Obsession and Aggression

[Trillian]

THREE WEEKS LATER, HE\'D MANAGED TO wait for Kerr to leave for the Oligarchy this time, behaving as though all was well, hiding the eagerness to get Kerr out though he wasn\'t thinking in quite those terms.  Ben was pleased that his sire was beginning to enjoy his work at the council, that he felt like he was doing some good - apparently what had happened on Kerr\'s Monday night had brought out some good feelings about where he was going, despite his desire not to enjoy a single second.

Now Kerr was out of the apartment and Ben paced around the place for a good half hour before leaving himself, locking the door on his way out and taking his car this time from the underground carpark.  It burbled its way down the clear city streets until Ben found a place to park, only a few doors up from Westward Apartments, where Mandy and Ichabod lived, though the nurse was already at the hospital on night shift, leaving behind her charge.

Ben went to Ichabod\'s apartment with a gnawing sick yet pleasant sensation in his gut.  He\'d vowed not to come back but in the three weeks that had passed the reasons and emotions for not returning had faded, lost its importance.  Had he really felt that badly after drinking from the mortal?  He thought not.  He wanted to know what Ichabod would be like now, when he knocked on the door.  He wanted to know if the teen would let him in and give him whatever, as he had offered last time.  His hatred of the blonde vampire had either transformed into some other kind of emotion or he was getting to like what was going on.  Or both.  It was hard to say.  All Ben knew was that Ichabod was like an addiction; a tv show that he had to know the outcome, a book that he had to know the ending, a drug that he had to get high on.

Raising a hand, he rapped three times on the door and waited.

[pinkroses]

He’d decided not to be there when Ben arrived, he didn’t want to go through that humiliation and guilt again and had in fact got down the stairs before he realized that it wouldn’t stop Ben. If he wasn’t here tonight Ben would look for him or come another night. So he’d trudged back up the stairs; it was better to get it out of the way than constantly be looking over his shoulder for the vampire.

Mandy had known there was something wrong, Ichabod had been in a bad mood all day as he’d tried to decide what to do and had been constantly distracted at work, meaning that he’d made frustrating mistakes and that had only made his mood worse. He’d been snappy and Mandy had been constantly asking what was wrong, not believing that it was just a bad day at work. For a short time Ichabod had been worried that she wouldn’t go to the hospital tonight, but her work ethic had won out and so Ichabod was sat alone in the flat when Ben knocked on the door.

Silently Ichabod moved to the door and opened it, meeting Ben’s gaze for a moment before turning and walking back to the sofa without a word, leaving the door open for the vampire. Ben had wanted him ready and he was, but this time he wanted it to be different. He didn’t want it to be like last time.

“I don’t want you to drink from my neck,” he said finally, watching Ben and hoping he wouldn’t disagree. “You can use my wrist or something like that,” he added. He’d only been drunk from somewhere other than his neck a couple of times with Lazarus, but this was the best way he could see to avoid the same result as before. Surely it wouldn’t make much of a difference to Ben, blood was blood.

[Trillian]

Ben entered the apartment and closed the door behind himself, displeased with Ichabod\'s strange greeting-less welcome.  When Ichabod sat himself down on the sofa and told him that he wouldn\'t be offering his neck but only his wrist, Ben\'s brows knitted into a frown as he stared at the mortal.

"Whatever happened to \'anything I wanted\'?" he asked after discarding

since when did what you wanted matter?
you\'re going to offer your neck anyway

other phrases.  The last time Ben had come to visit, Ichabod had cum in his pants.  The begging for more and request to stay hadn\'t been lost in Ben\'s memory though it seemed to have grown dim in Ichabod\'s.  Was the mortal trying to dispell the importance of what had happened between them by attempting to limit their interaction now?  Too little, too late, right?  He couldn\'t undo the past, he\'d pretty much offered himself for the fucking.  Was this punishment to Ben now because his offer had been rejected?

[pinkroses]

Ichabod chewed lightly on his lower lip and glanced down with a frown on his face. He’d known it would just be that easy but he really didn’t want the same thing to happen again; it didn’t look as though Ben would be that easily convinced though.

