Beneath The Skin

[Trillian]

At the request, Hako removed his hand from Kyaarl\'s shaft, leaving behind the memory of his gripping fingers - and it had started to harden beneath his ministrations.  The cloth came with him but he didn\'t remove his leg for it would\'ve been awkward without a bit more shuffling, and he wanted to look at Kyaarl\'s face instead, to see where he\'d gone wrong.

"What\'s the matter?" he asked innocently, "didn\'t it feel good?"  His question was designed to be leading.  Of course his touches felt good, he\'d not been pushed away because of that.  There was something else that was bothering Kyaarl, and he wanted the other to tell him what it was, so it could be talked around.

[Shadowstorm]

Ghost of fingers haunted his sensitive skin, haunted his mind and moment as the youth moved away, back straightening in a hostile manner as his palms flattened and withdrew from Hako\'s chest.

"No," was all he said, lying through his teeth.

Of course it had felt good, an affectionate and lingering touch; one that no other had bestowed upon his smooth skin.
No kiss had pressed passion to expectant lips..., no fleeting flicker of romance had passed through these eyes.

How then, could he explain that, as one who had never felt the touch of it, he feared that he was in love...with the one person on all of this rich and lustrous earth who was incapable of returning such besotted, tragic affection.
A veritable entanglement in the web of emotion, he felt.
Although, this web was only for him..., and no other spider would devour or maim his devotion.

Not even once.

"I can\'t enjoy it, I can\'t indulge in such matters, Hako...even if I so wished. For my heart is not in such a thing, and so my body can not follow."

[Trillian]

"Body and heart can be separated," Hako explained, wanting to argue his cause, wanting to be allowed to touch Kyaarl again.  "It\'s nice when they come together, but if they don\'t, why would you deny yourself both when you don\'t have to?"  After a moment he reached out to stroke Kyaarl\'s shoulder.  "I would feel lonely if I denied myself everything.  I have not yet heard a good argument for denying temptation."

And he knew he was temptation, perhaps with a capital T.  He knew the pathways of lust, the sin of desire.  It was love that escaped him also, but he would not let this fact stop him from discovering what was most sensual about others.  Once he was in love, he would not be a fumbling mess - he would know exactly what and how to please such love, and it didn\'t make sense to remain ignorant to the physical side.

[Shadowstorm]

This particular fumbling mess felt the blush rise terribly beneath his veils of hair, and half-closed lashes.
Seperate body and heart?
The somatic from the emotional. Why, of course he could switch off his emotions, you had to if you planned to kill guiltlessly.
But...this was a different matter.

Comforting strokes accepted, Kyaarl\'s head tipped onto the generous hand, whispering, "I am lonely. But, I would prefer to abstain and be lonely than to be unfaithful to my heart\'s feelings. Even....if that means eternal abstinence."

His reasoning was only half-sentimental, the other half flooded with fearful apprehension.
Untrodden ground and darkness lay before him, a world of sinfulness that he had worked hard to never enter, to abstain from.
And here, before him, was an offer so simple and so earnestly telling him to simply ignore his heart....

Could he?

[Trillian]

"How can you prefer something over another if you haven\'t experienced the other side?" Hako asked, seeing a flicker of doubt in Kyaarl\'s eyes and taking the opportunity to pursue.  He moved closer again, his face coming by his peers, and he lowered his head so that his forehead touched the other\'s temple.  This way he could whisper and be heard.  "When you experience any else of life\'s pleasures and happiness, are you also being unfaithful?  Is it wrong to enjoy the world and its offerings because you have not yet found your love in your arms?  What is the difference between tasting a dessert or a lover\'s lips?"  Here, Hako withdrew and turned his head, to subtly brush his lips across Kyaarl\'s, parting them slightly in order to softly tug on the Level One\'s lower lip in a manner he knew was sensual - as long as Kyaarl didn\'t pull away from him, he would also stroke his tongue across, and then step by step continue to deepen it.

[Shadowstorm]

Splayed fingers upon the tiles dragged their way across the mosaic, as if searching desperately for something to hold onto. The muscles in the elder boy\'s thighs tightened beneath taut skin, his shoulders tensed once more, doubt flicking beneath his half-shut eyelids, amber optics following this fluid movement before him.

Dancing before his eyes so tantalisingly...so painfully, so..
So..
....

Willpower shattered without a sound, nor any sudden motion. Broken, eyes closed tightly as Kyaarl\'s lips parted to accept this gentle offering, his neck tilting russet locks across one shoulder.

There was no romance here, no feeling but disappointment at his own power, at his loneliness.
Desperation to feel one kiss, even if it were his first and last.

In such awkward lingering silence, one tear escaped the web of quivering lashes, winding noiselessly toward the floor..

