Leaving Oberon

[Existentially Odd]

The kisses lasted until she managed to get the rest of her clothes off, wriggling around slightly in his lap to do so because, in her hazy state of satisfaction, she wanted to feel him against her as well as inside her.  She was sure they\'d end up skinny dipping in the creek they\'d stopped to lunch beside anyway, it didn\'t worry her when the clothes came off (wouldn\'t even if somebody did suddenly turn up to chat with them).

When she was naked, she began toying with getting his jerkin off but stopped kissing to talk to him as well, assuming he\'d object to her disrobing him in the open.  She found that her neck hurt and a glance at where she\'d ravaged his assured her his likely did as well; it was a very satisfying feeling and her fingers strayed from the hem of his clothes to caress the redness, her other hand touching her throat.  Her smile was awed and smug as she looked up into his eyes.

"It seems we do have passion," she mused huskily, knowing it likely sounded as if she was answering a question - and that he wouldn\'t realise it was an internal fret based on a conversation she\'d had with herself, ever since she\'d left Dagger behind - but utterly soothed by the knowledge.  She tilted her head into the hand that was cupping her face, loving the roughness of it, the strength behind it.  He made her feel delicate, sometimes, even if he wasn\'t taller than her.

[Kysis]

"See.  I\'m not cold and aloof all the time" Despite whatever Rico or Alia spouted off.  It was good to be thinking straight again, even if his mind was still a little hazy.  He was thinking in English again, too, as forced as it was at first.  During his time in Oberon, it had become a normal thing, just processing all information in English to begin with, but the prospect of going back to Kreos and teaching Lam some Greek had reverted him right back.  So much for all that work he had done to get more aclimized...

There was a dull throb in his neck and shoulder, though from the look of Lam\'s, Kysis could assume what it was and not fuss.  Hopefully such marks were gone by the time they arrived in Kreos, and no new ones were added.  The styles currently had broad necked tunics which would hardly hide such things, and Kysis would rather avoid a lot of the pains he knew would verbally fly in the Keep.... and outside of it, depending upon who was run into.  Tiberius would give him hell in that playful sort of way, but Helen....

Kysis did not want to think about that, at all, not now.  He was actually curious as to why she would be trying to get more of his clothing off afterwards, and why she had just stripped down all of the way.  Oh, and where in the blazes that blanket had gone to during all the frantic motion?  Kysis looked around for it for a moment before giving up.  It was out of his reach, and he was sure Lam had some sort of plan.

"What are you thinking about?"  Curiosity drove him now, with all the little oddities which had just happened, from what he almost said to what she just did.  Her mind always had something.....

[Existentially Odd]

"Lots of things," she grinned, leaning forward to kiss him again while she debated letting him in on her thoughts. It certainly couldn\'t hurt, she supposed, and she was flattered he was interested in such things - he\'d never seemed perturbed by it before. Frankly, no-one besides Dagger had ever even asked what she was thinking (and even that had been rare and underpinned with devious motives) unless it was over a strategy table or during a meeting with the king (which hardly counted like this request did). It made her feel warm inside that he\'d asked, even if it was a politely rhetorical question, or because he wondered why she\'d said the last thing she had. She would give him more than that.
 
"Firstly, I was thinking that this should come off," she began, stopping to get his shirt off him entirely, then wrapping her arms around him and pressing her breasts again his chest with a shiver of delight, "because we\'ll go for a swim and get cleaned up before we head out again - we don\'t want to be sticky for the rest of the day," she giggled, automatically placing gentle kisses on his cheeks, his ears or his throat as she talked to him. The soft globes of her breasts were flattened deliciously against the rough hairs over his chest (even though there weren\'t all that many) and she leaned her elbows on his shoulders as she rubbed them languourously against him, running her fingers through his hair.
 
"Plus, I love the way you feel against me. I was thinking about how much I love your roughness overall, really. Your hands... the calluses are even harder than mine, they feel fabulous on my skin. They make mine seem... I dunno\', feminine, I guess? I\'m not used to feeling like that, but you make me feel it, especially when you\'re - and I know this will likely sound weird, but basically, the rougher you are with me, the more... feminine? Delicate, maybe... I feel. Especially while we\'re having sex; I loved the way you grabbed my hair and did this," she informed him, touching her well-loved throat again, leaning back so that he could see what she was talking about and her point would be clear.
 
