Return of a Lost Soul

[Trillian]

BEN HAD RETURNED TO the office of Jonah Mitchell with Kerr once more, but this time there was no intention to leave Kerr in the waiting room.  His sire would be coming into the office with him, and Ben was going to divulge information to the doctor about what had really happened when the necklace had been clasped about his neck.  The appointment had been made hastily and they had arrived a little early.  There was a hollowness in Ben\'s stomach that had nothing to do with emptiness or bloodlust, for they\'d both believed that he would be better off stronger when he met the Ancient within him for a second time.  He would be making more demands as well, or so was the plan.  He really didn\'t know how he was going to feel once he met with the other again.  Right now, he was terrified.

The blonde was seated as close to Kerr as possible, leaning into him, his head against his sire\'s shoulder.  His gaze travelled over the waiting room many times before they settled on staring at nothing in particular as his thoughts turned inward.  In his pocket was a folded up piece of A4 paper that had questions for him to ask printed on it.  It had been creased and re-creased along the fold-up lines as Ben had memorised the questions on it.  He doubted now that any of his demands would be met, that any of his questions would be answered.  The thing inside of him hadn\'t seemed to want to be co-operative.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr was more open in his approach to this visit and was avidly watching what the unusual secretary was up to for the most part - he was doing the opposite of Ben, not thinking too heavily on what was coming up, trying not to allow his thoughts to retreat inwardly to any great depth.  Instead, he looked around or looked down at his lap, where he had a magazine opened, idly thumbing through it when the mood struck him.

One of the clues to the fact that he wasn\'t feeling as nonchalant as he was trying to appear was his other hand, placed possessively and firmly on the thigh pressed up against his.  Every now and then he would rub Ben\'s leg for comfort (his or his lover\'s... it didn\'t matter) or give it a squeeze, which would cause the arm that was being leant against to rub the blonde head inadvertently.  He was dressed casually, in dark blue jeans, sneakers and a black knitted sweater but his rigid back, cradling hold and the tendons working in his neck as his tongue stud was pushed around his mouth nervously all gave him away as being anything but casual.

He did wonder why they\'d come early, however, for prolonging the inevitable was agonising.

[Uzaki]

The week hadn’t been good, not good at all and lady luck had yet to show her face. Nothing horrifying had happened, nothing resulting in death or something that couldn’t been undone but through out the week the doctor could’ve sworn there were more red lights, more spilt coffee, paper cuts, missed meetings and stressed through lunches than in a long time. Usually there was some balance, if he lost his favorite pants he’d find his favorite cup and so on. This week; nothing.

He’d even been scolded by the good doctor, but not for what he’d expected with the accident with the necklace (the doctor didn’t seem to mind that), but for not socializing with his colleague. Said colleague had also not shown up for work the past two days and left everything to Jonah.

Mel had been her usual perky self, sneaking around and performing her tasks and disturbing no one but still creeping him out.

Currently he was showing a patient out, a confessed vampire groupie having been through a too rough night. The fact that the man had been terrified of needles hadn’t helped the much needed blood transfusion, but in the end the groupie now left with a little more colors on his cheeks and checked and treated wounds. Jonah’s white coat however lay left in the room they’d used, way to messy to wear around patients.

As the door closed he sighed, glad he hadn’t booted the guy when he\'d been the most trying, and turned to the waiting area.

“They’ve been here for quite some time now, doctor.” Mel decided to share, briefly staring at him before heading down the hall. Jonah smiled faintly, lost to the short females back, and then looked back to the pair he’d both longed and dreaded to see again.

“It’s great to see you again.” he started, pausing to rethink what he’d said. “I don’t mean it\'s great that you’re here, that’s unfortunate, but to see you again. Both of you, yes.”

[Trillian]

The first thing that came to Ben\'s mind when the doctor was standing before them, was that he didn\'t look the same.  It wasn\'t anything to do with Jonah\'s hard times but because he wasn\'t wearing his coat.  Something about the lab coat was reassuring to Ben, though it likely would\'ve been worse to see the lab coat in an unclean state.  He didn\'t know this however, and mourned the loss of the lab coat before realising he should maybe say something.

His throat very suddenly felt tight.  Unable to get words out he smiled instead.  It was a smile as tight as his throat, forced and ingenuine, not reaching his eyes.  It wasn\'t really a smiling kind of time he supposed, but he didn\'t want to not appear friendly.  He looked at Kerr instead, hoping that he\'d take charge of the situation, to get them into the office at least, then he could explain what had really happened with the necklace.

