Author Topic: Debrief  (Read 8522 times)

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Offline Existentially Odd

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Debrief
« on: August 13, 2007, 09:39:32 PM »
Kerr was quiet as he walked with Ben to the car.  Though he unlocked it, opened and closed his door for him as per usual, there wasn\'t the easy smile or adoring look accompanying it like always; in fact, he looked worried.  He walked around to his side of the car and got in, then pulled away from the curb and smoothly entered the traffic, not saying anything because he couldn\'t figure out what to say.

Should he start by discussing Ichabod\'s presence?  By talking about the teenager\'s horrid outburst?  Should he apologise for letting Lazarus\' name enter the conversation at all or should he discuss Mandy\'s collected attitude throughout the entire ordeal?  It was hard to say which Ben would be most receptive towards... if any.

"Well... overall... that went terribly," he eventually said, clearing his throat beforehand, to precede his breaking of the car\'s thick silence.  Thankfully, it didn\'t feel brittle enough to shatter just yet.

Offline Trillian

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2007, 09:45:38 PM »
"You gave him ammunition," Ben said softly, not quite the outburst that he\'d intended when he\'d first been attacked by Ichabod over Lazarus.  It seemed petty now, the stupid war of words that he\'d had with the other teenager, who he considered to be beneath him.  Problem was, his words still stung, and Ben was feeling more miserable than furious now, all the fight deflating out of him with Mandy\'s softness.  She hadn\'t cared about the things she\'d heard, she only wanted to be friends.  It was humbling, to say the least.  He couldn\'t face Kerr just yet, he wanted to be angry with him at least a little.
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Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2007, 09:53:10 PM »
"I know," Kerr whispered miserably, staring straight ahead.  "I\'m sorry.  It was stupid, I just... looked and... there you were, looking like him and... I hated it.  I struck out at that without thinking," he admitted, knowing Ben would likely not excuse such reasoning - or that it might hurt more than a fib would\'ve - but unable to alter the truth.

Offline Trillian

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2007, 09:58:39 PM »
Ben took a long time responding.

"I\'m not Lazarus," he said finally, though couldn\'t deny that he might\'ve pulled an expression like him.  Thing was, he didn\'t know what it looked like on his own face, so how to change something like that?  It wasn\'t anything he could really control.
INFUSCO : Ben : Hugh : Lan Bao : Mick : Todd : Vincent : Win :
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Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2007, 11:20:21 PM »
"Sweetheart, I know you\'re not!" Kerr exclaimed, a hand going out to grip Ben\'s thigh automatically.  He glanced from the road to his fledgling repeatedly, his gaze lingering on the blonde more than the former.

"It was a momentary thing and, as I said, a habit you likely picked up.  It seemed... well, did Lazarus speak to you about Ichabod at all?  You looked almost like you were thinking of him and just instinctively adopted the look, without giving it much thought, could... could that have been the case?"

Offline Trillian

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2007, 05:37:52 AM »
"Lazarus did talk about him.  He told me the real reason he gave him up, that you were just a handy excuse, that Ichabod got off lightly, that he couldn\'t decide between killing him or siring him and he changed his mind from both before he drained him, that it was just a way to meet with the Oligarchy, to approach them with an excuse."

This was an extremely condensed version, for Lazarus\' mind weaved a rather complex tale, and not all of it made sense.

"When I was looking at Ichabod I did think of Lazarus, but... I don\'t know.  Laz likes him, and I don\'t.  I think he\'s a whiny self-absorbed pathetic little brat who thinks everybody should be his friend because he exists.  I never did anything to him.  All I did was walk in on him and you, and was angrier at you, and he thinks that everything was my fault because he\'s fucking infatuated."  Ben turned his steely eyes to Kerr.  "But I wouldn\'t be flattered.  That kid would like anyone that paid him a little mind.  If I was to pursue him, he\'d come all the way around and fall in love with me, he\'s that fucking fickle."

Not that Ben knew him, or anything.
INFUSCO : Ben : Hugh : Lan Bao : Mick : Todd : Vincent : Win :
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Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #6 on: August 14, 2007, 05:24:36 PM »
Kerr blinked and weighed Ben\'s words carefully, finding himself primarily reacting badly because of the word \'Laz\' and needing to work through that little flare of jealousy first. It had such a familiar ring to it; such a casual regard that didn\'t sit so well with him, despite everything they\'d worked through. It still unnerved him, that the two blondes had had a connection, that the ancient might have some influence yet over their lives, if he had a mind to pursue things. Some influence over Ben, who still struggled with the changes he\'d willingly undergone and yet hadn\'t liked but was left, nevertheless, with the questions about himself and his moralistic standpoint that couldn\'t be answered easily.
 