“I changed my mind,” he said simply, lifting his gaze once more and trying to keep his expression firm although with Ben looking at him like that it was difficult not to just give in and do whatever he wanted to keep the vampire happy. It had felt so good at the time but the guilt afterwards had been too much and once he had given in and just let himself go completely and he was going to strive not to do that again. Ichabod hadn’t forgotten everything he’d said before, but he was trying to put it down to just spur of the moment words, they didn’t mean anything. If Ben had wanted to fuck him Ichabod wouldn’t have let him… at least that’s what he was trying to tell himself.

[Trillian]

Ben\'s frown changed to an expression of regard as he stared at Ichabod for a long moment, the silence growing pregnant between them before he broke it.

"You change your mind after I do something for you, so you don\'t have to do something for me," he pointed out, attempting to use the guilt Ichabod was obviously feeling in a different direction, using it to gain himself ground.  He waited for Ichabod to respond to that.  Right now every word he said to Ichabod mattered if he wanted to achieve the result he\'d been expecting the instant he\'d walked through the door.  It both annoyed and excited him that he had to work towards the goal again.  He didn\'t know what it was in his belly that made him want to suffocate and manipulate Ichabod this way, but it was satisfied every time he gained yet another foothold on the mortal.  It was a grim and dark satisfaction, but it was there.

Behind his back he had his hands toying with the inside doorknob, thumbing the lock latch quietly on and off as he waited for his answer, his cool blue eyes burning a heated gaze at the mortal on the couch.

[pinkroses]

“No, that’s not true,” Ichabod said quickly, a frown on his face. How could Ben say that? Ichabod had offered himself and Ben had rejected it; he’d been getting blood out of Ichabod, the human had kept the secret which would have been so much easier to tell before what had happened last time.

He hesitated for a moment, listening to Ben fiddling with the latch and knowing he would regret what he was about to ask.

“What… what more did you want me to do for you?” he asked, a note of confusion in his voice. He’d given him blood, Ben hadn’t wanted anything more sexual than had happened, did Ben have everything he could possibly want from Ichabod? He hoped that asking wouldn’t make Ben think he would just go along with whatever he asked for, but Ichabod had a terrible feeling that Ben had worked him out. He knew exactly how to manipulate him into doing whatever he wanted and his words had already worked to make Ichabod feel a little guilty, like there was something he should do to keep Ben happy. He knew he definitely didn’t want to get Ben angry.

[Trillian]

Ben shook his head to the question, the conversation was taking a slightly different direction to what he\'d wanted and so now he put it back on track by answering Ichabod\'s question with something the mortal didn\'t expect.

"You should\'ve said hello at the door and invited me in properly," Ben said, closing the distance between them and standing halfway between the door and the sofa.  "What you shouldn\'t do is restrict me, Ichabod, and tell me what I can and can\'t do with you.  We\'ve gone past that already."  Ben thumbed his pockets, hooking them in and watching the mortal on the sofa.  "So, where is it I can drink from?"

Anywhere I like, right, Ichabod?

Was he having a sick kind of fun with this?  There was certainly something in him that was satisfied every time he watched Ichabod squirm, there was a sense of proprietry as well as detachment.  It was a game yet not and he knew that Ichabod was suffering yet at the same time it seemed the other youth was as addicted to this dangerous game as he was.  He said no, but that would always change to yes, and he would ask Ben to stay like last time so he could pretend that they weren\'t what they were to each other but something more.  Friends, Ben had called it, but it was much more and yet much less than that.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod felt himself sinking back into the sofa as Ben approached, not wanting him to get closer, but there wasn’t anywhere he could go without making it blatantly obvious that he didn’t want Ben close. As Ben spoke the look in Ichabod’s eyes became more fearful, he didn’t want to find out what would happen if he didn’t go along with what Ben said. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair; his bad day was only getting worse.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, “Do whatever you want.” It had happened again. His resolve melted away whenever he was near Ben. All of the decisions he had made meant nothing if they went against what the blonde wanted and Ichabod knew he really didn’t have much choice but to do what Ben said. He was to afraid to find out what the other option would be and he didn’t want to go back to having Ben trapping him physically, pinning him against walls, unable to move. This was better than that… if only marginally.

He knew his answer wasn\'t just giving in to being fed from anywhere Ben wished, he was giving in completely, again. Whatever Ben said he wanted Ichabod knew he would most likely end up doing it.

[Trillian]

"No," Ben said softly, shaking his head.  "Ask me properly."

