Friendly Escape

[Existentially Odd]

It took a few nights for Kerr\'s predicament to reach a head.  He and Jenna enjoyed a cosy flight from the U.S. to Europe in his stylish jet, spending nearly the whole time curled into the leather upright chairs just behind the cockpit, looking at maps spread across the table and looking up things on his laptop to plan a rough itinerary for their fortnight.  She ate on the flight and he\'d been sure to do the same before they boarded, so all was well.

Sighting the beds on the jet prompted the discussion about his sire and first fledglings, so they spent a great deal of time addressing that, too (though he didn\'t go into extravagant detail about the hideous beginnings he had with them, of course).  When they arrived at the castle, Kerr took Jenna on a quick tour and then led her to the room she would be staying in, which had a connecting door through to his (they also shared the fireplace).

It was Sawyl\'s old room, with an extravagant three hundred year old four-poster bed (that they\'d bought new) and beautiful furnishings to match.  Kerr\'s bedroom had once been spartan, but he\'d filled it with gorgeous furniture through the past centuries until it was a perfect period snapshot of an Irish bed chamber from eight hundred years before.  His bed had no posts, but it was a queen size, with a massive, ticked mattress that Jenna would just about have to climb up onto to get in (and that laughing comment was quickly diverted into a discussion of her lighting the fire for the two of them).  There were no windows in these rooms, for they were in the heart of the castle, and each had an adjoining bathroom (that had been outfitted with thoroughly modern facilities).

Not long after they\'d placed their luggage and explored the bedrooms, the furniture he was there to receive arrived and there was a great fuss about where it would go, Kerr asking Jenna\'s opinion, even though he knew exactly where it was all to go (he only bought furniture for specific places now, not just because he liked them).  She was witty enough to know that about him and call him on it, which drew a laugh and appreciative hug from him.

Their second night was spent exploring the castle from top to bottom, with Kerr regalling his guest with tales of procurement that he thought would bore her silly within five minutes.  Perhaps it was the fact that her job and passion for artefacts took much the same route, but she stayed interested all night long, reacting perfectly to his tales about how he\'d found this and oohing appropriately at his stories of the life the furniture had seen, the famous personages to have occupied each.

When he went to bed that dawn, there was a smile on his face that wouldn\'t die, because he\'d had such a simple, good time in sharing everything with her - and he honestly believed she had, too - and he continued talking with her through the fireplace.  She wasn\'t doing so well with the cold in the castle, but she seemed to find a certain delight in lighting fires in the myriad of receptacles around the place (the servants seemed quite put out about not being able to help).

By the third night, they\'d fallen asleep talking to one another through a wall and were comfortable in their surroundings.  They got up, showered or bathed separately, dressed casually - for there was nothing special planned for the night yet - and went to the dining room, where Jenna was served breakfast foods.  They rugged up and went for a walk in the snowy countryside afterwards, experiencing a little of the village nearby (there weren\'t too many houses up close to the grounds) before returning to the castle.

It was then, sitting together against cushions, on a soft rug in front of a blazing fire while Jenna sipped a wine, that Kerr realised he was hungry.  Jenna smelled as good as she ever did

sex, sex in the sunshine, sweat and satisfaction and everything else good that starts with \'s\'

and she was nestled in against his chest and he began contemplating his weaknesses and failings once again.  Ash\'s words rang in his ears - he never had figured out what he\'d meant about getting things out of his system - and he found himself staring down at the beautiful, relaxed brunette leaning against his dark blue cashmere sweater so calmly.  His jeans had got a little wet on their hike but had dried in the face of the blaze before them, as had his socks.

"I should really go and find someone to drink from," he murmured, looking at the curve of her shoulder as the fingers of his right hand toyed with hers.

[Trillian]

The trip away with him had been lovely, and thanks to the time difference between the States and Scotland, she settled into Kerr\'s nightly routine with little difficulty.  She usually woke up early enough to see the sun set and catch the brilliant colours in the sky, and had taken numerous photographs, which she hoped to surprise Kerr with, but had wanted to get all the different vantage points around the castle first.  She had enough to show him tomorrow, all she had to do was plug in the camera\'s memory card into his laptop and he\'d be greeted by all the pretty sunset colours she\'d been fortunate to see.
 
