Sow Tears, Reap Joy

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr gnawed on his tongue stud with some apprehension as he approached Mandy\'s door.  He wasn\'t sure he was doing the right thing.  Sure, she would be happy to see him after the last five weeks without notification of his state of wellbeing or his whereabouts... but he wasn\'t so sure about Ben accompanying him here.  In fact, he was fairly certain she\'d be completely disheartened, but he and his lover had come to the mutual conclusion that turning up unannounced was the best option.

If they\'d called ahead, Mandy would feel obligated to permit Ben to come, even if she didn\'t want him to be there (because she was just that sort of polite person).  If, by some miracle, she lost those manners, she\'d have the ability to refuse Ben entry, and neither of them wanted that.  Turning up without prior warning prevented both those avenues, as well as gave her an \'out\', as it were.  Without their arrival being pre-arranged - and occurring around nine o\'clock at night - if she was really uncomfortable with the two of them being there, she could claim to have been in the middle of something, or have to go to bed early for a big day or an early start the next day.

Them turning up unannounced was as much for her benefit as theirs, the way they saw it.

So, that action decided (as they\'d ascended the lift in their apartment building that night, after the nightly feeding of Ben - and Kerr had drunk heartily from a third victim tonight, too), the vampires had showered and dressed for the occasion.  Kerr had debated over his wardrobe for a long time, eventually deciding he\'d wear a suit, rather than something casual.  He was aware that he looked more intimidating thusly dressed (meaning Mandy wouldn\'t feel as easy about touching him), and so wore a navy blue double breasted jacket and pants, coupled with an ice blue dress shirt (that was almost white and had the eerie quality of matching Ben\'s eyes) and a burnt gold tie.  He\'d left his hair out and accessorised his clothes with shiny black shoes and socks that matched his tie.

He certainly looked the confident part, as he spared Ben one last glance before knocking.  Hand suspended above the wood, however, he then leaned over and gave his lover a lingering kiss.  He looked about as nervous as Kerr felt, and he hoped the gesture would settle his fledgling - plus, it satisfied the swell of love and generally happy emotion that rose whenever he looked Ben\'s way.  It was still hard to believe he\'d committed to him forever; he felt he was the luckiest man on earth and wanted to share that with Mandy.

He hoped she understood.

Pulling back, he smiled adoringly at Ben.  "I love you," he said softly... and then he knocked, facing the door with a half smile of greeting on his face.

[Trillian]

He\'d meant to come in jeans and a t-shirt, and had been selecting such when Kerr had started laying out his suit, so Ben was also dressed up to match his sire - tan pants and shoes, a dark green button-up shirt with a white asterisk pattern throughout.  He would\'ve felt more comfy in jeans and sometimes wished Kerr wasn\'t always so elegant when he went out.

The kiss took him by surprise.  He smiled back at the words, but the knock Kerr made took away his ability to reply for Ben didn\'t want to be halfway through his words when the door opened.  He doubted that Mandy would swing the door open immediately, for she had better things to do than wait on the other side for people to knock, but that sense of feeling like a disobedient child returned to him because he was standing by Kerr\'s side, like he\'d stolen him somehow.

[Mandy]

Mandy groaned as the sound of someone knocking on the door entered her ears, prompting the female to push \'pause\' on her iPod and swing her legs over the edge of the bed. She and Ichabod had been listening to the musical device together for the passed twenty minutes or so, each with a tiny speaker in their respective ears. They read as they listened to her modest library, comfortably stretched out across the bed.

It didn`t even occur to Mandy that the sound at the door might be Kerr.

“I wonder what Mr. Yamatio wants to excuse me of today? Bet he blames me for the increase in rent. ” She mused playfully and pulled the left speaker from her ear, “If I`m not back in 30 seconds, yell for me and say I have a call or something.” With a sigh, she laid her book atop the bed (next to Ichabod) and grudgingly walked toward the door. Did that man  really have nothing better to do than hassle her 24-7? Far as Mandy was concerned, she could be the poster-child for advocating neighborly thoughtfulness and consideration.

