Anonymous Musings

[Kysis]

Well, that was a lame answer.  Perhaps he just needed to warm up into the idea of talking to her?  That was always a possibility, since their previous interactions had all been very haphazard and not always friendly.  Well, rarely friendly.  This was probably the first in fact, and it was marginally so.  Ryanna had to get them into talking.  But oh wait, she was asking about her \'friend\'.  That was not good.  Her intentions had been ill at best, and might not have been considered legal.  Not good at all.  Could she make something up?

"Just recently.  I made some friends in the Zirat and like visitin\' them on the Gulbrand Farm, even if the owner hates me guts."  At that Ryanna winked, taking another sip of her drink.  Of course Dag hated her.  First, she posed a threat as the very able sales person of the Liari enterprise.  Then she played the part of an inspector sent by Dag\'s benefactor, which made the man dislike her even more.  Ryanna had been pretty prying into his every move under the last guise, and that made most people uncomfortable.

"They kept askin\' me what I looked like in a dress, so..."  Ryanna looked down at the dress as she said that, shrugging, messing with the top of it where it hit her right shoulder for a moment.  "I have a few dresses, just don\'t wear them much."  She was considering wearing them more often, though she wasn\'t sure it would be good for her job.  Who would buy a weapon from a girl in a dress, anyway?  The male clothing probably worked a lot better for it.  That would be decided later, though.  Ryanna was just glad she was wearing a dress now.

"Not the most comfy thing in the world.  Can\'t wait to get it off."  Ryanna squirmed a little, stretching as well before going back to holding her mug, letting the warmth seep into her palms and fingers.  She took another sip.  It was nice to slowly enjoy the drink, and let all that warmth seep into her.  She would be sure to thank Freddy again for it later.

[Existentially Odd]

Freddy\'s brows didn\'t lower as she talked about taking her dress off and wriggled about.  His gaze was helpless not to follow her movements this time - though she did seem to be inviting that - but he did return to looking at her face once she was done.  He took a sip of his drink and tried to push the thoughts about it from his mind.
 
"Mmm," was all he could say in response to her not enjoying the wearing of a dress.  Personally, he didn\'t see how it would be such an issue, except for the undergarments women were expected to strap on beneath.  That he would have a problem with.  Still, he wasn\'t the type to divulge his every thought, so he kept that information to himself.
 
The silence crept up about them again, an awkward companion at best, and he decided he might make an attempt at filling it.  "So... you\'ve been out at the Gulbrand farm, eh?" he mused, wondering what that was all about.  Kysis had an exhibition to be preparing for, did she have time to be gallavanting about, visiting her \'friends\' (the ones who wondered aloud what she looked like in a dress, no less)?  "Lord Liari not giving you enough to keep you occupied at the store?"

[Kysis]

Ryanna could feel Freddy\'s eyes on her as she stretched, so she did not stop mid-motion, finishing the action before settling back down with her drink.  Well, that was new.  Freddy actually looked at her?  Perhaps she should stop hiding her femininity all the time and try to flaunt it some time?  Her father kept chiding her for scaring away all suitors, or not trying to interest any.  He kept telling her how a lot of women were already married by her age and she was wasting away the years a man might want her.  That part drew a small sigh, Ryanna not wanting to think about it.

As for why she was actually at the Gulbrand farm, she wasn\'t telling.  Oh no.  Not a word was coming from her smiling lips about that, especially not to Freddy.  Ryanna had intended to report back to Magnus today when she got back from the farm, but her lack of good timing had ruined that.  The gate would not be down until morning, so she would leave him worrying (if he even cared) all that time.  It was inevitable to happen at least one day.  Being so far out, snooping around, Ryanna had been luckily to not get stuck out before.

"Lord Liari\'s been runnin\' \'round like a chicken wit\' its head cut off for the last week!  I have no idea what he wants me to do, so he\'s been havin\' Rico and Alex workin\' more to help him wit\' it." That was the truth.  Kysis had been lapsing back into speaking a lot of Greek, which he blamed on stress, Ryanna blamed on his going back there so recently.  So, Ryanna had no clue what he was saying most of the time, and could barely help him anyway.  The most she had been doing lately was hanging signs and thanking him for giving her most of the day off.  Rico and Alex could handle the rest.  They knew Greek, after all.  That was a point she decided to make, so she didn\'t look like a worthless bum.

"Can\'t speak Greek, so I\'ve been of little use lately."

[Existentially Odd]

Suddenly, Freddy regretted bringing Kysis up, for it only reminded him of the news that Lam had shared secretly with him, that she was pretty certain she was going to have a baby.  Kysis\' baby.  All the joking and the easiness that had finally found its way back between them had been gone since then, especially with her pleading that it was exactly why she needed to quit, because it was too important to her to lose it.

