A Case of Mistaken Identity

[Trillian]

[reserved]

BEN WAS AT RISK once again, and he had to admit to himself that he enjoyed the atmosphere of the club a lot better as a vampire than he ever had as a mortal.  Despite this, the club still reeked of sleaze - in his opinion - and he would never be truly comfortable here because of his rather prudish outlook on sex.  For a youth who still considered himself nineteen (because he looked this age, and couldn\'t remember the past three years to understand that he would now be in his early twenties), he was an anomaly.  He didn\'t care that he wasn\'t conforming to the promiscuous and overt nature of the club, Ben was an introvert and only the quietest of public places would allow him to feel relaxed (such as libraries, museums and galleries).

He was here with Kerr, who he didn\'t properly feel at ease with, due to the nature of their relationship.  He was attracted to the vampire, and had a blood bond with him - as Kerr was his sire - but there would be no further exploration of these facts, mostly due to the fact that he didn\'t remember anything of his time with Kerr other than six days and what had progressed most recently, and the fact Kerr was sleeping with Ben\'s lookalike, Jack.  At first he\'d been very uneasy with the role thrust upon him (even though he\'d been elated to be a vampire, he was dismayed that he remembered nothing of it), but now he was beginning to settle.  It appeared that Kerr had decided to settle for Jack even though he professed to love Ben (something the fledgling couldn\'t believe, due to the romantic nature of Kerr\'s relationship with Jack) and Ben could accept that, or so he thought.  It was weird, yes, but he was fairly sure he could cope, and he wasn\'t going to waste the opportunity of training that Kerr was handing to him on a platter.  After all, if Kerr had agreed to sire him the first night Ben had asked, then this would be their relationship now (except Jack\'s would likely have been Mandy\'s at that stage, but that was of little consequence).

He\'d already lured someone into the back room and drunk from them, taking them downstairs and given them something to eat - much like Kerr had done for him that night - but Ben opted to leave the donor there, and gone back upstairs to find Kerr, using their blood bond connection to take him directly to his sire.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr was sitting in a booth, his long arms extended flauntingly along the back of the seat as he enjoyed one of the (only) perks of being an Oligarch; adulation.  He\'d sat where he had a good view of the dance floor, feeling good after a rather less stressful night of work and happy to be out with Ben, close to so much action.

He was also rather looking forward to getting home in an hour or so and experiencing a rather more intimate type of action with Jack, for he\'d finally succumbed to the earthling\'s allure and allowed himself to be seduced into sleeping with him.  It had been a long and rather torturous time coming and the Irishman had expected more awkwardness from Ben tonight because of it, but there was no more than usual.

It was freeing, relieving... uplifting.  They\'d met here after he\'d finished at the Chambers and he\'d intended to do a bit of training after Ben fed but he was in no rush to get to it.  Especially with the amount of attention simply sitting there in his pristine Nehru suit (with the red silk shirt beneath barely showing at his throat and wrists) and his Oligarchy tattoo showing - because his hair was pulled back in a small tail - was getting him.

First it had been a sire and fledge he\'d given permission to be.  They\'d sat down in the booth with him and thanked him - this had happened before and he was learning to take it graciously now.  When they\'d left, a woman had approached - not a young one, one in her early forties who looked fabulous in a slinky red dress and knew it - and offered herself to him.  He\'d refused politely but found himself responding to her, flirting a little before he gave her the answer he knew would send her on her way.  She left with a bemused smirk he\'d found enchanting and had laughed happily at her, knowing she understood his toying with her.

Now there was a pair of... well, they were probably twenty-five but he thought of them as boys, mortals who\'d slunk over to him practically holding hands in order to get their confidences up to do so and eliciting a grin of amusement from him as they attempted \'bold\' by very suddenly plopping themselves into his booth.  It was at that point he\'d stretched out like a cat and grinned at them, biting his tongue so as not to laugh at the way their mortal hearts fluttered at the sight of him preening.

It was silly of him to indulge, but he rather liked their stammering and rather prominent thoughts of adoration.  They knew him to be an Oligarch and although they\'d offered to let him drink from them, when he\'d refused - for drinking from Jack rather paled his appetite, he\'d found - they\'d moved on to their real busines.  They wanted to become vampires (like him, if their worshipful gazes were anything to go by) and wanted to know the process.  He indulged their occasionally ridiculous but certainly endless questions for as long as his ego could handle it and then he felt Ben returning to him.

