The Whole Truth

[pinkroses]

It had taken Ichabod much longer than he’d thought it would walking home, but he was glad of the time outside. It felt strangely relieving to be able to walk around in the dark alone now and know that Ben wouldn’t crop up unexpectedly. He didn’t think about all of the other creatures lurking in the city, right now he just wanted to get away from the ones who had been at the Oligarchy. Wearing on a t-shirt and jeans Ichabod was pretty cold by the time he reached the flat he and Mandy lived in and his heart sank when he saw the door standing wide open. Couldn’t the demons have even bothered to pull it to when they hustled him and Ben out?

The teenager scrubbed a hand through his hair as he knelt down beside the door to examine the damage. It looked like it was just the lock that was broken, and a little damage to the door. He hoped it wouldn’t cost too much to repair, his pay still wasn’t much. He stood up again, pushing the door closed and looked around, trying to see if anything was missing, not realizing that he was just putting off trying to decide what to say to Mandy when she got home. He could tell her everything now, he didn’t have to keep it a secret. But as the time  grew closer he grew more and more nervous. Now it wasn’t as though he was asking her for help about Ben, now it looked as though he had been found out and had to tell her. But he couldn’t have told her before, God knows what Ben would have done.

He just had to tell her the truth and hope she wouldn’t take it too badly.

Ichabod pulled on a hoodie before taking a seat on the sofa, gazing at the door and waiting for her to return. The door would obviously be the first thing she noticed as they always kept it locked, but he couldn’t let himself get distracted. He just had to tell her.

[Mandy]

She arrived home shortly after midnight, her tired legs and weary eyes mirroring the hectic shift she`d managed to survive working not only the dialysis floor, but the admitting desk as well. One of the clerks had called in unexpectedly; so all evening staff was expected to take a turn registering patients (in addition to their usual duties). Needless to say, it had taken more than it`s usual toll.

At least the time had passed quickly during all the confusion.

Climbing the steps to her floor (the elevator was simply too slow), Mandy shuffled tiredly down the hall and toward the flat; her key chain jingling as she searched for the silvery one that would open the door. This step appeared to be unnecessary however as the bolt was no longer locked.

“Ichabod.” She whispered in an exasperated tone and shook her head, pushing the door ajar. That boy really needed to keep the locks secured. She`d warned him before. It was like reprimanding a child for making the same, avoidable mistake over and over again. What if she had been something… well, not human?

“I`m home,” Mandy called as she skirted through the entryway and closed the slat tight, fidgeting with said bolt amidst a growing sense of impatience. For some reason, the blasted contraption wouldn`t clasp. “I… I thought I told you to keep this thing locked?” She added, obviously distracted as she herself struggled with the mechanism. Was it broken? If so, she`d feel terrible about getting annoyed over it so easily.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod quickly stood up when he heard her entering, looking every bit as guilty as he felt (the feeling had been building up as he tried to think what to tell her). He moved towards the front door, his hands twisting together as he watched her struggling with the bolt.

“I did,” he said, a nervous tone in his voice, “It got broken,” he added, dropping his hands to his sides, then lifting one to rub against his neck out of nervous habit.

“Mandy, I… I have to tell you something…” he said hesitantly. “Come through here, please,” he added, holding out his free hand to her. She looked tired and for a moment he debated just making up some excuse about the door, saying they got broken into (true), but then leaving out the rest of the details. But he knew that wouldn’t work, not for long.

[Mandy]

So it was broken. And here, she`d  been about to give him a nagging lecture about the importance of safety.

 She forced a weak smile, one which quickly twisted into a look of concern as Ichabod continued to speak. His tone, his expression - his entire demeanor told her that something was amiss. But what? Had something happened while she was away? With a face like that, she was almost of the belief that someone may have died.

“Ichabod… what is it?” She asked anxiously, taking his offered hand and following him to the sofa where they both took a moment to sit. “What’s wrong? What happened? Something… something with your family?”