He didn\'t want to know.  He was, quite frankly, sick of all of them (hence his foray into the tavern tonight) and had turned himself around to thinking in the opposite manner.  He wished she would just make a bloody decision and go and leave him in peace (or whatever the Hell one called this particularly shitty limbo he felt he was in without her).

Predictably, he grunted at Ryanna\'s comment that she couldn\'t speak Greek - because Lam was pretty good at it, from what he\'d heard - and took a swig from his drink.  His expression was similiar to that of a summer thundercloud when the tankard was lowered to the table once more, and he found he couldn\'t maintain eye contact with her any longer.  The table seemed a far more fascinating sight.

[Kysis]

Oh no!  That look!  It had her eyes wide and staring again, wondering frantically what she had done wrong.  This was absolutely terrible, and to have it ruined by... her employer?  Oh, yeah, that relationship.  It had been hard at first to talk to the Captain, because of the fact Ryanna knew Freddy liked her so much, maybe even loved her.  Conversation about the man the Captain was marrying was not the best idea, now that she thought about it.  Damn!  Damn!  Damn!

"Well....  sorry.  I should\'ve just ignored that comment, \'bout him."  Ryanna stared down into her drink for a few moments, taking another sip, hoping to finish it soon.  She felt a warmth in her middle from it, buzz in her brain as well.  Though she had had such a drink before, it felt different this time.  Probably because some else bought it for her.  A male brought it for her. "Maybe we can talk \'bout something else?  I mean, we\'re both out here, so why not forget the problems of in there while we are?"

Another thing that was effected by the buzz was her speaking.  She knew proper English, and it was showing right now.  A lot of times she forced herself to talk like she usually did, around the guards and such, or fellow commoners, but she could put on a nice voice around any nobles that came in the shop.  Well, it was more like take her other speech pattern off.  Her father had been picky about her not picking up the bad speaking habits a lot of the guards had, so....  Ryanna had not even noticed the change in how she was talking.  It wasn\'t as high pitched as usual, or as roughed up as usual.

She was just trying to cheer Freddy up.  She hated how gloomy he looked at the moment.  Wasn\'t there something she could do about it?

[Existentially Odd]

Her kind allowances only deepened his glower, making him realise that he was being a lot more transparent than he\'d intended.  That didn\'t please him in the slightest.  "I have no problems in there," he barked irritably, his glare into her eyes quite challenging.  "Just what is it you\'re alluding to?" he demanded gruffly, wondering if she did know what he thought she did.

He couldn\'t figure out how, though.  Who would\'ve told her?  His feelings for his superior had always - as far as he knew - gone unnoticed by his co-workers.  There must be one astute one who\'d picked it up... though why would they tell Ryanna such things?  It didn\'t make a whole lick of sense to him.  He must have it wrong.  She just... believed that he and Kysis didn\'t get along because... beacuse... because the Lord Liari had cursed about him?  Said derogatory things or been uncomfortable about him? That had to be it!

[Kysis]

What was she alluding to?  Well, she was alluding to something Ryanna thought was rather obvious, though it might not be to someone not so keen on figuring out what exactly was going on with Lieutenant Frederickson.   However, Ryanna did not notice that it was her paying too much attention, so she went on to explain, to tell of the little indicators she saw, after she finished off the last of her drink, of course.

"Well, you used to hang on every word the Captain would say, no matter what it was.  And after Lord Liari appeared as if from nowhere, that stopped.  You two got snippy at one another, and everyone who knows how much you hate my boss.  I mean, that much is really apparent.  But, considering the deteriorating situation, and what happened when, I would say it has to do with your troubles within the city wall."

With that Ryanna nodded, not noticing how she was even using bigger words than she normally would.  George had put some effort into keeping her literate, even if he let her tag along with the guards too.  It was a constant tug of war, but with her guard slipping down (the alcohol helping greatly), the winning side quickly became obvious.  Being such a small girl, she hardly held alcohol well, so another drink and she might be slurring a little, and really flirtatious.  That was why she usually did not drink, or when she did, it was a little at one time, and not a full mug of the warm cider.  From what Ryanna had heard, warm alcohol went to the head a lot faster than cold alcohol, so that was definitely playing a factor as well.  It was her first time having the cider, but she did like it.  It was very nice.

"You said you usually don\'t come out here, right?  That sounds like you\'re wanting to get away from what\'s in there, regardless.  Enjoy your time out here?  If I could help.... I\'m trying, but I don\'t know what to do.  I hate seeing you look so glum."

