Healing Processes

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr dropped his car keys in his suit coat pocket and rapped sharply on apartment C1\'s door.  While he waited for it to be answered, he smoothed his clean hair down and habitually adjusted his clothing.  Because he\'d no idea what to expect from the course of this evening, it had been difficult for him to dress appropriately.  He\'d settled on his long black Nehru suit - the jacket reached lower-thigh, instead of the usual hip length - and red satin tailored Nehru shirt beneath, the stand up collar and cuffs designed to show and add some colour to the clean lines of the suit.

He decided before long that the car keys showed up too easily in any of the front pockets so he\'d just finished placing them in the back pocket of his pants when the door opened.  With a grin, he swept an arm forward and bowed to his princess; she was eyeing him from the other side of the doorway.  "Good evening, my lady," he intoned gravely as he straightened, looking her over keenly and seeking an opportunity to snatch her hand for a kiss.

[Mandy]

It had taken Mandy Lynn hours to pick up her apartment and adequately prepare herself for Kerr`s impending visit, and yet...when finally she heard the familiar tapping of his knuckles upon her door, she didn`t feel nearly ready enough. Two empty glasses (which had been sitting in her sink since earlier that morning) were still mocking her from the otherwise empty basin, there had been no time to give the carpet a good once-over with the vacuum and quite frankly, she felt her appearance to look a little rushed. Yes, her hair was it`s usual pink and spikey self - her make-up done sparingly (the process having required slightly more time than usual, as she was tempted to stop periodically and admire the delicate hickeys on her neck - left in Kerr`s affectionate wake from the night before)...but it had taken nearly 30 minutes of debate before finally deciding on what to wear. A wardrobe decision she quickly came to regret after seeing how delicious Kerr looked in his rather form-fitting Nehru style suit.

She`d settled on a skirt and tank motif.

The skirt was creamy white and made from a nearly sheer, gossamer fabric -  one intended to crinkle slightly and flow as the wearer moved. It was three tiered and fell mid-calf (she went bare foot tonight), hugging quite low around her shapely hips. The waistline itself was stylishly ornamented with sequins, beads, and metallic stitching. She thought it dressy, without being too overly extravagant. As for a top, Mandy had selected a simple, front-buttoning tank (her favorite choice when wearing that particular skirt). It was Earthy brown in color and quite form fitting, as it was intended to be. The material gathered inward to the button-loop placket, another nice touch as she hoped to accentuate and draw a little more attention to the perky hills of her breasts.

 Even her under-garments were chosen with Kerr in mind.

She`d selected a light pink, strapless, support bra (to accommodate for the spaghetti straps of her tank top) complete with matching thong... and Mandy never wore a thong. For Kerr however...she was willing to try anything, at least once. Actually, she found that she was rather enjoying how naked she felt in so skimpy a pantie. One could really feel the grain of the fabric against their skin...it was actually quite sensual. To finish it all off, she sported a pair of birthstone earrings (icy blue in tint, designed to commemorate the month in which she was born). She didn`t doubt that she looked nice...but it seemed nothing when standing in comparison with Kerr.

   Her heart missed a beat as she opened the door and found herself face to face with not only, an exceptionally breath-taking view, but the most charming (albeit simple) greeting she had ever received.

"Good evening, my lady,"

  He bowed - Mandy blushed.

   "G...good evening." she stammered, her eyes shamelessly taking in every well-pressed inch of the gorgeous man standing before her. Her face burned as she relished in his appearance and damned the condition of her own. "You look...amazing. " she breathed, a frisky smile slowly creeping upon her features. "Good enough to eat, I`d dare say."

She winked sweetly and made a play for his hand in hopes of leading him in...

[Existentially Odd]

Their hands met and he held it for a brief moment, smiling triumphantly at her. "Promises, promises," he teased and had the audacity to wink at her before leaning down to press his lips to her warm skin. She laughed and yanked against it as he nibbled as well - signalling that he was done with the adoration part of his greeting - and he allowed her to pull him across the threshold, still hanging onto her hand. As she closed the door and turned, she seemed to be giving him an expectant look and he couldn\'t be sure whether it was because she wanted a comment on her outfit or on the straightened-up apartment, so he erred on the side of caution and obediently gave both - honouring the most important first.

