Without further ado, she invited him to spend the night with her and he agreed shyly. She smiled as he offered to go and inform his parents of their plans and gather some clothes and a sleeping roll for the night, telling him she was considering hunting down something that could be cooked (she had cold supplies that would be sustenance enough for her, but wouldn\'t do for two), but the grin broadened when he offered to bring back a freshly killed chicken. That would certainly fit the dinner bill.
Lam went for another swim while he was gone, finding the solitude already unbearable, for her thoughts immediately turned to Dagger, bringing tears of misery and the ache of heartbreak with them. She indulged them while she was in the water, but forced herself to calm down and get out before Joely came back, both because she needed to be dressed and because she didn\'t want him to see her cry.
She built a fire and greeted him happily when he arrived in time to watch the sun set with her, rolling his eyes and apologising profusely for his delay as he produced a veritable banquet of food from his bag; his mother, it seemed, was impressed that the Captain of the Guard would be spending the night on their land and had insisted that he bring enough to impress her, as well as fill their bellies. She laughed freely as he produced a pot from his bag, along with a small steel spit for the two chickens, then fumbled his way through an extensive range of vegetable presentations. Lam worked with him to get everything chopped and dropped into the water, building up the fire when it got low and chatting amiably with him the whole time. She learned quite a bit about crop rotations while the food cooked.
Although there were some lingering looks and gentle smiles, their time didn\'t escalate beyond companionship, which she knew was the right thing but still... she craved some form of contact. Reassurance. They bedded down side by side after darkness fell and the conversation had become stilted, due to both of them being exhausted after their respective days (and her lack of sleep the night before), wishing one another pleasant dreams with a protracted kiss that brought a flush to all cheeks.
She woke in the middle of the night crying hysterically and screaming for her father. Perhaps at her father. Either way, she awoke with wet cheeks, yelling his name and bearing a heart so heavy it felt ready to implode in her chest. She fell gratefully into Joely\'s arms. Nothing would calm her, nothing felt real or good and everything hurt like lead dropped into quicksand. Desperately, she sought his lips, needing a distraction, anything to stop the pain and when he responded she surged atop him, hands groping lustily.
He pulled away from her in panic, telling her that he didn\'t think they should do that - especially since she was so upset - and all she could do then was curl into a ball and cry, knowing he was right, knowing it wouldn\'t make anything better and wishing that there was something to lessen the agony. Tentatively, Joely nestled behind her, hugging her and asking what was wrong. She spilled the tale willingly, explaining that she was in love with a man who wouldn\'t... couldn\'t... love her in the same way. She also spoke long and passionately about her general confusion with life and what she wanted from it, baring her soul because he was nothing but a warm presence at her back, listening intently and asking questions or offering a male perspective as it was required.
The dawn found them slumbering with her draped across his broad chest, his arms wrapped around her and, when she awoke and looked into his eyes, she felt embarrassed but better. Infinitesimally, fractionally better. His kindness had healed a little sliver of her splintered soul and she embraced him gratefully, having to fight off new tears. They breakfasted, not saying very much, but he smiled comfortingly at her a lot and she eventually had to laugh and tell him she wasn\'t that defeated; she\'d get over it.
She had to, for the sake of her own sanity.
They parted with another hug and a friendly kiss, which saddened her because she knew that she\'d changed their relationship irrevocably. She\'d shared more than she\'d intended to do with anyone, let alone a young man used to a simple life of farming and family. It dismayed her to think that she\'d ruined some of his innocence after all - and perhaps some of the esteem in which he\'d previously held the guards. He vowed he would tell no-one though, and she trusted that because of his simplicity, saddling her horse and riding back the way she came with a gentle expression of heartfelt gratitude - for everything he\'d done.
In the end, all she\'d done was give herself something new to worry about, but the world looked a little brighter and she thought she could see her way clear to continuing her existence without Dagger in it. It wouldn\'t be easy, but facing her fears steadily and overcoming them one by one would get her there. That had to count for something... surely.
