Crescendi

[Trillian]

Jack didn\'t know of the turmoil in Kerr\'s mind, he only knew of the initial non-response, which he soon dismissed as being initially overwhelmed the instant Kerr began to react positively.  Jack\'s hips moved rhythmically when Kerr ground with him, finding that bodies pressed together regardless of their sex, was still an entirely pleasant experience - but he\'d known that from last time.  Still, to have it proved again only heightened his confidence and he began working his way down Kerr\'s throat.

Kerr had taught him much two nights ago, and Jack was willing to recreate the experience, this time on the other side.  He unbuttoned as he went, licking and dragging teeth on Kerr\'s chest, finding a nipple to suckle on and tease before moving to the other, his finger pinching and tugging at whatever one his mouth wasn\'t on.  He wriggled in order to slide down further, shifting his legs so that they were now in the middle of Kerr\'s splayed ones, and managed to work his way down so that now he was kneeling before Kerr, feeling oddly subservient.

He fingers worked at the jeans button and zipper even as his tongue wound circles around Kerr\'s navel and he could go further.  He glanced up, to see what expression was on Kerr\'s face, if he was watching or if he was simply lying back with his eyes closed, or maybe something in between.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr was watching thoughtfully, licking his lips occasionally and wondering at Jack\'s actions.  He reached out and cupped his fledgling\'s face with his right hand, sliding fingers beneath his chin and tipping his head upward so that they could converse without distraction (though the thought of those lips at last being put around him again was definitely a distraction).

"You want to start here?  Or be here and not go up to the bed?" he murmured, wanting to be sure.  As far as he was aware, Jack was just intending to taste him in some yummy foreplay before they actually had sex; he didn\'t anticipate that this would lead to a climax here and then another in the bed, afterwards, or to multiple bits of play here.  It wasn\'t that he couldn\'t climax more than once tonight (after the dry spell he\'d endured away from Ben, thrice sounded more appealing than just once)... it was that he hadn\'t expected to.

Just once, that had been the deal with himself.  Ben had slept with Lazarus just once and that had reassured Kerr; Kerr had spent the night with Ichabod and although Ben had never commented on the semantics, Kerr was of the opinion that it mattered.  Every climax, every bit of enjoyment wrought, mattered.  He got the distinct feeling that Jack wasn\'t interested in being frugal tonight, though - especially since he\'d shown no interest in any activities other than what they\'d arranged.  Great.

[Trillian]

Jack felt the touch upon his face and his gaze travelled up to meet Kerr\'s own, along with Kerr\'s fingers to help lift his head.  He stared at the other vampire for a long moment after the question was asked of him, wondering what Kerr was trying to say in asking it.  Eventually, he gave Kerr his answer, one that seemed the most obvious to him, but it would be a good idea to show all of his cards.  This wasn\'t a time and place for misunderstandings.

"I haven\'t thought that far ahead.  I don\'t want to think that far ahead.  I just want things to happen as they do," he said, hoping Kerr was on his wavelength on this one.  He didn\'t want to sacrifice spontaneity.  It would taint the pleasure of this night, he felt.  There was no sense knowing what was coming up and getting anxious over it, or not enjoying fully what was happening in the immediate present because of looking forward or thinking about what was going to happen next.

[Existentially Odd]

"Ah," Kerr uttered, blinking slowly as he tried to accommodate that attitude.  "I... uh... okay," he eventually said, attempting a smile that was more stiff than reassuring, "I see what you\'re getting at.  Just relax and let it flow.  Alright.  I\'ll... try that," he pledge stiltedly, hoping that he could.

The look on Jack\'s faced told him that he might need to offer a bit more of an explanation.  "It\'s just that I don\'t really work like that," he added hastily.  "I had some... plans, I guess.  I wanted to make it as good as it could possibly be, for you," he stammered, beginning to feel lame.  Was he making talking too much?  It certainly felt like it.  "I know perfect isn\'t possible... but I thought I\'d try.  We can do things your way, though," he finished hurriedly, licking his lips unconsciously as he looked down at Ben\'s lips.

[Trillian]

Kerr had explained himself the right way for Jack to be intrigued.  The fact that Kerr had been speaking in a haltered fashion wasn\'t lost on him, though he thought it was because Jack had interfered with his plans, rather than being nervous or anxious.