He wrapped the conversation up as quickly as he could, then, but the boys were tenacious and only after inviting them to come to his place of business (rather more sternly than they were expecting, from their crestfallen expressions) to discuss business, did he get rid of them.  Just as Ben joined him, but oh well.  They slunk away and he turned to look at his fledgling, smiling winningly and with glittering eyes.  He was... thrumming from his recent sexual release and the attention he\'d received, there was no other word for it, and having Ben nearby simply completed the picture, made him happier still.

"Have fun?" he asked the blonde, his tone playful, his grin teasing and flirtatious.

[Trillian]

He\'d faltered for an instant when he\'d seen two others with Kerr, but pressed on after a minor mental debate.  He heard a rather direct dismissal from Kerr, one that surprised him at how sharply it had been phrased.  They moved away, only one sparing Ben a glance as he moved into the booth on the section they\'d sat on, feeling the warmth their mortal bodies had left behind on the leather and unsure whether he liked it or not.
 
The question posed to him had him staring at Kerr for a long moment before he eventually answered with something he thought was the most accurate.
 
"I don\'t know about fun, but it was interesting," he said.  Ben still wasn\'t comfortable with the ambience of Risk, though he did like the fact it existed.  It was a safe and easy way to drink from willing donors.  Otherwise, he had no idea how he would lure someone to him - apart from Kerr\'s suggestion that he Dominate a human to coming to him, something he didn\'t think he was particularly good at nor was it something he wanted to dabble in.  Planting a desire seemed invasive to him somehow, though scanning minds and seeking intentions didn\'t.  Was that a double standard?  He wasn\'t quite sure.  They both depended on his survival - for one was about knowing what was a threat and the other was about staying fed.  He\'d have to re-assess what he was willing to do.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr chuckled and slid into Ben deliberately, bumping him playfully with his hip.  "You need to loosen up and not take it all so seriously," he advised good-naturedly.  "You know how to feed safely, you\'re not about to kill anyone

like you did with Lazarus

accidentally, so why not have some fun with it?" he asked with a cheerful shrug, looking down at Ben over his arm, chin tucked against his shoulder since he\'d moved right up against his fledgling.

Dismissing his own probing questions, he then lowered the arm between them to beneath the table, resting it along Ben\'s thigh so that he could squeeze his knee in a familiar manner.  "Never mind, you\'ll get the hang of it.  Do you want to dance for a bit?" he enquired, nodding pointedly at the dance floor undulating before them.  Neither of them were fabulous dancers but they had danced together - when they were together - and Kerr wanted to rekindle that connection in his uplifted mood.

[Trillian]

With the hand on his knee he felt uncomfortable, but he didn\'t tense or flinch away.  He wasn\'t uncomfortable with Kerr being near him, or even touching him, but it was the familiarity of the movement that had him struggling with considering it a natural movement.  Logically, he knew that Kerr had known him intimately for three years, but his heart wasn\'t playing along.  Because he didn\'t react however, he thought he was making a good play at covering up the awkwardness welling inside him.  Sometimes he could put on bravado, say and do things even when he wasn\'t entirely confident in himself.  It was how he\'d talked to Kerr the first time, and how he\'d denied Kerr telling him the full truth in the motel when he\'d first discovered that something was awry.

"I\'m not a fan of dancing," he said, while shaking his head and smiling lightly to soften the rejection.  He didn\'t want to dance, didn\'t feel like dancing and it would only serve to make him feel even more out of place.  "I\'d rather sit here with you," he told Kerr, the smile widening because he wanted Kerr to know that he valued their time together, that he liked talking and listening to his sire telling him about potential skills and hints and tips about how to survive as a fledgling.  He was sending out the wrong kind of signal, perhaps, but he didn\'t think Kerr would take things the wrong way.  Not when he had Jack.

[Existentially Odd]

Despite himself, Kerr\'s heart did a little flip - Ben\'s smile, accompanied by some sweet words was like a magical combination to him (his current frame of mind didn\'t hurt how well he took such a statement, either).  His grin broadened and his gaze softened as he turned slightly, so that he could face Ben a little better within the confines of the booth.  The hand that was upon his fledgling\'s knee didn\'t shift but he leaned the elbow of the other arm up on the table and cupped his chin in his hand to gaze at the handsome blonde beside him.
 