[pinkroses]

Ichabod quickly shook his head as she mentioned his family, twisting his fingers through hers and staring down at the their hands.

“No, no it’s not like that,” he said, shifting in his position on the edge of the sofa, feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

Just say it!!

“I… Ben and me, we… he was here and we got… taken to the Oligarchy,” he said, stumbling over his words until he blurted out the last part. He knew that didn’t explain much, but at least that bit was out of the way. “The things that came… they broke the door,” he added, glancing towards the entrance of the flat. He knew he should try to explain more before sh jumped to conclusions but despite himself he fell silent, trying to work out how best to continue.

[Mandy]

Mandy`s blood ran cold - the floor seeming to swing out from under her as Ichabod`s admission hit painfully home.

It was all just too much, too fast.

He and Ben… the Oligarchy… things that broke the door. His entire explination had an insanely familiar ring to it, bringing about emotions that made Mandy feel more sick to her stomach than anything else. She, Kerr and Ben had been carted off to the face the Oligarchy little over a year ago on charges that seemed entirely too trivial for words (especially when considering the punishments imposed). She had been flogged for simply receiving information that was not hers to have and Ben… well; he had been punished for letting Kerr drink from him. End of story. That in mind, Mandy had a fairly reasonable idea why Ben and Ichabod may have been hauled off to court this night.

There was really only one basis that she could think of...

“You were letting him drink from you… weren`t you?” She asked, her voice barely a whisper, though threatening to break at any given moment.

She would give him an opportunity to explain. It was entirely possible that she was wrong. Maybe… maybe Ben had showed up unexpectedly with malicious intent and the Oligarchy had come to stop him? Did they do things like that for humans? Probably not, but she would cling to that hope like a life line. It was so much better than any other scenario she had conjured beneath the weight of his words.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod lifted his dark eyes to meet hers and he blinked at her; he wasn’t surprised that she had managed to guess so quickly, but he hated that there was still more he had to tell her.

“I didn’t… let him,” he said softly, trying to work out how to go about this. Surely it would be best to start at the beginning… unlike Kerr who had started to see it from the end. “I… a couple of months ago he, like, grabbed me in an alleyway, he drank from me, I tried to stop him Mandy, I did,” he said, then he dropped his eyes and let go of her hand so that he could run his own through his hair again, feeling sick as he spoke.

“Then he kept showing up, he kept coming. He told me not to tell you, or anyone. And I didn’t want you to get hurt. And it… it just became easier not to fight him,” he said, his voice trailing off at the end. “I wanted to tell you,” he added quietly, hating that he’d had to keep it a secret from her for so long.

[Mandy]

“Months!” she exclaimed, the sudden realization that she`d been completely unaware of something so… so completely horrifying going on in her own home - like a terrible slap to the face. “This had been going on for months! And you didn`t say word one about it!? Ichabod! What were you thinking!?”

Balling her fists in her lap, Mandy fought to keep herself composed, a tiny voice inside, telling her that if what he said were true, then he was as much a victim in this as she presently felt. And yet, there was more to it than that. An even deeper voice, had a slightly different spin on the already sickening truth. What if Ichabod wasn`t a victim at all? What if he didn`t say anything… because he actually enjoyed it?

At this, she had to hold back an almost overpowering urge to throw-up.

“I don`t understand this. I told you why I was taken to the Oligarchy before – why Ben was. I did even less than him and I was disfigured for it! They whipped me for finding out what Kerr was! And Ben…” She shook her head, biting hard into her cheek, “He should have damn-well known better! They saw him as a pet just because he and Kerr shared blood more than once. I told you that! Why didn`t you piece things together when Ben kept coming back? You should have told me. We could have gone to the Oligarchy together and they would have stopped it!” But there in lie the problem. She wasn`t so convinced anymore that Ichabod was innocent in all of this.

