A Familiar Face

[Trillian]

"The ritual jails me," Jack explained, "it traps me.  At the same time it protects me, a bittersweet union," he said with a twisted smile that didn\'t reach his eyes.

"I do not understand your definition of God," Jack said after a moment.  "If being a God is to be immortal, in a sense I am a God, but so are you," he pointed out.  "I die though.  I\'ve died.  When the body I take over ages or is destroyed, I die."

He said it with a dark frown, not liking death.  The act itself was short, mostly, he hadn\'t suffered an agonising death in his past, but quick ones.  It was the preset to a long and tedious time trapped in another\'s soul however, left only with his thoughts and memories, and every so often a glimpse or a sensation of movement as he was transferred from one body to another.

[Existentially Odd]

"And what happens when you die, then?  You don\'t actually die - as in, cease to exist - so what do you do?" Kerr asked curiously, feeling physically sedate enough to remove his arm now and roll onto his side to face Jack again.  He didn\'t press his body close and his legs didn\'t scissor forward, but backward more than anything, so he didn\'t squash anything sensitive.

"Does the ritual come into play then?"

[Trillian]

"I die, and I descend into darkness, though I still feel and am aware of time passing," he said.  "It is difficult to explain.  I\'m more interested in being brought to the surface than where it is I go when I\'m done."  He looked at Kerr as the other shifted, his gaze pleading.  "I like this part of living.  I don\'t know how or why I\'m able to do it, or for what purpose I was summoned and trapped into a ritual, I only know I enjoy what time I have when I have it, and it\'s only ever for a short period."  He gave Kerr a wary look.  "What you and Ben did with the necklace is new to me.  I will be giving up an opportunity to last upon this world forever, when I separate from him.  To be honest, I don\'t know what will happen this time, if the ritual will have the same outcome because I\'m already summoned, so to speak."  He wanted to say more, but couldn\'t think of anything appropriate, so pressed his lips together tightly, indicating he was done speaking.

[Existentially Odd]

"I still think it might be worth looking into the necklace again," Kerr mused, then decided he might need to concede a little, in order to gain (hopefully) a lot.

"I... know someone," he admitted reluctantly.  "A magic user.  She tattooed me and also took the ink away for me with her magic; she might be able to figure out what the nature of the necklace is.  She\'s pretty powerful and would be a lot more driven than Jonah.  If we can know the nature of the necklace, it might help us avoid the ritual - of course, I wouldn\'t insist it be used if it\'s not going to be of use, I just think we should know what it\'s supposed to do, in case it can help," he pointed out, sensing that Jack not knowing what would happen was a weakness that they couldn\'t afford.

It would be nice if they could get some certainties established, and Sabrina was one way he could see that happening.

[Trillian]

Jack was hesitant to use the necklace.  He\'d locked it up in fact, hidden it away in case it was used against him somehow.

"I think," he began carefully, "that your love for Ben is something that I can\'t trust you for.  Don\'t ask me about the necklace again."

He didn\'t care if Kerr consulted a magic user, nor did he care if Kerr looked up information about the necklace, but he didn\'t want to talk about it, and he certainly didn\'t want to be asked for it.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr was affronted to be spoken to like a child, all lingering warm feelings dissipating in an instant as he sat up and glared down at Jack.  "I\'ve never tried to deceive you about the fact that Ben is my priority, why the fuck would you make out like it\'s something you need to be wary of now?" he asked hotly.

"Quite frankly, I thought we were working together on this, to achieve the same outcome - both you and Ben safe and existing!  Forgive me if my wanting that to happen suddenly means you get to fucking block me and make out like I\'m being deceptive!" he spat, his volume rising.

"What the fuck could I do with the bloody necklace?  I don\'t want to manipulate you with it, I just want to know what it does - fuck, I\'ll take you to see Sabrina and you can show her and discuss the necklace and I\'ll leave the room and never ask you about it if you tell me it\'s not a viable option, I don\'t see what harm it could bloody do!"