The explanation would be difficult, he felt.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr chuckled casually, slipping into a social acquaintance mode that allowed him to smoothly pass off the doctor\'s awkwardly-phrased greeting like it had been the most suave thing he\'d ever heard.  That was how he responded anyway, falling back on habit to get them through this situation.

"Doctor!  It\'s good to see you again, also," he murmured, rising to his feet and drawing Ben with him like they were both standing to greet the host of a party.  His arm was hooked through his love\'s now, like they were an old-fashioned couple strolling arm in arm down a snowy avenue at twilight, free hand also covering Ben\'s forearm as if he were possessive... or worried.

"Agreed, it is not under the most auspicious of circumstances," Kerr continued, heading for the examination room he was certain the doctor would take them to, intending to draw the man along with him so as to both avoid delaying the important conversation they needed to have and also to not say too much out in the office, in front of the secretary and anyone else who might walk through the door.  Until then, he could waffle polite niceties and hope the doctor was swept along in his and Ben\'s wake, so the real talking could begin.

"But we are both grateful that you could see us again at such short notice.  You seem to be very busy tonight but I don\'t suppose you have especially busy seasons in your line of work, do you?  It\'s just as it happens?  Hopefully we don\'t add too greatly to your pile of work - we intend for this to be an enlightening visit at the very least and have come determined to leave with the knowledge that\'s been evading us.  You\'ll understand what we mean by that once we\'re underway, of course, because Ben was so shaken by his last visit that he didn\'t manage to tell you all that he learned straight away.  It\'s taken him a little processing and you\'ll understand exactly why when he tells you - where do you want us?" he asked, having managed to talk the whole way down the hall.

Through the doctor\'s body language (and a bit of peeking into his thoughts, admittedly), they had been manoeuvred into the room of choice and now Kerr decided he\'d give the control back to the man in charge.  There were chairs set up for them to sit in, but he\'d done enough talking just to prevent Ben from needing to, that it was a good segway into handing the reins back over to Jonah.  He could tell them to sit wherever he wanted them to and, hopefully, Ben wouldn\'t feel too worried about telling the doctor what he\'d failed to last time because he\'d declared it had taken some processing.  Neat, in his opinion, but that could just be the nerves talking; his mouth got away from him sometimes in such situations and he wasn\'t entirely sure that it hadn\'t this time in particular.

[Trillian]

Ben sat where he was shown, though Jonah had only gestured.  The young vampire caught a look that he could only interpret as uncertain when he looked back at the doctor, who was listening intently much like he had last time.  When at his previous visit Ben spilled his story without much prompt, so too once more he spilled the strange happenings when the necklace had been linked around his neck and he\'d gone unconscious.

He wasn\'t interrupted during his telling for which he was glad, but as he spoke his tale to the doctor he realised that he was already forgetting the taste of the conversation, the aura behind it.  It no longer felt stirring or powerful.  It no longer held the conviction it once had.  He was deadening himself to it and deep within he cautioned himself.  Playing with this entity wasn\'t like playing with Lazarus, where the player was shallow and self-involved, whimsical and dangerously predictable.  No, playing with this entity was like playing an intense game of whack-the-mole, where if the mole wasn\'t wacked with the oversized mallet it would only keep popping up until Ben was overwhelmed and the buzzer went off.  Only he wasn\'t going to just lose a game here, he\'d be losing Kerr... among whatever else.

He outlined his desire to converse with the being inside him again, now giving attention to Kerr - his sire - who had the kind of mental talents and blood bond with him that might get him through this, perhaps his sire would even be able to hear the conversation at the same time - it was unknown.  They were venturing into territory not only unexplored, but promising perils of such extreme unknown danger that he could swear his dead heart was pounding inside his chest.  That was what it felt like, along with the ringing in his ears, but he knew it was no such thing.  It was fear, making him feel electric and alive.  Only fear... wasn\'t it?

"I want to use the necklace again, to communicate with whatever\'s inside me, to get clues.  Kerr will be my... preserver," he said, thinking of circular floatation devices as he said this last word, feeling ridiculous yet strangely accurate.  "Can I?  Can I use the necklace again?"

He eyed the letter opener without realising it, remembering what he\'d threatened last time.  Oh, he could feel the tension bubbling inside of him, eager to get out, eager to escape and cause havoc.  He had to control himself, lest he ruin things before even getting started.

