Friendly Escape

[Existentially Odd]

It took a few nights for Kerr\'s predicament to reach a head.  He and Jenna enjoyed a cosy flight from the U.S. to Europe in his stylish jet, spending nearly the whole time curled into the leather upright chairs just behind the cockpit, looking at maps spread across the table and looking up things on his laptop to plan a rough itinerary for their fortnight.  She ate on the flight and he\'d been sure to do the same before they boarded, so all was well.

Sighting the beds on the jet prompted the discussion about his sire and first fledglings, so they spent a great deal of time addressing that, too (though he didn\'t go into extravagant detail about the hideous beginnings he had with them, of course).  When they arrived at the castle, Kerr took Jenna on a quick tour and then led her to the room she would be staying in, which had a connecting door through to his (they also shared the fireplace).

It was Sawyl\'s old room, with an extravagant three hundred year old four-poster bed (that they\'d bought new) and beautiful furnishings to match.  Kerr\'s bedroom had once been spartan, but he\'d filled it with gorgeous furniture through the past centuries until it was a perfect period snapshot of an Irish bed chamber from eight hundred years before.  His bed had no posts, but it was a queen size, with a massive, ticked mattress that Jenna would just about have to climb up onto to get in (and that laughing comment was quickly diverted into a discussion of her lighting the fire for the two of them).  There were no windows in these rooms, for they were in the heart of the castle, and each had an adjoining bathroom (that had been outfitted with thoroughly modern facilities).

Not long after they\'d placed their luggage and explored the bedrooms, the furniture he was there to receive arrived and there was a great fuss about where it would go, Kerr asking Jenna\'s opinion, even though he knew exactly where it was all to go (he only bought furniture for specific places now, not just because he liked them).  She was witty enough to know that about him and call him on it, which drew a laugh and appreciative hug from him.

Their second night was spent exploring the castle from top to bottom, with Kerr regalling his guest with tales of procurement that he thought would bore her silly within five minutes.  Perhaps it was the fact that her job and passion for artefacts took much the same route, but she stayed interested all night long, reacting perfectly to his tales about how he\'d found this and oohing appropriately at his stories of the life the furniture had seen, the famous personages to have occupied each.

When he went to bed that dawn, there was a smile on his face that wouldn\'t die, because he\'d had such a simple, good time in sharing everything with her - and he honestly believed she had, too - and he continued talking with her through the fireplace.  She wasn\'t doing so well with the cold in the castle, but she seemed to find a certain delight in lighting fires in the myriad of receptacles around the place (the servants seemed quite put out about not being able to help).

By the third night, they\'d fallen asleep talking to one another through a wall and were comfortable in their surroundings.  They got up, showered or bathed separately, dressed casually - for there was nothing special planned for the night yet - and went to the dining room, where Jenna was served breakfast foods.  They rugged up and went for a walk in the snowy countryside afterwards, experiencing a little of the village nearby (there weren\'t too many houses up close to the grounds) before returning to the castle.

It was then, sitting together against cushions, on a soft rug in front of a blazing fire while Jenna sipped a wine, that Kerr realised he was hungry.  Jenna smelled as good as she ever did

sex, sex in the sunshine, sweat and satisfaction and everything else good that starts with \'s\'

and she was nestled in against his chest and he began contemplating his weaknesses and failings once again.  Ash\'s words rang in his ears - he never had figured out what he\'d meant about getting things out of his system - and he found himself staring down at the beautiful, relaxed brunette leaning against his dark blue cashmere sweater so calmly.  His jeans had got a little wet on their hike but had dried in the face of the blaze before them, as had his socks.

"I should really go and find someone to drink from," he murmured, looking at the curve of her shoulder as the fingers of his right hand toyed with hers.

[Trillian]

The trip away with him had been lovely, and thanks to the time difference between the States and Scotland, she settled into Kerr\'s nightly routine with little difficulty.  She usually woke up early enough to see the sun set and catch the brilliant colours in the sky, and had taken numerous photographs, which she hoped to surprise Kerr with, but had wanted to get all the different vantage points around the castle first.  She had enough to show him tomorrow, all she had to do was plug in the camera\'s memory card into his laptop and he\'d be greeted by all the pretty sunset colours she\'d been fortunate to see.
 
