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[Existentially Odd]

(Continued from 'Return of a Lost Soul')

Kerr felt the weight of the looks he was given while driving and had come to the conclusion that there was more to this story than had already been revealed.  It would be typical of Ben to keep details out of the mix whilst in front of the doctor but admit them when they got home - he would demand it happen immediately this time, however, for he\'d had enough of revelations coming too late to be dealt with efficiently.

Not surprisingly (yet still... ), nothing was said in the car and there was quiet while he entered the underground carpark and pulled into his space.  He found himself pressed against once more, which only reinforced the notion he had that something else had transpired besides the necklace merely blocking the demon from Ben\'s mind... but what?  What could have happened in such a short time?

Once they were inside the lift and while the doors were still open, Kerr\'s hand hovered over the button that would send them up to their apartment as he looked at Ben.  "Would you like to stop at street level and go out to get something to eat?" he enquired, leaning down so as to get a good look at his fledgling\'s face.

[Trillian]

The underground carpark was strangely settling, Ben felt a sense of coming home as soon as the car glided into the concrete depths of the earth and swung into a park reserved for their apartment, pointed out by the number of the penthouse.  Ben\'s car was in the parking space beside it and he looked at it now, pensively.  It didn\'t take long for him to seek out Kerr\'s arm and hold it, his free hand drifting upwards only to stop at stomach level and then return to his side.  No more fingering the necklace, it was too... obvious.

Kerr\'s hovering finger garnered his attention until the question was asked.

Eat, yesssss, ohhh

There was a triumphant look on Ben\'s face at the mention of such a thing before he second-guessed himself and frowned instead.  He shook his head before throwing Kerr a cautious look.

"Later," he replied, saying nothing more nor the reason why he chose to sustain from seeking nourishment.  He caught sight of himself in the mirror that was one wall of the elevator and cuddled against Kerr while looking at himself in it discreetly. The most beautiful sight was the ugly necklace.

[Existentially Odd]

Ben\'s uncharacteristic clinginess was causing Kerr to frown more and more deeply as he finally hit the button that would secret them upward to their shared home.  It wasn\'t that he didn\'t enjoy contact with his love it was just... odd.  They hadn\'t touched this much in all the time since he\'d moved back into the apartment (it felt like), yet suddenly they were inseparable?

Of course, he also felt a healthy dose of guilt when acknowledging this annoyance, which he squashed with logic.  These behaviours only reinforced the notion that there was a lot more to what had happened once the necklace was put on and saw him resolved to get some answers once they were inside the apartment.

Almost as soon as this thought was dismissed, the lift came to a gentle halt and opened to reveal the exclusive hallway outside their suite.  Kerr headed for it, deliberately not saying anything about the blonde pacing him but finding it awkward to unlock the door with him cuddling in.  It was a convenient excuse to force some space between them, in fact, so he muttered for Ben to excuse him while he disentangled himself and worked on the door.

It was odd how much of a relief it was to have his own space when he was finally able to walk through the door, but he knew himself well enough to realise that it was because he was harbouring some resentment about not being told before now the full details of what had transpired tonight.  Typical of Ben under the demon\'s influence, really... or was it?  It shouldn\'t be happening, now that that necklace was on, should it?  Shouldn\'t his demure lover be returned to him now?

It was all too confusing, causing Kerr to stride decisively to the kitchen bench to drop the keys in their usual spot before spinning on his heel to face Ben as he entered behind him.  "Okay," he began evenly, "what aren\'t you telling me?"  Without conscious thought, his hands had gone to his hips as he confronted his fledgling and the scowl upon his face had only deepened as his own uncertainties got the better of him.

[Trillian]

The apartment held many different smells as soon as the door was opened, with Kerr moving through it quickly.  Ben\'s senses were assaulted with both familiar and unusual scents even as the door was shut behind himself.  His gaze fell to the windows where the bright city lights flashed in a dizzying display of electrical beauty.  He would\'ve stood there transfixed by it except a voice stole into his consciousness and had him turning to face the speaker.