She was looking into the fire (that she\'d started with her talents) and thinking about sunsets and surprises, when he surprised her with a comment of his own.  There was a pause as she waited for him to say something more, a suggestion perhaps, but none came.  She moved away from Kerr in order to set her glass down a good distance away from herself, not wanting to accidently knock it over, and then cuddled up to him again, not wanting to be away from his hold for too long, finding his hand with her own once more and entwining her fingers with his.  His statement still hung in the air between them, with her action with the wine glass as a response, though it wasn\'t the only one she had for him.
 
"Would you ever contemplate, me?" she asked after working up the courage to do so.  She imagined that his fangs piercing her skin would hurt, but when looking around Risk, there was obviously much pleasure to be had in the whole process once the vampire in question was drinking.  She wondered how that could be, how a blood letting could be pleasurable and intimate, the way Kerr had described it, and trusted him enough to answer her inner questions with a demonstration.

[Existentially Odd]

He looked down at her thoughtfully, his inner demon sighing at the thought of getting his fangs into her and tasting her... and, of course, getting very stirred up by the thought.

"Of course," he told her huskily, his tongue swiping his lips instinctively as he glanced at her throat - then he had the grace to look her in the eye once more.  "I\'d love to taste you but... I\'m afraid I wouldn\'t be able to end it there and that... would ruin everything," he told her awkwardly, swallowing so that his Adam\'s apple bobbed in his throat, showing her how much he wasn\'t saying.

[Trillian]

"You think I\'d be ruined?" she asked, after debating which part of his sentence to go for.  By what he\'d said, and how he\'d sounded, had tingles of awareness travelling along her spine.  She wanted him to not be so gentlemanly around her anymore, not when they were connecting so well, to make a decision one way or the other, and based on what he\'d just confided in her, he wanted her too.  The problem was his phrasing.  He didn\'t want to ruin what they had by advancing it, she guessed, but she couldn\'t see herself being stuck in this odd kind of limbo forever.

[Existentially Odd]

He chuckled, giving her a squeeze that ended with her more securely wrapped in his arms.  "No - well, in a sense I suppose yes, but not direly!  I just mean that I respect your standards with regard to... uh, sleeping with people and if I drank from you... it would affect you into possibly compromising those standards."

Staring at her, his gaze had already darkened as he thought about simply leaning down and kissing her throat, drinking from her until she was moaning and writhing, and not stopping there.  His body quickened, his nostrils flaring to drag more of her scent into him and the internal debate he always engaged in with himself started up anew.  She didn\'t sleep with people who didn\'t love her; he didn\'t love her.  Love and lust weren\'t to be confused and her presence in his life was too precious to open himself up to either.

"I know it would affect me into trying to convince you to change your mind," he told her thickly, meaning to smile but unable to do so, when what he said was an admission and not something to be taken lightly.  "I battle enough, just being close to you, as it is," he admitted, then pressed his lips together and frowned, doubting he should have burdened her with such information.

[Trillian]

"I\'ve been waiting for you to kiss me," she confessed, her voice soft and almost lost in the crackle of the fire but she knew he heard her.  On cue, thinking about him pressing his mouth to hers, she licked her lips with the anticipation of it, now doubtful it would happen.  He\'d just told her that he wasn\'t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with her - not in so many words, but she understood his intent - and she\'d already told him that she only took those men into her bed who were serious about her.  It would be a compomise of her standards, yes, but she now struggled to see why those standards were in place.  He cared about her, she thought, and she about him, a great deal, and they were both consenting adults with their eyes open about promises not being made.  With her decision made (and perhaps feeling a little reckless and carefree), she added;  "I\'m still waiting, Kerr."

[Existentially Odd]

He watched her tongue, her pretty lips moistened and glistening in the refractive light cast by the fire, glinting like diamonds with his supernatural sight and whimpered deep in his throat.  "God... " he breathed and then, with an almighty effort, released her to run a hand through his hair, pulling back slightly and shifting his gaze to the wall.

"Let\'s be rational about this," he told the stones, in a rational tone that declared he was weighing up the consequences of kissing her with the same brevity some judges gave murder trials.  "You want to be kissed, I want to kiss you.  Your skin smells like sex in the sunshine to me, but we\'d start with kisses, yes - and then what?"  He ran his hand through his hair again, wanting to get up and pace but still talking to the wall, past her.

"I don\'t want to stop there, that\'s what, and then we\'re somewhere where we both don\'t want to be.  I think... we need to... " he frowned and made a hurrying motion above her, wanting his words to get out of his mouth in the correct order.  He looked at her again.  "Think about it carefully!" he finished in a rush, like a cork popped from a champagne bottle.  "I don\'t want to ruin our... this," he insisted, gesturing at their cosy positioning, meaning their friendship, their companionship.