She was looking into the fire (that she\'d started with her talents) and thinking about sunsets and surprises, when he surprised her with a comment of his own.  There was a pause as she waited for him to say something more, a suggestion perhaps, but none came.  She moved away from Kerr in order to set her glass down a good distance away from herself, not wanting to accidently knock it over, and then cuddled up to him again, not wanting to be away from his hold for too long, finding his hand with her own once more and entwining her fingers with his.  His statement still hung in the air between them, with her action with the wine glass as a response, though it wasn\'t the only one she had for him.
 
"Would you ever contemplate, me?" she asked after working up the courage to do so.  She imagined that his fangs piercing her skin would hurt, but when looking around Risk, there was obviously much pleasure to be had in the whole process once the vampire in question was drinking.  She wondered how that could be, how a blood letting could be pleasurable and intimate, the way Kerr had described it, and trusted him enough to answer her inner questions with a demonstration.

[Existentially Odd]

He looked down at her thoughtfully, his inner demon sighing at the thought of getting his fangs into her and tasting her... and, of course, getting very stirred up by the thought.

"Of course," he told her huskily, his tongue swiping his lips instinctively as he glanced at her throat - then he had the grace to look her in the eye once more.  "I\'d love to taste you but... I\'m afraid I wouldn\'t be able to end it there and that... would ruin everything," he told her awkwardly, swallowing so that his Adam\'s apple bobbed in his throat, showing her how much he wasn\'t saying.

[Trillian]

"You think I\'d be ruined?" she asked, after debating which part of his sentence to go for.  By what he\'d said, and how he\'d sounded, had tingles of awareness travelling along her spine.  She wanted him to not be so gentlemanly around her anymore, not when they were connecting so well, to make a decision one way or the other, and based on what he\'d just confided in her, he wanted her too.  The problem was his phrasing.  He didn\'t want to ruin what they had by advancing it, she guessed, but she couldn\'t see herself being stuck in this odd kind of limbo forever.

[Existentially Odd]

He chuckled, giving her a squeeze that ended with her more securely wrapped in his arms.  "No - well, in a sense I suppose yes, but not direly!  I just mean that I respect your standards with regard to... uh, sleeping with people and if I drank from you... it would affect you into possibly compromising those standards."

Staring at her, his gaze had already darkened as he thought about simply leaning down and kissing her throat, drinking from her until she was moaning and writhing, and not stopping there.  His body quickened, his nostrils flaring to drag more of her scent into him and the internal debate he always engaged in with himself started up anew.  She didn\'t sleep with people who didn\'t love her; he didn\'t love her.  Love and lust weren\'t to be confused and her presence in his life was too precious to open himself up to either.

"I know it would affect me into trying to convince you to change your mind," he told her thickly, meaning to smile but unable to do so, when what he said was an admission and not something to be taken lightly.  "I battle enough, just being close to you, as it is," he admitted, then pressed his lips together and frowned, doubting he should have burdened her with such information.

[Trillian]

"I\'ve been waiting for you to kiss me," she confessed, her voice soft and almost lost in the crackle of the fire but she knew he heard her.  On cue, thinking about him pressing his mouth to hers, she licked her lips with the anticipation of it, now doubtful it would happen.  He\'d just told her that he wasn\'t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with her - not in so many words, but she understood his intent - and she\'d already told him that she only took those men into her bed who were serious about her.  It would be a compomise of her standards, yes, but she now struggled to see why those standards were in place.  He cared about her, she thought, and she about him, a great deal, and they were both consenting adults with their eyes open about promises not being made.  With her decision made (and perhaps feeling a little reckless and carefree), she added;  "I\'m still waiting, Kerr."

