Vivaldi\'s Fall

[Trillian]

Classical music was playing in the elevator on the ride up to Kerr\'s place.  Ben listened to it, recognising the music but not educated enough to know it was one of Vivaldi\'s four seasons.  He was cultured enough to like it, however, but that wasn\'t the only thing putting a smile on his face as he reached the floor he wanted.

Freshly showered, freshly preened, a virulent green potplant in his hands that he\'d bought from the florist a little further up the block, and a light trace of cologne that was always the scent he wore, Ben stepped into the carpeted corridor lit by tastefully presented cream and gold scalloped wall-lights and stopped outside the front door that belonged to his sire.

Kerr.

He rapped on the door without preamble, ensuring that the knocking was more confident than he felt.  He\'d specially worn faded blue jeans, his ratty tan sneakers and a nice crisp white shirt in order not to make his showing up too big a deal, but the butterflies in his stomach revealed otherwise.  He waited until the door opened before broadening his smile.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr\'s indulgent smile travelled from the beautiful eyes he opened the door to, to the potplant held in Ben\'s arms.  "You brought me a plant?" he chuckled, stepping back so that his fledgling could enter.

He didn\'t bother stating the obvious - that Ben had come back much sooner than he\'d anticipated would happen - nor even welcome him in.  His every gesture and look declared that he was ecstatic to find the blonde at his door (at last).  Once the blonde was inside, he took the gift out of his arms, deliberately using it as a bit of a shield while he leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the lips (with his hands occupied, he wasn\'t tempted to follow his instincts and get too adventurous straight up).  Straightening away from Ben, he then turned to contemplate the apartment to decide where it would be best situated.

"Thanks.  How\'ve you been?" Kerr asked casually as he walked over to the kitchen to see how the greenery looked in his position of first preference - on the long bench that extended a couple of metres into the room (the kitchen was very spacious).  He hadn\'t expected a visitor and he\'d been out hunting the night before, so he, too, was wearing faded (tatty, really - they had tears and holes all over the place) jeans and nothing else.  He\'d been lounging on the couch watching television before Ben knocked, which was evidenced by the collection of newly-purchased chocolate suede throw cushions (nice and large, for comfort) piled at the end opposite the large fireplace, over which the plasma television was suspended.

He stepped back to see how the plant looked surrounded by black and silver fixtures, but ended up looking at Ben instead.  He felt quite exposed, without shirt and shoes on, but figured it would be very obvious if he scuttled into his bedroom to pull a shirt on.

[Trillian]

"Happy housewarming," Ben said as the plant left his arms and went to Kerr\'s.  He smiled an uncertain smile as he received a peck on the lips and then looked around the apartment as Kerr also did, smiling politely and also feeling exposed, standing in the middle of Kerr\'s apartment with his hands at his sides now that he\'d lost his shield.  "M\'okay," he told Kerr, by way of a quick answer.  He\'d been fine alright, he\'d been so fine that he\'d continued with Arles as though nothing had happened.  Not Sawyl, not the new place, not the intimate heartwrenching talk with Kerr.   He was a fresh slate, though there was still history between them.  "Are you going to make this place more like you, or what?" Ben asked, before moving to the sofas and then spying the cushions, letting him know now that his question was moot.  He gestured vaguely at them with a lame \'aha\' before plopping himself down beside one and bringing it onto his lap to hug.

[Existentially Odd]

"What do you mean?" Kerr asked, his voice high in mock offense as he sat back on his nest of cushions, right leg resting on the seat wih his left leg raised, arched over it and leaning against the back of the chair.  His bare foot was pressed against Ben\'s thigh by the time he\'d leaned over to pick up the remote on the coffee table, muted the television and sat back again.

"This place is like me.  The new me.  I still have all the antiques in the spare rooms, it\'s just... I don\'t quite have the display area here.  I thought I\'d see what something smaller was like and I\'m pretty happy with it; any more rooms and I\'d likely get lost," he grinned, brown eyes twinkling as he looked at his fledgling.

[Trillian]

There was a sense of questioning coming from Ben before it was shuttered out and closed off.  Ben looked pensive, his gaze drawn to the cushion on his lap and he played with the material for a moment before asking mentally:

Happier?

It wasn\'t a question just about the apartment, there was a strong general sense that came with Ben\'s inquiry.  His gaze was settled on Kerr\'s face once more, seeking answers to unspoken questions.

[Existentially Odd]

The left side of his mouth tilted and he felt a touch of pride trickle through him, acknowledgling the pleasant sensation of his fledgling communicating smoothly and clearly with his mind.

Of course.  I could hardly be more miserable, considering the whirlpool of shit my life has become these past few years - meeting you being the only exception.  Leaving them was the best thing I ever did.  I feel like there is so much more to look forward to now, it\'s like the world is mine to discover again.  I\'d love to take you overseas...

He raised his eyebrows pointedly, hinting openly.  He was very tempted to dig round in Ben\'s open mind and find out about his feelings, his situation with Arles but... he knew he\'d prefer to hear it after it was volunteered, so he resisted.