[Existentially Odd]

Had Kerr been a breather, he might have held his breath just then as he watched the doctor ponder this request - with a very serious expression upon his face.  The elder vampire was very relieved by Jonah\'s professionalism overall; the man might have held a grudge over the fact that Ben hadn\'t divulged any of the traumatic happenings from his last visit, becoming offended by the lack of trust shown but there was no evidence of that.  He was frowning, certainly, but nodding and questioning where appropriate, obviously trying to come to terms with Ben\'s experience and not worrying about the fact that his knowledge had been disregarded due to fear when last he\'d had the blonde in his office.

Kerr\'s shoulders sagged with relief when the doctor finally agreed to allow Ben access to the necklace again.  He wasn\'t flippant about it and asked what the plan with regard to interaction was at least twice before he finally stood and gestured for the vampiric couple to follow him, but he seemed as determined as they were to get some answers.  He muttered to himself about \'what the doctor would do\' once or twice, but that only confused the already-anxious Irishman and he might\'ve given some funny looks, but he didn\'t call the doctor on his talking to himself.

The walk to the basement passed in a blur for Kerr - but also, somehow, like they were walking in slow motion and though water.  He didn\'t look around too much, but instead focussed on watching Ben and attempting to keep his anxiety levels in check, so as not to unduly alarm his fledgling.  He was pretty sure he was only doing an average job in that department, for the ominous and strangely proportioned room they finally found themselves in (after a very sci-fi doorway screen to enter the archives) was not at all comforting.  He found himself last in the line trailing between the extraordinarily tall shelves, pressing his hands deep into his pockets lest they meet before him and start wringing nervously.

Before he know what was happening, though, it was time to give Ben\'s hand a reassuring squeeze and listen to the doctor\'s promises to be there in case anything went wrong (was it likely to go right? Kerr wondered) as he lifted the strangely boring necklace up and placed it around his love\'s neck.  Very suddenly, then, it was time for him to watch Ben\'s mind because the conduit was on.

[Trillian]

He could feel the peculiar quality of the air upon his skin within the basement, there was also a strange smell that he hadn\'t noticed the first time.  That wasn\'t right though, he\'d noticed it, he\'d simply dismissed it as stale air because of the way the basement was locked up tight.  It wasn\'t just a musty smell of unuse though, there was something else beneath it, like someone had tried to plant an herb garden somewhere, a long time ago.

Once again the drawer was pulled open but this time Jonah went straight to where the necklace was filed, under N, Ben\'s mind reminded him.  The item was pulled out and held with reverence towards Ben.  His skin tingled with the anticipation of feeling it against him again and there was a strange lime-like taste in the back of his mouth, as though he\'d eaten a lime a couple of days ago and it was lingering.  His hand was squeezed which caught his attention for a moment - long enough to turn his head and look at Kerr with a small smile of thanks on his face, liking the touch - before he looked back at Jonah who was directly in front of him, clasping the necklace together at the back of his neck, warning Kerr that the young vampire was likely to fall to the ground again and they should be ready to catch him.

This time, however, was different.

*

Ben had closed his eyes a second before the necklace was done up, trying to feel his slide down into unconsciousness now that he knew it was coming.  Such a trick worked, for as he began to plunge into the depths of darkness, he heard the click as the necklace sounded home.  Something different to last time, he thought.  This time, he didn\'t slide for as long or as far - or was it because he was prepared for the fall?  Either way, he\'d found his drop-off point, feeling like his eyes were saucers to try and get more light into them and failing, for it was pitch black.

Your eyes don\'t work here, dummy, you\'ve got to open your mind[INDENT]That is correct, Ben.  Welcome home.
[/INDENT]The voice again.  The voice that wasn\'t his voice, and he didn\'t like the smile he could hear in the words.

Kerr?[INDENT]He cannot hear you in here.  You are in too deep, as it is said.
[/INDENT]A chuckle.  Ben wasn\'t sure that he liked that phrasing either.  There was something sinister behind them.  He remembered feeling this way last time though, so perhaps this was the strength of the sensation he\'d recalled that had dulled down over the time it took between last visit and this one.

Which age do you come from?

Ben began asking questions from the script Kerr and himself drew up.  If the demon wasn\'t willing to ask questions about himself personally, perhaps he would describe the place or time that was familiar to him.[INDENT]You should not concern yourself with that,
[/INDENT]The ancient began, disappointing Ben[INDENT]a better question would be where I am headed.
[/INDENT]Ben frowned, was about to ask where the other was going when he was knocked back in the darkness by something that moved so rapidly past him that Ben had more or less thrown himself backward by surprise.  He got a sense of the ancient, being so close to it, as a shadowy, smoky thing, for it had given off no light, merely an impression of itself.

Ben looked up - something he hadn\'t done before - but saw nothing but more blackness.  Fear suddenly gripped him.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodwhereareyougoing?