“Coming,” she droned  – hand reaching for the bolt and popping it without pause. She felt no concern over him seeing her dressed so informally (grey sweat pants and a form-fitting white tank), for he`d seen her in far worse... due to the hours he came to call. The sooner she got this over with, the better. But when the door swung open, it was not Mr Yamatio`s face she saw.

Kerr...

Instantly, the mortals heart filled with an amazing rush of joy, followed promptly by a gut-wrenching spike of pain. Kerr was not alone.

Ben? But how? Why? Why was he here with Kerr? Her once bright eyes dulled in obvious indecision - features sufficiently reflecting the confusion wreaking havoc in the back of her mind. Kerr knew how she felt about him. That being said, even if he had patched things up with Ben, why would he bring him here? It didn`t make a lick of sense.

After what felt to be an eternity of wordless trepidation, Mandy swallowed the lump forming in her throat and forced herself to speak,

“Kerr… B – Ben. I…” I`m glad to see you? No, that wasn`t right. Given the particulars of this unexpected visitation, the mortal doubted very much that she was even happy to see Kerr, let alone Ben. What could she possibly say? Down the hall, the bang of a door opening and closing echoed through the corridor, signaling that one of the residence was taking their leave. Well, an audience wasn`t likely to make this situation any easier to navigate. Not that anything would serve to alleviate the mounting strain, “P – please, won`t you both come in?”

[pinkroses]

“Sure,” Ichabod murmured with a nod, flipping the page of his book as he glanced up at Mandy leaving, “I blame you for that too,” he added playfully, calling after her as she disappeared through the bedroom door. The two friends had been living together like this for about four weeks now, it had been a week since Mandy had reluctantly stopped trussing Ichabod up with bandages whenever she could because his side now felt completely fine, the only problem still left was that he couldn’t lift his left arm higher than his shoulder, but he guessed that wasn’t going to be healing any time soon and besides, it had stopped hurting.

For the past week Ichabod had been trying to find a job and had finally won Mandy over to the idea of letting him pay rent so that he could stop feeling guilty about intruding on her hospitality. They had settled in comfortably to living together, sleeping in the same bed, taking showers together, but after the first drunken kiss Ichabod had given her, nothing else had happened between them. They hardly ever spoke about the events which had brought them together like this and Ichabod had happily convinced himself that despite what Kerr had said, he wasn’t going to come back to see Mandy. He wasn’t going to have tried to find Ichabod to talk to. If he was with Ben, he was probably very happy just living and focusing on his fledgling and forgetting about everything else.

Ichabod couldn’t hear what was being said in the other room (because of the distance and the fact he still had in one earphone) but he quickly noticed that Mandy’s tone wasn’t it’s usual bored, ‘leave-us-alone’ timbre which she used when speaking to her neighbour. His curiosity sparked, Ichabod slid off the bed, leaving his book next to Mandy’s and the bright pink iPod where it was and in bare feet padded to the door of the bedroom, half stepping through the door and leaning against the door post to see who she had just invited into their apartment, having not heard her say their names and as the door was blocking his view.

He was wearing a tatty old pair of jeans and a dark red t-shirt, which his glasses on, covering the small scar on his nose; neither of them had been expecting company and so were in no way dressed up. Ichabod folded his arms loosely across his chest as he watched Mandy, and the door with interest. He was ready to leave if Mandy looked like she wanted privacy with her (two? Both?) guests, but he couldn’t recall her saying anything about anyone popping around to see her. She hadn’t told him about her trip to see Sawyl and his mothers, or his mind might have leapt to them.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr was saddened to note her expression fall, but determinedly held his own smile in place.  He didn\'t lean forward to kiss her cheek as he\'d intended to do as a greeting, but nodded instead, keeping his hands to himself so that she didn\'t feel any more threatened than she already was.