"You look spectacular," he told her, using the hand he was holding to spin her on the spot for him to get a good look. The layers of her skirt flared invitingly and his grin only broadened. He caught her swiftly before she could face him again, stepping in behind her and holding her hand so that their arms were linked across her front. He leaned down and kissed and nibbled her neck for emphasis as his other hand snaked in and slid across her belly. "Good enough to eat, indeed," he concurred, kissing his way up to her ear, whereupon he lathered a little attention before raising his head to look around. "And you\'ve tidied up; I like what you\'ve done with the place. It\'s even neater without us slobbering all over each other as we bang about from pillar to post," he told her in as serious a tone as the light mood she\'d infected him with would allow, fully expecting her to spin indignantly within his arms and swipe at him.

[Mandy]

She was unable to resist a shy giggle at Kerr`s statement - an all too familiar rush of joy beginning to race once more through her veins. Mandy loved how forward he could be at times...even in the midst of play.

She squirmed, managing to untangle herself from his arms, and wheeled around to face him - her hands looping possessively around his neck. "If that is the price of neatness, then I would just as soon live like a pig!" She declared triumphantly and without so much as a word of warning, lifted up onto her tip toes and captured the pillows of Kerr`s lips with her own.

She kissed him coyly at first; her mouth firmly set, lips pursed - simply teasing the gentle folds of his petals in turn. He was just so soft, it was easy to become lost in something as simple...as innocent. But soon, she found that she could no more restrain herself from advancing her affectionate display, than she could keep her face from flushing an incriminating tint of red. Her soft tongue plunged deeply into the warm depths of Kerr`s mouth, immediately searching out the presence of his tongue stud...her new favorite kissing accessory (not that she was an expert on mouth jewlery in the first place). It felt wonderful, teasing and flicking at her, the metallic ball never once, failing to release cages of wild butterflies within the very pit of her stomach. Ahh, the simple pleasures.

   The kiss lasted but a few minutes before Mandy reluctantly drew away, parting just enough to stare lovingly into Kerr`s impossibly deep eyes. She instantly fell victim to his charms, melting all at once in the warmth of his gaze.

"Even so...I thank-you for the compliment." It was added as something of an after-thought, but one that could not go unaddressed, for she enjoyed the fact that he`d complimented her. Best not to let him think her unappreciative of his praise, lest he never bestow it upon her again.

She shivered rapturously, unable to lessen the intensity of her smile.

"Do you see how your words melt me so?" she whispered huskily against his skin. "I swear - I have been rendered helpless by your lips and beg for mercy in the safety of your arms..."

[Existentially Odd]

He chuckled as he bent down to place little gnawing kisses across her lips, speaking against them as he slyly unwrapped her hands from around his neck and secured them in one of his, at her back.

"Then I shall call you my little iceblock.  Though, you would be a truly silly iceblock to beg for mercy while trapped within the place of your greatest danger..." he waggled his eyebrows lecherously, trying not to smile too much as he held her hands behind her and used his other to teasingly pull the low neckline of her shirt forward. He hadn\'t actually intended to peer in there... but he did.

Already the night had taken a step to the left of where he thought they\'d travel, but he didn\'t mind at all. That was the mystery of Mandy. He was also pleased that she was recovered enough from her ordeal the night before to joke and laugh at all.

[Mandy]

Mandy felt her face instantly make the shift from healthy pink to blistering red as Kerr tenderly gathered her hands behind her back and tugged - with mock innocence - at the low rising lip of the silky, soft tank top that she wore. Her near swoon was followed promptly by a rush of excitation as she caught the briefest glimpse of him stealing a glance down, not that she minded. She`d selected her underwear this evening for his viewing enjoyment also, and as far as she was concerned, she was his to do with as he pleased. After all, he`d never abused that privilege before. Every encounter they`d shared (to date) had ended quite well, both parties appearing to have gained something from the other, be it company, laughter, mental stimulation or physical pleasure. It was the perfect mix of give and take, and Mandy was more than happy to give anything in the pursuit of making Kerr happy.

   She gave a shy little smile (though none of the emotions running through her at that moment could in any way be considered shy) and took a step back, freeing herself from his hold only to collect his hands up at his chest.