Before he suddenly shot upwards himself, as though giving chase.

It\'s a race it\'s a race it\'s a race

He knew without being told that he was fighting for consciousness.  How long had he been here this time?  Certainly not as long as last time, but the ancient thing inside of him hadn\'t exactly been ready for him either.  Did that mean that he was ready for him this time?  What would happen if the ancient got to consciousness first?

No.  No!

What would happen?

As he pursued, the edge of blackness began to slip away and he could see a pinhole of light.  In front of him, quite a distance away and moving rapidly to the light, was a dark shape, swimming eel-like and looking so much like a giant eel that this is what Ben\'s mind saw initially before realising that he was actually looking at a shadowy figure that possessed a long lizard-like tail.

Lizard like? he wondered vaguely, desiring to overtake the creature and stop it from breaking through.  What would happen?  Could it break through?  What if it did?  Would it explode through his body like the creature in Alien and grow into extreme proportions, terrorising the world?  He knew this was farcical even as he thought it, though really it was an option.

You know it\'s not.  You know he\'s just an ancient parasite fighting for control over the host.

This thought terrified him, had him feeling sweaty and cold.  More light could be seen and with this injection of utter terror, his speed boosted to a point that he\'d now closed half the distance between him and the ancient.  What was the reason for catching up?  How was he controlling his fight to consciousness?  Was it desire?  Did he travel faster to take control of his body because he\'d very suddenly wanted it more?  He thought of Kerr and sprang up so quickly that he was now in reaching distance of the ancient\'s tail.  He considered grabbing it as the light loomed close.  Within the light he could see blurry details of the basement, he could identify Jonah\'s coat around the darker clothing he wore, like a stripe.  How close was he?  He didn\'t remember falling this far!

Later he would regret his actions now, he would berate himself for not thinking of Kerr more and attempting to overtake the creature to his consciousness.  Later, he had a lot of time to himself later, for instead of racing the ancient to the top, he reached out and grabbed the shadowy, smoky tail instead.  His fingers found purchase for just a moment

slick it\'s slick like the surface of jelly

before he heard a rasping noise of protest and then the creature was gone.

While all this was going on, very little had happened in the basement.  The necklace had been placed around the young vampire\'s neck and clasped together, both the doctor and Kerr had been ready to catch him but there had been only time to grow weak at the knees, a flutter of the eyelids, strong arms holding him in place and then

Ben opened his eyes.

He could feel an iron grip upon him, holding him in place while he got his balance.  The necklace was heavy on his chest and he raised a hand up to it, clutching it protectively even while his gaze darted around the room.  It fixed on one of the two men with him before he struggled to find his feet.

"I am... alright," he said, then paused to consider his words.  "It was different, this time," he said a little slower, finally getting his legs and feet to work and wanting to stand up on his own but not game to struggle.  His hand still clutched the necklace at his chest.

[Existentially Odd]

"Was?" Kerr cut in quickly, stressing the past tense but looking warily at the necklace Ben kept touching, wanting to make the point that it was still on, that nothing was yet past while that thing was still around his love\'s neck.  He\'d heard the doctor mutter about the necklace being a prohibitive force in theory, rather than a conduit, when Ben had first talked about his previous experience... could that be what was happening this time?  Could the necklace actually be blocking the other entity\'s presence from Ben this time?

There\'d certainly been something of that nature stopping Kerr monitoring Ben\'s mind from the second the beaded circle had been closed around his fledgling\'s neck.  He\'d moved into a position behind the blonde - where he still mostly was now, though he\'d taken a step to the side so that he could look at Ben\'s profile and see him fingering the necklace when it seemed his love had found consciousness almost immediately - and held him securely but that had been all he\'d been able to do.  Going into Ben\'s mind had been out of the question, though he\'d tried desperately.  There\'d been... interference... that was the best way to describe it.  Like static fuzz on a television screen, too much action, movement, no rational thoughts surfacing just... white noise.

And then this; Ben declaring it was different and seeming to be far more okay than Kerr had expected.  Of course, there could be no such thing as abnormal in a situation like this but he was still greatly relieved - despite his suspicion - that things seemed to have gone so much more smoothly.  "You mean... it\'s over?  That\'s it?  Did you ask any of the questions we prepared?"

[Trillian]

Kerr\'s voice had Ben instinctively turning his head to look that way and once their gazes locked he was silenced (though he hadn\'t been saying anything at the time, there was still seemingly more importance in the quietness now than when he\'d not been looking Kerr\'s way).  Silvery blue gaze met the dark depths of Kerr\'s own and he felt a sizzle of a connection - then it was gone.  Ben blinked, slowly, seemed to collect himself and then said:

"I had no time for questions."  A pause, then, "I was blocked."