It was always the most difficult thing, to quell his love for Ben, when he was happy or they were simply sitting.  Without the distraction of training or Jack, the lines blurred and he could so easily put himself back in the mindset of being this beautiful man\'s life partner.  Logically, he knew it to be false but emotionally, there were times when it still felt right and this was one of them.  Inside, he sighed and simply... worshipped Ben with his eyes.
 
"I enjoy sitting with you, too," he murmured through his grin, thumb rubbing Ben\'s knee slowly beneah the table.  "I love having you around.  You just have to stop treating everything like there\'s going to be some... life or death exam at the end of it," he teased, nudging Ben again, in playfulness.  "You don\'t have to have accomplished a checklist of important things every night to have proved you\'re worthy of being immortal.  You are immortal; have fun with it."
 
Kerr paused, tilting his head at a more extreme angle and narrowing his eyes at Ben as if, with enough squinting, he might see into his very soul.  "I bet you have a five year plan already don\'t you?  What\'s on it?" he pressed, not giving his fledgling a chance to answer whether such a thing existed or not.  "Learn three foreign languages and be able to send a communal message to all the customers of Risk at once?"

[Trillian]

"I like learning," Ben said defensively, after Kerr commented on the prospect of an exam.  It was true enough that he took his tasks very seriously though, and this had always won him praise in school from his teachers, despite the fact his grades were only slightly above average.  He\'d tried so hard but could never grasp a lot of concepts easily.  He\'d always felt pathetic because of it; that others had barely studied at all and he\'d find himself getting a much lower grade than them.  Such things had never come easy, so when told by Kerr he was a natural at mental talents was really important to him and he wanted to expand on it.  He knew, however, that Kerr was right.  He had to loosen up a little.

Ben laughed softly, shaking his head a little at the last suggestion and then shrugged.  "I don\'t know about the communal thing, but I would like to learn another language.  I think I should start with Spanish, because I remember being pretty quick at it in high school.  I haven\'t really thought about others, but it makes sense for me to learn some European languages."  He still remembered a lot of his Spanish lessons, though likely had lost his fluency in it for he hadn\'t used it for three years.  "And I\'d like to learn a musical instrument.  Like the guitar, or something."

His hands found themselves in front of him, playing with the booth table edge, his thumbs running along the seam where the top met the side, feeling the imperfections.  He wasn\'t looking at what he was doing, however, he was looking at Kerr, waiting for his reply.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr\'s squint became an indulgent smile and he didn\'t say anything about Ben\'s plans for the guitar, because he\'d heard such a desire expressed before - the choice of Spanish, too.  He had, in fact, been teaching Ben Spanish every now and then and he had been pretty good at it... but there was no point in harking on it now.

In a way, this was a fresh and lovely experience, for he felt he was getting to know Ben as he truly was now, rather than worrying about what had gone before, and that was certainly a step in the right direction.  As far as he knew, his Ben had had plenty of plans but the three foreign languages part had been a stab in the dark from him.  Having Ben smiling and laughing at him warmed his chest and made him want to be even sillier to capture his attention.

"I shall enjoy hearing you play," he mused, his approving smile dwarfed by the twinkle in his eye.  "Perhaps on our balcony, overlooking the olive grove when you get so good at Spanish that we move there for a while, to make you perfect at it."  Although it was obvious he was teasing, there was an element of dreaming and genuine desire in his words.  Ohhhh, how lovely it would be to spend endless nights milling about warm and steamy Spain simply so his fledgling could better learn the language.

[Trillian]

To hear of visiting Spain with Kerr put a sparkle in his eye and almost had him grinning with excitement at a prospect.  Almost.  The fact Kerr was in a romantic relationship with someone else (that looked like him, which was creepy, from Ben\'s perspective) halted his reaction before it truly began.  The sparkle faded and he turned his head to look at what his hands were up to now.  He gave a half-shrug, using only the shoulder nearest Kerr before his mind rapidly searched for something different to say.  He didn\'t want to think of going on holidays with someone who was involved with someone else.  He didn\'t want any confusion when it came to him and Jack.  If he was going to visit Spain, then he would do it alone.  Being on his own didn\'t bother him, for he\'d done it for years already.  He could still enjoy other countries that way, he thought.