She took a moment to gather her thoughts and try to recall everything else she\'d been thinking, realising with slight trepidation that the rest wasn\'t as lighthearted as the first lot of her thoughts but trying not to worry about it. He\'d asked, after all. Her gaze was briefly cast skyward as she thought this, finding she felt better about talking when she\'d leaned forward and started hugging him once again, too.
 
"Um... what else was there? I guess, connected to that was the thought that you\'d marked me and that I am yours, I... the more I get to know you, the more I care for you. I wasn\'t sure really, how much you were even interested in me - sometimes it felt as if we were kind of... a convenient match, rather than something willing, but the longer I\'m with you, the better I feel. I\'m not interested in having another one way love affair, that\'s for sure, and sometimes you\'re really... hard to figure out. You get preoccupied, I know that, but I was beginning to worry that I didn\'t really inspire any strong feelings in you, that we were just convenient, as I said... " she trailed off momentarily, wondering if he\'d have anything to say to these thoughts. Her forehead was pressed against his shoulder now, her words bordering on shy but definitely audible. She realised suddenly she hadn\'t explained that thought very well, so continued quickly, without giving him a chance to speak after all.
 
"Oh! But what I mean is that after this - and the past couple of days, really - I see that you actually are interested in me, that we have passion. I want you madly, all the time, I love touching you and kissing you and being intimate with you, but it was like you had to have specific conditions before I was permitted to touch you and sometimes," she sighed, finding the courage to deliver this final message while looking at him, "that frustrated me because there was no need coming from you, no spontaneity... no passion. So I was just thinking I feel a lot better now, because you can let loose, so it gives me hope that I\'m not alone in... in feeling what... I feel... for you."
 
She had the strongest urge to tell him that sometimes she loved him, that she was pretty sure she was falling in love with him, and that she\'d been to see Dagger recently. She wanted to say that seeing him had challenged her into thinking about her life, Kysis and Dagger in all sorts of horrible ways, but that she was finally coming to realise where her head and her heart were at (whenever Kysis gave signs that she wasn\'t casting herself out there all alone, that was). She wanted to tell him that as long as he kept meeting her halfway, rather than shutting her out of his thoughts and away from his body, that she knew they could have a fabulous life together, marriage or not.
 
But she couldn\'t say any of that, it was far too much. Blushing, she gave a self-conscious giggle and blurted out the next thing that popped into her head and logically flowed (that wasn\'t soul-revealing) on from her previous statements. "Although, if I don\'t start resisting you soon, I\'ll arrive in Kreos pregnant and I don\'t think the first conversation I want to have with your parents is about how they\'ll be grandparents in a few months!" she laughed, the colour in her cheeks only darkening. Oh great, how the Hell did she fall to that as a decent way to finish off her thoughts? She bit her lower lip and looked to her left at nothing in particular, because she was embarrassed and flustered and really quite scared about how he\'d react to all that he\'d heard.

[Kysis]

Wow.  That had definitely opened up a huge bucket of.... well, something.  Kysis was trying to catch everything she said and process it.  The sudden absence of his shirt really threw him off, to say the least, the young lord just staring for a moment with silence even in his mind before it started snatching up those words again.  Kysis was used to having no one to confide in.  He was used to no one confiding in him (Rico did not count).  This was strange but vastly interesting all the same as he knew it would only serve to help them along further.  He wanted to be able to figure out Lam\'s often surratic thought chains, and everything that went along with it.

A swim?  Oh no.  Kysis glanced over at the water near by, trying to see just how deep it went.  Almost every man in Greece knew how to swim, at least the commoners.  He had been kept away from the gulf just a few hour\'s ride away from Kreos, and never gotten the chance sneak down there on his own to learn how to swim.  He hoped it was not deep, or that he could at least float.  It would be terribly embarrassing if Lam had to save him.

Kysis had to force a smile at the next part, though he might have actually laughed had he not been so preoccupied by the thought of swimming.  Made her feel feminine?  Well, that was a good thing, it made him feel less self-conscious of the fact that more "ladylike" women did absolutely nothing for him, at all.  He liked more muscle, more height, more intellegent.  Of course, certain questions had come up a few times but Concentrate!

