She stored away the name of the poison in her mind for future reference, she had some money, but she wasn’t sure if it was enough, she wanted to stay working for Dagger for as long as she could, the money was good and it was something she really enjoyed and as for paying him another way… every time she had heard those words it had ended up in a manner she seriously disliked. Her arms folded across her stomach again at the thought of someone hitting her. She knew someone who would definitely do that, but he probably wouldn’t stop at just a punch in the stomach. It might just as easily end up with her dead. She hadn’t seen her uncle since running away and she didn’t want to go back.
If she lived like this for a few more weeks, months maybe, she would have enough for the deposit on a room, and she could live there, but she wouldn’t be able to keep earning money once she had a child, and then what? Maybe once she’d made a decision she would be able to relax and start to eat again, but if she couldn’t decide the baby might kill them both anyway.
“I love him,” she said, her voice barely over a whisper, “And he loves me…I think, he’s so…he changed so quickly.” She swallowed hard and chewed on her lower lip again, harder this time as she tried to think. She desperately wanted to go home to him, but maybe there were other options, she just wanted to go back to him so much she didn’t want to think of them seriously. And she couldn’t help feeling like this was all her fault. It was her fault she was pregnant (although he had forced himself on her), maybe she had put him in a bad mood by refusing him open access to her body the night before (although he knew how much she hated it since being raped so many times when younger). There had to have been something she could have done differently.
“How much would it cost?” she asked softly and once he had named his price she shook her head sadly. It was more than she had with her, which was all she had anywhere. “I should probably go, I’m sorry I took up so much of your time,” she said quietly, not wanting to intrude now that she knew there was nothing he could do to help her and she still couldn’t bring herself to eat. But the prospect of going back out into the cold night kept her in her place on the stool with the cooling bowl of soup still in her lap.