\'Do whatever you want\' wasn\'t an invitation that begged response.  Ben wanted to be invited, to have a request given him, to be asked or perhaps even pleaded with.  He regretted now not letting Ichabod do something last time, for he thought now this was why there was a backward step.  He was being punished, he figured, for rejecting the other boy.

Ben stood where he was, his body language open with his arms loose at his sides, his thumbs hooked into his pockets, his head tilted slightly as he waited for Ichabod to mull on his request and then to give it.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod stayed silent for a few moments as he gazed at Ben, not sure exactly what the vampire wanted. He knew Ichabod didn’t really want to be fed from, but when had that ever mattered? Swallowing, Ichabod squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head. Ben was forcing words into his mouth, Ichabod liked the feeling of being fed from but not enough to ask Ben for it, not enough to put himself in a situation like this. This was completely different, Ben was forcing him to be the instigator and Ichabod hated it. It wasn’t even asking for permission, Ben was telling him to ask for it. Was this his punishment for not being more welcoming before?

He knew Ben was waiting for him to offer himself and his blood and although his voice had been calm Ichabod didn’t want to tempt the anger out of him.

“Ben…” Ichabod murmured, lifting his head, his eyes pleading as they met Ben’s. He really didn’t want to ask, but as he gazed up at him he knew he had no choice.

“Please feed from me, wherever you like,” he said, his voice wavering slightly as he spoke and a feeling a sense of dread growing in the pit of his stomach. If Ben choice his neck, which Ichabod knew he was likely to, (Why would he change this time just because Ichabod had asked?) then it would be like last time, with Ben getting him aroused, then leaving him, then that feeling of guilt again. He disliked that Ben could bring up so many contrasting feelings in him; fear, lust, anger, security. And Ben could change at any second as well if he just said the wrong thing.  He just had to try to keep his head clear, not become overwhelmed and caught up in the actions again, but that was easier said than done.

Ichabod stood, taking a deep breath as he spread his hands out to the side openly.

“You want me? You’ve got me, completely. Please, do it.” It was true, Ben did have him. Mandy might have his heart but Ichabod was too afraid of Ben to do anything other than what he asked. Last time he’d found himself wanting Ben, now as he stood in front of him Ichabod wanted Ben to tell him what to do, just so that he knew how not to do anything wrong. Whilst Ben was here Ichabod wanted him telling him exactly what to do and how to act because he obviously wasn’t capable of keeping the blonde happy otherwise.

[Trillian]

It still wasn\'t enough to satisfy him.  He could sense unhappiness pouring off Ichabod in waves as he made his offer, see it in his eyes despite the other teen allowing him to do as he wished, or rather because the other teen was giving him such permission.  Ben felt a hollow victory in such a thing.  Had Ichabod greeted him at the door differently, Ben wouldn\'t be annoyed right now.  It seemed not even Ichabod\'s eventual turnabout could please him.  He\'d expected the other to be a little demure but not displeased to see him, considering the intimate thing that had happened last time.  He knew that Ichabod had already blown his chance to please him, nothing would make him happy now and this bubbled into a welling irritation that the mortal couldn\'t appease, even if he writhed around on the sofa telling Ben how much he needed him.  This fact only served to piss Ben off more but instead of getting visibly angry, he kept his calm exterior, though coldness reached his icy-coloured gaze, giving it some strength in his stare.

"Strip," he said now, wanting to humiliate Ichabod as much as he could.  Being naked while Ben was fully clothed would appear more so as though Ichabod was crying out for him.  "All the way," he said, before Ichabod even had a chance to start - or stop at his underwear.  Ben hadn\'t moved from his position standing between the sofa and the door, striking a casual pose, not changing to a threatening stance, though his order carried weight behind it in his tone.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod hesitated for a moment at Ben’s sudden order, which was added to when he began to lift his hands to his t-shirt. Strip all the way? Ichabod’s dark eyes watched Ben warily, trying to find any sign that Ben wasn’t being serious, that he was going to give a chuckle at any second and tell him he was joking. Then he would just feed and go. But no, that definitely didn’t look to be the case.

He wet his lips nervously as he watched Ben, then quickly lowered his eyes and pulled his t-shirt off, dropping it beside the sofa which he was still standing in front of. His gaze flickered upwards to look at Ben as his fingers moved to his jeans, wishing Ben would stop staring at him so intently. He wanted to protest, to put up a fight and tell him that he wouldn’t, but he’d already managed to put Ben in a bad enough mood and didn’t want it to worsen.