[Trillian]

Sitting in a warm bath, huddled together, naked, kissing, was Hako\'s general idea of erotica.  He shifted a little, sitting up slightly so that he could move a bit closer, one of his hands finding the side of Kyaarl\'s face and lingering his touch there, stroking fingertips down sensitive skin, halting at the jawline so he could feel the tiny movements of muscles working.

His eyelids fluttered closed as the kiss deepened, his probing tongue entering Kyaarl\'s mouth - not with abandon but precision, exploring, creating a sensation that he hoped the redhead would seek again.  He knew all about kissing, and used his experience to impart his knowledge as warmly as he could.  Another hand swiped across Kyaarl\'s chest, lightly brushing a nipple and then caressing his side before stroking a hip.

He broke the kiss eventually, figuring Kyaarl would need his breath back, and took that moment to voice a request: "Let me make you feel good?"

[Shadowstorm]

Smooth fingertips made his eyes half open, as they spread so slowly toward his jawline, tracing high cheekbones and gaunt hollows. Amber eyes watched that graceful digit sweep from between lowered lashes, shivering as if with nerves.

Accepting lips parted, eased open by the push of an exploring tongue, his own lifting in response to partake in this strange, alien sensation of such sensual warmth, such strangeness.
Intimacy was so foreign to him, the little tingles through his shoulders, the brushing of his own fingertips against Hako\'s thigh.

And that sudden gasping rush of breath as if pulled up from drowning in a sea of lost emotion.
Did it make him feel good?
Somatically, yes. Immersing himself within warmth and affectionate caresses, passionate kisses would put to rest his naive and unanswered urges.

Although, this was the first step on a path of self-destruction, self-pity, self-loathing.
A path he was well acquainted with, and one he would only lose himself in one more time but for this experience.
Only once.
Only one more time.
Encore.

"Alright."

[Trillian]

Smiling at his victory, Hako returned to the kiss, keeping it gentle before he made it deep and probing, his hand returning to Kyaarl\'s shaft.  He curled his fingers around it beneath the warm water, stroking and twisting his wrist, pressing firmly and working it so that it twitched and grew beneath his practised ministrations.  He moved then, shifting so that he was no longer beside Kyaarl but in front of him, stretching his legs behind him and floating backwards in the shallow water, his knees and elbows keeping him propped up as he licked and kissed a path down Kyaarl\'s chest, murmuring for the other to lean back and relax.

It was soon after this he took a breath and submerged his face beneath the water in order to wrap his mouth around the erection he\'d built up.  Small bubbles rose to the surface every few seconds, and Hako had the stamina to remain beneath the surface for a minute, deep throating his peer before rising to the tip and breathing in  much needed air through his nose before he plunged downward again.

[Shadowstorm]

Kyaarl\'s palm clamped hard over his mouth to stifle his whimpers, teeth biting into the skin to restrain himself from letting out such sordid noises.
What a disgrace he was...

Head tipped backward, long neck strained, and hair clinging to his muscular shoulders, Kyaarl gave in to his somatic urges, and emitted a long moan into the cover of his hand, leaving reddening teeth marks embedded in the soft skin.
Eyes shut tight, screwed up like a child trying to avoid something unavoidable...
He couldn\'t relax.
He couldn\'t enjoy this without regretting it.

As that head bobbed up for the second time above the water, he reached out a hand to stop Hako submerging himself once again.

"Don\'t. I..can\'t do this," he muttered weakly, before beginning to pull himself up and out of the water.
It just...wasn\'t for him.

[Trillian]

When Hako was made to stop he was confused.  Hadn\'t Kyaarl enjoyed it?  He\'d heard the moan, knew it was a release of a pleasurable act and he\'d intended to find another form of release for Kyaarl - if he\'d been allowed to continue.  As it was, he moved backward and knelt facing his peer, licking his lips as he frowned at the other, watching him leave the bathtub.  Not rejected often, Hako didn\'t know what to say as Kyaarl got out, dripping on the tiles.

"Why not?" he asked eventually, shifting so that he was sitting on his backside and his knees drawn up to his chest, legs crossed at the ankles to hide his nudity because now he felt vulnerable.  The only time he\'d been declined was before he\'d started anything - he\'d certainly not been interrupted once he\'d begun, not after getting permission.

[Shadowstorm]

Unable to keep eye contact, Kyaarl grabbed something to dry himself off, robes finding their way across his broad tan shoulders in a hurry. His speech quietened into embarrassed murmurs and mumbles, hair dripping in streams of water down the back of his black robes, tied loosely now.

"I just can\'t," was his unsatisfactory reply, turning on his heel and stalking out down the corridor with a bundle of clothes, his white sash folded neatly on the top.

It wasn\'t far to his room, whereupon he collapsed onto his bed, head buried into his pillow with the release of a muffled sob.
His chastity almost broken, his vow of silence, of abstinence, and of devotion, shattered by a weak moment.
No, not again.
He would finish with Hako\'s requests, and then finish with Hako for good...