[Existentially Odd]

He watched her tongue, her pretty lips moistened and glistening in the refractive light cast by the fire, glinting like diamonds with his supernatural sight and whimpered deep in his throat.  "God... " he breathed and then, with an almighty effort, released her to run a hand through his hair, pulling back slightly and shifting his gaze to the wall.

"Let\'s be rational about this," he told the stones, in a rational tone that declared he was weighing up the consequences of kissing her with the same brevity some judges gave murder trials.  "You want to be kissed, I want to kiss you.  Your skin smells like sex in the sunshine to me, but we\'d start with kisses, yes - and then what?"  He ran his hand through his hair again, wanting to get up and pace but still talking to the wall, past her.

"I don\'t want to stop there, that\'s what, and then we\'re somewhere where we both don\'t want to be.  I think... we need to... " he frowned and made a hurrying motion above her, wanting his words to get out of his mouth in the correct order.  He looked at her again.  "Think about it carefully!" he finished in a rush, like a cork popped from a champagne bottle.  "I don\'t want to ruin our... this," he insisted, gesturing at their cosy positioning, meaning their friendship, their companionship.

They were perfect for one another as friends.  As lovers... it would be disastrous.  Sinful and wonderful, but disastrous nevertheless.

[Trillian]

She was mortified.  She\'d offered herself blatently and he\'d refused, which was embarrassing to say the least.  Flustered, she didn\'t want to turn this awkward moment into one that would corrupt their lovely evening.  The last thing she wanted to remember was propositioning Kerr and finding him sticking to her values, which was unfortunate for them both.

Blinking a couple of times, she laughed it off, surprised that it sounded a great deal more natural than she\'d expected.  She reached for her glass of wine and took a sip of it before making herself curl against him, getting herself comfortable, though because their positions had slightly changed (or because of their dynamic, she couldn\'t be sure), she couldn\'t properly settle into the same nook she\'d been in before, but made do with what she had for not wanting to fidget.

"If we have to think about it, we\'re not doing it right," she said to the fire, for the side of her face was pressed mostly against his chest.  "Guess we\'re damned into just being friends after all."

Oh, it tugged her heartstrings to say it, but she wasn\'t going to fuss over his rejection like she had no class or control.

[Existentially Odd]

He believed her... mostly... except for her wording.  Damned? Damnation implied sacrifice, angst... torture.  Was it torturous to remain friends with him?  In a sense, he felt tortured by being close to her and constantly curbing his instincts, but he hadn\'t expected it of her.  She wasn\'t the walking libido type, she was far more sophisticated than that.  Was he making a mistake, though?  Putting his restraint all down to her values seemed... cowardly, if she was willing to compromise.  Did he want that of her, though?

No.  We both feel it, the attraction\'s there, but it wouldn\'t be right to act on it.
It smarts
stings
burns
aches
yearns
but it\'s for the best-
Think of Ben
Ben
goneandlostandIstilllovehimmyBen
took my heart
I\'m not a shell but the hurt of it, that sting... worse
far worse...
It\'s better this way.

He lay there for a good amount of time, thinking and holding her, searching for words that wouldn\'t slice through the dignity of the ones she\'d chosen and finding none.  Damned they were, and he supposed that damned they would stay, until he was ready to love her.  The thought brought a lump to his throat and tears to his eyes, but he blinked them away and was grateful she wasn\'t looking at him.  The black emptiness that had gouged out his soul had done its job well, and when his love left... could anything mend it?

Perhaps seeing Ben again, as he was now, living his life and happy, as he\'d requested, would make him less gun shy, more willing to accept that, perhaps, Jenna could mend it?

Or perhaps it would just be the fact that he\'s not him and you need a final reminder
a push
a chance to say goodbye
to know that he\'s okay, that that distress call won\'t happen again
- what was it anyway?  Why wouldn\'t he say, really? -
that he doesn\'t have that hold.
To prove he has no power over you.  Maybe you\'re whole enough.  Maybe it wouldn\'t be so bad, once you looked at him
and you could think of Jenna
and see him all okay
and it would be fine and you could try
with her
reassure yourself
- she\'s a demon -
that she could be perfect in every way, it\'s just you.
Fix you.
FIX YOU.

