Messages

31

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: December 01, 2020, 09:00:25 PM »

Ben recognised the look on Kerr's face and what it meant. He’d guessed, hadn’t he? He’d known that it would affect Kerr positively. He was still struck by the intensity of Kerr's reaction and the emotions that thrummed along their bloodline. He identified the sensation of possessiveness and a portion of him recoiled from it. Was it because he'd only just mentioned New York? Or maybe he’d always felt this way but hadn’t known it until jealousy and control had presented itself to him up close and personal. Perhaps that was why he'd run away before.

Things were different now.

“Cain will have opportunities to come with us to places that aren't as intimate and important,” he said after collecting himself. “This is for you and me.”

Kerr was the opposite of Themba and those possessive feelings came from love and having being denied for a while. It wasn't about control and domination. Ben forgave the similarity. Kerr was and always would be his saviour. The one he would always be able to trust with his head, heart, body and soul.

32

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 29, 2020, 10:14:34 PM »

Ben dressed fashionably warm, with a tan jacket to match his hiking boots, light grey cashmere scarf over a similar grey merino wool cable knit sweater and dark navy pants. His style and eye for clothing had developed in New York and never left him.

He put on the Claddagh ring; a piece of jewellery he hadn't worn since the fracture between Ichabod and himself. Because he'd been presented it on the same night that Ichabod had received his, it had felt like it wasn't just his and Kerr's... for Ichabod had one as well. He'd brought it with him on the holiday on a whim, throwing the box into his luggage with a light frown and hardly a second thought. Now, here in Ireland, he slipped it onto his finger with the heart pointing towards him, declaring to all that his heart belonged to someone already. It felt right.

"The place where you became a vampire," Ben said gently, turning and lifting his gaze to Kerr who was fully dressed now. "The room, if you can."

33

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 27, 2020, 06:01:25 AM »

Ben watched Kerr as his gaze withdrew to the middle distance while his thoughts roamed. Ben let them roam without interruption until Kerr's gaze sharpened. Since his sire hadn't given them any voice, he decided all of those thoughts had been about Cain.

"Don't sell him too short. If we ended up living here, he'd take it in stride. I'm more likely to grow bored before he does," Ben said through a half-smile. He gave Kerr's chest a light tap. "C'mon, let's get dressed and pay history a visit."

He shifted to roll away from Kerr and get dressed in whatever matched the weather plus hiking shoes.

34

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 25, 2020, 10:05:24 PM »

Ben could feel the expression on his face become a strange mixture of confusion, amusement and exasperation. What Kerr would be able to decipher from it was beyond Ben. Kerr's relationship with Cain was both full of emotion and physically shallow. Kerr and Ben had shared a lot about themselves to each other almost immediately upon meeting, wanting to learn as much as possible about each other. It was obvious that Kerr and Cain had not delved into those conversations, not even after he'd become theirs.

"He's like me. Like I was as a mortal," Ben amended. "Living alone after cutting ties from family. I only ever wanted to be a vampire. He only ever wanted to be a pet. Neither of us made or kept important connections because they would only limit us from achieving the lifestyle we wanted. I doubt he cares whether we ever go back to our home city." Ben's smile flitted at the corners of his lips. "I could always ask him but you know what he's going to say."

Cain would only want to be wherever they were.

35

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 24, 2020, 08:51:16 PM »

"Oh, I definitely want to train while we're away because it will be... a while, I thought," he said. They'd not spoken about how long their 'holiday' would take, but Ben had been anticipating many months, maybe even years, or until he couldn't stand being away from his birthplace any longer. He'd only ever challenged his homesickness once before with New York, and he'd felt the drawing of home like a physical pang. Maybe he wouldn't be homesick if he wasn't alone. "But... later. Maybe in a couple of weeks?"

36

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 24, 2020, 11:19:15 AM »

Ben gave Kerr a musing look. They both knew where Ben had been made and while it was an emotionless room the process had been one of gentleness and love. Kerr had the opposite.

"Yes, I want to see it. Only to share another thing with you, to connect with you just that bit more." After saying these words and figuring they would please Kerr, he grinned at him.

37

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 23, 2020, 05:53:44 AM »

Ben studied how Kerr's face changed as he spoke, flitting from relief to mischief to contemplation before embarking on something much darker just moments ahead of making his offer.

"Not if it makes you feel uncomfortable," Ben said. He recalled how, in his movie memory, he'd been turned into a vampire in a room that he had no familiarity with. A bedroom belonging to his second sire, now long gone but still alive in a distant location in the world. Asia, perhaps. India? He'd been an attractive, contemplative sort that offered Ben his freedom but without giving the sort of emotional acknowledgement that Ben craved.