The complaint about a lack of interested had been lodged before, and Kysis watched out for it.  Most of the time before he had not, but then again, those people he had no care for at all, nor did he want to develope any.  There was something Rico had said before, not that he cared about that either, but it was along the same lines as what Lam said.  Too obsessed with control and perfection to have passion, that was it.  Kysis had started to notice it, and rolled the dice, let loose.  He was glad it had not been folly.

He just wanted what she was saying to stop reminding him of Rico.  Rico had said a lot of those things before, but it had been with tears in his eyes, a tremble in his voice.  Kysis closed his eyes, trying to shut the image away and back, banish it perminantly if possible.  Of course, when Rico had been saying those things, it had been that Kysis was not interested, that he had no passion.  Kysis felt a little better that was not the case.

See, I told you so.  I have passion, just not for you Rico.

That last part completely caught him off guard.  That was what she had told him before, about the holding off before the monthly and no child would sprout up!  Kysis was a little scared by her words, more what his mother would have to say about that than the prospect of.... and then he forced a nervous laugh, "That would be.... awkward, to say the least."  He hoped that was not offensive, and that he did not seem too unbothered by the statement.  Two months ago he would have broken out into a cold sweat at the mention of even being in a stable relationship, much less the p-word, "That all on the thoughts?"

A joke like that seemed appropriate.  She had been talking for a while, after all.

[Existentially Odd]

She gulped and nodded, looking warily back at him. "Well, there\'s more but... I think I\'d rather not tell you everything just yet. In fact, I\'d... really like to know what you\'re thinking," she told him hesitantly.  It sort of sounded like maybe he was just checking she was finished before he continued but... there\'d been that horrible moment when he\'d closed his eyes.  Shutting her out?  She needed to know.
 
It felt vulgar to prompt him like this, when he hadn\'t offered all but a comment on the tail end of what she\'d said. She felt queasy about it, like it couldn\'t be good but... she wanted to know what he\'d thought of her thoughts, so she figured asking for his was tantamount to getting that answer anyway... she hoped. She just wished asking him didn\'t make her feel so bloody guilty; if he hadn\'t responded in kind, then he was likely trying not to tell her something bad. Frankly, she was terrified that was the case.

[Kysis]

Kysis knew there was something that he was leaving out, in all of that.  He was most definitely used to keeping every bit of information to himself, hiding it behind a cold facial mask and... he could not do that any more.  At least not to Lam.  It was a little hesitant, at first, but he finally got to speaking, "Thinking about us.  A lot.  I feel like I can finally just... be me, around you."  Kysis shook his head.  It was like pulling teeth, talking about what was going on in his head.

That, and he was still reeling from what his mind had said on its own, without any real thought.  He was thinking about it now. "That and wondering how deep the water is.  I\'ve never had to swim before.  Been in shallow water, but not anything that went past my shoulders."  A little laugh followed.  He felt like these things were weaknesses, should be hidden but... being vulnerable had its advantages at times, he supposed.  It allowed for a supporting hand to be given when in need, a balancing job.

He felt like he really needed some balance at this point in time.

"Getting Kreos out of my system too.  I need to.  I just wish I could make Rico and Alia go back to Kreos and start fresh with Oberon and..." Forget about the past.  Kysis did not want to say that, at all.  In fact, he hardly wanted to admit that he was still attached at all to the event, wanted to believe that he was completely removed from it.  Kysis shook his head, just slightly. "I am so glad we ran into each other.  With you..... with you I am happy."

[Existentially Odd]

"Oh," she sighed, feeling vastly relieved and thoroughly excited all at once.  He wasn\'t thinking bad things at all; go figure.  He\'d been thinking good things for all his face pulling.  Very good things.  She hugged him tightly, her lips finding his without a second thought and kissing him passionately.  Sitting there, with him still inside her, hearing these intimate words was a very moving and powerful experience for some inexplicable reason and she felt as ready to cry as she was to laugh.

She broke the kiss slowly, not moving her lips too far from his, as she rested her forehead against him, looking down at where they were connected.  She swallowed, finding her throat sporting a lump of emotion that wouldn\'t quite go away.  "I\'m happy with you, too.  I think we\'re getting better and stronger together all the time; I didn\'t believe you were thinking anything remotely like that," she admitted, laughing abruptly, then licking her lips and pressing them together as she leaned back to look him in the eye.  She cupped his face in both hands.