He studied Kerr\'s face for a long moment, unsure of whether to say any more before sidling his gaze to the doctor who was fussing about him too closely for comfort.  Ben sidestepped him, moving closer to Kerr for protection.

"I want to keep the necklace," he said while his hand was still upon it, looking up at Kerr with questioning eyes, wanting his request fulfilled and silently requesting help on this matter.  The grip he had on the item was unnegotiable.

[Existentially Odd]

"Does it block him from you?" the sire asked wonderingly, gaze dropping automatically to the necklace as he spoke.  His voice was hushed without meaning to be, his words tumbling out because he, too, felt a zing of excitement at the thought that even though they hadn\'t found a cure, they might have at least found an inhibitor to the demon\'s influence.

It would give them the one luxury he\'d felt they\'d been lacking - time to make decisions and investigate properly.  With the demon\'s influence over Ben being so strong, there\'d always been a sense of urgency to halt it - somehow - before the blonde could inflict any more damage on others (or their relationship, for that matter).  With the thought that the necklace was hindering that came a strong sense of relief.  His grip on Ben\'s arm tightened with the excitement of it.

[Trillian]

Ben hesitated at the answer, unsure of how to proceed.  His gaze narrowed slightly as he thought it over, sliding down to look at the knit of Kerr\'s sweater, picking out the loops and whorls in the dull artificial light of the basement which seemed to glow in an unnatural way.  The herbal smell was beginning to get heady, and Ben was getting nauseous.  The fingers of his other hand were extended out to touch the sweater, to cling to it, feeling the softness even while he stepped forward, squashing the hand holding the necklace between them.

"There is no influence," Ben lied smoothly, his forehead pressed against Kerr\'s sweater, liking the sensation of wool against his face.  "I want to leave this room," he requested in a statement.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr embraced Ben naturally, frowning at the way he was speaking (it was unlike Ben to indulge in such forthright, declarative sentences but that likely showed that he was shaken up, despite the smooth way the whole thing seemed to have gone) but wanting to comfort him and liking the closeness.  They hadn\'t had a lot of it, their reunion still being tentative, and it was nice to feel in control enough to relax and just do what felt right.

"Alright," he soothed, looking over the blonde head resting against his chest and towards the doctor, his eye contact speaking volumes... before he did.  As efficiently as possible, he negotiated the necklace\'s possession, discussing what appeared to be a very positive step with Jonah and declaring that he wanted it to continue.  He was forced to concede that the item was fickle and still a wholly unknown quantity but asserted his belief that positive steps had been taken the moment the object was secured around Ben\'s neck and that he wanted them to continue.

As it turned out, the doctor was a lot more nervous about letting the necklace leave the building than expected - but not because it was overly valuable or incomprehensibly powerful; just because it was so unknown and could yet instigate a complete reversal of their apparent fortune.  Eventually, Kerr coaxed Jonah out of the room (still cradling Ben against him and shielding him and the necklace) and they all made their slow progress back upstairs, returning to the consultation room they\'d been in so briefly at the beginning of the night.

"Look, if anything starts to go wrong, I\'ll remove the necklace myself," he assured the doctor, making a point of looking down at Ben - who\'d been silent up \'til now - in order to garner his agreement.  As long as they were both stalwart about promising to avoid further trouble from the necklace, he believed they\'d be able to keep the necklace and do the research he so badly felt needed to be done.  Of course, with the amount of worrying he doctor was doing, he also believed he wasn\'t going to get away from the surgery without signing a waiver for any future trouble, either.

[Trillian]

Nobody would be taking the necklace off him, Ben knew.  He wasn\'t threatened by Jonah but was very pleased with Kerr, until the last statement was made.  The look Ben gave his sire upon such a comment was undecipherable, a brand new expression that could\'ve been interpreted in many ways.  It was a tilting upward of the head, a half-lidded stare and a very slight curl of the lips into something that was not quite a smile.  Once Ben turned his head to the room\'s door, the look was gone.

He was very clingy upon leaving the clinic, keeping close to Kerr, touching, holding, remaining in step.  Upon getting to the car there was a moment of confusion until he got himself settled in the passenger seat, putting on his seatbelt after Kerr did his own.  The drive back home had Ben either staring out the window at the city or staring at Kerr who was driving, while his hand stole to finger the beads of the necklace every now and then before he forced it back to his lap.  He\'d made a declaration that he was tired and said very little else until they got back to the apartment.

(Continued in \'Host\')