"I won\'t be long," he whispered at last, kissed her temple and got up to go and drink from one of the staff.  A few of them knew what he was and he went to one of them, to a man whom he didn\'t have to Dominate or dazzle with his mind, who appreciated the buzz it gave him but wasn\'t interested in anything else.

When he returned, they played board games until dawn was close upon them, and then they walked to their bedchambers hand in hand.  He left her at her door with an extended hug before he pulled back and smiled down at her, brushing her cheek with the backs of his fingers and telling her that she was the sweetest torture he\'d ever endured.  He then kissed her forehead and dragged himself away, to bed.

The next night she presented him with his photographic surprise and tears welled in his eyes once more.  He hugged her so tightly she had to laughingly request he allow her to breathe, and then he gave her a smacking kiss on the lips.  They laughed and it seemed all better between them again... except there was a tension they were both feeling, and it was at the corners of her mouth and it was in the frown line between his eyes.  Their looks were ruminative, lingering but the laughter was still easy to find and they spoke of none of it.

He pushed for them to leave the castle that night and continue on their way, deciding they didn\'t need to wait for the next night, as had been planned.  She agreed with a smile and they packed and climbed into his black BMW to explore the country at night.  They headed for England - they\'d decided they\'d finish their stay in Ireland, at his family home - but of course they had booked accommodation along the way.

While Jenna was driving, Kerr phoned ahead to warn them that their plans had changed, they\'d arrive a night early, and was told the dismaying news that only one of the rooms he\'d booked was available that night.  They\'d have to share a bed - a large one, yes, but one together all the same.  He asked if there was another one in the hotel that didn\'t meet his original specifications (which had been no light entering and away from the main thoroughfares, because they would need to sleep all day to recover from their bogus flight in) and was told there was - on the second floor, rather than the tenth, and a cheaper arrangement at that!  It was quite near the reception wing, which would be occupied (the reason rooms were so scarce was some sort of massive gardening group symposium that was kicking into gear even as they spoke) tonight, but it was highly unlikely rowdy guests would wander past through the day tomorrow.  The concierge hoped.

He booked it, just in case, and hung up, turning to look at Jenna apologetically.  She\'d heard the entire conversation and would likely be able to piece together what had transpired, so he didn\'t bother with preliminaries.  "I\'m sorry, I shouldn\'t have changed the plan.  It\'s probably best that we share the suite, I\'m sure we can spend the night together, civilly," he said, attempting a joke that somehow seemed to get caught in his throat.

Somehow, ridiculously, he was suddenly thinking of Ben again, of sharing a bed with him when he was just an acquaintance and experiencing a kiss that had echoed through ensuant separation and years of emotional turmoil; God, he was a fool.  And he was a fool for comparing Jenna and Ben anyway!  He had to stop that.

"The choice is entirely yours, though."

[Trillian]

It was the kind of decision she\'d wished he\'d made for her, though she knew it wasn\'t gentlemanly to do so.  He was encouraging her to permit them to sleep together, however, describing their nightly activity would be \'civil\'.  An unusual choice of wording, she thought, but she understood that he was promising her nothing would happen between them.  She liked lying in bed talking with him, and if they were going to be on separate floors, they would be forced to use phones, if they were going to talk at all.
 
"If you say it\'s for the best, I\'ll trust that," she said, glancing at him for a brief moment and then focussing on the road.  Immediately after telling him that sharing a suite was the best idea, she began to doubt herself.  Never mind, it was done, and she wasn\'t going to change her mind immediately after.

[Existentially Odd]

He laughed again and tried not to put too much thought into it as they continued on into the night... a difficult task, though he turned to discussing the country they were passing through to aid him.

They arrived at the hotel in the early hours of the morning, as they\'d planned, and checked in.  Kerr could hear the revelry in the reception wing upstairs still going on (even though it was almost two o\'clock), and made the snap decision that neither of them would take the second floor room.  He cancelled the booking and they headed up to their suite together.