   "You sample the dessert before having yet to enjoy the main course!" she teased  (surprised by the boldness of her words) and pulled at him tenderly. "Why don`t we come inside...I think that my hallway has seen more than enough excitement for the evening." she chuckled and stroked her thumbs across the top of Kerr`s smooth hands. "Feel free to make yourself comfortable....can I get you anything to drink? Have you eaten yet?"

[Existentially Odd]

He followed her down the small entry hall into the main section of her apartment, glancing at her bathroom as they passed it.  "Yes, I\'ve eaten," he answered smoothly, turning to smile at her once more, "and I\'m not thirsty, but thank you.  I must say; you certainly seem in bright enough spirits, considering the terrible fright you had last night?"  He made a beeline for the couch, expecting that they would sit there, as they always did.  He watched her carefully for any adverse reaction to his bringing up the terrible events of the gunman holding her hostage.

[Mandy]

She followed Kerr (without hesitation) to the sofa, and settled in beside him, resting a delicate hand upon his knee. She`d wondered if he was going to ask her about that.

   "The way I see it is...people can either dwell on the all the terrible things that happen in life - feeling sorry for themselves - or, they can move on. Yes, what happened at the hospital last night was horrible but...it doesn`t define me as a person, and that`s the most important thing, right?" She gave a pleasant smile, her left hand moving pointedly to the purple bruise on her temple. "This still hurts a fair bit, but it`ll heal over time."

   For a moment, Mandy couldn`t help but wonder if her response had been \'normal\'. Was it \'normal\' for someone who`d lived through such a traumatic experience, to get over it so quickly? Well, she wasn`t exactly over it per se, but over it enough to not allow it to effect her after the fact...to let it keep her down. She eye`d Kerr with uncertainty.

   "Is that strange? For me to think that way, I mean?"

[Existentially Odd]

He\'d been concentrating so hard on her words - and the conclusions he was leaping to because of them - that he blinked to wake himself up to what she\'d ended by saying.

"Strange?" he asked incredulously.  "Good grief, no!  It\'s admirable!  That you could recover your equilibrium so quickly after such a... a... powerful and horrible event is more than I\'d thought possible! Well," he added hastily, feeling somewhat sheepish about the way that statement had come out, "I don\'t mean to say that I underestimated your mental faculties, so much as your resilience." His grin broadened as he looked her over appreciatively. "That was shortsighted of me, wasn\'t it? I should never doubt your ability to bounce back and find the good, should I?"

The wide smile fell into one much more thoughtful and adoring as he glanced from the bruises she\'d indicated still hurt, to her lips and her eyes alternately. He would not have anticipated it possible that she would sit here and tell him that everything was fine and him believe it; yet it was happening. Perhaps it was the fact of her concession that everything wasn\'t perfect that convinced him she was being honest (not that he considered her a liar in any sense, so much as someone wishing to reassure him - and perhaps bury her true feelings, in an effort to make herself feel better); perhaps it was the genuine glow deep within her hazel eyes. They radiated strength and certainty, despite setbacks. She was confident; and he became thus too.

[Mandy]

Mandy released a heart-felt laugh and squeezed reassuringly at Kerr`s leg.

   "That\'s me! Naive to the last!" she chuckled moving her knees so that they touched his. It just didn`t feel right not to have contact him in as many ways as was humanly possible. Her smile beamed. At lest he didn`t find her resiliency to be odd.

 "You know...I think that part of it has a little something to do with a conversation I had with one of the nurses last night," she offered, her features becoming thoughtful as Barry`s helpful words of wisdom replayed in the back of her mind.

"He told me that it was easier to just dismiss the things that make us doubt ourselves and that - what we may see as a bad thing in the now - might actually turn out to be a good thing in the long run," she searched Kerr`s eyes for a reaction to her statement. "And while I have no doubt that his advice applies to the hold-up last night, in truth - it was really what helped me to come to a decision regarding the secret you offered to share...well, in addition to a few other, more personal factors." She referred (of course) to her deeply imprinted feelings toward Kerr and the growing need she experienced, to be ever by his side. Honestly, there was no one component that had led to her final decision...Barry was merely the tip of the iceberg...the sway-point to assure her of the stability of her moral fiber.

   Her smile grew as she was reminded of Kerr`s promise to share his hidden details with her...once her minor injuries had faded, that is.

Hurry and heal, tiny bruises! For the sooner you\'re gone, the sooner I`ll be able to breech a whole new level of intimacy with the one, to whom my heart solely belongs....