They were perfect for one another as friends.  As lovers... it would be disastrous.  Sinful and wonderful, but disastrous nevertheless.

[Trillian]

She was mortified.  She\'d offered herself blatently and he\'d refused, which was embarrassing to say the least.  Flustered, she didn\'t want to turn this awkward moment into one that would corrupt their lovely evening.  The last thing she wanted to remember was propositioning Kerr and finding him sticking to her values, which was unfortunate for them both.

Blinking a couple of times, she laughed it off, surprised that it sounded a great deal more natural than she\'d expected.  She reached for her glass of wine and took a sip of it before making herself curl against him, getting herself comfortable, though because their positions had slightly changed (or because of their dynamic, she couldn\'t be sure), she couldn\'t properly settle into the same nook she\'d been in before, but made do with what she had for not wanting to fidget.

"If we have to think about it, we\'re not doing it right," she said to the fire, for the side of her face was pressed mostly against his chest.  "Guess we\'re damned into just being friends after all."

Oh, it tugged her heartstrings to say it, but she wasn\'t going to fuss over his rejection like she had no class or control.

[Existentially Odd]

He believed her... mostly... except for her wording.  Damned? Damnation implied sacrifice, angst... torture.  Was it torturous to remain friends with him?  In a sense, he felt tortured by being close to her and constantly curbing his instincts, but he hadn\'t expected it of her.  She wasn\'t the walking libido type, she was far more sophisticated than that.  Was he making a mistake, though?  Putting his restraint all down to her values seemed... cowardly, if she was willing to compromise.  Did he want that of her, though?

No.  We both feel it, the attraction\'s there, but it wouldn\'t be right to act on it.
It smarts
stings
burns
aches
yearns
but it\'s for the best-
Think of Ben
Ben
goneandlostandIstilllovehimmyBen
took my heart
I\'m not a shell but the hurt of it, that sting... worse
far worse...
It\'s better this way.

He lay there for a good amount of time, thinking and holding her, searching for words that wouldn\'t slice through the dignity of the ones she\'d chosen and finding none.  Damned they were, and he supposed that damned they would stay, until he was ready to love her.  The thought brought a lump to his throat and tears to his eyes, but he blinked them away and was grateful she wasn\'t looking at him.  The black emptiness that had gouged out his soul had done its job well, and when his love left... could anything mend it?

Perhaps seeing Ben again, as he was now, living his life and happy, as he\'d requested, would make him less gun shy, more willing to accept that, perhaps, Jenna could mend it?

Or perhaps it would just be the fact that he\'s not him and you need a final reminder
a push
a chance to say goodbye
to know that he\'s okay, that that distress call won\'t happen again
- what was it anyway?  Why wouldn\'t he say, really? -
that he doesn\'t have that hold.
To prove he has no power over you.  Maybe you\'re whole enough.  Maybe it wouldn\'t be so bad, once you looked at him
and you could think of Jenna
and see him all okay
and it would be fine and you could try
with her
reassure yourself
- she\'s a demon -
that she could be perfect in every way, it\'s just you.
Fix you.
FIX YOU.

"I won\'t be long," he whispered at last, kissed her temple and got up to go and drink from one of the staff.  A few of them knew what he was and he went to one of them, to a man whom he didn\'t have to Dominate or dazzle with his mind, who appreciated the buzz it gave him but wasn\'t interested in anything else.

When he returned, they played board games until dawn was close upon them, and then they walked to their bedchambers hand in hand.  He left her at her door with an extended hug before he pulled back and smiled down at her, brushing her cheek with the backs of his fingers and telling her that she was the sweetest torture he\'d ever endured.  He then kissed her forehead and dragged himself away, to bed.

The next night she presented him with his photographic surprise and tears welled in his eyes once more.  He hugged her so tightly she had to laughingly request he allow her to breathe, and then he gave her a smacking kiss on the lips.  They laughed and it seemed all better between them again... except there was a tension they were both feeling, and it was at the corners of her mouth and it was in the frown line between his eyes.  Their looks were ruminative, lingering but the laughter was still easy to find and they spoke of none of it.

He pushed for them to leave the castle that night and continue on their way, deciding they didn\'t need to wait for the next night, as had been planned.  She agreed with a smile and they packed and climbed into his black BMW to explore the country at night.  They headed for England - they\'d decided they\'d finish their stay in Ireland, at his family home - but of course they had booked accommodation along the way.