Besides, he thought as he pushed down his jeans, trying to ignore the icy gaze on him, Ben’s already seen me naked. Unfortunately that thought only served to remind Ichabod of why all of this was happening. Ben had seen him fucking Kerr, he’d forgiven his sire but was still taking out his resentment on the human. That was all there was to this. No matter what Ichabod might think he felt when Ben fed from him, this was all fueled by hatred and that thought brought goose bumps to the Ichabod’s skin.

Trying not to think about what was happening Ichabod pushed down his boxers and stepped out of them, his eyes fixed on a point just to the left of Ben. Although he hadn’t practiced hockey for a while now his body was still well built, especially his thighs and back. His hands hung limply at his sides, wanting to cover himself up slightly but knowing it wouldn’t help much and would probably just annoy Ben more. Gradually his gaze made it’s way back to Ben properly and he stared at him, wondering what would come next. He bit his tongue as comments about Kerr welled into his mind, remembering the reaction before; begging Ben to stop this would do no good, he knew that from experience.

So instead he stood in silence, waiting for Ben’s next order, wanting to keep the vampire as happy with him as he could after that bad start.

[Trillian]

Ben stared for a long moment, sensing that Ichabod was uncomfortable and easing his bitterness with that fact.  He continued to watch him, their eyes locked until Ben broke the stare in order to let his gaze drift down Ichabod\'s body.

"Beg me to fuck you.  Make me believe it."

He wanted to humiliate Ichabod, to make the little shit sorry that he\'d ever interfered with Ben\'s life after their first meeting, and knew that it was only partially the reason why he was ordering Ichabod to do such a thing.  Truth was, he was getting off on it, and he wasn\'t sure why.  This sort of thing was more Lazarus\'

Declan\'s

style.  No such thing as rape, sure, but no didn\'t mean no and even though it was obvious that yes didn\'t mean yes it was always good enough to continue.  Ichabod did want him, that was the weird thing, he wanted Ben to be nice to him, wanted to have attention.  He wasn\'t getting things the way he wanted them but he was doing nothing to stop it.  This knowledge (or assumption, or whatever it was) appeased Ben a long way towards having mercy on the teen before him.  There was something about Ichabod that fed Ben\'s soul, it was negative but it was satisfying.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod tensed up at Ben’s demand and instinctively folded his arms across his chest in a defensive position. His eyes flickered downwards, then across to the bedroom. He didn’t want Ben angry at him, but he didn’t want to betray Mandy any more than he had already done. That had been an accident, spur of the moment; he didn’t want to make things any worse if she found out.

“I can’t,” he said quietly, shaking his head slightly. He knew that even if he said it to appease Ben there was no way the vampire would believe his words. Ben was attractive, no doubt, but Ichabod had cheated on Lazarus and it hadn’t ended well, he wasn’t going to make that mistake again, not willingly.

His gaze turned back to Ben’s, a pleading look in his eyes.

“Ben, please, stop this. You can feed from me, but… I don’t want to do anything else.” There were things he would do if Ben asked him to, but Ichabod refused to be the one asking. He shouldn’t have asked Ben to stay the last time, let alone ask him to fuck him. He didn’t even know why Ben would make such a request. He doubted the blonde actually wanted to have sex with him, why would he risk messing things up with Kerr so much? He just wanted to hear Ichabod beg, so he did, but not for what the vampire had asked.

[Trillian]

Ben was furious.  He\'d never been so angry before, he was normally a passive kind of person, even when there was an injustice he was normally the one to leave the conflict, or if forced to, he would remain but not protest.  Now, however, Ichabod was pressing all the right buttons to make him mad.

"Beg me!" he shouted, taking a couple of steps forward and closing the gap, his frown deeply etched on his face and glaring at the naked mortal before him.  "Or I\'ll show you what I can do to you," he added quietly.  "Come here," he pointed to the carpet at his feet, "get down on your knees, and beg."

He was a different person when he was with Ichabod, and though the other could bring out a more tender side of Ben to the point where the teenaged vampire would sit and talk with him, offer some comfort, he could also bring out the nasty and normally dormant side of him.  Ben had changed a great deal in his path to when he\'d first met Kerr and where he was right now, and most of them were not good changes.