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr smiled benignly at her, recalling from her perspective the conversation she\'d had with an older man at the hospital, followed by the confusing planetary visualisations. He wondered who that man had been, for he seemed to have said plenty to give her to think about, but she\'d just said she got her inspiration from one of the nurses. Odd. Wherever the source of her inspiration originated from, however, he was simply glad it had come about. The more she smiled and hinted and teased him, the more he just wanted to blurt out the entire story and let the chips fall where they may, so that they could continue on with the even more in-depth familiarisation rituals that were looming on their horizons.

Heh, don\'t be fucking stupid, she\'s not ready yet. You told her you\'d wait until the bruises faded and wait you will... unless she indicates wanting to hear now...

"What... " he began, then faltered, frowning and looking away from her, trying to decide if he really wanted to dive into this sort of complicated discussion so early on (in both the evening and the healing process she would need to endure). He supposed putting out a few feelers couldn\'t hurt, though. "Do you have any... guesses... as to what I\'ll tell you?" he murmured, staring at her hand upon his knee.

[Mandy]

"Guesses?" she repeated, her face falling starkly blank. Now there was a question she hadn`t been prepared to receive.

   Did she even have guesses?

  Sure she did...well, not guesses so much as suspicions. There were several hunches actually, all of which had been exceedingly difficult to come up with. To do so, would require her to think of the most disheartening possibilities imaginable - things that would serve to hurt her and injure her soul. And lets face it, that was simply not something she could see Kerr capable of. Even so...the insecure side of her humanity managed to come through with flying colors and offered her a number of viable suspicions...some less likely than others.

   And oh, the range of outrageousness was spectacular!

   After hearing an ad on the radio for a military program that would air one night on the television, the idea of Kerr possibly being some form of government spy had entered her thoughts. Ha! How laughable! That sort of thing only ever happened in the movies. She`d giggled the notion away nearly as soon as it had materialized, shaking her head in self-amusement. But at least it had been some manner of a guess...had it not?

   Then of course, (since she worked in a hospital) her thoughts drifted to a more tangible idea...something that would be very heart breaking and life-altering to discover...

Perhaps Kerr had some form of deadly ailment...AIDS or HIV? It would certainly explain why he always looked so pale and his skin was chilled to the touch.

   She wanted to believe that - even if his secret were that he had a virus (like HIV)...her feelings toward him would never change...but it was a difficult concept to swallow. Would she be understanding enough...strong enough to deal with a fact so serious? After much deliberation and soul searching, she came to the conclusion that the answer to that particular question would be impossible to know for certain, at least until faced with the issue head on...assuming that disease was even the nature of his confession at all. It was one probability...one guess, but in truth...it wasn`t her front runner.

   There was one notion in particular that had been nagging at the brink of Mandy`s mind, ever since their date at the art gallery. And actually, it stemmed directly from something that Kerr himself had said to her.

   "I\'ve never even had what you\'d call a girlfriend..."

  This statement struck her as unusual - beautiful and charming as he was. Surely, the ladies were all lined up, just waiting for the chance to be with him. Unless of course...it wasn`t the ladies he was interested in. He`d used the word "Girlfriend" after all...

And there lay her biggest fear. That Kerr...perhaps, was homosexual.

Bisexual...she was pretty certain she could live with - liberal as she was. Though really...the knowledge that she might ever play second fiddle to another...a male, was slightly disenchanting. But at least she could still have him in that particular scenario. Homosexual, on the other hand...that meant so many more hurtful things.

  It meant that he`d strung her along, be it for amusement or fear of harming her delicate feelings. In either case, the end result would still remain the same. He might want to stay friends (under the assumption that she could deal with the emotional blow of his words)....but it could never be anything more. Quite frankly...that possibility frightened her far greater than the chance of him having AIDS.

   Mandy rubbed Kerr`s knee bashfully...not really wanting to reveal any of her melodramatic \'guesses\' to him. Still, she should offer him something...

   "Well...." she began awkwardly, hurrying to select the least embarrassing idea of the few. Unfortunately...it ended up being the most pressing speculation on her mind. "Back at the art gallery...when you mentioned having never had a real girlfriend..." her voice trailed off. Okay...this was an embarrassing choice after all. No way out of it now though... "It sort of led me to believe that maybe...perhaps.....you might actually be," she bit her bottom lip, "That you might really be - gay?"