By the time he\'d finished processing the Lazarus aspect - of the relationship with Ben as well as Ichabod\'s relationship with him (as recounted by Ben) - they\'d arrived at the Capital Building. Kerr parked the car in his space, turned off the engine and sat for a moment, staring at the blank dashboard display, his tongue stud being ground slowly and rhythmically against the roof of his mouth.
 
His demeanour didn\'t change too much as he eventually got out of the car, locked it and walked to the lift with Ben, now considering the specifically Ichabod side of things. He leant against the back of the lift and mulled over Ben\'s description of the mortal, supposing it was mostly accurate but that the fledgling had ignored the very large amount of influence they\'d had on Ichabod in the first place. Without Ben feeding from him - and Arles and Kerr orchestrating that - he would still be largely ignorant and may never have succumbed to Lazarus\' advances.
 
He let them into the apartment, closed the door, placed his keys on the hook over the bench top... and, finally, he had something to say. "He\'s young and has been bounced from pillar to post. He has a good heart but... yes, he appears... very needy. I resent him having an opinion on us, just because he saw... well, he doesn\'t know our full story," Kerr glowered, looking at Ben from beneath his eyebrows as he began to unbutton his suit jacket. "And he doesn\'t realise how lucky he is to have won Mandy\'s favour." Which Kerr also resented, but didn\'t say, lest Ben have a negative opinion on Kerr\'s thoughts of her... that would end with with him in even more trouble.

Offline Trillian

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2007, 07:24:30 PM »
"Young?" Ben replied after a moment, looking across at Kerr.  "He\'s nineteen.  I\'m nineteen.  Are you saying our maturity levels are the same?" he said in a manner that announced he didn\'t think such a thing himself.  "Mandy has a good heart," Ben said while musing on the woman he still didn\'t really know, but her small token of affection had touched him quite deeply.  "Ichabod, he\'s just selfish."

Ben would not be moved from his low opinion of the other teen.
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Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2007, 10:35:17 PM »
Kerr ran an impatient hand throuh his hair, frowning lightly. "No. I would definitely not say that you and Ichabod have the same maturity level," he asserted quickly. "And he is self absorbed and selfish but... hopefully Mandy can sort him out a little. Staying with her will be the best thing for him - assuming she can stand to have him around," the elder vampire chuckled.
 
He approached Ben and embraced him, wrapping arms around his waist as he spoke, wanting to test just how much trouble he was in. Being pushed away would tell him that there was still quite a lot of talk to have. "I\'m sorry I didn\'t tell her about us leaving for Europe by the way; it just didn\'t seem... appropriate, in the end," he explained, his expression apologetic as he leaned down and tried for a kiss to Ben\'s nose (but if his mouth was tilted upward, he would certainly take that in preference).

Offline Trillian

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #9 on: August 15, 2007, 05:18:23 AM »
When Kerr put his arms around him, Ben indeed pushed him away, though it was half-hearted, and he turned his face from the kiss.  He was still upset, and some of that had come from Kerr (because if Kerr hadn\'t said the name Lazarus, Ichabod wouldn\'t have been able to hurt him anywhere near as well as he had) and most of it was from Ichabod.  Keeping a hand up and steady against Kerr\'s chest, stepping back and turning his face, Ben took another step away and turned his profile to his sire, though peeked back at him once he had a bit of space.

"I didn\'t sleep with him to get back at you," he said after a short moment, before Kerr could protest the movement.  "I didn\'t do it for revenge, though he tried for me that way.  I only did it the once and it had nothing to do with you and Ichabod, it was so... it was..." he frowned.  "It was something I regretted the night after, and I didn\'t let him touch me again, and I wish I\'d never let him touch me in the first place."

