The life lament

[MissusHow]

A huddled figure in a tattered brown coat too small for her busty figure wandered into the bar. Her face was tearstreaked, but the tears were dry, and now the remains of dust that had fallen on her face could be seen, mussing it and dirtying it considerably. Her mousy brown hair fell over her face in an unbecoming manner, and looked as if it hadn\'t been washed in awhile. Rosaline Nemein sat down in a dark corner, and asked in a broken voice for the strongest drink they could offer.

A maid scantily dressed soon brought one forward, and Rosaline looked at it distastfully. A second later, giving in to the need of drinking herself into a stupor instead of her need to not drink watered down ale came through. She sipped it and discovered it adequately strong, sighing mournfully. Her normally pretty blue eyes were red, and her shoulders were hunched.

Oh, it had been a while since Rosaline had been rejected. The worst part, the worst part of all of it was that it had been the person that she felt understood her best, who was always there for her. Not only that, but it was a woman, and a beautiful one at that. Teresa, her maid, who had stuck faithfully by her side had quit Rosalines service, after she had come onto her, viciously sure that Teresa would accept her love, the stupid chit had gone and run away, crushing Rosalines heart and confidence. A small mournful hiccup escaped Rosalines lips, and she lay her head onto her hands.

Who knew that she liked women as well as men? Certainly not her, not until she had accidentally stumbled into her maids changing room. Since then she had felt dazed, a change had come over her, her nightly visits by men left her only an empty feeling. Nothing felt right. And that night, that night she was so /sure/, so /sure/ that Teresa would accept. And here she was, crying once more, quietly, and unaware of the eyes staring at her from across the room. Unaware that they would soon come over and try to speak to her.

[Blue]

It had been a terrible night. Lady Lucia found herself in front of the door to the bar. She had never entered such a place in her entire life. The young woman stared at it as if waiting for it to tell her what to do. A feeling of regret welled up inside of her. Maybe running out of the house and to the town had been a bad move on her part. Yet she couldn’t stand to even listen to her father anymore. At the thought of her father’s awful announcement at dinner, Lucia reached out. She opened the door.
 
Stepping into the forbidden territory, Lucia felt a wave of nervousness run through her. The young woman’s gray eyes darted about. Biting her lower lip, her fingers fiddled with her expensive dress. Her long hair was out of any braid, falling around her shoulders and hiding her curves. She hadn’t expected to go out for the rest of the night, so her hair was out of the usual neat braid.
 
Lucia looked for some sort of help. She didn’t know what to do. The lady had never been in a bar before. Watching a maid flutter by, Lucia gave a small squeak trying to gain some attention. Being promptly ignored or just not noticed due to the busy crowd in the bar, Lucia was left to look helpless at the doorway. Her gaze continued to dart around trying to figure out what to do.
 
After a moment, Lucia awkwardly headed down towards the booths. She avoided eye contact with other people and hoped to Talon that there would be no nobles or ladies in the bar. What rumors would spark out if she was found here. It was already becoming terrible in the society with all the rumors about her and ‘the painter‘. Plenty of gossip had been going on about an affair. Lucia thought such words were nonsense, all she did was spend time talking to her friend. Yet, her father didn’t seem to understand that. The thought of the duke telling her to no longer see Orin and that she was to marry an older Lord in the next season just made her so furious.
 
No longer feeling awkward, and feeling much more infuriated, Lucia gave a small kick towards a nearby empty chair. The flimsy chair flew over to hit the one next to it. A loud crash sounded as a row of chairs fell to the floor. Lucia’s face flushed a bright red. She turned, trying to act as if she had nothing to do with any of the fallen chairs. Trying to find an excuse to leave the mess, Lucia walked quickly over to a dark corner booth. She sat down without even thinking. It wasn’t until she looked over to notice someone else was sitting there.
 
“Oh! I’m sorry.” She exclaimed, surprised at the figure. Lucia moved to leave the booth.