Another affect of the drink was that she was saying exactly what was on her mind.  If he asked about the Gulbrand farm again, she might actually spill the beans.  Of course, she was no longer thinking on that.  She was thinking of how to possibly perk up Freddy.  Her mug was set empty before her, and she put her elbows back on the table, hands interlaced and chin where it had been before.  He seemed more attentive when she was sitting like that, so Ryanna kept to it.  Why give up on what worked before?

[Existentially Odd]

His face drained of colour.  Well... shit.  It seemed Ryanna did know what she was talking about, but what was still unclear to him was how she\'d got the information.  It did occur to him that she\'d picked it up in all her big-eyed watchings of what went on at the guardhouse, but that just seemed... too flimsy, really.  She wasn\'t around enough to pick that sort of thing up (especially when no-one else had), was she?  Was she?

"I do not hate your boss.  Lord Liari and I get on perfectly well.  As for the captain," he said stiffly, "she\'s my superior officer, of course I hang on her every word - it\'s called following orders," he blustered, wondering if such an excuse would be accepted.  Damn, now she was back to looking at him like that again, and further disconcerting him.  He pressed his lips together, finding he\'d lost the rest of his argument with her looking all sweet and... and he couldn\'t remember what else he\'d been going to say, anyway.

[Kysis]

Ryanna giggled, not believing for a moment any of his argument.  It was all a load of crap, really, though she was trying to find a better way to put it.  That was hard through the warm haze her brain was in, but that was ok.   It was her fault for drinking the whole cider, knowing how terribly she handled drink.  At least some thoughts were coming through, though they weren\'t the best thought out ones she\'d ever had.

"Oh, I\'ve heard stories, and seen it some too.  The younger guards talk a lot and try making everything a conspiracy.  Sometimes they should give it a rest."  Ryanna tilted her head to the right, leaning forward a little as if examining Freddy for answers to said conspiracies.  She already knew, had already made up her mind at least.  The lieutenant\'s defensiveness did not help matters any, either, that was for sure.  Ryanna could see right through such tactics, though many others eluded her completely.  Not her fault for not knowing how the human mind worked all the time.

"I mean you pay more attention that anyone else does to the Captain, or at least you did.  And I know for a fact Lord Liari was upset when he left the meeting with you the day his sister died, and it wasn\'t because of her.  He wouldn\'t say anything, but it seemed like you\'d been pushing some sore buttons."  Ryanna did not want to dwell on the topic, so she switched it back to where she was heading. "But you keep missing the point!  Why fret on all that?  Why care?  You\'re here, now.  Enjoy this.  It won\'t be there again."

[Existentially Odd]

Freddy was mortified by the fact that she knew how he and Kysis had parted company when last they\'d met.  He still felt bad about that and though he\'d attended Alia\'s funeral, he\'d made sure to keep a low profile so as not to antagonise the man any further.  Lam had known he was there but her focus had, of course, been her fiancé.

Still, Ryanna was obviously suffering the effects of the alcohol he\'d given her - though it hadn\'t been intentional - so he only hoped that anything she was saying would be forgotten in the morning.  Frankly, he couldn\'t understand what the Hell she was gabbling about, and he was loathe to hazard a guess.

"I\'ve been close friends with the captain longer than many of those guards have been alive," he pointed out stiffly, finishing off the last of his drink.  "Fourteen years.  People can start as many rumours as they like, but no-one can argue that and the fact is, she\'s

pregnant to him

marrying Lord Liari.  I\'m happy for her; she deserves some happiness after... " he hesitated and looked warily at Ryanna, wondering if the two tankards of alcohol were beginning to affect him with the amount of talking he was close to doing, "uh, well she just does.  She\'s my best friend, and that\'swhy I care so much.  Exactly what am I enjoying instead of thinking about my friends?" he queried, his voice rising slightly, a demanding squint narrowing his eyes.  She had him baffled and he really did doubt it had anything to do with the drink.

[Kysis]

"Riiiiiigggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhht."  That was all Ryanna had to say on the subject of Freddy and the Captain just being friends.  Especially with his follow up about how she and Kysis were getting married!  Did he think she would not see through that?  Ryanna might be younger than him, but by Adora, she was not stupid!  She had two eyes to see, two eyes to hear, a brain to think on it all, and she knew how to use them!

This was so frustrating!  Ryanna did not know what to say other than that.  Closing her eyes, Ryanna thought of a possible course of action.  She was no tactician like Kysis, she did not know how to plan this sort of stuff out!  This was probably the longest she had ever talked to a man before, except on long walks with the guards on patrol, which was random blabber, and when selling a weapon to someone, which totally did not count, either of them.  And now, it seemed as though she had offended him!