He folded his arms across his chest and dropped his gaze, though slightly, not hiding his face away, so that Kerr could see it was more hurt than anger that he felt right now.  Somehow his anger felt childish when he blamed himself most of all.
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Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #10 on: August 15, 2007, 05:33:49 AM »
Kerr wilted when he was rejected, shoulders drooping - even though he\'d mostly expected it - and hands sliding into his pants pockets so he didn\'t reach out again.  The news about Lazarus, however, had him immediately distracted from his unhappiness and left him blinking.  Again, he took a little while before he responded but this time it was more because he was surprised than needing to think.

"Once?  You only slept with him once?" he asked, hardly daring to believe it.

Offline Trillian

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #11 on: August 15, 2007, 05:47:18 AM »
"Once, twice, what does it matter?" he asked, snapping now because Kerr had focussed on something that Ben thought was unimportant.  "I let him touch me for whatever reason, knowing it would probably hurt you if you ever found out, knowing that some of it was probably fueled by pettiness, knowing that if I did it with him I would be on my way to solitude and thinking I was learning how to deal with it.  It was a mistake."

Ben was hard on himself over it and deserved to be.  Declan, that hadn\'t been a choice, Arles had been because he\'d been kind and he thought Kerr was lost to him so was trying to move on, and Kerr... well, that was the only person he should\'ve slept with because he was the only one Ben really wanted.  Lazarus, in the meantime, had managed to fool him, seduce him, have him.  He was angrier at himself than the Ancient, for Lazarus had never promised him anything except what he could deliver.  Ben had gone in, knowing the truth.
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Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #12 on: August 15, 2007, 06:00:30 AM »
Kerr nibbled on his tongue stud and watched Ben sheepishly.  He didn\'t really want to argue the fact, but once meant a lot to him.  He wanted to ask if it was once as in one night or once as in one penetration and he just knew that Ben would fly off the handle at him if he did but... damnit... that meant something!  Hell, he and Ichabod had been one night but it hadn\'t been only once so technically Ben had made less of a transgression and...

The Irishman forcefully told himself that his fledgling was right.  Stopped himself thinking along that line (with a lot of persistance).  Looked at the blonde with a little smile haunting his lips, wanting to grow.

"Everybody makes mistakes.  They\'re only permanent if you don\'t learn from them.  I\'m glad it was only once and you regretted it.  Makes you smarter than me," he admitted softly, meaning that he hadn\'t regretted sleeping with Ichabod until he\'d daftly seen that Ben did care, that Arles hadn\'t meant nearly as much as Kerr had thought - and that him taking someone else the first time had meant far more.

He lowered his gaze as well, staring sightlessly at Ben\'s hand as he contemplated that what he\'d said could also have been him alluding to the notion that he didn\'t regret being with Ichabod and he couldn\'t have that.  "I wish I\'d never started even talking to Ichabod that night," he added, just in case.

Offline Trillian

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #13 on: August 15, 2007, 06:29:33 AM »
Ben looked at Kerr warily, to see if such words were only to appease him.

"But you like him," Ben countered, not quite ready to forgive Kerr just yet.  He didn\'t know what the connection was between Kerr and Ichabod beyond a one night stand, but when he\'d come to offer himself to Kerr to not lose him, the brat had been in his apartment already.  So what had that been about?  More sex?  He\'d never found out and he wasn\'t going to ask.
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Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Debrief
« Reply #14 on: August 15, 2007, 06:39:23 AM »
Kerr frowned, having been drenched so much with Ben\'s opinion on the teenager in the drive home that he hadn\'t stopped to re-evaluate his feelings on the boy.  He wandered over to the lounge area, not sitting properly but resting his ass against the back of the armchair, hands still in his pockets and his long legs stretched out before him, left ankle crossed over right.

"I don\'t dislike him but... I have far less respect for him now," he mused, the frown still present.  "I really didn\'t like the fact that he felt he could comment on our relationship, just because he was here to pick up the pieces when you walked out on me that night.  Frankly, he reassured me that you and I would work out and then tried to... uh... seduce me, I guess, which was just confusing," Kerr glowered, recalling the night.  He brightened when he remembered the predictions Digital had given him.

"I left before anything much could happen and went to Risk.  I met a vampire there who was completely insane but he was an intuit; he predicted some very confusing things about you - and Lazarus, as it turned out, but at the time I thought it was Arles.  He said if you chose the blonde, you\'d be miserable forever.  I have everything he told me written down, because I needed to pull it apart to understand it.  In hindsight, a lot of it\'s about Lazarus," he explained wryly, mouth twisting.