eyes when he kissed the ring; he incorrectly assumed it stemmed from Ben's general discomfort with marriage. That he'd read Kerr's thoughts or his emotions and he wasn't ready. The thing was, neither of them were so Kerr mildly resented that shadow in Ben's gaze. The emotion was fleeting, however, and was soon replaced by melancholy. He wasn't about to fall to one knee and hem his love in with awkward declarations of undying love and a foreshadowed question - and if he did, he had no certainty in the answer he'd receive being an affirmative - and Ben should know that.

Did Ben really not know that? Did he not understand how devastated Kerr had been for him? His election loss hadn't affected only himself... no, he had to know that. They wouldn't be so tentative with each other if that wasn't a given. This vacation was too careful and saturated in a sense of discovery for there to be any confusion on that front. Ben's next words and his agreement to abandoning Cain only confirmed it. "I agree." Kerr smiled and lowered their hands, interlinking their fingers as he drew Ben out of the bedroom.

When they got downstairs, Cain was sitting in an armchair positioned so that he could see the television and the staircase. He was just delivering a spoonful of cereal into his mouth when they stepped off the last riser and onto the living area carpet. The spoon was quickly withdrawn and dropped with a clatter into the bowl Cain held beneath his chin. He chewed hastily to clear his mouth and be able to speak, his gaze shifting rapidly between his masters' joined hands, their warm outfits and their faces.

"Good evening, Cain," Kerr bade, his tone genial and his expression soft. He found the human's eager movements - leaning forward to deposit his bowl onto the coffee table before scrambling to his feet and stepping towards them - endearing and sexy. Cain moved with a grace that men of his size rarely had, his muscular body wrapped in tight blue jeans and a white hoodie that somehow made him look adorably cuddly and sinuously powerful at the same time. As it was with Ben, Kerr would never not find Cain sexy and his admiration was clear in his lopsided smile as he watched his pet approach.

Cain noticed Kerr noticing him and his heart rate picked up at the implication of that look. It had been a very long time indeed since Kerr had looked at him like that. It made him feel sexy and wanted and there was no better feeling. "Hey Kerr," he replied huskily, walking to the taller man first and wrapping his arms around his waist. Kerr hugged him with his free arm and leant down to kiss him on the lips. Cain had to fight the urge to deepen it. Disappointment flared as he pulled back, licking his lips to savour the taste he got.

"Evening, Ben," he added, leaving one arm around Kerr as he reached over and placed the other on Ben's hip to steady him while he kissed the blond's cheek - though he wouldn't refuse if he was offered lips. As he withdrew, he looked over Ben's smart outfit and gazed expectantly from silvery blue eyes to brown. "Are we going out?"

"Ben and I are," Kerr said gently, still smiling.

Cain's expression faltered into a frown as he got the implied message. "Oh," was all he managed.

Kerr lifted his arm and hugged him around the shoulders, kissing his forehead. "We'll be a few hours. Don't wait up for us if you're tired."

Cain opened his mouth to ask if he should wait for them in their bed but thought better of it and decided on another course. "Okay. I just might. I'm pretty tired. I toured all around the farm this afternoon."

"Did you now?" Kerr asked indulgently, his eyes alight with approval.

When Cain saw how happy his news made the Irishman, pride flared and his grin broadened. "It's beautiful here. I love your family home," Cain enthused, cuddling closer and tilting his face up in case more kisses came his way. Unfortunately, Kerr only beamed at him. "Where are you going?" he asked curiously.

"Not far. To visit a neighbouring property. We'll be faster if we go alone," Kerr explained.

"Ahhh," Cain breathed, understanding that their visit wasn't necessarily legal and his human ass would just slow them down if he went. It made him feel better about being excluded - though he enjoyed the fact that they were going out together anyway. If Ben and Kerr became close again, things might go back to normal for all three of them. Cain was tired of being sad and feeling lost and confused. Nothing felt right when his masters weren't right with each other. "Are you drinking before you go?"