[MissusHow]

Rosaline looked up, from her hands, her eyes staring at Lucia in a half horrified way. Her mind was thinking again, "No, no. Sit, before they charge you with a /disturbance/ and ask you a less than pretty way to pay for it." she whispered hoarsly. "What are you doing here Lucia? And in those clothes! I\'ll be surprised if you still have your purse with you before the end of the night." she told her miserably, taking a dirty handkerchief out of her bossom and cleaning her face with it, though it wasn\'t much of an improvement, as the tears leaked out a few seconds later anyway. It was a change, that Rosaline was kind enough to bother giving advice, and not only that but letting somebody sit with her who could very well stab her in the back later.

It didn\'t seem important. "Excuse my appearance Lu, but I\'ll have you know now that it wont do any good trying to blackmail me because of it." she muttered, dropping the formality of \'lady\' and even the whole name. A small bitterness had crept into her voice, as she furiously wiped the tears that sprung once more from her eyes. The serving lady came by and Rosalines arm shot out to grab her skirt, "My friend here would like some water. And if I find it\'s spiked, your head\'ll be off before the day is done..." she growled, her mood too low to care for polite behavior. The girl was used to it, and nodded, "I\'ve a question, miss."

Rosaline turned, murder in her eyes, "Ask away, dear." she hissed, really just wanting to be alone with Lucia. "Did the lady knock down all them chairs? Acuse one o\' them braked, an\' we want th\' payment." she told her brazenly. Rosaline held up a small gold coin, "So that man over there broke it?" she asked lightly. The servant nodded understandingly, and took the coin, "Sorry for the disturbance. Wrong person, it were."

[Blue]

Lucia paused before sitting back down. The figure knew her name? For one moment, she wondered if it was Orin, until her thoughts identified the other as a female. Brushing off her skirts, she glanced at the tear-streaked face. She racked her brain for who was talking to her. The young woman really couldn’t recognize whoever it was. She wondered if maybe it was a servant that she had seen come by. As the other apologized for looking so frazzled, a name finally came to Lucia.
 
“Aha!” She stated, realived she remembered the name… until she met the name with reputation, “Oh… Lady Rosaline.” Lucia murmured, “I would never think of blackmailing.” She paused for a moment. The young lady stared a tad frightened at the burst of tears from the woman. Lucia startled as Rosaline grabbed onto a maid. Her gray eyes widened, glancing between Rosaline and the waitress as they exchanged words.
 
Lucia’s face flushed brightly. She was embarrassed at having to cause such trouble for Rosaline. Not to mention that she was ruining her family’s name by just coming into the bar. Sobered by seeing another lady of the court, Lucia’s senses calmed a bit. She folded her hands, staring at them resting in her lap. “I’m sorry, Lady Rosaline.” The young woman spoke up, “I didn’t mean to cause you any difficulties.” She paused. Lucia felt as if she should ask if the other was okay, but it was a rude question. Most likely the situation which caused the woman in front of her cry was something she shouldn’t know about.

[MissusHow]

"Difficulties? Nothing could cause me more /difficulties/ than what I\'m goin through right now, dear." she growled, taking another swigg at the bitter drink. "Well, you\'re here for a reason, dear. What is it? It\'s look you came across my way, otherwise you\'d find yourself penniless and probably raped by a passing /thief/." she spat out the last word, her hands shaking slightly as she remembered her maids revelation that she was in league with the thieves of the area. "You\'ve sullied your family\'s name by staying here, and you\'re always very aware of your name and title, so it must be something that has got you in upheaval. What\'s wrong?" she asked bluntly. Subtlety was never a strong suit when Rosaline was in a bad mood.

[Blue]

Lucia felt shaken by Rosaline’s blunt manner. She knew the lady hardly had court manners, but she thought that the other at least had respect. Well, Lucia knew better now. Besides Rosaline looked like she was having such a bad day that Lucia put the rude speech aside from the conversation.
 
Trying to stay dignified, but also worried at the obvious mention of dirtying the family’s name, Lucia heaved a sigh. She put a hand to her cheek, “Well,” She paused, “I’m just having some family issues.” The lady answered softly. She wasn’t about to give any sort of details to Rosaline. While she was grateful for being ‘saved’ by the woman, she felt that perhaps her father’s plan for engagement should be kept secret. Especially since she didn’t want to admit that the plan could possibly be true. Glancing at Lucia, she spoke up, “But you look like you’re in a most dreadful state… Did something happen to you?” She cringed at the stupidly obvious question.