While Jenna was driving, Kerr phoned ahead to warn them that their plans had changed, they\'d arrive a night early, and was told the dismaying news that only one of the rooms he\'d booked was available that night.  They\'d have to share a bed - a large one, yes, but one together all the same.  He asked if there was another one in the hotel that didn\'t meet his original specifications (which had been no light entering and away from the main thoroughfares, because they would need to sleep all day to recover from their bogus flight in) and was told there was - on the second floor, rather than the tenth, and a cheaper arrangement at that!  It was quite near the reception wing, which would be occupied (the reason rooms were so scarce was some sort of massive gardening group symposium that was kicking into gear even as they spoke) tonight, but it was highly unlikely rowdy guests would wander past through the day tomorrow.  The concierge hoped.

He booked it, just in case, and hung up, turning to look at Jenna apologetically.  She\'d heard the entire conversation and would likely be able to piece together what had transpired, so he didn\'t bother with preliminaries.  "I\'m sorry, I shouldn\'t have changed the plan.  It\'s probably best that we share the suite, I\'m sure we can spend the night together, civilly," he said, attempting a joke that somehow seemed to get caught in his throat.

Somehow, ridiculously, he was suddenly thinking of Ben again, of sharing a bed with him when he was just an acquaintance and experiencing a kiss that had echoed through ensuant separation and years of emotional turmoil; God, he was a fool.  And he was a fool for comparing Jenna and Ben anyway!  He had to stop that.

"The choice is entirely yours, though."

[Trillian]

It was the kind of decision she\'d wished he\'d made for her, though she knew it wasn\'t gentlemanly to do so.  He was encouraging her to permit them to sleep together, however, describing their nightly activity would be \'civil\'.  An unusual choice of wording, she thought, but she understood that he was promising her nothing would happen between them.  She liked lying in bed talking with him, and if they were going to be on separate floors, they would be forced to use phones, if they were going to talk at all.
 
"If you say it\'s for the best, I\'ll trust that," she said, glancing at him for a brief moment and then focussing on the road.  Immediately after telling him that sharing a suite was the best idea, she began to doubt herself.  Never mind, it was done, and she wasn\'t going to change her mind immediately after.

[Existentially Odd]

He laughed again and tried not to put too much thought into it as they continued on into the night... a difficult task, though he turned to discussing the country they were passing through to aid him.

They arrived at the hotel in the early hours of the morning, as they\'d planned, and checked in.  Kerr could hear the revelry in the reception wing upstairs still going on (even though it was almost two o\'clock), and made the snap decision that neither of them would take the second floor room.  He cancelled the booking and they headed up to their suite together.

Kerr placed their bags - which he\'d gallantly carried - on the holder near the bed and went first to check the window covers.  Deciding they were thick enough and that the glass was as heavily tinted as he\'d been assured it was, he was satisfied that he wouldn\'t be crisped by a stray ray of sunlight come dawn.

Unzipping his bag, he spoke to Jenna over his shoulder, humour in his tone as he sifted through his clothing in order to find some clothes that could suffice for bedwear.  "Order some room service if you want - or we could dress up, go downstairs and sneak into the party?  I\'m sure we could do an excellent job of convincing them we\'re avid gardeners!" he laughed, straightening up with his blue cotton boxers (they were as good as he was going to get) and a pair of briefs to wear beneath them.  He grinned at her, wondering if she\'d be up for such sport but prepared to go and have a shower and relax in their room if not.

[Trillian]

"Sounds fun!" she said at the idea of sneaking into a party - which sounded outrageous and not something she would\'ve thought of on her own.  She\'d made her mind up not to let her desire for Kerr cloud her enjoyment in this trip, not to ruin it for both of them.  She\'d justified that he\'d made the right call, even though it had hurt at the time, because it would likely save a lot more hurt for her down the track.  Kerr was a good friend, considering he\'d admitted his own desire for her, by not taking advantage of a weak moment.  Still, a small part of her quailed from the rejection, but she was determined not to let it take hold.  "It won\'t take me long to get ready," she promised.
 
She selected a dress fairly quickly, going for a shimmery black dress that was pretty enough to pass for formal wear even though it was best suited for cocktail parties.  She had the idea that the party would be dressy but not over-the-top, and she was hoping Kerr would choose a suit and not a tux.
 
"Shall I shower first?" she prompted leadingly, for she\'d need more time out of the shower afterward than he would for makeup and such.