"Thank you - I\'m sorry to surprise you like this but... it\'s been a while and I thought it was about time I called by.  I hope you don\'t mind, but Ben was interested in catching up with you as well," he said conversationally, trying to sound as bright and casual as he could as he gestured lightly towards the blonde at his side.  His final words proved a little unnerving to utter, though, and he decided it was the perfect time to step over the threshold she\'d bared for him, so that he didn\'t seem to be staring at her as he mentioned his lover\'s wishes.  It would likely only make her feel more intimidated.

"I probably should\'ve called first but I-" he continued as he took three long strides into the living room... and then came to a dead stop as he saw who was leaning against the doorframe across the room.  "Cub!" he exclaimed, without thinking too much about it, and then swinging around to look at Mandy, eyes wide and blinking in shock.  "What\'s he doing here?" he asked, as if Ichabod had no voice of his own and couldn\'t answer such a question.

He was so startled, that he didn\'t immediately process the impact that the mortal male\'s presence would have on Ben - but as soon as he\'d spoken to Mandy, it smacked into his brain like a lightning bolt striking from the Heavens and again, he swivelled to look at another person.  Feeling like an animal caught in bright lights (and wasn\'t that a familiar feeling?), he stared fearfully at Ben, worrying what his reaction would be.

[Trillian]

Ben could sense the regret and stilted tone in Kerr\'s voice, because not only was he getting to know him better, but the blood connection twanged the same feelings in him, like an echo.  It was like dialling into someone else\'s call - you know you\'re not the one being spoken to, but you listen anyway, just for a little bit, ears straining to hear the muted hollow voices on the other end of the phone line.

After Kerr stepped in though, Ben followed after casting Mandy a smile, trying to let her know that he did want to see her, that he did want to make a connection with her if only for Kerr\'s sake.  They\'d both known what it had been like to have their lives changed by the Oligarchy, and perhaps they might even talk supernatural politics.  He was willing to have her as a friend, so hopefully he wouldn\'t feel uncomfortable in her presence while Kerr was with them both.

The exclamation and follow-up question by Kerr, however, stopped this entire thought process and sent Ben down an entirely new track - not thinking about Mandy whatsoever.

There was a old saying that sprang to mind the instant Ben\'s eyes lay on Ichabod.  It had to do with a bad penny always turning up.  Ichabod was that penny and no matter where Ben went, Ichabod would somehow squirrel his way in there.  He\'d liked the guy when first they\'d met, when first he\'d drunk from him, but now he was wishing he\'d chosen someone else as his first blood donor.  If Ben could\'ve spat out Ichabod\'s blood (already very processed) into a bag and handed it back to him, he would\'ve - such was his dislike for the other teenager now.

There was no hiding the wish in his expression either, a moue of disgust twisting his lips but suppressed somewhat by the sneer that fought to regain full control.  His pale blue eyes flashed with an intent that would\'ve made Lazarus proud, and this was another connection that Ben had made after Ichabod had scented himself all over it.  If Ichabod managed to get someone to sire him, Ben would likely not be able to control himself from trying to rip the mortal\'s (would-be hypothetical fledgling) eyes out.

Of course it would be egotistical to ask Ichabod if he was trying to take over Ben\'s life, or following him around, or something, but it was certainly starting to feel that way.  In the back of his mind he went over the story Lazarus had told him about Ichabod - looking for something hateful and hurtful to use as ammunition against the other, just in case the bastard said something out of place about Kerr in Ben\'s presence.

[Mandy]

She listened as Kerr spoke and stepped aside, seriously doubting that Ben was keen on ‘catching-up’, though far too aghast by the complexity of the situation to pay it much mind. As an added \'bonus\', her stomach began to churn sickeningly – the floor feeling as though it were about to drop out from beneath her.

"What\'s he doing here?"

Mandy blinked at Kerr`s words - body so numb in the wake of their arrival, that she`d completely missed the vampires` detection of the teen. She followed their stares, finding that Ichabod had emerged from her room and was now standing in the living area of the flat. Behind her, the door slammed shut with a sharp ‘bang’ on it`s hinge.