[Existentially Odd]

He\'d been watching her thoughts as they cycled systematically through her mind, so he\'d managed to school his features quite well by the time she actually spoke to him. He even had a comment mostly prepared once the silence had settled around them.

He\'d quite liked her other two suppositions, in fact; especially the scenario where she imagined him being some sort of secretive government agent. It sounded extremely dashing (certainly moreso than the reality of being a virtual housekeeper and quasi-parent for the past four hundred years). The A.I.D.S. notion did surprise him somewhat, but the more he processed it, the more reasonable it seemed. He did have noticeably pale, frequently cool skin (though... he wasn\'t certain that could be construed as a symptom in any sense of the virus) and a tendency to not follow through on their... hormonal adventures.

This last thought led smoothly onto the indignation of being accused of being homosexually oriented. Would someone so inclined be as enthusiastic about playing with all of her feminine bits? Swiftly following this thought was a few others that were connected solely to Ben... but he addressed them, weighed them and drew his own conclusions. He was not ashamed to do so. In truth, he\'d spent so long as an asexual being that he didn\'t think he had any particular desires... bodies all tended to be the same, for his purposes.  Well, he hadn\'t had any for a few centuries; that hadn\'t been at all true in the last week, of course.  Though he\'d been slow to get with the program, he was noticing beauty everywhere now, and his observations were indiscriminate, so he couldn\'t be truly upset with her for voicing such a concern. Men, women... they were all just mortals. Of course there was a stark difference in genitalia but... now that Mandy had reacquainted him with his more physical nature, he\'d definitely found a need to insert himself somewhere...

He cleared his throat and gave her a wry look. "No. I\'m not gay," he assured her softly, "but if I remember correctly, you accused me of being secretly married. My point in declaring that I\'d never even had a girlfriend was to reassure you that I\'d never been in a serious relationship at all," he told her earnestly, then grinned slyly. He knew what he was about to say might, in fact, feed her other hypothesis, but he had the sudden urge to be frank.  "Just lots of...

sweaty fucking in the backs of barns or against back doors or on grassy banks beneath shady trees or

casual encounters. With women. No-one special." His smile grew to lift both corners of his mouth as he looked her over, feeling that she certainly was special.  He just didn\'t know how far he could take her... before he broke her heart.

[Mandy]

Her face turned an impossible shade of red as mental images of Kerr wrapped in another\'s arms filled her mind.

Lots....of casual encounters, with women....

  Well, that was certainly more of what she would expect from someone as handsome and enchanting as himself, but to think that he`d had lots of...well, sexual encounters...was a little intimidating (albeit, a little unsafe). That is, if she was to assume his usage of the word "casual" to mean - many physical relationships with no intention of a commitment. She suddenly found herself wondering how recent his latest "casual" intrigue had been and if she was to be the next. Though, this didn`t feel like anything casual...at least, not to her.

   Clearing her throat, she forced such thoughts from her mind and clung desperately to the revelation that at least Kerr wasn`t homosexual...not that there would be anything wrong with that manner of lifestyle....

   "Well....you wanted a guess. You never said that it had to be merited." she gave a wink, and scooped up his hand in hers, sweeping it to her lips. She stole a quick kiss, relieved that the worst possible scenario (in her eyes) had not been the secret he wished to share.

Suddenly, she was beginning to feel as though nothing he could possibly tell her would ever come close to phasing her now!

[Existentially Odd]

"Aye, that\'s true," he chuckled warmly, drawing her hands to his lips in turn, before lowering them to his lap. "You did as I asked and, of course, you\'re nowhere near to guessing the nature of what I have to tell you, not in the slightest," he mused, his gaze falling to contemplate her bare shoulder thoughtfully. It took only a few of her heartbeats before he was staring at the bruises again. "And it\'s a shame you\'re not yet up to hearing it, either," he continued, his voice taking on a dreamy quality in his reflective state, "because I\'m now definitely of a mind to set you straight."

He forced himself to stop looking dopily at her and accompany that teasing statement with an appropriate grin. It felt a little forced, however, for he was not in a mocking state of being just then.  He did wish she were ready... for the mood seemed just right at that particular moment - despite previous vows to the contrary.