[Existentially Odd]

He was so surprised, he turned on his heel and looked at her, backs of his hands leaning on his hips like an old, disapproving woman.  He didn\'t disapprove though, for his face was alight with mischief, a broad grin graced his lips and his eyes were twinkling at her.

The change of lifestyle to nocturnal meant that she was as wide awake as he and why shouldn\'t they have some sport to fill up the following few hours?  How late could a gardening symposium go, anyway?

"That\'s fine; you take the first shower, but if you\'re not done in ten minutes, I\'m coming in to join you," he warned, with a playful wink.  He had no such intent, but was already feeling a little giddy with the prospect of toying with some drunken mortals.  Anything for a distraction from being alone in the room with one of the most gorgeous women on Earth, right?

[Trillian]

She poked her tongue out at him in response to his empty threat and half-skipped into the shower.  She took a little bit of time in there, necessarily, but was done after fifteen minutes and came out wearing one of the hotel bath-sheets, which covered her modestly halfway to her knee.  Her hair was damp but she intended blowdrying it into place while Kerr showered.
 
"All yours," she called out, setting up her makeup neatly before her in front of the dresser, for the mirror in the bathroom had fogged up.  In her hand she held the dryer from the bathroom, and plugged it into a wallpoint that enabled her to stand in front of the dresser to watch her own work.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr had spent the time going through his suitcase and deciding what he would wear.  Watching Jenna exit and begin to put even more effort into getting ready than he\'d anticipated necessary only worried him more.  He was hovering over his suitcase, in fact, wearing no shoes or shirt, his jeans unbuttoned and unzipped (she would sleep with him in his underwear soon enough, so what did it matter if they flopped open a little now?) and holding a folded collared shirt in one hand and a suit on its hanger in the other.

He gave his companion a non-plussed look and decided to ask for help.  "I... don;t really know what to wear," he began and gave a bashful laugh.  "It\'s just... by this hour, they\'ll all mostly be drunk and not too worried about us and what we wear anyway, and since we\'re only going to sneak in and dance and see if we can snavel you some food, I was just thinking... jeans and a dress shirt?" he queried, his lilting upward at an uncharacteristically youthful (and rather cute) turn at the end.

[Trillian]

"Just put on a pair of trousers and a nice button-up shirt.  I\'m sure that\'s all they\'d have managed to throw together."
 
She\'d been looking at herself in the mirror, and just as she clicked on the hairdryer to style her hair, she realised what an incredible snob she must have sounded like.  Her eyes widened at her reflection, she looked over at Kerr, who wasn\'t staring at her like she was the most horrible person on earth, and added; "You know what I mean," even though he hadn\'t said anything.
 
She returned to blowdrying her hair, brushing the long strands out and drying them from underneath, so she\'d be able to twist it up into a french twist at the top of her head and put a few pins in it to keep it in place.  She estimated about five minutes for that, and thought she had a very good chance of being ready before Kerr, if he wasn\'t even in the shower yet.

[Existentially Odd]

He laughed out loud at her comment - and did think it was a more superior attitude than he\'d have believed her to claim, but it wasn\'t offensive to him.  It made sense, for they weren\'t anywhere near mainstream London yet, just a little township on the way, and the way the party had sounded, the locals were certainly putting their all into the festivities.

Dropping the shirt he held momentarily, he disentangled the pants from the suit hanger and laid the vest and jacket down - right before he pulled the vest out after all.  Grabbing the shirt, he then headed for the bathroom and closed the door, showering, soaping and shampooing at speed, before he got out, dried off, applied cologne and deodorant and dressed.

Although his ablutions were speedy, his modelling in the foggy mirror afterward were not, as he debated whether to keep the vest on and leave a few of the top buttons of the shirt open, or toss the vest and present the shirt by itself.  In the end, it took him putting the vest on and taking it off twice before he left it on, rolled the sleeves of the white shirt up and got the stiff collar into just the right position.

He walked out of the bathroom after twenty minutes, to find Jenna completely ready and although he pretended to be miffed when he stopped in his tracks, it was more the way she looked.  He grinned broadly, showing her his fangs and now trying to look cute.  "Shall we?" he asked gregariously and stepped closer to her, holding his elbow out.

[Trillian]

"We shall," she finished with a curtsey, then took his arm in order to be led to the party.
 