[Trillian]

A wave of shock and surprise followed the comment of being taken overseas and if that wasn\'t enough for Kerr to understand Ben\'s reaction, his jaw hung open for a moment before he snapped it shut and then licked his lips.  His previously opened mind now shuttered closed again as his thoughts took over.  It seemed Ben had developed the habit of keeping his mind to himself, especially when it was working hard.

"That\'s a big jump," Ben said finally, deciding to acknowledge the comment but also to let Kerr know that what he\'d said so flippantly had a rather dramatic impact.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr shrugged.  "I don\'t mean to live necessarily but... you wanted to be embraced so you had time to do everything you wanted to, and didn\'t spend your days wasting away in mediocrity.  Now you have forever and I have the means to take you everywhere you want to go, to do everything you want to do, why shouldn\'t we?  Don\'t you like the idea of whiling away the next century seeing the northern hemisphere in its entirety?" he grinned, nudging Ben\'s thigh with his foot.

Kerr could imagine it very well; it sounded like his idea of Heaven.  As much as he\'d seen many countries and stayed in many different places through his life, he\'d never done it in any depth.  His family hadn\'t exactly been the stay-a-while-and-explore types.  They\'d only ever really been interested in the bright and flashing places, the exciting spots where all the trouble hung out, rather than the more mundane historical spots, quiet bookstores promising untold treasures, museums, art galleries... even churches.

[Trillian]

"Ye-es," Ben said brokenly, feeling overwhelmed and unable to come to a decision.  It wasn\'t too soon to come here and spend time with Kerr, it wasn\'t too soon to build some kind of real relationship with the man he\'d wanted to be his only sire, it wasn\'t too soon to forgive and forget the tragedies that had surrounded them both.  It was too soon to move so quickly forward.  He felt like Kerr was offering him handfuls of candy, a proposition that anybody with a decent sweet-tooth would enjoy but one that would make him sick if he gulped them all down too quickly.

Instead of saying no, which was not something he wanted to say, he left things at the uncertain yes and found himself staring at Kerr with a mild frown of bewilderment.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr pulled a face.  "Too soon?" he mumbled, and then looked away because he knew it was.  Ben had yet to talk about his conclusions about them - the elder assumed he\'d come because he\'d made some decisions though, which was why he\'d possibly got a bit carried away in offering trips overseas.

Ben was here; that meant they had a future, right?  Perhaps not.  He probably should ask... and because he was slightly put out by the fact that he was being boggled at, he chose the below-the-belt manner of doing so.

"How\'s Arles, anyway?"

[Trillian]

Moving the topic from taking him overseas to asking after his other sire had Ben reeling both emotionally and mentally.  It was a slap to his face and he didn\'t understand why Kerr would go there so suddenly, unless he was annoyed that Ben hadn\'t instantly screamed out yes and covered him in hugs and kisses?  Surely Ben was looking too deep, or perhaps not deeply enough?

"Um, the same."

Ben looked away from Kerr now, staring at the cushion on his lap as he worried the stitching with plucking fingers that could find no purchase.  He even half shrugged, not really knowing how to continue the conversation now that it had gone down this path.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr frowned, knowing he\'d chosen a shitty way to lead into a necessary conversation, but he\'d instigated it nevertheless.  Ben wasn\'t that blind, surely?

"Sorry - I am sorry - but I thought you might want to talk about... how you felt, since you\'re here... after some time... and all."  Damn, this actually was awkward, now that he was being forced to make it all transparent.  "I get that you\'re not ready to travel overseas just yet but... surely you\'ve come to some conclusions?" he asked as kindly as was possible, under such bewildering circumstances.

[Trillian]

"Yeh, I concluded that I didn\'t want to never see you again," Ben said.  He was still sore about Sawyl, but now the memory of the attack was growing vague and distant.  Ben never had much to do with Sawyl, hadn\'t seen him that often, hadn\'t seen Kerr and Sawyl interact other than argue, so he was able to sidestep the pedophilic quality of the affair and scrutinise his feeling of betrayal more from the viewpoint of jealousy.  His initial meeting with Kerr had come at the right time and gone so well that he\'d quickly made up his mind to put the past behind him, as Kerr had severed all ties with his family, so too would Ben not continue to judge him for it.  "Other than that I\'m not really making huge plans."

And that was the truth.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr blinked, surprised that that was all of it.  "Right," he murmured, almost dazed by the simplicity of it.  A decision without an actual decision.  Brilliant.  He mulled on it for a few moments, tempted to un-mute the television because the moving picture was distracting him - but he wasn\'t actually seeing it anyway, just looking in its general direction.  When another thought occurred to him, he looked back at Ben swiftly.

"So does Arles know you\'re here?"  He said it carefully, trying not to sound suspicious or like he was fishing for information... but he was.  "I mean you two are still together, right?"

[Trillian]

Ben was silent for a long moment, though in that space he did turn his head to stare at Kerr, searching his face.

Why the sudden interest in Arles?
You asked how he was
I said he was the same
Same, no change, ever constant
Not like you

"Yes," he said finally, squashing all those other responses and keeping them locked away behind his mental wall.  Yes was not the response to both questions but rather the latter, though he said it firmly, in a way that implied more than what was true.