The idea of Kerr planning a night that was supposed to be centered around him made Jack feel rather special, and welcome.  He stared at Kerr with renewed interest from his position on his knees, and tilted his head slightly to regard the other before replying.

"No.  We\'ll do things as you planned," he said with a gracious smile, and stood up before Kerr.  "Where do you want me?" he asked, the question innocent enough.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr actually squirmed in his seat, finding things progressing from awkward to painful in a few swift steps that he felt he had little control over - though, naturally, they were his fault.  It made him long for Ben to really be there; spontaneity had never been a problem with him.

He swallowed, not wanting to reiterate his former offerings because they\'d been more or less rejected already.  Instead, he fell upon something that had been a very vague, thought-about-but-not-expected-to-happen plan and went with that.  "Upstairs," he said decisively, holding his hands out so that Jack could help him up (and also because he couldn\'t get up without headbutting him).

He held firmly onto his fledgling\'s left hand as he led the way upstairs - to his bedroom.  "This isn\'t what you think," he warned, managing a smile as he walked to the bedside drawers on the left side of the bed (as they stood looking at it), which wasn\'t his side.  In the top drawer - it chattered slightly as he bent down and opened it - was a collection of elegant looking bottles.  He poked around a little and selected three, holding them in his right as he straightened and nudged the drawer closed with his knee.

"This way," he told Jack, now leading him to the far end of the bedroom and out one of the sets of doors.  On the balcony out there - under a generous cover that blocked them from being harrassed by sleet or rain unless a very strong wind blew - was a collection of four sun loungers made of a dark,heavy wood with thick, comfortable looking mattresses attached to them.  The padding was covered with beige material, rather than water-friendly plastic, which showed that these - despite being beside the lap pool - were designed truly for lounging, not for resting after a swim.

Kerr released Jack\'s hand in order to place the bottles on the glass end table beside the lounger while he adjusted the long, low seat-bed into a perfectly flat position.  It was broad and without arms, so that he wouldn\'t be hindered at all.  If Jack cared to look at the bottles while he worked, he would see that they were massage oils - apricot kernel, lavender and rosemary.

Mandy had bought them while she lived there and attempted to use them on Kerr to lift him out of his depression about losing Ben.  She hadn\'t had the strength to manipulate his muscles terribly much and the supposed effects of each oil were dimmed on undead flesh but the process had been pleasant and they\'d smelt nice.  Kerr planned to use them to massage Jack both because he needed the chance to get reacquainted with Ben\'s body and the time a massage would take, to relax and centre himself.  Lavender was good for relaxation and it was one of his favourite scents - he planned to use it after the apricot kernel, which was a base oil and good for skin nourishment (again, not so necessary for undead skin), and before the rosemary, an energizing oil (supposedly).

Once the lounger was sorted out, Kerr turned to Jack, rubbing his hands together.  The noise of the ocean was greatly magnified out here, due to their position at the top of the cove and the cliffs and when he spoke, he put a little extra effort into it.  Ben might have exceptional hearing, but that would only magnify the sound of the crashing waves as well.  "Now.  I need you to take... your shirt off," he smiled, feeling a lot more relaxed now that he had a definite process ahead of him.

He moved in close and worked his fingers beneath the mesh, doing his best to divest Jack of his upper garments as gently and sexily as he could, leaning down to kiss any parts that were revealed, shimmying against the younger vampire suggestively.  He wondered if Jack even knew what was going on.

[Trillian]

Jack followed Kerr\'s lead, a gentle smile on his lips all the way.

He gripped Kerr\'s hands to help him up though it was more of a settling to the other\'s feet than an actual lift, their closeness electric.  Jack allowed an electric pulse of familiar lust to drift through him, knowing it came from Ben rather than himself but needing that sensation to inspire confidence within himself.  This body remembered being with Kerr, remembered loving Kerr and lusting after Kerr, the mind locked away beneath his was trying to surface.  It was likely less of a conscious thing than the seeking out of familiar ground.

He was led to the bedroom and his eyebrows lifted slightly, likely enough for Kerr to say what he did.  No sex, not yet, but the bottles were fascinating.  Jack didn\'t know what to expect from them, but he liked where they\'d ended up.  The living, breathing, coiling mass that was the ocean struck a deep resonant chord in him, enhancing Kerr\'s words as the demand came.