Kerr opened his mouth to answer but closed it soon after, turning to look at Ben for his answer. Cain looked at him, too.

32

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: December 01, 2020, 01:21:28 AM »

Kerr's admiration of Ben's outfit - so much sleeker and more professional than his own - ceased when his love accessorised with his ring. With Kerr's ring. It had been a while since he'd seen it on Ben's hand and, in the meantime, they'd talked about Kerr buying Ben other rings; one that would promise them to one another and one that would bind them as husbands.

He hadn't gone ahead with that, despite Ben's agreement in principle, because... oh, there were so many reasons. Saraekiel, Cain, separations and reunions, the election, the timing, the emotions... so much hadn't been right.

Seeing his ring on Ben's hand now caused such a surge of pride and possessiveness that Kerr was momentarily overwhelmed. He didn't expect such a small piece of jewellery to affect him so but the fact that Ben chose to wear it here and now was significant. It mattered to Kerr because the way he put it on mattered to Ben.

Maybe it was time to think of wedding rings after all, if the Claddagh ring could make him feel like this.

Kerr's gaze was heated as he approached Ben, grasping his hand and brushing his thumb across the ring before he lifted it and pressed his lips to Ben's knuckles. Ben's words registered but Kerr lowered his hand before he spoke, looking into Ben's silvery-blue eyes with a whole lot of emotions swirling within him that he couldn't suppress. Perhaps it was their imminent visit to the manor that had him so riled. Maybe it was the ring. Or simply Ben being here, being his, being pliant and loving. Loveable. It had been too long since Ben had been in a place where Kerr was allowed to love him as he wanted to.

"Alright," he agreed, his voice gravelly. The basement of the manor was still preserved and that was where he'd been made. Though parts of the rest of the grand home were crumbling, most of the ground floor and the underground was intact when last they'd visited and he felt like it would remain preserved. "Shall we take Cain or leave him here?" Ten minutes ago Kerr had had every intention of bringing their pet but then Ben had put his ring on and reignited an intimacy between them that would likely only intensify when they went to the manor. He didn't think he wanted his attention to be split by Cain but he asked his question so that Ben would collude with him in his selfishness.

It would give him permission to exclude their human if Ben agreed he should stay.

33

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 28, 2020, 01:04:40 AM »

Kerr watched Ben speculatively when he declared he was more likely to get bored before Cain did. He doubted that, because even though Ben didn't fully connect with his first visit to Europe, Kerr hadn't forgotten. Oddly, Ben was in a similar headspace now to the one he'd been in all those years ago; open to experience, exploring his relationship with Kerr in the wake of significant change and fascinated with everything.

Ben would be eternally fascinated with learning and finding out as much about everything he didn't know as possible, boredom was unlikely, in Kerr's opinion. It was part of why Kerr was so uneasy about introducing him to any of the councils. His enchantment with them could become... consuming. This relaxed, healing air they had going on was far too precious to him to spoil it; it helped him make up his mind about mentioning anything to Ben about them after all.

With an exhalation of amusement, Kerr rolled after Ben and onto his feet beside the bed, taking a moment to get his bearings before he strode towards his clothes, slapping Ben's ass lightly on the way past. He dressed warmly because the weather would warrant that - not that he hoped they'd run into anyone - keeping it informal in jeans, boots and a thick woollen jumper. He slid his hand into Ben's as they left the bedroom and headed through the narrow corridor and downstairs.

"So... farm or manor first?" Kerr queried, wondering exactly which bit of history they'd focus on tonight. A meal of blood would help get the night started right, also, then they could get Cain and leave. A night of exploration suited Kerr, he didn't care which direction drew Ben first; the other would be explored the next night.

34

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 27, 2020, 01:14:25 AM »

Ben's expression only compounded Kerr's shame but he weathered the shifting emotions on his love's face with as much dignity as he could muster. He was relieved when told Cain had broken family connections... then he felt guilty about feeling relieved, too.