“You know what I think? I think the real reason you never said anything… is because you were actually enjoying it.” She pivoted on her seat to face the teen more completely, tears beginning to form in her pretty eyes. “I think you wanted him to drink from you. You told me before you found it to be a sexual thing…” Yes, he`d admitted to that. Said so with his own two lips, “… So you would be with him and then… and then come home and be with me…”

Oh God…

[pinkroses]

“I couldn’t tell you, I didn’t know what he would do,” Ichabod protested at her saying he should have told her. It wasn’t his fault, not in his mind, it was Ben, all Ben. “I told him I didn’t want to, I told him, but it didn’t make any difference,” he said in a pleading voice, but then he fell silent as she continued speaking, a look of despair on his face.

She was right, he had enjoyed it at times. He’d gone from being fed from regularly to never and having Ben feeding from him… it was like a link back to that feeling. That addiction. It had been swung in front of him, but that wasn’t the reason why he hadn’t said anything. He loved Mandy and would have stopped it if he could. He’d never gone looking for Ben in the long breaks.

“No, Mandy, it wasn’t… it wasn’t, like, sexual. We never had sex,” he said, suddenly not wanting to tell her what they had done in that vein. “I mean… sometimes it felt good, but that didn’t mean I wanted it to happen,” he said, praying that she would understand. “I felt terrible every time. I wanted to tell you so much, I did,” he said, reaching out to take her hand again.

"And that\'s why I\'m telling you now, because people know so Ben can\'t do anything to you or me now, I wanted to tell you but I couldn\'t before now," he added.

[Mandy]

She pulled away from his touch; not wanting to feel his warmth, not wanting to so much as look at him.

He admitted it felt good. Him and Ben, entwined in a deadly embrace – she could just picture in her head. And it felt good? He supposedly hated Ben, but something so violent… something he didn`t even fucking want… felt friggin good? Mandy didn`t get it. And perhaps that was not Ichabod`s fault. After all, she didn`t have the benefit of knowing what it was to be fed from. Not that it much mattered anyway. In her eyes, he had as good as cheated on her by staying silent. He`d let it happen – encouraged it really.

“I don`t need you to protect me,” She growled, hating that he was trying to use that as an excuse. "By saying nothing, you are as much to blame as Ben. You let this happen to yourself… and to me. And here I was finally beginning to love you. I mean… really love you – like I used to feel for Kerr!” Or was that – still felt for Kerr? “You`re lucky you`re even alive!” She added, a sob shuddering through her chest by the last. Which brought up a rather interesting question.

Clutching at her knees (if only to keep her hands from shaking), Mandy locked her gaze on Ichabod with increasing suspicion, wetting her lips before forcing out her voice, “What was your punishment?” She asked, searching his eyes for the truth. He certainly didn`t appear to be in any pain or discomfort. What had they done to him, that he was already permitted to leave a ‘free man’? “And Ben`s?”

[pinkroses]

Ichabod’s hand dropped back into his own lap as she pulled away from him, his heart sinking lower than it already had been. He frowned and glanced down as she mentioned Kerr, hating that everything that had been going so well in his life was crumbling in front of his very eyes. He doubted he would ever have really replaced Kerr, but it hurt that she  had even thought about that and he had screwed it up. He loved her and he had ruined it. But he had truly seen no other option.

His eyes flickered up to meet her accusing gaze at her question, feeling even worse as he remembered what had happened to her when she had been taken there.

“We… Kerr is the vampire Oligarch now,” he said, hating having to bring up the Irish vampire again, but he had to in order to explain. “He didn’t know, but he made up an excuse, he said he’d given Ben permission, because Ben is his fledgling and… and I’m registered as being his pet because of Lazarus,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. “So they let us go.”

[Mandy]

And that would be the straw, which broke the camels back.