[Existentially Odd]

"Ahh, don\'t be coy," Kerr tutted, misinterpreting Ben\'s suddenly humble aspect as his usual argument against taking Kerr\'s money - it could also be that this version of Ben was aware before he even went overseas of just how attached to the United States he was, and the notion of living in another country frightened him. His comment had openly implied that they wouldn\'t just be visiting there, but residing there, so Kerr felt the reaction of looking down at his hands was likely a result of nerves, too.
 
He reversed the angle of his lean and nuzzled in to Ben\'s ear instead, the hand that had been supporting his head suddenly cupping his fledgling\'s cheek with soft, fluttering fingers that sought to comfort and boost confidence.
 
"If you want it, don\'t be afraid of taking it - nor of stating that you want it - or of your own desire for things! We have eternity but there\'s no fine print that says we have to wait a sensible amount of time before we begin to enjoy it," he chuckled, his voice a husky and intimate thing whispering into the slightly-warmed shell of Ben\'s ear. Love swelled in him, and he felt suddenly giddy with it, loving the shyness of his fledgling and approving even while he spoke of disapproving of his reticence.
 
Spontaneously, he pressed his lips to Ben\'s ear and then, because the contact wasn\'t very satisfying, to the soft skin just before his lobe. "We\'ve been held back too long and blocked by too many obstacles for you and I to look back now. Don\'t hinder yourself by denying that which you want," he urged, falling prey to his own words as his mouth kissed along Ben\'s jaw and he thought about happiness and want and all the horrid things that had stopped the two of them getting either - themselves included.
 
Quite suddenly then - and without even being aware he was going to do it - the hand cupping his fledgling\'s face turned it towards his own and Kerr was kissing Ben\'s mouth. It began as soft, teasing kisses but quickly escalated to the point where his head tilted, his mouth opened and his eyes closed as he pressed his tongue against Ben\'s lips, tasting him desirously. Too busy feeling the exultation of kissing Ben again, he didn\'t pay any mind to the way he was holding his fledgling\'s head in place or even to how he was reacting to being passionately kissed.

[Trillian]

He\'d only just been thinking of Kerr with Jack.  He\'d only just been thinking about how weird it was to go on holiday with someone who was involved with his twin.  And yet, still, Ben succumbed to the seduction of Kerr\'s voice in his ear.  He didn\'t shy away even when Kerr was moving closer to his lips - and oh, he knew, didn\'t he?  Even if Kerr did not, he knew, that they would eventually kiss, and hadn\'t he wanted it?  Hadn\'t there been that little thrill in his tummy and that tingling of anticipation in his lips even before Kerr\'s mouth had arrived?  He couldn\'t deny it to himself, not when he responded so eagerly to those pecking kisses, not when there was that long moment when he\'d tilted his head ever so slightly to allow Kerr a better angle.
 
There was a golden moment, a peaceful moment of remembering that kiss shared in Kerr\'s bed, which had been wonderful and beautiful and Ben had kissed him and they\'d shared something tender, at least, after a painful rejection.
 
The golden moment unfortunately passed very quickly when his mind threw Jack at him; of when he\'d felt Kerr\'s bond with him the previous night, which  had revealed a sexual nature to it, that neither of them could orgasm in the same house without sharing that thrumming pleasure.  Ben had known then, even as he\'d snuck his hand beneath the covers for his own release, that Kerr had slept with Jack, that the two of them advanced their relationship.  It had been weird to be turned on by that, but also logical, to Ben\'s mind.  Sire and fledgling, living under the same roof, it made sense that he would feel an intensity like that from Kerr.
 
Very suddenly the kiss turned sour and he didn\'t want Kerr\'s lips on him anymore.  He flinched back but had nowhere to go, with Kerr holding him quite solidly.  He made a protesting noise and attempted a few different directions before he had success lowering his chin, looking down.  His hands, which had been in the air for a moment while he\'d been kissed, now found Kerr\'s chest and shoulder, shoving.
 
"What are you doing?" he asked, the question sounding like an accusation even as he found the courage to glare at Kerr.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr blinked, looking for all the world like deep sea diver rising slowly and carefully to the surface after a very steep dive.  Though Ben\'s fight registered slowly, when it did he loosened his grip on his fledgling\'s head fairly quickly and pulled back with his eyelashes fluttering and his mouth opening and closing as he attempted speech that wouldn\'t come.