Ryanna stood suddenly, looking down at him (amazingly enough, considering) with a fierce glare.  "Well sorry for being concerned by how ruffled your feathers have seemed lately.  I will never be so considerate again."  Ryanna thought of storming off at that point, but she did not, hovering there, waiting for his reaction.  Did she even care to hear it?  No, not any more.  It was obvious he did not know how to take a friendly gesture!  Why should she even care?  All these arguments went through her mind, but Ryanna did not budge, unable to yet.  She at least wanted to see his face before leaving.

[Existentially Odd]

As annoyed as he was by her sarcastic (and rather drunk) mockery, Freddy didn\'t actually want Ryanna to leave.  Especially on such a sour note.  As disconcertaing as it was that she seemed to see straight through his bluffing about Lam, it was nice of her to be considerate about his feelings and he finally understood what she meant about enjoying the here and now.  Whether it would come to pass again wasn\'t his place to say - though he didn\'t think these circumstances so very rare - but he supposed he could make more effort into appreciating it.

At the very least, Ryanna didn\'t seem the type to want to gloat over her knowledge about him, she was sensitive enough that she had wanted to move on and converse about... well, the meaningless drivel she usually went on with, he supposed, but now he saw that there were genuine thoughts and feelings behind that blather, so he figured he could be a little more lenient.

Quicker than most eyes in the tavern could move to look at something in their peripheral vision, he reached out and grabbed her hand, the tips of his fingers curling into her palm.  She certainly had a small hand.  "Ryanna.  I\'m sorry," he confessed, looking sincerely up at her.  "I didn\'t mean to insult you or seem ungrateful for your concern, don\'t leave like this," he requested quietly, hoping she\'d sit down again but ready to let her go if she moved to shake him off or storm away.  He wasn\'t about to detain her against her will, after all.

[Kysis]

She was ready to leave, she really was, but the moment Frederickson grabbed her hand, her heart went right up into her throat and started pounding like no tomorrow, fluttering, her mind fluttering as well.  Her big eyes blinked rapidly, looking down at that hand, the tint of a blush reaching her cheeks before she could do anything to prevent it.  She probably couldn\'t stop that brush anyway.  It would have come no matter what.

But he was sorry?  Really?  He didn\'t want her to leave though he had spent the last few years brushing her off like a gnat, or worse.  For a few long moments, it felt like forever to her though it was probably just seconds, Ryanna stared at those connected hands.  When she could finally look up, she met his eyes and nodded, a small bob of her head, barely noticeable.

Slowly, she lowered herself back into her chair, not breaking that contact.  Ryanna felt the urge to say sorry, for being such a bitch, but she bit her tongue, sitting now in silence.  She didn\'t know what to say, so she kept watching Freddy.  It felt like it was his turn to talk, or that maybe the quiet between them and the drone of the crowd was better than her speaking.  Right now her voice would probably squeak, crack, or just sound grating, none of which Ryanna wanted to happen.

[Existentially Odd]

He gave a grateful smile as she sat and released her hand, his staying on the table near hers, relaxed.  "Thank you," he said sincerely.  "It\'s... uh... nice that you... uh... care, I guess," he added, growing more awkward with each word.

It had felt necessary to acknowledge what had just passed between them but did that mean she would want to talk about his relationship with Lam now?  He thought not, but he wasn\'t quite sure what to say and he didn\'t want to start a conversation about her work, for that would only lead them back to Kysis and lam and what was the point of that?

"So... uh... what is it you do in your spare time, anyway?" he asked stiffly, figuring speaking about her might be a good way to appease her - women liked talking about themselves most of the time, right?

[Kysis]

"Um...."

Talking was hard, it seemed.  Ryanna paused, unsure of what to say, trying to think of what to say.  The boom of the crowd around them was soothing, giving a sense of anonymity, but at the same time, Freddy was asking about her.  About her life.  That took away the feeling of a face in a crowd immediately, and she suddenly felt uncomfortable.  Already she felt like she was under a glass, being examined closely like she was some kind of bug.

"Well... I like wandering, just walking around and exploring.  It\'s nice, not knowing where you\'re going and not caring, sometimes."

What else could she say?  It was still strange, opening up while she still felt like shit about being a bitch, and about how he talked to her, and got angry when she was just trying to help.  A lot of men thought themselves above the help of others, Ryanna could accept that, but still...  Ryanna chewed her lower lip a little, unable to look up at Freddy, staring at the hand that was no longer touching her.  What else could she say?

Maybe it was enough.  Ryanna was not so sure anymore.  Senseless chatter was just fine, but this, this dug deeper.  It was not something she was used to.