Resisting the urge to spring to her feet, Mandy dug her finger nails into the velvety fabric of the sofa - pleading within herself not to make a scene and remain as level headed as possible. But it was just so damn hard, having all the details staring her bluntly in the face. The fact that she`d just learned Kerr was now an Oligarch would not even fully register until much later on. All she could focus on in the moment, was one inescapable fact,

“They let you go!? They let Ben go… after what he`d done!? Kerr let him leave… though I suppose that makes sense, but -” Her tears finally broke free, streaming down her cheeks in great rivets as emotion began to pour as freely, “They beat me and humiliated me, and they didn`t even slap you on the wrist?! And Ben. They didn`t keep him either, not even to yell at him!? He got away with it!?”

Her argument may have sounded petty, or perhaps just the tiniest bit horrifying (given that she seemed outwardly displeased Ichabod had not incurred some form of physical punishment), but that was truly not the case. Not really. Mandy simply couldn`t believe the dramatic contrast between both situations, and this for similar ‘crimes’. She wished no bodily harm on her teenaged companion, though in Ben`s case, she was almost beginning to wish they had.

Wiping fiercely at her eyes, the female finally succumb to impulse and climbed bitterly from the sofa - pacing between the kitchen and living area as the situation continued to sink in. She couldn`t even imagine what Kerr had to be feeling right now, all things considered.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod stared blankly at Mandy, not sure if he understood her right. She seemed even more angry that he hadn’t had a punishment, how could she be saying that when just moments before she’d been saying she loved him? He instinctively stood up when she did, watching her pace with a lost look in his eyes.

“Would you feel better if they had done that to me? If I’d been sent to live with a vampire like Ben was?” A small part of him wished that he had never told her. He knew they couldn’t have lived like that for long, she would have found out somehow, but this was so difficult. He could have kept silent, kept her in the dark. No one had forced him to tell her.

But he loved her, so he’d had to.

Ichabod moved around the sofa to stand closer to her as she paced, not getting in her way. “Mandy, please, tell me what I can do to fix this,” he pleaded, hating seeing her so upset.

[Mandy]

“Would you feel better if they had done that to me? If I’d been sent to live with a vampire like Ben was?”

“Yes!” Mandy cried (disbelieving the sound of her own voice), and she quickly shook her head, “I mean no, of course not… I wouldn`t wish that on anyone. I just... I don`t know what I mean.”

She combed her fingers through her spiky, pink hair in desperation, unsure how she should act or feel. What did he want her to say? That she forgave him, and everything was okay? It didn`t matter that he`d not only had Kerr, but Ben as well and she got to experience neither. That it was fine if she felt like shit, as long as they were together and he was happy? Well, she`d been crapped on enough in the passed several years and by various people along the way. Perhaps now was as good a time as any to be a little selfish?

Wishing she could crawl into a hole somewhere and cry, Mandy covered her mouth with a hand. Thank God the two of them had never actually consummated their relationship properly, or this might be twice as difficult.

“You can`t fix it,” She finally resigned, her voice muffled through the flat of her palm, “I trusted you. We were supposed to help eachother. I... I was willing to give up my vices for you – was leaning away from becoming sired. Ichabod… I love you, but…” She licked her swollen lips with looming despair, “I think you and I need to seriously re-evaluate the nature of our relationship.”

[pinkroses]

Ichabod visibly flinched at her outcry and although she had quickly corrected herself he took her first response as being her true one. His eyes dropped to stare at the floor as she spoke, trying to find something in her words that could tell him what to do but the teenager had never felt more lost. Even when Ben was pursuing him he hadn’t felt this bad, then he hadn’t believed there was anything he could do to stop it. Now it felt as though the answer was just out of his reach and he was too ignorant to reach it.

His eyes were shining when he looked up at her again and he was desperately trying not to cry. Because of this she might go and get sired still, and they couldn’t be together any more. He licked his dry lips, trying to find the right words, but nothing profound came to mind.

“Do you want me to move out?” he asked quietly, praying that if he found something to appease her then she wouldn’t take the steps towards killing the woman he loved.