"I'm interested in history, not in dwelling over your personal torture," he said after a moment. "But I know that I would love to visit New York again if I had a guarantee never to encounter Themba." He thought of Daniel who he knew was currently touring the States to promote his fairly successful debut album, released after a couple of singles that had done well, though not quite hitting the top ten. "Sooo, I'm guessing the discomfort is just the memory?"

38

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 22, 2020, 08:38:45 PM »

Ben wondered why Kerr was prodding at their past inequality instead of discussing and developing where they were now. The past had shaped them until this point, beyond that it didn't matter. Ben used to go over and over the things he'd done wrong, thinking that would help him in a future circumstance, that he could learn from it. But every situation, no matter how similar, was different. Every person was different. 'Once burned, twice shy' was a terrible way to go through life, because it only meant future opportunities would be missed or forgiveness would be held hostage. Such as Kerr. Sawyl's murderous nature had burnt him and Ben had been measured against the shadow of that killer. He still remembered the threat Kerr had made to Ben years ago; if you go down that path I'll end you because I won't go through that again. Words to that effect. He couldn't remember under what circumstance Kerr had said it, just that he had. While he didn't blame his sire for saying it, thinking it, even believing it or knowing it to be true, it had stayed with Ben long enough for the memory to remain with him. Kerr would not go through that again. He would not try.

But in everything else, he had tried.

"We've talked about this already, the role that you play. You are my protector. My rock. My benefactor. But we agreed that you were to be my partner, not my parent. I don't need or want a 'daddy'. You've changed in that way. I no longer feel... claustrophobic."

It wasn't the right word. He'd meant to say 'restricted' or 'restrained' but they sounded oddly sexual so he'd veered away from their use.

39

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 22, 2020, 03:43:26 PM »

Initially, as Kerr made a connection between Ben's rejected teenaged self and the rejection of his political interests, he shook his head no. After a second's thought, he stopped negating and reconsidered. During the walk through the woods, following the tyre tracks and grudgingly grateful that it wasn't too dark for such a thing, he'd been intensely angry and had cast hateful thoughts at the boy he'd believed he would always love. The rejection had hurt so much more with the smell and ghost sensation of their connected bodies still apparent. His hometown had been much the same; returning to what it knew rather than being set free with him. He hadn't been good enough for either of them.

A brief flare of hurt surfaced before it sank again at Kerr's kind words and touch. Yes, he wasn't responsible for another person's bad decision. Or that of his city. He doubted Jake would do anything beyond what he'd done before; indulge in his own life and leave everything in the city to run itself. He was the God of Lip Service. He wanted people to attend to him, not the other way around. And if they didn't run after him with the testimony of agreement or flattery then they were cast out or shunned from his life like a used tissue. Out of sight, out of mind.

"We're at the start of a fresh cycle," Ben pointed out, mirroring Kerr's thoughts. "A rediscovery of one another while in a new setting. The campaign might've failed but I feel like it brought us into a new territory that I really like. A true team." He kissed Kerr hard but quickly, moving forward to plant it and pulling away almost as fast. "I finally feel like your equal. You'll always be more powerful than me because of your age and because you made me... but it still feels more balanced, somehow."

His expression shifted back and forth between helplessness and thoughtfulness as he struggled to think of a better way to phrase it. Stuck for a better idea, Ben left it at that.

40

Approved Characters / Re: Ben Samson

« on: November 22, 2020, 10:12:13 AM »

Roleplays

WORLD TRAVELS
182. https://www.roleplaycity.com/forum/index.php?topic=7757.0 Reconnection ~ (Ben and Kerr in Ireland)
183. http://www.roleplaycity.com/forum/index.php?topic=7758 Mortal Reconnection ~ (Ben, Kerr & Cain in Ireland)

41

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 22, 2020, 09:07:03 AM »

Ben thought over Kerr's words even as he delved into his memory. "I remember being confident when I was very little. I remember thinking up games and bossing other kids about while I was teaching them to play those games. I remember how both teachers and kids liked me and called me things like 'outgoing' and 'popular' and 'natural leader'. My confidence changed earlier than the moment my parents knew. It changed when I was attracted to other boys. I'm frustrated and angry at my home city for not wanting me to save them from..." Ben pressed his lips together to swallow the name that had caused him so much grief. " But I will always love it for never making me feel unsafe for being who I was. I knew the rest of the world wouldn't be so understanding and I knew my parents weren't either because of past comments they'd made. I kept it a secret from them until I was old enough to fend for myself, just in case I wasn't loved enough to be accepted." Ben's smile twisted and his eyes grew into chips of ice as he spoke, his expression hard and cold even as he looked at his love.