Ben\'s eyes widened at the accusation, surprised that it would come before the expression changed into something more deliberate.  He considered Kerr\'s stance, fighting the urge to look around the room (or finger the necklace some more) and stared at the darker vampire while he thought about his answer.

"I don\'t understand the quality of your question," he said finally, choosing each work carefully as though tasting it before it left his mouth.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr blinked and gave Ben what could only be described as a crooked look.  The quality of his question?  What a strange way of putting it.

"I think you do," he countered sternly, brushing the request for clarification aside without too much consideration.  Still, he expanded on his question to avoid arguing.  "But to humour you; something else happened when the necklace was put on you, didn\'t it?  Something you didn\'t want to talk about in front of the doctor?  You haven\'t acted right since it happened, you seem... disturbed.  Now, I don\'t want what happened last time to happen again, this time, I want you to be up front with me and share all the details without waiting for time to pass."

Although his tone and his expression were both gruff, he walked a little closer to Ben and dropped his hands off his hips, softening the warning with a few extra words:  "Unless it was something so difficult to stomach that you need some more time?  To process it?"

[Trillian]

When his request for clarification was turned back around on him, Ben frowned darkly, not liking the way this was going and feeling helpless to stop it from traversing such a path.  His eyebrows lifted away from the frown when Kerr guessed that something had happened when the necklace had been put on him and so Ben considered what it was that Kerr was expecting to hear while his gaze moved to the large windows for inspiration.  Movement caught his eye and as he watched Kerr approach, he straightened up a little more, off guard and unsure what to expect when Kerr\'s tone changed to something a great deal more appealing.

Ben closed his eyes momentarily before opening them and looking tiredly at the vampire before him, a drooping gaze which was combined with the shake of his head to give a rejection of Kerr\'s words.

"No.  It is because I am free."  Once again he spoke slowly, carefully.  Though Ben had never been a fast speaker, he\'d been a great deal more fluent than this - even when he and Kerr had first met.  "I have been bound for so long that I am unsure how to be myself."

He looked at Kerr now, studying him for any clues as to how the other would take such news.  Ben was being extremely truthful, would Kerr accept such truth?

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr\'s lips pursed briefly in an arrangement that suggested sympathetic consideration... before he finally nodded and reached over to loosely grasp Ben\'s left hand with his right, running his fingertips across his fledgling\'s palm in a consoling manner.

"Understandable," he said, watching the blonde intently.  "I\'m sorry - I don\'t mean to accuse but... you\'re right.  You\'re not acting or even sounding like yourself," he pointed out, thinking of the very stilted manner in which his love was speaking, "so I thought there had to be something deeper.  There was last time," he said, managing a wry breath of a chuckle and a matching grin.

"Never mind," he dismissed with another squeeze to Ben\'s hand, his gaze falling to the necklace around the teenager\'s throat.  "Now we have to concentrate on you coming back to yourself.  And researching how to get that thing out of you once and for all, now that he\'s suppressed enough for us to concentrate.  I suppose you\'re going to have to wear that thing indefinitely?" he mused, glancing up into his love\'s eerily beautiful eyes.  It wasn\'t clear what his exact thoughts were but it was obvious that he wasn\'t overly fond of the necklace.

[Trillian]

With Kerr\'s words, Ben realised he had to be careful.  He had to ensure that Kerr wasn\'t worried enough to pluck the necklace off him.  Without realising it, the hand that Kerr wasn\'t holding moved up to finger one of the beads once more while he was conscious of the touch upon his palm.  It was gentle, sensitive and making his palm tingle.

"Research," Ben repeated, before nodding.  Yes, Ben needed to research, for this necklace was an interesting artefact that he needed to understand.  He looked back at Kerr, not liking the way the other had spoken about it.  The necklace was only to come off him when he was ready.  "Until I am safe, yes," he said, a little quicker than he\'d been speaking before.