“He`s been staying with me,” she began, her voice sounding detached from it`s usual, cheerful tone, “Came about a month ago, badly injured. I patched him up…” She trailed off, wondering why she felt the need to explain when the former of her account answered the question sufficiently enough. Maybe Ichabod would want the option of telling Kerr what happened himself?

As it was, Mandy could barely breath, let alone speak.

She fell silent (arms set mechanically at her sides), waiting to see if Ichabod would take the reigns and further clarify, or slip into oppressive despondency, as she had.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod’s eyes opened wider when he heard Kerr’s voice and he stood up straight, his hands dropping down to his sides upon seeing the Irishman again. Instinctively he lifted his right hand and ran it through his hair, feeling a surge of anxiety when he heard him say that Ben was there as well. They had only seen each other once since Ben had walked in on him and Kerr having sex, well, just having finished having sex and Ichabod had been perfectly happy with the idea of never encountering him again. Ben had scared him then and did the same now; he\'d been a right bastard to Kerr from what Ichabod had seen, but they had both forgiven each other and had apparently both turned against the teenage human.

This thought was only reinforced by the look on Ben’s face and Kerr’s reaction to seeing him. He had no idea what to say, especially as Kerr hadn’t directed his question at him, but rather at Mandy; what was he? A decoration?  Obviously a disgusting feature that had been added to Mandy’s home. He took half a step backwards at the look of anger and disgust on the blonde’s face, which eerily reminded Ichabod of Lazarus and he swallowed hard.

The youth had given up hope of seeing Kerr again, but that hadn’t meant he didn’t want to, but now he came with Ben as well and this figure was nothing like the one Ichabod had first met. He licked his lips anxiously, his gaze darting between the three people across the room from him, suddenly feeling cornered. Why did he deserve this? What had he done so wrong? Ben had obviously forgiven Kerr, and it wasn’t like their getting together had been all Ichabod’s fault, although he could understand that anger a bit. But Kerr? His lips parted to speak, to say something, but no words came, what could he possibly say to those reactions?

He frowned slightly at the sound of Mandy’s voice, easily hearing the change in her. This wasn’t fair, why should they have to justify themselves to these two? What was so wrong with two friends living together? And why did Kerr sound so against it; like they were doing something wrong?

“Why does it matter? Do you actually care what’s been going on?” he asked, finally managing to find his voice, but avoiding looking at Ben and staring straight at Kerr, hating the look of disgust in the other vampire’s face and scared by it too although he tried desperately to keep his nerves from showing in his voice.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr was chagrined to be met by hostility from Ichabod - but with his surprised outburst followed by that less-than-friendly look on Ben\'s face, it wasn\'t a great shock that he was speaking out in such a way.  He frowned apologetically at the mortal boy and realised that he\'d have to show some initiative in the situation - or things would get out of hand very quickly.  The tension in the room was already astronomically high and he realised what a mistake it was for he and Ben to turn up without warning after all.  But oh well, what was done was done.

"Of course I care, otherwise I wouldn\'t have requested Mandy keep an eye on you in the first place," he stated vehemently, glancing from Ichabod to Mandy. "Naturally, I hadn\'t anticipated she\'d take you in," he smiled at Mandy here, to demonstrate his approval of the plan, before looking back at the brunette male once more, the smile lingering hopefully, "but if you were injured, staying here was for the best.  How did you get hurt, what happened?" the vampire asked, taking a step towards Ichabod and looking at him with concern, wanting to hold him close on the couch and hear his tale.

It crossed Kerr\'s mind that the slayer might have found Ichabod after all, and hurt him to get the information about his vampire associate out of him.  He was filled with horror at the thought.  Another mortal hurt because of him?  Excellent, because there aren\'t enough of those about, he thought sarcastically.  Technically, it was the second time for Ichabod as well, considering Lazarus\' treatment of him after finding out about he and Kerr spending the night together.  Despite the clamour of Ben\'s animosity ringing through him, he felt great worry for Ichabod, wondering exactly what had hurt him so badly that four weeks recuperating at Mandy\'s hadn\'t seen him well enough to move out yet.