Kerr placed their bags - which he\'d gallantly carried - on the holder near the bed and went first to check the window covers.  Deciding they were thick enough and that the glass was as heavily tinted as he\'d been assured it was, he was satisfied that he wouldn\'t be crisped by a stray ray of sunlight come dawn.

Unzipping his bag, he spoke to Jenna over his shoulder, humour in his tone as he sifted through his clothing in order to find some clothes that could suffice for bedwear.  "Order some room service if you want - or we could dress up, go downstairs and sneak into the party?  I\'m sure we could do an excellent job of convincing them we\'re avid gardeners!" he laughed, straightening up with his blue cotton boxers (they were as good as he was going to get) and a pair of briefs to wear beneath them.  He grinned at her, wondering if she\'d be up for such sport but prepared to go and have a shower and relax in their room if not.

[Trillian]

"Sounds fun!" she said at the idea of sneaking into a party - which sounded outrageous and not something she would\'ve thought of on her own.  She\'d made her mind up not to let her desire for Kerr cloud her enjoyment in this trip, not to ruin it for both of them.  She\'d justified that he\'d made the right call, even though it had hurt at the time, because it would likely save a lot more hurt for her down the track.  Kerr was a good friend, considering he\'d admitted his own desire for her, by not taking advantage of a weak moment.  Still, a small part of her quailed from the rejection, but she was determined not to let it take hold.  "It won\'t take me long to get ready," she promised.
 
She selected a dress fairly quickly, going for a shimmery black dress that was pretty enough to pass for formal wear even though it was best suited for cocktail parties.  She had the idea that the party would be dressy but not over-the-top, and she was hoping Kerr would choose a suit and not a tux.
 
"Shall I shower first?" she prompted leadingly, for she\'d need more time out of the shower afterward than he would for makeup and such.

[Existentially Odd]

He was so surprised, he turned on his heel and looked at her, backs of his hands leaning on his hips like an old, disapproving woman.  He didn\'t disapprove though, for his face was alight with mischief, a broad grin graced his lips and his eyes were twinkling at her.

The change of lifestyle to nocturnal meant that she was as wide awake as he and why shouldn\'t they have some sport to fill up the following few hours?  How late could a gardening symposium go, anyway?

"That\'s fine; you take the first shower, but if you\'re not done in ten minutes, I\'m coming in to join you," he warned, with a playful wink.  He had no such intent, but was already feeling a little giddy with the prospect of toying with some drunken mortals.  Anything for a distraction from being alone in the room with one of the most gorgeous women on Earth, right?

[Trillian]

She poked her tongue out at him in response to his empty threat and half-skipped into the shower.  She took a little bit of time in there, necessarily, but was done after fifteen minutes and came out wearing one of the hotel bath-sheets, which covered her modestly halfway to her knee.  Her hair was damp but she intended blowdrying it into place while Kerr showered.
 
"All yours," she called out, setting up her makeup neatly before her in front of the dresser, for the mirror in the bathroom had fogged up.  In her hand she held the dryer from the bathroom, and plugged it into a wallpoint that enabled her to stand in front of the dresser to watch her own work.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr had spent the time going through his suitcase and deciding what he would wear.  Watching Jenna exit and begin to put even more effort into getting ready than he\'d anticipated necessary only worried him more.  He was hovering over his suitcase, in fact, wearing no shoes or shirt, his jeans unbuttoned and unzipped (she would sleep with him in his underwear soon enough, so what did it matter if they flopped open a little now?) and holding a folded collared shirt in one hand and a suit on its hanger in the other.

He gave his companion a non-plussed look and decided to ask for help.  "I... don;t really know what to wear," he began and gave a bashful laugh.  "It\'s just... by this hour, they\'ll all mostly be drunk and not too worried about us and what we wear anyway, and since we\'re only going to sneak in and dance and see if we can snavel you some food, I was just thinking... jeans and a dress shirt?" he queried, his lilting upward at an uncharacteristically youthful (and rather cute) turn at the end.