Waiting for Rosaline’s answer, Lucia began to play with her hair. She wrapped the soft strands around her index finger. Her gray eyes continued to dart around, trying not to focus on any one place. She finally found a place to rest her gaze, lowered towards the table surface.

[MissusHow]

Rosaline considered leaving for a moment, and then her expression softened. what had Lucia done, after all... "Have you ever been in love, but not known it, Lucia?" she asked, her voice struggling to be light. "Have you ever not noticed what was right in front of you, the whole time?" she paused realizing she wasn\'t making much sense, and let a sad smile light her face.

"I\'ll tell you a story, instead... once there were two children, and they were the best of friends. But then the other child thought poorly of her friend, and began to play with other children. The friend...began to resent her. Did bad things to get back at her...and it wasn\'t until later that the child realized she wasn\'t happy with any of the other children...but by then, it was too late. Her friend ran away, and told her of the horrible things she\'d done before, and it broke the childs heart... The end."

Another tear found its way out of Rosalines eye as she sighed, too tired and sad to think that she had really just told that to somebody she barely knew.

[Blue]

Lucia blinked, a bit taken aback by the question. She opened her mouth to reply, but Rosaline continued on. Closing her lips, she waited for the other to finish. At the story, Lucia stared. A confused expression graced her face. She had no idea what Rosaline was going on about.
 
“Uhm…” Lucia racked her brain for something to say. None of her etiquette classes had prepared her for this sort of confidential scenario. After a moment, Lucia assumed that maybe Rosaline had children and was having trouble with her son/daughter. She didn’t know for sure however.
 
“I think… love is a very confusing thing.” The young lady finally answered. She accompanied the reply with a hesitant giggle. The waitress had returned by now, setting a glass of water on the table. Lucia latched onto it. She had ran half the way from her father’s estate to town, not to mention it gave her something to do instead of keeping the conversation going. Lucia sipped the water silently.

[MissusHow]

Rosaline let out a weary sigh, "That it is, Lu...and it seems you have less brains then I give you credit for, if that\'s your answer...either that or more than I could imagine. Still..." she paused, knowing she was speaking criptically, and finally stopped, taking another sip of her drink. It helped calm her slightly. "You must think I\'m quite mad, Lucia... no snide remarks, no hidden contempt, nothing...just me. Well it\'s quite relieving. You should try it some time... Try and be yourself, without any rules to bind you... and you\'ll find yourself quite disgusted."

[Blue]

Lucia continued to sip at her water. She gave up on trying to understand what Rosaline was saying. The other lady seemed too upset to even string together a sensible sentence. Lucia felt very awkward in front of the disgraced woman. Crossing her ankles, she glanced around the bar. Unfortunately, she found that she was very happy that she was at Rosaline’s booth instead of left to be vulnerable.
 
“I don’t think you’re very mad… just very upset.” Lucia replied softly. She paused after a moment. Listening to Rosaline’s speech about rules and letting them go. It sounded like something Orin would tell her. Only it would be more about how it would let her truly be happy or something of that effect. Lucia heaved a dramatic sigh, “I don’t understand why everyone just can’t follow the rules…” Her words became softer and softer until the sentence just stopped.
 
What a hypocrite she was being. Wasn’t the reason she ran out of the house was because she didn’t want to follow her father’s rules? If she was to follow ‘the rules’ she would happily be engaged to a Lord already. Lucia didn’t know why she didn’t want to be, but she knew if she was to get married her life would be terrible. It was one of those situations where she could not stay quiet and follow court rules. She didn’t want to be like the bitter ladies in the court who hated their husbands and frolicked their reputations away with garden boys.

[MissusHow]

"Because the world wouldn\'t be a better place if the rules were followed." whispered Rosaline dreamily, "There are too many people to satisfy, and all the rules arn\'t what the people want. Come now, isn\'t there /one/ rule that you find ridiculous?" Her white hands reached up to twirl her brown hair, it felt greasy, and she took them away immediately. "I prefer living my own life...life might be easier for the people who follow the rules, but it sure as heck isn\'t as fun."