Once they got there, she had a splendid time spinning tall stories, giving each person she met a different variant on who she and Kerr were, and was delighted when they believed even the more incredulous lies, mostly because they were sloshed out of their brains.  When an argument started between a couple of the men, however, she found Kerr and asked him to lead her back to their room.  She\'d had a few cocktails herself, and being a lightweight meant she wasn\'t terribly steady on her feet, though she was conscious of her surroundings and exactly how unsteady she was.  The tall heels weren\'t helping much either.
 
"I\'m sorry," she apologised for the fifth time as she leant against Kerr while he fished out the room key.  With a broad smile on her lips, she didn\'t look very sorry, even though she was.  They\'d spent a mere two hours at the party, but it sounded like it was breaking up.

[Existentially Odd]

He looked down at her and chuckled, getting the door open and more or less carrying her into the room as he supported her less-than-stellar walking ability.  After a brief juggle with holding her up and getting the door closed, Kerr dropped the room key negligently on a chair as they passed by it, heading straight for the bed, where he gently helped her sit.

"Nothing to be sorry for," he told her belatedly, crouching down at her feet in order to help her remove her shoes.  "I like you dependent and giggly," he added with a wink and straightened up to place her shoes with the rest of her things.  He started unbuttoning his shirt as he returned to stand before her, giving her an over-the-top look of speculation.  "Think you can get your clothes off by yourself, or would ye\' like some help with that?"

[Trillian]

She wiggled her toes once her feet were free of shoes and secretly liked the feel of his cool hands upon her warm flesh.  She watched him move away from her, unbuttoning his shirt, and waited for the material to slip off his shoulders so she could admire what was beneath but it didn\'t happen.  She was still frowning lightly over that when he returned to her and made his remark.

First she smiled, but then the smile saddened.  She was unable to control her expression when she was tipsy, unable to hide how she felt, unable to put on her elegant front, and so she said the first thing that came into her mind.

"Only say that if you mean it," she whispered, and shuffled away from him because she knew he didn\'t.  He\'d rejected her advance and the hurt was still fresh.  She\'d put on a brave face and let it go but her heart hadn\'t.  On one hand she knew she was being juvenile and was horrified at her own behaviour, while on the other she felt courageous and pleased that she\'d said something so openly (well, implied it openly).

Once she had some space between her and himself, she stood up carefully (and easier now she had bare feet), not wanting to lean on him when she was trying to make a point (but the point was slightly lost even on herself).  Goodness, was she trying to pick a fight?  No, it wasn\'t so spiteful, she just didn\'t want him flirting with her if he wouldn\'t see it through.  Her dress zipper was at her side, and she undid it with her profile mostly to Kerr, feeling the dress loosen, and forgetting to hold it up with her other hand.  She reacted too slowly to a garment that slid loosely to the floor, and once again her false courage kicked in while she stood in her black lace bra and panties, pretending Kerr\'s presence didn\'t matter even as she crouched down to pick her dress up and to find herself a hanger for it.

[Existentially Odd]

She was beautiful when she was stoic.  She was beautiful when she was breathing.  He said nothing, unable to find the right words and unwilling to pierce her indignation with jokes when she deserved so much more.  It didn\'t matter that she was tipsy; it seemed to him that that was the catalyst for her showing her true feelings, in fact.  She moved off to hang up her dress and he watched her for a few moments before he stripped down to his boxers, tossing his clothing to a convenient place but uncaring if it landed accurately or not.

He frowned at the covers as he yanked them down, his mind working furiously to come up with a plan or an explanation... but the only thing he found was the truth.  He decided that that would have to do.  He climbed into the bed, puddling two pillows behind him until she was ready to join him, watching her move about surreptitiously, mostly looking at his fingers playing in the lee of his lap.

When Jenna approached the bed, he slid down onto his back, dropping one of the pillows onto the floor and turning off the lamp on his bedside table before he curled onto his side to face her.  The urge to embrace her while he spoke was strong, but he didn\'t want to confuse her by overloading her senses or giving mixed signals.  It seemed he was doing enough of that as it was.

"I don\'t mean to hurt you, you know.  And I do mean everything I say; I think you\'re gorgeous, sexy, intelligent, awesome... I want to be with you very much, in every sense of the word, it\'s just... damnit, I know it\'s stupid, but the truth is that I\'m scared.  I\'m so scared that I\'m not going to be what you\'re looking for, that I\'m not going to be... right. My last relationship... was a trainwreck.  A disaster.  The thing is, it was the best thing that\'s ever happened to me, at the start; I\'d never been in love, not like that.  When I was mortal, I believed I was in love with a woman - the woman who gave birth to my children while she was married to another man, as it happened - but then, four hundred years later, there was Ben, and I actually knew what losing my heart felt like.  And my soul, in the end.  I don\'t have a very strong record with romance," he divulged, saddened by admitting these flaws to her and doing his best to sound jovial by giving a little laugh (that just sounded sad, even to his own ears).