He was caught between seeking out the full-length mirror in their bedroom in order to look at the necklace some more, or remaining at Kerr\'s side with Kerr\'s touch.  Such closeness he coveted, yet since leaving his reflection in the elevator, he\'d been desiring finding another place that he could look at and study the item around his neck.

[Existentially Odd]

Suddenly, Kerr wasn\'t sure what to do with himself.  Starting research straight away seemed a bit... hasty?  Morbid?  Enthusiastic?  Yet the necklace appeared to be doing its job right now, and if Ben wasn\'t interested in getting some sustenance then it seemed the logical thing to do; jump right in while the water was warm.

It was Ben himself that was holding him back.  He was uncertain and not acting right, so it seemed a bit ambitious to expect him to swallow the loss of the monster\'s voice and influence and tackle who he might be on the same night when he\'d openly declared himself out of sorts - to the point where he could no longer use a contraction, it seemed.

Prompted by this uncertainty, he therefore decided to leave the rest of the evening\'s entertainment open.  "What would you like to do now?" he murmured, his free hand travelling the length of Ben\'s arm in a reassuring, loving stroke, up and down slowly and comfortingly while he watched and waited.  He just about had to bite his tongue to keep from making suggestions, but he\'d decided he wished to give no hints whatsoever about what he might desire to do.  It was Ben\'s choice.

[Trillian]

The open options were plentiful, and desirable.  Even though Kerr was at a loss, Ben had a multitude of ideas upon which to draw - it was selecting a starting point that was the most difficult.  Declaring his request without saying much wouldn\'t be easy either.

"Shower first," he managed, "then a walk."

Yes, he would like to see the city up close and personal after seeing such an interesting number of views - a blurring motion then a bird\'s eye - and also the people in it.  Would they look much different now?  It was at this point, thinking about how they would look, that he considered something else.

"My powers, we should enhance them further."

It was a declaration akin to an order, except that it wasn\'t quite the demand it sounded like.  Even though Ben was clinging to Kerr like a limpit, his words were authoritive, confident and decisive.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr blinked, eyebrows steepling as he gave Ben a puzzled look.  "Well, it won\'t happen immediately but we can start working on your training a bit more... avidly, yes," he agreed cautiously, wondering how Ben could declare exhaustion one moment and request heavily mind-intensive training the next.

It didn\'t add up and Kerr was, quite frankly, stumped.

"Uh... anyway," he dismissed with a smile that didn\'t fully hide his confusion, releasing his hold on Ben and taking a pointed step back.  "You go have your shower and then we\'ll go for a walk and get some nourishment into you.  That ought to make you feel better," he smiled some more, brushed his lips ever so lightly across his love\'s forehead, then sidestepped him and headed for the couch.

His departure was as casual as he could make it, but he was hesitant and becoming anxious internally, telling himself he need not jump to any conclusions... even while he recognised how hard that was, after the crash course in losing trust Ben had already given him.  Thing was, was he simply being paranoid because of those experiences or was there something genuine to his concerns?  It was so bloody hard to tell.

[Trillian]

Ben smiled a smile that was different to every other he\'d sent Kerr\'s way.  It pulled at his lips to the right, quirking them while sparkling his eyes before he nodded his assention and then made his way to the bathroom - but not before peeking into Kerr\'s study and then into the guest bedroom first.  Into the main bedroom he went, finding his way into the bathroom.

Clothes were dispersed quickly and the water taps turned to a blazing heat which filled the small room with steam.  He wasn\'t under the water\'s flow however, he was inspecting himself in the mirror instead.  First the necklace, then his body, then his back with the marking still etched into him.  When the mirror steamed up he realised he\'d best get started on cleaning himself and slunk into the hot shower, letting the water slough away anything from his skin.  In the privacy of the cubicle he stroked the necklace with his fingers, like it was a pet that needed a caress of love and recognition.