"I\'m glad you are, though.  It relieves me.  I\'m... becoming very attached to you, you see.  I was hoping like mad it wasn\'t one-sided.  You make me feel better about myself and my choices than I have in... well, actually ever.  The things is... I don\'t think you need to get Kreos \'out of your system\' do you?" she frowned lightly, trailing the pad of her index finger over his lips and down to press on his chin, watching it then looking back up into his eyes.  "I\'d never expect you to completely abandon your home, it\'s part of you.  Oberon might be a fresh start but it\'s not going to be your end... though it might be if you try to disavow your roots.  I don\'t want that for you, why do you?"

[Kysis]

"I was never happy there.  Ever."  Kysis had wanted too many times in his life to disavow his roots, just leave and never come back, forget it all.  How many times had he tried?  The first few times around it had been for some sort of blind hope, becoming a knight or another such far off and almost impossible fantasy.  The other times had just been to escape Kreos and the circle of nobility and all that came with it.  "There were things which I was fine with, could live with, but... there was too much of that other side."

He felt like a kid, an immature little kid at times.  Too much responsibility made him break into a cold sweat at times, or gave terrible headaches and too much sarcasm for anyone\'s good.  That was not healthy.  He knew it.  That was why Alia was getting so much better away from Kreos.  It was why he was too, though his issues had been a bit different.

And that reminded him of the treatment he had denied from the apothecary.  Could it have helped?  Kysis was convinced the wound too old to help any more, pushed it away.  He was always pushing everyone away it seemed. "There are too many memories I would rather forget.  Mistakes too.  I don\'t want to run away from them but..."  Kysis sighed.  Yes, he sounded terribly childish at the moment, he was sure of it.

[Existentially Odd]

She raised her eyebrows at the fact that he admitted he\'d never been happy in Kreos; she\'d not expected that at all.  Certainly he\'d had the problem with the arranged marriage and his very unique manner of extricating himself from it, but she didn\'t think there\'d always been problems.  That sounded... miserable.

Becoming aware of uncomfortable leakage, she decided she\'d move them before she continued their discussion.  Giggling and cringeing simultaneoulsy, she crawled out of his lap (after she pulled her socks - the last of her clothing - off) and held a hand out to help him to his feet once she was standing.  It didn\'t faze her that she was standing entirely naked in the middle of nowhere.

"We should get into the water - and don\'t worry about how deep it is, you won\'t have to go in too far to clean me off you," she giggled, bending down to help him get his pants and footwear off - not that she believed he couldn\'t do it himself, it was just that she wanted to keep contact with him and not give him time to worry that he was completely exposed.

When that was done, Lam took his hand and walked into the water - finding it deliciously cool after the warmth of the day... and their activities - dipping down and completely under once the water level had reached her breasts.  Unafraid, she released his hand to swim underwater a short way, before turning a somersault and returning to tread water before him (reaching down subtly and swishing water into private places as she did).

"So... we\'re going down to Kreos now just for you to say goodbye?" she queried, smoothing the dark red strands of her hair back off her face with both hands before continuing her beneath-the-surface ministrations.  For some reason, she felt quite sad, though she wasn\'t sure if it was because he\'d not been happy in his homeland or whether she simply didn\'t want to let him and their experience go by just dissolving their combined juices away.  She felt it was mainly the latter.

[Kysis]

Kysis followed after her immediately, even accepting her hand of help to get up, after a moment of staring at it.  He knew perfectly well that he could stand on his own.  He wanted to do so to show that he could.  Then again, he was starting to feel as though it was not a constant war of proving himself, constantly.  Kysis was tired of having to live up to everyone\'s expectations, and always falling short.  Yet he was still holding on to that need and drive to actually shatter that standard.

It was a little hard, to work on removing everything at the same time, but he took to untying one boot while Lam got the other.  She beat him to whipping the pants off.  He was glad to get quickly in the water.

Damn that was cold.  After the warm, comfortable place his manhood had been moments ago, the water was like sticking it in snow (which he had never been dumb enough to do, thank the Gods).  Shivering for a moment, Kysis went immediately to moving his legs a lot, trying to warm up the region.  With the heat of the day it did feel good.  Kreos would be hell after the cool season of Oberon winter, Kysis letting himself drop under the surface for a moment before popping back up.  He kept his feet planted firmly on the muck of the bottom, though, not wanting to go any deeper than that.