"He'll want to stay with us," Kerr nodded, a wry smile appearing. "I suppose we should let him know we've got no definite timeframe or destination in mind, just in case it makes a difference, but I believe you're right. He'll likely get bored if we stay here too long, though. There's not much to do," Kerr chuckled.

A larger city would give Cain more opportunities to interact with people if Ben and Kerr were too tame; they might even lose him to older, more tempting vampires if they ventured to a city with a council and network of vampiric followers in it. He wondered if Ben would want to introduce himself to some of them while he was here. Kerr wasn't sure he should even make the offer, considering most ruling supernaturals put Themba's attitude to shame. It was part of why he'd kept Ben away when they'd visited previously. The other part was Ben's youth.

Plus, Kerr only knew many of them because Sawyl had run afoul of most of them at one point or another and been hauled in front of them for a warning or punishment. Kerr himself was viewed with polite indulgence generally, having gained some sympathy amongst the elite ranks when they realised he had nothing to do with his family's lascivious proclivities and reckless behaviours. He was tolerated, not beloved, though his time as Luminary might have boosted his reputation.

Either way, he was nervous about his childe's acceptance; on principle, they might shun Ben simply because of his association with Kerr (and, by bloodline, Sawyl). He hoped not but he couldn't avoid the heavy thoughts that came to him as he contemplated it.

35

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 25, 2020, 09:26:26 PM »

Kerr raised his eyebrows and lowered Ben's hand away from his mouth as he contemplated a while. His imagination gallivanted at the possibilities and the only limitation he could envision was Cain. Did he have family he'd want to keep in contact with? Kerr couldn't recall ever having a conversation with the mortal about family or friends... he thought there was no-one significant but couldn't recall specific information along those lines.

Should he remember or know more about that? He should definitely feel guilty that the object of his sexual affection and fascination didn't seem to rate as more than a mouth and a fine ass to stuff his cock in. If he'd had blood recently, he'd be flushed with shame right now.

"I love the idea of being away a while and I'm happy to delay training as long as you want. But... uh... do you know anything about Cain's ties to the city?" he queried sheepishly, his expression a mix of embarrassment and hopefulness. "There isn't anyone he'll miss if we're away an extended amount of time... right?"

36

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 24, 2020, 08:09:18 PM »

Kerr grinned in return, the action reflexive because it was in his nature to mirror Ben. "You're beautiful, you know that?" he murmured, grabbing Ben's hand and pulling it to his mouth so he could nuzzle his knuckles with adoring lips. "And I don't just mean your face."

Ben's desire to share things or get close to Kerr had always been flattering but it felt especially poignant now, when Ben's attention had been so splintered by the campaign. Now was all about them. It went straight to Kerr's heart... and his ego.

"Speaking of closeness, do you want to do any training while we're away? Are you feeling balanced enough to try or will we wait 'til we're back?" Kerr wasn't sure if Ben had reached a state of equilibrium - or desire - firm enough to concentrate on such things yet. If he was ready for it, it was another way for them to grow closer and Kerr wanted to know so he could put some time towards it each night but he was fully aware that Ben mightn't be ready for the physical and mental strain.

Jake and the city had taken their figurative pound of flesh.

37

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 23, 2020, 09:33:17 PM »

Kerr didn't enjoy the jolt of fear he felt when Ben mentioned New York and Themba's name so he merely widened his eyes and nodded his agreement instead of making a comment. He could see parallels between his time in the manor and Ben's experience in New York but, ultimately, Ben had it worse. His tormentors were still alive.

"It's nothing I can't handle," he assured his love, shrugging one shoulder. "My ghosts are all dead now so... it would be interesting to see how it still affects me. Maybe it's closure I need, I don't know," he mused, a breath leaving his body in an exhalation of amusement. "I'm not compelled either to go or to avoid it, so my offer stands, if it interests you," he smiled.