Yes, he would take his shirt off, he would play to Kerr\'s lead.  With the other\'s fingers on him, helping him out, Jack removed the mesh, feeling giddy with sound and anticipation.

[Existentially Odd]

"Lay down.  On your stomach," Kerr instructed with a smile, nodding at the lounger as he decided to take his shirt off as well.  He then flicked his and Jack\'s garments negligently towards the carpet in the bedroom, expecting them to reach inside, not caring if they didn\'t, watching Jack in any case.

As his partner did as he was instructed, Kerr leaned over and undid all the bottles, placing their lids behind them respectively, before pouring a generous amount of the apricot kernel oil onto his left palm.  Rubbing his hands together to smear the oil around, he stepped over the lounger and stood over Ben\'s body, looking down at it and admiring the curvature of his spine in the moonlight, the dull reflection of it in his leather-clad ass.

A familiar shiver of lust went through him and he began to feel better altogether.  Looking down, he carefully sat on the back of Ben\'s thighs - so that his crotch was flush against the valley between those cheeks - and pressed his hands to the small of Ben\'s back.  Languorously, they then came to life, describing languid, worshipful circles all over the back.  When the whole area was slick with oil, Kerr began kneading muscle, using his fingertips, knuckles... the heels of his hands, anything that would help the skin absorb the oil as well as move muscles about gently.

The process took half an hour or so, the Irishman allowing himself to be hypnotised by watching his own hands tap, stroke, squeeze and prod the length and breadth of Ben\'s back, arms and shoulders, feeling no pain from straddling.  As he leaned over to pick up the next bottle in his arsenal - the relaxing lavender - and tip some into his cupped palm, he deliberately ground his crotch against Ben\'s ass.  The action would let his fledgling know just how much he was enjoying carte blanche with his body; there was a firm bulge in Kerr\'s jeans.

"I\'m not too heavy, am I?" he asked coyly, rolling slowly back into his former, more upright position, rubbing shamelessly against Ben\'s ass.  The scent of lavender drifted around him, tantalising his senses as a great majority of it was whipped away from him in the high wind, allowing him just enough to entice.  Without waiting for an answer, he pressed his palms to Ben\'s back once more and began rubbing the scent in.  This time, his actions weren\'t as strong and were certainly not aimed at shifting muscle; he was, purely and simply, attempting to annoint Ben\'s skin with the floral aroma he loved.

[Trillian]

With small murmurs of appreciation throughout the first stage of the massage, Jack let Kerr know in no uncertain terms that he was fully enjoying the experience.  The cushioned lounger beneath him was comfortable enough to be pressed against while Kerr\'s weight on the back of his thighs was unexpectedly erotic.

He felt dreamy and wonderful by the time Kerr started up the second stage with lavender, the touches more gentle now.  Kerr\'s hands were no longer Jack\'s primary focus, it was the sinful pressing of Kerr\'s crotch against him that completely caught his attention now.  He caught and correctly interpreted the tone Kerr used with his question, bringing a broad smile to Jack\'s lips as he turned his head a little more in order to try and see the other man behind him, but couldn\'t.  He decided to remain relaxed instead and settled once more, even as he answered the question.

"Just enough to feel you," he said.  He was surprised, in fact, with how easily this all seemed to be happening, and how well he felt.  Even though Ben had been with Kerr so often, it wasn\'t something Jack had depended on.  He\'d thought he\'d feel awkward, and initially he had, but now that they were progressing, such awkwardness had dissipated almost instantly.

Still, this kind of gentle foreplay was a long way from merging their bodies together in sex.  He cast such things out of his mind - they would get there when they got there, and thinking about it wouldn\'t change how he felt at the time except to make him nervous - and enjoyed Kerr\'s touch as it felt very good now.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr chuckled, leaning well forward so that he could deliver a sweeping caress that began at the base of Ben\'s spine and went up (with fingers and thumbs spread so that he could cover as much area as possible) to shoulders, down his arms and ended at his finger tips.  It was no coincidence that this action left his lower half pressing even more heavily into Ben\'s and he dropped his knees for a few moments as well, so that all his weight was bearing down on that one delicious, pivotal point.