Of course, as soon as those words were out of his mouth, it occurred to him that he could, actually.  If the necklace was somehow key to Ben and Jack being in their current positions, would he be able to resist tampering with that?

Yes

He was relieved to know that he would, at least, because he didn\'t want this situation or the one that had occurred before to go on; he genuinely wanted Ben and Jack separated once and for all.  "I don\'t want to use the necklace a-bloody-gainst you," he reiterated loudly, "I just want to know if it can help us!"

[Trillian]

At first Jack\'s eyebrows raised when Kerr protested being considered a threat, and Jack supposed he deserved to recoil from what had been said to him, but then the comments continued and now Jack was frowning darkly because of the rest of the speech that Kerr gave him.

"If you don\'t see the harm that it can do, you may consider me suspicious by nature and leave it at that.  If you don\'t want to use the necklace against me then you shouldn\'t have a problem not using it at all."

His gaze challenged Kerr to argue.  His tone was reasonable though cold.  Kerr wasn\'t the only one who\'d hardened up, for his words had done enough to retract the spell that had been wending its way around Jack\'s heart.  It appeared love wasn\'t all soft feelings; he was finding out that it had quite the bite, in fact.

[Existentially Odd]

"Well if it fucking avoids all this riddle and ritual bullshit, I\'m all for it!" Kerr declared grandly, considering getting up to pace but not wanting to appear completely aggressive just yet.  Not when he still sensed there was some hope and he still had arguments left in him, anyway.

"If it\'ll let us slide you out of Ben and into some other guy so the ritual can occur, then so be it - fuck, I\'ll even sire the guy you pick, so you and I will have a blood connection stronger than what Ben and I have, if that\'s what you want!  I just don\'t want the bloody thing dismissed due to fucking ignorance about what it does!"

[Trillian]

Jack didn\'t like Kerr\'s tone but couldn\'t dismiss Kerr\'s words.  He had a point, and the offer was good as well.  The problem was, how could he guarantee that the emotion of love was still available to him in someone else?

"And what I feel for you, if it disappears when I slide into someone else, that opportunity is gone, that feeling is gone."

He sat up on the bed and held his legs at the ankles, bringing them closer to him in order to help himself sit crosslegged.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr blinked at him and pulled a face that questioned his common sense without words.  "So?  You think it might happen in the ritual anyway!  And if it does and you end up in Ben\'s body, you\'re a doppelganger without love that I don\'t want to have a lot to do with because of how attracted to your appearance I am, yet if we can figure out an alternative, you double up on someone else\'s body that we simply like the look of and I\'m happy to spend time with you, because there\'s no conflict.  Of course... " his arguing lost speed suddenly and he went quiet, frowning down at the sheet between them.  "In that situation, I also suddenly have a clueless fledgling to deal with but... I don\'t know, I\'ll think of something," he dismissed, regaining his momentum and looking directly into Jack\'s eyes.

"The fact is, if the love\'s going to go, it\'ll go no matter what.  We would only have to use the necklace - if it was going to help you - at the last minute before the ritual, I\'m not trying to rob you of any time here, I\'m sympathetic to your cause.  I\'m still happy to let you experience the next three months with me - shit, we can even live together again, if you want - all I\'m saying is that if the necklace can do something to help you gain another body, I\'d really, really love that, and I\'d prefer to know now.  I don\'t think understanding the necklace would happen quickly, it may not even happen in time, who knows?  But I\'m fucking sick of planning for contingency after contingency and we don\'t know a Goddamned thing as fact."

By the time he finished speaking, all the anger had leaked out of his voice and he was more or less pleading.  His tone and his expression were raw as he appealed to Jack, desperately needing something solid in amongst all this chaos.

[Trillian]

Jack listened to Kerr\'s argument, and the way it was put forward, the benefits were all available to him.  He would have to trust Kerr to keep his word, that he would help pick another body, that he would perform the ritual even though it was no longer Ben he would be helping, that he would sire the person Jack was to become.

He stared at Kerr for a long moment, his arms reaching between his legs to his feet, looking as young as his appearance except for the way his gaze seemed to span milennia even as they burned holes in Kerr\'s own dark stare.