It didn\'t occur to him that the pair would have become friends in that time and that they might prefer the living situation; as far as Kerr knew, Ichabod was going to go back to his parents\' place, so Mandy\'s was just a way to fill in time.  Or a place to heal up, so that he didn\'t have to tell his parents about the vampire slayer that had hurt him, perhaps.

[Trillian]

Ben pulled his gaze from Ichabod after that first sharp look and rush of thoughts.  He looked at Mandy instead, listening to the conversation as it weaved between and around him.  She was involved somewhat, but this was definitely not a four way discussion.  Ben had been looking forward to coming here - stupidly - now he wished he hadn\'t bothered.  Mind, if Kerr had come back and told him that Ichabod was at Mandy\'s place... better that he keep an eye on that.

So, he looked at the expression on Mandy\'s face before sidling his gaze once more over to Ichabod, calculatingly.  He was not-so-secretly pleased that Ichabod didn\'t look happy to see Kerr, and secretly pleased that the mortal had come to harm.

Then he was horrified at himself and stared at a piece of furniture for a bit.

[pinkroses]

((Mandy said I could go first ))

Ichabod’s eyes followed Kerr’s to look at Mandy, the look of anger and fear replaced for a moment by hurt and stayed fixed on her as Kerr kept talking. “You… told her to look after me?” he murmured quietly, licking his lips as his mouth suddenly seemed far too dry. She’d only let him stay because of Kerr. That was it. She didn’t give a fuck about him or how he was, she’d just put him up to try to get in Kerr’s good books; like he was just some little kid who needed taking care of. After a moment he glanced back at Kerr, registering that the vampire had asked him something and his eyes slid to Ben for a moment, still disliking what he saw in the fledgling’s face.

The scowl quickly returned to his own expression and Ichabod folded his arms once more, making no effort to return the move towards the vampire and not really wanting to tell what Kerr what had happened, it would only reaffirm the idea that he couldn’t take care of himself. “Just a couple of guys decided they didn’t like the look of me,” he muttered, glancing down and scuffing his bare toes on the carpet. “I’m fine now,” he added, just to avoid having to hear Kerr ask if he was alright, as if he really cared.

Slowly his dark eyes lifted to fix on Mandy’s again, wondering how much of what she’d said in the last four weeks had actually been genuine. She’d seemed to friendly, so kind, so honest. But she was just like all the rest, just using him for a bit until she didn’t need him any more. Well, she’d got her words of approval from Kerr, it looked like his welcome would soon be up. But as much as he wanted to disappear into the bedroom behind him straight away he knew that would do no good. He’d still hear everything they had to say and they were between him and the front door.

[Mandy]

Mandy`s brow tightened upon hearing the hurt in Ichabod`s voice, her once dull and vacant expression instantaneously twisting into a look of unabashed confusion and concern. He didn`t honestly believe that the only reason she`d taken him in, was because of Kerr… did he? He couldn`t! Not after all that they`d been through together. All that they`d shared. Ichabod knew Mandy better than that! Even so, she couldn`t shake the need to be sure…

Taking a step toward him, she held out her hand and searched deeply of his eyes,

 “Ichabod,” she whispered, not exactly sure how to put it into words, “My taking you in, had nothing to do with Kerr. You… you do know that, right?” She glanced from Ichabod to Kerr, then finally to Ben, not knowing what more she could say to convince the teen until after the vampires took their leave. He`d believe her or not, but regardless - the present situation would still remain. It wasn`t going to go away on it`s own, and standing frozen in angst and self-pity wasn`t helping.

Be brave… try and break the ice...