38

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 22, 2020, 10:41:43 PM »

Kerr was relieved to hear things had improved, though Ben highlighted 'not claustrophobic' instead of using 'equal' again. It was enough; he'd done an awful lot of gritting his teeth and letting Ben go in order to get as far as they had and he was content with the wording.

"That's good," he sighed, nodding as he lifted his left hand and rested his chin in his palm, looking past Ben as his gaze became pensive. "It's my flaw, I know that. It's not fair on you, my need to control everything." He sighed again, looking back into Ben's eyes, which made him smile wanly. They both knew it was Sawyl's legacy that Ben was left to fight in Kerr's head. It couldn't be more unfair. "I'm glad you think I'm getting better, though."

His grin widened, his brown eyes twinkling as he contemplated laying his head on Ben's stomach and pouting up at him, pointing out that Ben kind of didn't mind having a daddy in bed. He wondered what would happen if told Ben to daddy him. He had no idea what it would entail. It wasn't like they didn't take turns already but there was obviously more to the kink. Complete surrender? Spanking or paddling? It would definitely be weird to have Ben bossing him around but Kerr thought it might be hot, in bed. It might also drive him crazy but therein lay the thrill.

Deciding discretion was the better part of valour, he turned his smirk to the walls of the room they were in. "I'm at a disadvantage here, at least. I was born in this room and just looking at the fields makes me feel like a child again. Gods, my mother tried so hard to be proper and raise me right and my father never met an emotion he could express yet I still have the impression that he was kind." Kerr's expression darkened as he remembered the events that led up to his parents' - and his own - deaths and he was again immersed in the sense of helplessness he'd experienced beneath Angus and Sawyl's fangs. A grown man turned childe.

"Do you want to see where I was made?" he asked, knowing they'd visited the manor - now rather dilapidated - when they were last here but that Ben didn't truly remember that trip. Not with feelings. Besides, Kerr had been uptight and upset when they'd toured the manor and he'd rushed Ben through, locking down his feelings so that he didn't have to confront his own memories. Sawyl had still been part of his life, too. Things were different this time around and he was ready to be vulnerable in front of Ben in a way he hadn't been back then.

Maybe being equal was reliant on how raw you were willing to be in front of your partner; he and Ben had certainly torn off a lot of layers since they were here last.

39

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 22, 2020, 05:28:26 PM »

Kerr tilted his head, his accompanying frown showing that he was thinking just as much as Ben was. "I... understand that my age and experience is unbalanced but... you've felt we were unequal? In our relationship? Just in general?" he queried, gently spoken because he was curious to hear more about Ben's feelings on this matter.

Surely the balance of power shifted with the usual ebb and flow of every relationship? One was strong if the other was weak, one was responsible when the other was weary of making decisions; that was how a healthy dynamic worked, right? He was of the opinion he and Ben traded places as required.

Hearing Ben always viewed himself as lesser somehow made Kerr feel anxious in a way an unreachable itch buried deep in his skin would.

40

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: London Calling

« on: November 22, 2020, 02:57:24 PM »

Harm’s expression no doubt looked like he was trying to choose a favourite between his two children but, with a groan of defeat he finally directed Trick into the bakery. It was closer and had some quaint little tables and chairs scattered inside and outside to sit at. Every grouping was different.

Inside, Harm was excited to find the pies here could have meat and mushy peas in them so he ordered one, eyes wide with anticipation. He ignored Trick’s smirk, pretty sure his boyfriend was secretly laughing at his over-excited reactions to... well, to the whole menu listed on the boards above the counter, really. Trick ordered before him so Harm kept his simple for the time being; a pea-filled meat pie and a large coffee. He had designs on many of the sweet treats behind the glass of the display cabinets afterwards, though. He’d just have to see how full he was after his pie.

Pulling out his wallet and handing over a note to pay for their meals was also more exciting than it should’ve been. The emotion zinged through him as he selected one he thought was appropriate then anxiously watched the guy behind the register for signs that he’d made a bad choice. When he received some change (but not too much) Harm beamed at the cashier proudly, earning him a second, more speculative look.