"Your argument is sound," he said finally, "but not with the necklace alone.  The ritual is my only guarantee that my life will continue.  We have to get everything right for the night before the eclipse, or perhaps even a couple of nights, but not too much sooner, for I do not want to imprison myself prematurely.  We must have someone ready to be marked.  I believe that once the necklace is around my neck again, Ben and I will transfer consciousness.  You have to make him pass the mark.  If you don\'t, I\'ll remain with him as uncontrollable essence.  I\'m trusting that you\'ll perform the ritual once you make the mark, that you\'ll summon me back into the walking world again."  He looked soberly at Kerr.  "If you don\'t, you\'ll be casting me into an eternity far more extensive than I\'ve ever known, because of the potency of this visit."

In other words, Jack had summarised that he hadn\'t missed what he hadn\'t known, but now he did and it would be a tragedy to live without it.

"And, you have to sire the person I become."

[Existentially Odd]

"Done," Kerr said firmly, his grin showing that he meant what he said and was extremely pleased to have argued his way into at least investigating alternatives.  On impulse, swamped with pleasure, he tackled Jack back onto the bed, laying heavily atop him and cupping his face between both hands - so that he could hold it steady to plant kisses all over it.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for being reasonable and at least willing to try and see if it works," he said, the space between words punctuated by noisy kisses of gratitude.  Relief was flooding through him in almost the same drugging manner that adrenalin might, making him giddy.  "I don\'t know if it will, but God I\'m glad you\'re happy to try - I could kiss you!" he exclaimed and giggled, because he did just that, planting a sound one on Jack\'s luscious lips.

He was still grinning when he pulled back.  "I should probably get you home soon but do you want me to come and get you tomorrow night, to take you to meet Sabrina and give her the necklace - or at least show her?" he queried, energised to be moving forward and wanting so badly to know the truth now.

[Trillian]

He smiled at being tackled and kissed, though the light of it didn\'t reach his eyes.  He\'d closed them though, so Kerr wouldn\'t be able to tell.  His eyelids were kissed as well, which he found unusual but amusing.  A second kiss came, though it didn\'t quite rival the first Jack still poured his response into it, and when Kerr pulled away and asked his question, he was still tingling.

"Alright," he agreed solemnly, a great deal more serious than Kerr was.  He couldn\'t be quite as excited as the other for he was concerned that the witch might have some trickery within her.  Taking this risk could have either very good or very bad results, and he understood now that if someone ended up loving the wrong person, their life could take a horrible turn.  He was fairly sure in his judgement of Kerr that he would keep his word, but the quick agreement and fast arguments worried him.  There was a brevity in this decision that Jack felt compelled to tell Kerr to at least take a moment to think on it.  What was there to think about though, when Jack had agreed?

He hoped he wasn\'t making the wrong decision.

"When are you moving back in with me?" he asked after a moment, knowing when he should get rid of Hannah.

[Existentially Odd]

The words settled Kerr down a great deal, for he hadn\'t fully comprehended he\'d made such an offer until it was out of his mouth, but now the implications struck him fully.  He cleared his throat as he took a moment to slide mostly off Jack - though there was a leg crooked over his bare ones and his left arm was upon the fledgling\'s torso - and lean up on his right elbow, head supported by his hand.

"Don\'t you want to wait and see if you want that?" he asked seriously.  "Because... well, you know... if you don\'t like what we have together next week, you\'ll probably want to keep your own space, with your... uh, the one you do enjoy.  We don\'t want to make things unnecessarily awkward so don\'t you think we should wait and see?"

[Trillian]

Jack considered Kerr\'s words and thought them sound as well.  He liked that Kerr was logical but he also worried that such logic was perfect for keeping him at bay.  So far every reasonable argument Kerr had was about getting Jack away from him.

"Alright," he said again.  He couldn\'t really be excited about next week anymore, not in the face of such large decisions made tonight.  He supposed as he got closer to it he would feel differently, though he wondered about Kerr and if the other would have a reasonable argument to get around that as well.

Time would tell.