He left the shower after almost thirty minutes, discovering the soap and smelling it before swiping it upon his body.  His hair was ignored, the soap left a scent he liked and so once it was rinsed and the water shut off, Ben stepped out, towelling himself dry.  He didn\'t get caught by the bathroom mirror again for it was still steamy (for he hadn\'t turned on the fans that would suction the steam out of the small room), but did get caught in the bedroom by the dressing table mirror.  This one showed his full length and he stared at himself, posing this way and then, pondering the symbol etched in him while admiring the body he had.  The delay was long enough for Kerr to come looking for him.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr had flopped onto the couch once Ben was gone and done his best to immerse himself in television, only to find himself channel surfing while he fidgetted around.  His fledgling normally didn\'t take extravagantly long showers - unless he was in there with him, of course, but that hadn\'t happened for a very long time - and although he lost himself in the snippets of TV shows he was seeing, part of his subconscious was always aware of just how much time was elapsing while his partner cleansed himself.

When Ben still didn\'t emerge from the bedroom in a timely manner, Kerr decided he\'d had enough and snapped the television off in agitation, before striding into the bedroom.  He only got a step or so inside the doorway before the surprise of what he was seeing slowed his annoyed pace to a full stop.  Involuntarily, his body pulsed at the sight of a completely nude, freshly-showered Ben standing before the mirror, inspecting himself.  His mouth watered as his gaze wandered eagerly, despite knowing he shouldn\'t.

They slept together like this every day of course, but there was a politeness to it, borne of the fact that Kerr had spent so long seeing Ben with Ichabod in his mind\'s eye that he couldn\'t bring himself to touch or be intimate without all that coming back.  It seemed now that those impulses had faded, for Ichabod was very far from his thoughts when he came upon Ben like this.  Unfortunately, the demon wasn\'t.

"What are you doing?" he demanded gruffly, keeping his distance at the door, just to be safe.  He forced himself to focus on Ben\'s face and stop leering like he\'d never seen the rest of it, never touched and penetrated the rest of it before.  It wasn\'t all that easy.

[Trillian]

Ben\'s gaze drifted one last time to the reflection of the necklace that rounded off upon his chest before turning to face Kerr directly, not concerned or overly aware of his nudity.

"The symbol," he said quietly and carefully, "is still there."  He tilted his head a fine degree, giving off his impression of confusion at this matter.  He wasn\'t confused but he was unsure how to proceed.  What did confuse him, however, was the expression on Kerr\'s face.  It wasn\'t anywhere near as gruff as the question had sounded.  There was a kind of electric charge to the room when Kerr was in it and Ben wasn\'t used to feeling it.

He could\'ve considered such a thing came from the change of temperature between his warmed body (thanks to the hot shower) and the temperate bedroom air cooling him down.  He knew it wasn\'t that, knew it came from within him, within the being inside of him.  The necklace wasn\'t blocking one from the other, that was for sure, but it had certainly done something.  He hadn\'t been worried in the slightest that he\'d be influenced in any way but now, looking at Kerr and feeling that distinct physical charge prickling his skin, he wondered.

[Existentially Odd]

"It\'s taken you almost an hour and about a hundred litres of water to figure out a scar is still on your body?" Kerr asked disbelievingly, shoving his hands into his pockets and frowning.  "They don\'t exactly go away of their own accord once you\'ve turned and everything on your body is captured like that for eternity."  Was he lecturing?  Blustering?

He was certainly torn; the righteous part of him wanted to keep things above-board, investigate and talk about the demon, keep his distance.  The less-stoic, humanised side of him wanted to indulge in the relief of the demon being muted by the ugly necklace and celebrate by peeling off his clothes on the walk to Ben, picking him up and carrying him straight to the bed.

The two sides warred within him and he struggled to stay focussed and authoritative.  He supposed his words were antagonistic and that his austere sarcasm wasn\'t going to improve the situation... but he also supposed that, subconsciously, that was what he was seeking - Ben to make a decision and push him away when he was having so much trouble staying back of his own accord.