He licked his lips, uncertain if he should continue or if she\'d have something to say.  If she didn\'t speak quickly, he\'d add his final comment.  "I\'ve been quite lost since he left but you... you\'re like a light, showing me the way to being happy again.  I trust you, I already care about you... I can see myself falling in love with you but, naturally, I worry that that won\'t be enough, that I\'ll go through all that joy only to find the pain again, in the end.  It terrifies me.  As much as I want you and I think I\'m ready to try again... I\'m not certain yet, so I don\'t want to dick you around in the meantime."

[Trillian]

In the walk in wardrobe and out of his sight, she changed out of her underwear and slipped on a camisole that reached the top of her thighs.  It was a golden yellow with white lace trim and when she\'d packed it she\'d imagined that she would be sharing a bed with Kerr when she wore it.  There was no sense letting her fantasy down in that sense, though she had no doubt it would be let down in another, for he hadn\'t corrected her or come after her, like she\'d hoped.

She\'d let her hair down and brushed her fingers through it to loosen it before re-entering the room, her bra and panties on the floor of the walk-in, and taking ladylike care when climbing under the covers in order to remain concealed (though there was no excuse for not having any underwear on beneath her camisole, was there?).  When he shifted to face her, she almost believed he would reach out for her, but when he didn\'t and began to talk instead, she listened.

He said so much to her that she couldn\'t contain it into one emotional response.  It sobered her up, she thought, because there was no confusion, no dizziness as she lay down after he said those words.  She was quiet enough for him to continue his speech

confession?

until the end, and then there was silence in the room.  It was so quiet that she could hear the near-silent hiss of the fan pumping warm air into their room, keeping it at a comfortable temperature even though there was a chill outside.  Other than that, she could hear the walls shift and creak as she thought about the appropriate response to his inappropriate words.

Dicking me around?  In the dark her eyebrows had lifted at this phrasing, and the first thing that had come to mind was something dirty.  Her mind had moved past that, thankfully, but now she had his failed history of love to contend with.

"Nobody enters a relationship with confidence," she said finally, slowly.  The emotion that was most prominent was anger, peculiarly.  She was angry at him for being so stupid.  "Nobody gets it right.  It\'s about discovery, and allowing yourself to be happy and brave enough to want to find out what comes next.  Everybody\'s scared to be with someone new, but it should be exciting, too.  Trainwreck or not, if Ben had your heart, it was worth it at the time, wasn\'t it?  I had men in my life who failed me too, and I failed them.  There are so few people I connect with that... it makes you special, to me.  I care about you enough to offer myself physically.  I didn\'t need you to make a commitment to me."

Her eyes adjusted to the darkness as she spoke to him, and she could feel herself becoming aroused at the thought of having sex with him.  It was easy enough to imagine at the end of her speech that he would reach for her, touch her, make her sigh and moan like she\'d thought would happen during this trip, and her legs shifted closer together, as if to hide her desire, like he could see it.  Or smell it.  Was she like this because alcohol had removed her inhibitions?  No, she\'d already told him he could have her and he\'d chosen not to take her up on it.  This response of hers was like a second attempt at him, and she should\'ve been embarrassed by it, but she didn\'t care.  That was what the alcohol was doing for her, removing her fear at another rejection, which she expected almost as much as his touch on her skin.

[Existentially Odd]

Her reasoning, like her, was well measured, insightful... and wonderful.  He realised that her truth was also his; she was one of the few people he really connected with and it made her special, made him leap to conclusions and contemplate very serious ramifications, rather than just focussing on the fun and how wonderful they could be together.

He was sacrificing the potential of another wondrous relationship experience in favour of his fear of hurt.  It just seemed stupid, now she put it like that.

Of course, the fact that she was beautiful and laying beside him in a comfortable bed, covered by skimpy clothing (he assumed underwear) that he wanted to tear off her so he could kiss her all over might also have swayed his thinking on the matter.  He had a bad habit of worrying everything to death - it had been like that with Ben - and so maybe he shouldn\'t be doing that now; at that moment, he would happily throw caution aside, for indulging his desire for her was so much simpler.  And right, according to her.