“American, eh?” the guy - who was probably a couple years younger than him, though his rosy English complexion made it hard to judge - asked casually.

If possible, Harm’s smile only got wider. “Yep. Another tourist,” he gushed giddily, rolling his eyes in playful self-deprecation. “You’ll probably be seeing a lot of us, as we’re staying just down the street. For a while.”

The guy gave him a look Harm couldn’t interpret. “Right,” he laughed breathily. “Find a seat and I’ll bring your food out to you when it’s ready.”

“Thank you!” Harm chirped. When he turned, he found Trick had migrated a short distance away from him so he went after him. He leaned close when he reached him, so that only his boyfriend would hear him. “Is it weird that I find paying so thrilling? It’s like play money! I need to remind myself that it’s real,” he giggled, gripping Trick’s arm as they looked for a table.

41

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 22, 2020, 02:05:53 PM »

Ben’s story captured Kerr’s imagination in an unexpectedly vivid and visceral way. He was right there with humiliated, sobbing teenaged Ben when the amused question was asked. Kerr blinked his way back to the present and released Ben so that he could shuffle onto his stomach beside him, resting on his elbows so he was raised up, able to look at his beautiful face. The allegory was clear, to Kerr.

“Maybe because you feel like the city has left you to walk home, alone and crying like the stupid bitch that boy was,” Kerr shrugged then leant forward to press a kiss to Ben’s shoulder before pulling back to look him in the eye. “But you’re not alone. And you’ve never been responsible for other people’s bad decisions - even when you lacked confidence, I believe you knew that - so you won’t start now. You know, I feel like life is a cycle of exploration, failure and reinventing ourselves. The length of time of the exploration and the decline of interest or connection or whatever it may be differs, but the end result is always the same. Reinvention. Reinvigoration. And a new determination.”

He smiled tenderly at Ben then, not feeling he needed to say that they were facing the process together. Again. Their own relationship had been through, what? Three? Five? Ten of those cycles? Now was different - it always was - but it was the same, too. And Kerr was infinitely pleased that they were still lucky enough to weather it side by side.

One day, he might well be the casualty in Ben’s next reinvention cycle or Ben might be his; but not yet. Hopefully never.

42

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 22, 2020, 12:59:53 AM »

Kerr smirked at the notion of liking boys and hooking up with Ben in his youth, something he'd never even contemplated back then; it was an implausible and crazy proposition but that didn't stop his heart leaping at the idea of it. Technically, Ben had been the one to teach him the wonders of being with a man, the one to seduce him. He believed it could easily have happened if they'd met as youngsters. The images of what he and past Ben might've got up to in an isolated cabin far away from his family's prying eyes were titillating and sent a throb of awareness straight to his groin.

Still, the rest of what Ben said muted his ardor and gave Kerr pause. He would've been intimidated and overwhelmed but still turned up? That made him sad for Ben. It wasn't so unbelievable. Even now, Ben was a peculiar mix of egotistical and vulnerable, his doubts eating into his self-esteem in unexpected and often destructive ways, while other situations bolstered him and could make him insufferable. Casting his mind back, Kerr remembered his initial fascination with the mortal boy. How disarmingly naive and worshipful he'd been; bold yet timid in his approach, humble yet confident about wanting vampirism.

Kerr had never met anyone like him and he was confident he never would again.

"I think you would've changed quickly, if we'd met as children. Just like when we met in real life, I'd have been helpless to resist your charms and you would've led me into temptation. I think you'd have intimidated me," Kerr winked, trailing his fingers along Ben's arm so that he could play with his fingers. When he spoke next, his tone was curious and pensive. "Were you confident when you were younger? Before you came out and your parents rejected you?"

43

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 20, 2020, 11:22:13 PM »

Kerr gave a throaty laugh, amused by the way Ben asked so cutely if they were staying in bed. It was tempting but Kerr was enjoying their bonding vibe; staying in bed would definitely lead to sex, which would one hundred percent summon Cain and that was a level of complicated he wasn't ready for yet.