Looking at the back of Ben and playing as he was, it was easy to lose himself in the sensations.  Easy to tap into the ocean of love locked deep inside him, open the barriers and begin letting it flow.  Now felt like the right time - so, logically, it was - and he leaned down to press reverent lips to Ben\'s back and then rest his cheek between his shoulder blades, holding his vulnerable, devoted position.

I love you, he thought, knowing Jack would hear it but, as always, hoping Ben would feel it.  He deliberately thought of no name to go with the sentiment, convincing himself that this man was the one he loved, the one he was touching and therefore the one he was connecting with.  There was simply love for this being, at last.

He sat up then, readjusting his legs so that they were supporting him properly and he could survey his handiwork with the massage oils.  His hands ghosted over Ben\'s body once more as he felt his skin, happy with the amount of liquid that had been absorbed and disinterested in applying rosemary after all.  "I think you need to turn over," he told Jack, his voice husky with the power of his feelings and the intense desire that was building in his loins.  He was very obviously fully hard, now that he\'d lain along his love, and the thought of him rolling over so that he could maintain more or less this position while he massaged Ben\'s chest... well, that thought did not lessen his ardour.

[Trillian]

The massage made his crotch seem to throb against the cushion upon which it pressed.  Kerr\'s wonderfully strong hands were much firmer, much more pressing than Hannah\'s small and needy clutch.  He liked the deliberate way they moved upon his body, liked the way he could feel Kerr moving against him.  What did such a thing mean, to enjoy another man this way?  Love, of course.  Of course it was love, what else would make him desire someone of the same sex in this fashion?  Something he\'d not done in the many centuries in the past when he\'d walked this world.

With Kerr pressed against him, and with love sent to him in a message of thought at precisely the moment Jack was the most receptive to it, he released a wave of emotion that it cast, hitting Kerr with it full force.  Oh, what passions this unleashed in his heart.  He wouldn\'t have believed himself capable of such emotion that was the same strength as anger.  He knew himself to have a horrible temper, the way it bubbled and raged to the surface, and this love, this emotion, it bubbled within him in much the same way, only instead of releasing dark sourness it held captive a heat that defied explanation.  It warmed him from inside out, made him feel bouyant, almost painfully wanting.

The request to have him turn over had Jack obeying immediately.  He shuffled beneath Kerr, awkwardly so, but finding himself in the required position, his eyes glistening with the joy of his emotions.  Whether it was Ben or Jack, it didn\'t matter.  Both loved Kerr, and right now Kerr would be awash with it, both in expression and in mental waves.

[Existentially Odd]

The sensation of Ben turning beneath him had Kerr shuddering lightly and he half lifted himself to allow his partner room - but only so much that he would still feel every movement.  His eyelids drooped closed and a sultry smile adorned his face as he concentrated on all the parts where they contacted, becoming aware of the places they didn\'t by degrees only because he settled himself down upon Ben\'s thighs once more.  The slightest movement forward or back had his groin flaring with renewed awareness as different points of pressure were discovered.

It kept him occupied for a few minutes, his private expression rapturous as he allowed himself to revel in the tiny sparks of arousal and contact he was feeling, knowing that this time (at last!) he wouldn\'t have to go to bed alone and frustrated, that he could allow these small, teasing movements because they would be consummated.  Soon.

Eventually, Kerr opened his eyes and looked down at Jack, his smile growing slowly and sensuously as he gazed into enchanting silver eyes.  The emotions being reflected back at him warmed his heart, submerged any lingering second thoughts in their wash, infused him with lust.  He leaned forward (loving he crush of his denim-clad crotch on the leather-sheathed one beneath) and swapped the lavender oil for the apricot kernel once more.  When he tipped the liquid into his palm this time though, it was hurried and the bottle replaced quickly so that he might rub his hands together and start massaging the chest and stomach before him.

"I\'ve missed this - being with you, touching you.  I\'ve missed you," Kerr murmured wistfully, watching his fingers dig into the muscles of Ben\'s abdomen before they pressed a slick path upward, to knead and fondle pectorals.  Very naturally, he then leaned down to press his mouth to Ben\'s left nipple, scraping it with his teeth and flicking it with his tongue while his hands diverted to massage shoulders and biceps then back to shoulders again.  When he straightened away a few moments later, he pulled Ben with him, arranging the blonde into a sitting position before him.