Pushing her anguish aside (while waiting for Ichabod`s reaction), Mandy forced a painful smile and hesitantly attempted to engage Ben. The sooner they got down to the real motivation behind this impromptu visit, the sooner their nightmare could be over. Breathe. “Ben, it`s... it`s good to see you again," she began, voice wavering despite her best efforts at sounding cheery, "I was so relieved to hear that you hadn`t… well, hadn`t died that night.” Not that it made much difference anymore. Now that he was a vampire, his body had inevitably perished by his own hand anyway, or rather, by Kerr and Arles.

[Trillian]

He could see what she was doing, and even though he couldn\'t care less about Ichabod\'s anguish, he decided that helping Mandy out through this thing could be the best thing to do, given the circumstances.  They\'d only met that once, on that night they\'d both been punished, and she\'d even brought up their connection, for which he was oddly grateful.

His ice blue eyes fixed on her, and he wondered if she would think them repulsive, seeing as she knew the difference between his light blue mortal gaze and the peculiar silvery one he had now.  He still didn\'t know how he felt about them - though Kerr seemed to like it.  Without looking at his sire and likely cutting him off, he ran with Mandy\'s lead, trying to change the focus.

"We both went through something bad," he agreed, acknowledging her pain though he would\'ve preferred to be whipped one night than be someone\'s pet for four months.  He didn\'t tell her that though, he was pretty sure the wounds had been traumatic enough.  His own back had been sliced as well, and he had to suppress a smile at that.  So odd that the idea of them comparing the markings on their backs made him want to bubble up laughter.

Perhaps it was hysteria.

"We both got through it," he added.

[Existentially Odd]

Again, Kerr was embarrassed to find that something he\'d said had caused an issue.  It occurred to him that he had asked Mandy mentally to look after Ichabod, so the teenager likely didn\'t know but... it surely didn\'t matter after a month (for now he saw they would have a friendship, after so long)?
 
"I\'m glad you\'re okay," he told Ichabod sincerely, then turned to watch Mandy and Ben communicate.  He was glad they were communicating but... fuck, could they not talk about something besides what he\'d caused to have happen to them?  Deciding he\'d instigate a little bit of a break in the conversation, he stepped around the couch and approached Ichabod, standing in front of him to speak.
 
"So... you\'re staying here now?  Permanently?  Not going back to your parents\' at all?"

[pinkroses]

“Yeah, sure,” Ichabod murmured, gazing at her outstretched hand, but not reaching out to take it. He didn’t want to think that Kerr was the only reason she had let him stay, but he couldn’t help it. He was worried that what had happened before was just going to repeat itself, no matter what Mandy said, although he had hoped he knew her well enough by now. But he thought he’d known Lazarus well enough and that the ancient had cared about him.

After a moment he reached out and lightly touched the back of his knuckles to her hand, silently agreeing to listen and talk to her… later, but then once more dropped his hand back down to his side as she turned to Ben and Kerr approached him. Ichabod didn’t care about Ben or what he did, as long as it wasn’t anything aimed maliciously his way and so he found it easy to quickly focus on the darker vampire rather than the conversation Ben and Mandy were having. Catching up on old times Ichabod knew hardly anything about really, apart from the vaguest outline.

He gave a small nod at Kerr’s question, his dark eyes fixed on the collar of Kerr’s shirt, not really wanting to look up at him properly. “Yeah, kind of. Well, I wasn’t really better til last week, Mandy was doing my bandages and stuff… I was gonna stay here longer… but I dunno if there’s much point. Might as well leave before I get chucked out,” he added quietly, finally glancing up at Kerr. He knew it was a childish thing to say, but he was still a teenager and being faced with Kerr after thinking he wouldn\'t see him again and was still bitter over what had happened. He swallowed down a painful lump in his throat before his eyes flickered over to Ben, the only distraction he could think of right now. Not exactly a happy topic, but better than mulling over when he was going to be moved on.

“Y’ found him then. Congratulations,” he said, not even bothering to try to sound happy by the news. Ichabod wanted Kerr to have what would make him happy, but everything he’d heard seemed to scream at the human that Ben didn’t make him happy. They fought, they yelled, they made each other miserable. But for some reason they kept going back to and forgiving each other.