Their first night had been spent exploring the village a short drive away, mostly to stock up on food for Cain. The second night had been about getting settled in the house and wandering around the nearby land and stables. They hadn't ventured too far away from the house because they were nesting and it had been nice to take things easy. Kerr had managed to fill the night with stories and memories of his home and, somehow, his companions hadn't become bored. He wasn't about to push his luck tonight, though.

"We can," Kerr conceded, though his tone denoted his reluctance - despite his smirk at Ben's shiver. There was something ego-stroking about the way his touch could pebble his lover's delicious flesh even after all these years. "I was thinking that it's a nice night to do some exploring, though. The moon's out and there's no snow yet so we could go for a ride o'er the land. I'm interested to see if the safety cottages we used to have in the outer paddocks are still there, in case of inclement weather. It was always my job to ride around them and check they were properly stocked when the weather started to turn. It was boring as hell unless I could convince someone to meet me at one of them and make it more interesting."

He winked lewdly at Ben, letting his love know exactly what sort of 'interesting' young, mortal Kerr had craved - as if he didn't already know. It amused him to joke about it and imply that he and Ben could rendezvous at a distant cabin and fool around, even if he had no intention of letting that happen.

44

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 20, 2020, 10:01:07 PM »

Kerr tilted his head and contemplated Ben's words, a smile lingering around his lips. The silence that stretched between them was comfortable and he'd forgotten that. "I know what you mean. We've come a long way but... " A frown arrived as he thought of all the impossible situations they'd survived between when they started and where they were now.

"It's good to go back to the beginning. I was thinking something similar while I waited for you to wake up. I began here and so much has come and gone but... that moon's still the same, y'know? Still rising over the same fields. We get caught up in the minutiae and the grandness of it all but it's a lot of bullshit. We convince ourselves that we matter but the moon doesn't give a shit. I feel small, here. Grounded. And I like that the only thing that feels bigger is you and how I feel about you."

He watched the tip of his finger as it traced its way over Ben's shoulder and bicep, humbled that he was able to touch him. Reverence radiated off him unwittingly. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

45

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 20, 2020, 09:36:31 PM »

Kerr was drawn out of his reverie by Ben awakening. The shutters had slid silently away and allowed him an unexpected view of the moon, low and rising, framed just off-centre in the large window of the bedroom that had once housed his parents. Probably the room he'd been conceived in over four hundred years ago. It was an oddly humbling thought.

The ascending moon was a lot like his mood ever since they'd left the city. Coming here had been the right choice; not that he'd doubted it especially but he'd made the decision to come to Ireland for himself rather than for Ben. He'd craved the particular comfort only reconnecting with your roots can bring in a time of high stress.

Everything after the fucking election had been stress. Ben had been spiralling in a way he'd begun to feel helpless to deter, even if the destruction of Ichabod's apartment had been somehow cathartic. It had only left Kerr mildly reassured and infinitely more confused. When Ben agreed they should leave, he'd hastened to get them out, get them away, as fast and as far as possible, his only thought of the sanctuary his home offered him.

Amazingly, it had affected Ben just as positively and left him stupefied in the best way when the isolation and peace opened his lover up to him more rapidly than he'd expected. They were tentative but definitely connecting and it excited him. Every new night brought with it an innocent wonder because Ben was discovering this place and he was re-discovering Ben.

When his beautiful boy opened his eyes, Kerr turned from the moon to gaze at him, resplendent in the satellite's light. He blinked owlishly at Kerr with such trust and love that his defenses were already lowered when he was overwhelmed with a wave of emotion that made him inhale sharply, his chest swelling as emotions filled the cavity to the brim. The corners of his mouth lifted.

"Well. Good evening to you, too, sweetheart," he murmured, squeezing Ben a little tighter and pressing a kiss to his lips. Lazy starts to the night were the best.