"Sort of, I suppose."  He had not thought of it that way before.  Saying goodbye to Kreos..... the next part came out without his thinking at all, Kysis only realizing afterwards what he actually said, "I want to see if the keep can spare a cook, so I can send Rico back to Kreos and finally be free."

And he really wished he had not said it.

[Existentially Odd]

She didn\'t put a lot of thought into it, tilting her head in curiosity only as she gazed at him.  "Free?  Of the memories again?  Or of... the love?"  She was pretty sure Rico was still in love with Kysis.  What she wasn\'t sure of was what Kysis felt for Rico... it had to have been something.  Enough to have sex with him, anyway.  Either way, she didn\'t specify, in her question.

[Kysis]

Kysis flinched at that word.  He did not move to push his wet hair out of his face, letting it hang.  It started to curl a little, just twisting up as the moisture started to leave it.  He was staring at the water now, as if he was trying to pull his answers from the surface.

He shook his head, for what seemed like the hundreth time. "I.... it is awkward, being around him.  We used to be best friends, do everything together and now.... now we can\'t.  That is all gone."  A deep breath followed, Kysis just wanting to go under the water again, for a few seconds to let that chill back to his face, but he stayed up.  He just did not look at Lam, "I ruined it.  Our friendship."

The want to pace or some other type of fidgetting had to be stopped.  He wanted to be moving, to do something, anything to get his mind off it all.  And to avoid thinking about what he felt for Rico.  They had been dear friends, almost like brothers.  How could he...

"I am tired of seeing Rico sad.  He would probably be happier in Kreos..."

[Existentially Odd]

She frowned harder as she watched him, again not speaking as her gaze roved over him, thinking... wondering.  Did she dare ask?  She supposed she\'d have to at some point and she\'d always been curious... was now the right time?  Would there ever be a right time?  She licked water off her lower lip without paying too much attention to her actions, floating before him and staring hard at him, wanting to see signs of... she\'d see nothing, though.  She\'d have to ask.

"You ruined it by having sex with Rico?  Ruined your friendship?  But you obviously had some pretty intense feelings for him in the first place that were likely to change it all - you had sex with him, right?  As in... he entered you, you entered him type sex?  Men don\'t tend to do that with other men unless they\'re... well, I wouldn\'t think even wanting to get out of marrying a woman would be excuse enough if you didn\'t... like it... ?" she said softly, holding her breath after she finished speaking.

[Kysis]

I shouldn\'t have even brought it up.

All Kysis wanted to do was close off, shut down.  What he did with Rico was nothing like what he had with Lam.  Nothing.  It was once, when he was not thinking straight at all.  He was emotionally distressed and melting down and just wanting the entire world to just go away, stop existing.  Rico had just ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time.  It had been a fire, a big, destructive whirlwind of things which should have never happened and...

"I don\'t want him.  He\'s too obediant and open and cheery and...."  His first response was to try and insult Rico, find some way to degrade him.  When he had trouble finding things that sounded legitimate, Kysis changed tactics, "I hate him."

Alright, perhaps it had not just been once that Rico was caught in the turmoil.  There had only been actual sex once, but.... Kysis did not let any of that memory come back, conjuring up more words to block it, "I don\'t want him.  I wish he would just go away for good."

[Existentially Odd]

She opened her mouth to respond but her argument dried up before it even crystallised in her mind (let alone moved from there onto her tongue).  Her breathing had altered - as had her heartrate, she noticed now - the water feeling suddenly more cold than welcoming.  She didn\'t feel particularly reassured by the way he spoke; the fact that he declared hatred was a very obvious ploy and indicator that he really didn\'t hate Rico, for that emotion was the direct opposite to love, both being equally driven by passion.

She didn\'t like thinking about Kysis having passion for Rico - enough that he wanted to send him away and not face those feelings, by the looks.  She was very familiar with the emotion of jealousy, she\'d suffered it at Dagger\'s hand for nearly all of teh twelve years they\'d been together.  It hurt her heart to now consider that she might have to face that again... that or, alternatively, saying goodbye to Kysis.  She couldn\'t bear the thought of either and gulped, her accelerated being now summoning tears.

"I see," was all she managed before she started staring at the water between them.  Every objection about Rico that he raised had her heart clenching and her body going colder, shutting down defensively.  She didn\'t believe a damn word he said and if he was listening to himself at all, he would also understand what she meant when she said she saw.