You kissed me back, you know what I was doing
What the fuck are you doing, idiot?
Too much
Too soon
Too stupid
to do better
are you?
... he kissed back, damnit
\'Til he fought back
Fuck, but...

It took a few mortal heartbeats but his whirring brain, his overactive senses and his power of speech eventually went in the directions they needed to go in order for him to communicate coherently and he pulled back from Ben.  Momentarily, he had the grace to look a little sheepish - a blush would be lighting his cheeks, had he indulged in anything warm and coppery this night - but his words were far from apologetic.

"Kissing you," he answered gruffly, his floating hand (the one that had left Ben\'s face) lowering silently to the table as he gave a little shrug.  His chin lifted just a little, expression becoming the haughty mask of the Oligarch without him being conscious of it.  "I like kissing you - no, in fact, I love kissing you," he corrected himself hastily, his eyes gleaming.  "You seemed to like it, too, if I\'m not mistaken," he added slyly, an arrogant smirk lifting his lips as his love, hope and ego meshed and asserted themselves.  His brown eyes just about burned with the sudden passion he was feeling, the promise of it all.

He hadn\'t imagined it, damnit, there\'d been a blissful moment of compliance and reciprocation there, at the start, before propriety or whatever hell else drove Ben kicked in.  He may have ended up fighting it, but he\'d started out enjoying it and that fact alone caused Kerr\'s heart to soar.  They could still connect... there was hope for them!

[Trillian]

To hear Kerr tell him so directly and without apology or explanation (beyond liking it, or loving it), had Ben frowning, but soon after those brows lifted as his eyes widened when it was thrown back at him that he\'d liked being kissed.  This both embarrassed and angered him, that Kerr had felt that desire and taken advantage of it.  Ben\'s expression did another about face, from surprise to resentment, as he retaliated.

"You seem to love kissing men that look like me too.  And more," he said, unable to bring himself to state what had happened last night and therefore implied it instead.  "I can\'t do this with you," he said, shaking his head, his hands now gripping the table edge where he\'d only run fingers gently over before.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr also felt the prick of embarrassment strike him then, as Ben referenced his sexual foray the night before, with Jack.  He\'d known Ben would know, had believed he\'d feel it, in fact, but acknowledging this and having Ben state it were two entirely different things.  It sparked his own emotions, riling them towards antagonism as well.

He supposed Ben was seeing this as a problem, but he didn\'t see his and Ben\'s relationship advancing as an issue - it was a solution, if anything.  If he and Ben found themselves where they\'d once been, he\'d happily break up with Jack to be with his true love.

"Can\'t do what?" he demanded testily, looking intently at his fledgling.  "Feel comfortable with me?  Enjoy spending time with me?  Enjoy kissing me?  Why can\'t you?  If you like it then you should do it, let me worry about anything extra!" he advised confidently, that haughtiness creeping back into his demeanour once more.  Technically, Jack was a little more than an \'extra\' but he was adamant about his presence not affecting Ben\'s desires at all.  Jack was his problem and not to hinder Ben\'s interest in Kerr whatsoever (God forbid!).

[Trillian]

He was too forward, he was too much.  It was the personality type displayed right now that antagonised Ben on a deeper level.  It was Kerr\'s arrogance that had him gawking at his sire like he\'d grown an extra head.  It intimidated him also, which didn\'t lend a hand to him feeling comfortable with him.  How could he feel comfortable with someone who was treating him like he had an inferior opinion?  Kerr was behaving like someone who knew better than Ben about how Ben should live his life.  It was similar to facing down his parents who\'d told him not to be silly about the whole gay thing - which was obviously a fashionable way to be and not someone that Ben truly was at heart.  It was about feeling helpless and feeling rushed.  It was like dumping responsibility off himself and onto Ben, being not about kissing, but about being kissed.  It was sharp, it was manipulative, and Ben didn\'t like the fact he could see himself - if he stayed with Kerr much longer - eventually being seduced.  He had kissed back after all, it was there between them, like a beautiful and evil truth.

"I\'m not-"

who you think I am

"-going to do this with you," he said, denying what his mind wanted to spit out, figuring it would only lead to a much more difficult argument.  "I don\'t want to kiss you, I don\'t need this kind of complication."

It came out sounding far worse than he\'d meant.  He\'d wanted to let Kerr know that to mix a relationship with his training would only blur the lines, which were already blurred because of the things Kerr professed to have already done with him, and was now doing with Jack.