"But it's not even that one thing, even though it's the biggest thing. There are lots of interactions I've had that have both chipped away at my confidence and also bolstered it. Like the time I had a crush on one of the jocks at my high school who would always say hi to me publicly and we'd handjob each other in the bathroom stall but he also threatened me not to tell anyone what we did. I don't know if he was bi or especially closeted because he had a new hot girlfriend every month. When I asked him if we could do more, we upgraded to blowing one another."

Ben took a quick breath and continued. "I knew how I felt about him was one-sided but I was super happy whenever he touched me or allowed me to touch him. I didn't care that it was a secret under threat of being beaten up because he didn't shun me in public. Every time he smiled at me or said hello when walking by, it was like he was acknowledging that we had a special thing between us. I knew he was ashamed of us so I never complained that I wasn't allowed to be more. Then I had to drop out of school to get a job after I got kicked out of home. After a couple of weeks I met him after school to tell him what had happened. I remember him saying 'That's awful, I'm sorry, man. Hey, how about we go somewhere for one last time?' and I was so disappointed in so many ways but I still went with him. He drove us deep into Meadowcrest because he had a four-wheel drive. Because we were so isolated, I knew I had a chance to talk him into having sex with me. I had to prep myself because he was just going to shove it into me. I remember being on my back and staring up at him, trying to burn the moment into my memory because of how much I liked him, but during all that staring I realised I didn't really like him at all anymore. I mean, I was still attracted to him but he no longer meant anything to me. After we were done and wiped up, he got angry with me and said I'd manipulated him and that he wasn't gay and he drove away and left me to make my own way home. I followed his tyre tracks to get out of the woods. Pretty much cried the whole way out."

Ben made a pfft sound before puffing light laughter. "How did I get onto that story?"

42

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 21, 2020, 05:53:09 AM »

"Safety cottages," Ben mouthed, though the words would still reach Kerr's hearing easily. The snow in Ireland must fall fast and hard. He breathed a soft snort of laughter at his own thought, realising it could make quite the erotic joke... but he kept that in, too.

Ben spoke next to Kerr rather than to himself. "If you had liked boys back then, I think I would've met you if you'd asked me, but I would've felt intimidated and overwhelmed. I never had the confidence in my mortal years that I do now."

Vampirism had forced Ben into a few crazy, twisted lifestyles but it had also oddly suited him. And now, with nobody else interfering, it was the thing Ben had wanted it to be thanks to Kerr; an exploration of the world and a discovery of self.

43

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 20, 2020, 10:12:11 PM »

Ben's smile twisted and his tongue poked out between his teeth as he considered his reply to Kerr's final statement. He chose not to give it a voice even though it was just teasing because he didn't want to ruin this moment. The cheeky look in his eyes flashed away almost as soon as it arose and he blinked slowly to finalise its death.

"We're both lucky, then," he said softly. Goosebumps travelled along his skin where Kerr had touched him and he shivered because of it. A good shiver. "Are we spending the night in bed?" he asked, curious. It felt indulgent and wilful and he kind of wanted to do it but at the same time he was keen to experience the place that had moulded Kerr's mortal years.

44

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« on: November 20, 2020, 09:50:06 PM »

Ben kissed him back. Slowly. Lovingly. Soft lips and tongue, gentle touches and murmurs of pleasure. In between kisses - as well as through them - Ben smiled. The expression felt light yet and foreign on his face. He hadn't smiled so broadly or genuinely in a long time. He'd smiled all through the campaign but it had been different. His motivation had been different, even if the smile was sincere.

Once the kissing began to settle - five minutes? twenty? sixty? - he spoke.

"I forgot it can feel like this. I forgot it was like this for us, at the start."

At the very start, when he'd fallen for Kerr during a very long tour of his house, learning all about Kerr's history. It felt like they were there again. Even though Ben had come a long way from that innocent time, he was still the same at his core. His focus had shifted off Kerr many times. Too many.

45

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Reconnection

« on: November 20, 2020, 09:11:35 PM »

Ben's eyelids flickered open before he yawned and turned around in Kerr's arms to nuzzle into his chest.

The bedroom they were in smelt new and old all at once. Familiar and strange, all at once. He recognised the bedroom because they'd slept in it before but it had become nothing but a first-person-home-movie without any emotions attached. And there were so many emotions felt from being here.

He could feel the history of this place. He pulled in a breath so it would enter his body before he slowly let it out in a contented sigh. They'd only been here two nights so far but he was comfortable here in a way he never would have guessed. It brought an easy smile to his face and that was what he greeted Kerr with when his lover/sire/everything deigned to open his eyes and look upon him.

He wanted to say how much he loved Kerr in that particular moment. How much he appreciated him. How much of a fresh spark had returned to rekindle their fiery passion. How grateful he was for being out of a city that had slowly been poisoning him. How right his sire had been to insist they leave. How wrong he'd been to resist. Instead of putting all that into words he sent it as a wave of emotion. It felt... big.