His lips moved to Ben\'s throat while he embraced him, holding him tightly in the wash of powerful emotions that suddenly brought tears to his eyes.  Overwhelmed in the moment, he nuzzled upward so that he could whisper directly into Ben\'s ear, his arms engulfing the smaller man or, alternately, massaging him needily.  "I took the tattoo off my chest but never off my heart," he confessed, his eyes squeezing shut and forcing a tear from each with the pressure.  Everything about them felt to be building... building and it was almost like he had to speak now before the wave crested and there was no time to get anything out, or he wouldn\'t have a chance to describe the feelings his vindicated heart was echoing with.

[Trillian]

He found himself gazing at Kerr raptly, with the other upon him, eyes closed, looking rather serene.  He could have peace here, living with Kerr, being with this man who\'d suffered his initial betrayal only to discover that he was also a gamepiece and not the player.

He relished the touch on him once more, the changing of scents, thick and heady alongside the ocean breeze.  His hands gripped the side of the sunlounger for the need of holding tightly onto something, though not so much that it would break the furniture itself.  He sighed, made soft noises of appreciation, also aware of the pressure on his groin and wishing that there wasn\'t so much material between them.  What would it feel like, to have such soft/hard groins pressing against each other while the wind touched wispy fingers around them?  He craved such knowledge.

Sitting up with Kerr seemed the most natural movement that he almost wondered at the ease upon how they entwined around each other.  His legs curled around Kerr\'s hips, heels at his back, arms wrapping around to hold onto Kerr, who felt cooller than him because of the warming effects of friction and oil.  Perhaps he felt warm to Kerr?

The dreaminess of the scenario dissipated rudely.  He was hurt when Kerr spoke of the tattoo.  The tattoo had never borne his name, but Ben\'s.  Kerr was confused about who he was with.  Jack supposed such a thing was understandable considering his taking over of Ben\'s body, but it still pained him regardless.

He changed his position, working hands between them so he could push on Kerr\'s chest, dividing them, while turning his face away, not wanting to see love for Ben in Kerr\'s eyes.  Not now, not on a night that was supposed to be for Jack.

"You never had my name over your heart," he informed him, knowing that this information would likely slow the pace down, which had been lovely to experience.  He mourned its loss before it even left.  "Don\'t call me Ben," he added, hoping not to hear the name on Kerr\'s lips tonight.  It would be devastating.

[Existentially Odd]

Like a diver pressing toward the surface after landing a very complicated dive off the high tower, understanding of his mistake gradually dawned on Kerr.  He blinked sluggishly at the profile presented to him, his tight hold on his rearranged partner having been forcibly loosened by the wedge driven between them.

Obviously, merging the two men into one being for his benefit was not something he should divulge.

He didn\'t quite know what to say, other than to admit his mistake and apologise, but he didn\'t think even mentioning it again would be wise... so where did that leave him?  Tentatively, he reached a hand up to press against Jack\'s jaw, wanting to turn him to face him but if he felt the slightest resistance to his silent request, his hand would drop and he wouldn\'t persist.

"I know who you are.  It was just...

deference to him, to his body
acknowledgment
an apology
a wish
a fantasy
confusion
guilt coming to the fore
something I needed to say
a necessary digression
benediction

I\'m sorry," he said quietly, seriously.  With the words came his feelings of regret and apology, letting Jack know that he was genuinely sorry for the confusion, that it was a slip-up that wouldn\'t happen again.  "I won\'t say his name.  I know who you are," he reiterated and attempted to instigate a contrite kiss that would take them back to where they\'d been before he spoke out of turn.

[Trillian]

Jack allowed his face to be turned back by Kerr\'s finger, silvery blue eyes outlined starkly in black searched Kerr\'s eyes miserably before hope alighted in them at the words spoken to him.

The apology washed over him like a welcoming flood and he embraced Kerr once more, slipping his hands around the other and drawing comfort from this action as well as giving it.  He expressed his thanks in sent emotion as well, for his gratitude defied words.  Being able to communicate with his feelings was a lot easier than trying to describe them.  The blood bond was something he was taking a lot of advantage of, it made everything simpler.