Now there was her policiy, and one she agreed with completely. The rules were too constricting, only made for those who were worried about appearance and properness. If Rosaline cared about being proper she wouldn\'t dress like a skank. As it was, she payed the price. Dirty looks everywhere she went...

[Blue]

Lucia stared at Rosaline as if she couldn\'t believe that the other woman was saying such things. But she reminded herself that Rosaline wasn\'t quite a respectable lady. She heaved a sigh, "Well... I suppose I would like to speak up more when the men speak of politics." It was an unspoken rule that women were to keep their mouths shut in any sort of conversation that involved money, politics, and the class system. She paused, glancing at Rosaline before continuing, "I mean after all, just because I am female doesn\'t mean that I can\'t think. It feels a bit foolish to just stand by and listen to a conversation when I could easily comment along."
 
Taking another sip of her water, she shifted her body on the chair to get more comfortable. Lucia\'s eyes flickered all around the tavern. She felt nervous about staying in this part of town. As she began to think that she should head home, she wondered if Rosaline would escort her or if she could find someone else. She set her glass of water down with a light tap as the glass met the wood table. The young woman\'s fingers played along the ring of the glass.
 
"I suppose I should be going home soon." She mentioned softly, "My parents will start to worry."

[MissusHow]

"That\'s it?" she asked with some surprise. "It doesn\'t bother you that you have to sit still? Or know how to sew? Or like certain people?" her voice rose slightly, "Forced to be married or you\'re looked down upon?" She tried to remain calm, but all that had been thrown out to the winds, "You like all that?" her voice became a sort of horrified whisper, and Rosaline reminded herself that she was speaking to a person less cynical than herself. "

The poor girl. She looked uncomfortable, and really out of place in this enviornment. Had she ever been this far from her home? Rosaline wondered what brought about this rebelious behavior in the first place, and when Lucia mentioned her excuses to be leaving Rosaline stopped her. "Wait. I told you my sob story. It\'s your turn. You\'re out here, far from home, in the middle of a thieves den, with only me for protection. Tell me, something must be wrong... You\'ve no need to worry about trusting me with your secrets, I\'ve enough of my own to know when to keep quiet." she said, hoping to lull the girl into telling her. She wouldn\'t tell her secret.../if/ it was important.

"Trust me, sweety. Besides, you\'ve hardly got a choice. I\'m your escort back, and your safe ticket home." she said laughing. It wasn\'t too smooth, but Rosaline didn\'t see the /need/ to be smooth.

[Blue]

Lucia listened to Rosaline\'s rolling speech. She stayed silent watching the other woman just rant on. The lady took another drink of water. As she set down the glass, a small jolt ran through her senses. Rosaline\'s request... no, more command, to hear why Lucia was in the bar finally came up. Lucia had hoped it wouldn\'t have been asked. Yet there it was.
 
She put her hand on her forehead. In that moment, the young woman looked very weary. After a moment of silence, she responded, "Well, I suppose it\'s only fair." She murmured. Even though she didn\'t have that much information on whatever was going on in Rosaline\'s life. Lucia pulled at her hair, beginning to braid it.
 
"I suppose I don\'t like arranged marriage." She responded, "I mean, I do. I understand it\'s necessary for a well-provided life, but..." Lucia fell silent. Her nimble fingers weaved her hair about it\'s self. "My father just told me that I\'m too be married to a Lord that is quite older than myself. But I don\'t want to. I don\'t understand why." She paused as if trying to find the answer to why she was feeling the way she did. All she could find was that she wanted to talk to Orin, not the disrespected woman in front of her.

[MissusHow]

Rosaline had to prevent herself from laughing, as she knew it would probably be cruel to the girl. "Is that all?" she couldn\'t prevent herself from drawling, as she smothered another giggle. "Arranged marriage...mm, well you could always go behind your old husbands back...they never notice, you know. They\'re too senile to." she told her thoughtfully, thinking it useful advice, though hafl of her knew Lucia wouldn\'t like it, "But it ruins the romance...have you met him? Maybe he\'s younger than he seems..." she murmured thoughtfully, sipping at her drink.

"Has your family run into monitary problems so that you can\'t marry whoever you want? That\'s probably it...if that\'s the case, there\'s an easier way to do it..." she told her under hooded lashes.