He slid closer to her in the bed, reaching for her hands to hold in his as he did, using her topmost one to roll her onto her back so that he could lay his torso atop hers and pin her hands lightly to the pillow either side of her head.  He spoke as he went, saying: "So... what you\'re saying to me, in essence... "  And then, leaning down so that their lips were but a breath apart, he finished his dragged-out statement, looking into her eyes and wearing a sheepish little smile.  "Is that I\'m overthinking this?"

[Trillian]

"Yes," she breathed, her eyes wide and hopeful as she looked up at him, her heart racing beneath her breast.  Now that he\'d positioned himself over her, she knew he wasn\'t going to reject her again, which had her happy, excited and fearful - something she always felt just before taking a new lover.  There was trust with Kerr though, as there was trust with the few before him, and that lessened her fear and made the other two emotions more prominent.

He was close enough to kiss if she just moved her head a little, and he\'d stopped where he was on purpose, waiting for her to kiss him.  Instead of delaying it any further, a very short moment after her breath of affirmation, she tipped her head to meet her lips to his own, beginning their kiss gently and ready to follow his lead when he wished it.  Her hands reached up without conscious thought, only the desire to run her fingers through his hair as they kissed and to press her palm to the hardness of his back was prominent.

[Existentially Odd]

When she pressed against his hold, he released her hands in favour of wrapping his arms about her middle, rolling back so that he wasn\'t crushing the life out of her and taking more of her weight onto him so that his lower arm wasn\'t pressing uncomfortably against her rib cage.

She was incredibly soft.  He\'d taken numerous lovers since Jack was killed, but his fledgling was still the primary physical imprint he had to go on - spending so much time in bed with Ash and Carly hadn\'t impacted his soul so much as his body, but somehow, with a kiss, Jenna did.  She smelled of alcohol and mortal body odours mixed with soap and perfume and hair products but above all that was the heady scent that was the fire demon in her; it was her scent alone and it seared him with lust, his boxer shorts almost instantly too tight to keep on.

He wasn\'t shy with the kiss, he wanted to taste her too much.  His tongue quested its way inside her mouth and he drank her up voraciously, his head swimming with the sensory overload of having such an innately hot-blooded creature writhing in his arms.  He broke the kiss when he decided she probably needed air, but his lips continued to press and lick their way along her jaw and down her throat, drawn to her pulse instinctively.

"Have I ever told you," he murmured thickly as he went, leaning up on one elbow to get a better angle at moving over her body, his other hand sliding down her side to her hip and then lower, to cover her silky thigh, "that - to me - you smell like sex in the sunshine?  Just... heat and sweaty, slick bodies and rolling around just getting hotter and hotter?" he described eloquently to her throat (where that artery was taunting a whole other part of him), his lower body beginning to rock wantonly against her.

Very suddenly then, he lifted his head and looked down at her through the darkness, a sly grin upon his face that she likely couldn\'t see all that well.  "I\'ve always had such sinful, inappropriate thoughts with you.  It\'s obscene, the lengths of distraction the smell of your skin can drive me to.  I only tell you this to give you fair warning that this..." he looked down at where their bodies were pressed together, "is something I\'ve been thinking about for quite some time now.  Tell me if I\'m moving too fast, okay?"

[Trillian]

He was strong, and had no problem manouvering her in place.  She didn\'t resist him of course, moving with him when he rolled, responding as eagerly to the kiss as it built up as he would allow, finding herself dominated quite heavily with his tongue seeking hers out and not withdrawing for her to chase and follow.  She wondered if his lovemaking would be similar; aggressive, powerful, and it thrilled her to be with someone so different from what she\'d previously known.  Both her past lovers had practically been gentlemen in bed, and even though gentle caution was sweet and nice, she\'d wanted passion more so.  She thought she would get that now, and knew Kerr had centuries of experience which he would likely use to his advantage with her.

She made soft sounds of enjoyment as he moved to her neck next, liking the nibbles and kisses on her skin at a place where she was most sensitive.  As one of his hands moved to her legs and he propped himself up, she wondered if he would be surprised to discover she was bare to him beneath her short nightwear.  Initially the thought of it had made her feel naughty, but now with his touch on her, it made her feel sexy and risky.  As he spoke, she scratched soft long paths along his back and smiled broadly at the description he gave her, pleased that he\'d always thought of her that way for it meant she hadn\'t read his signals incorrectly - he\'d been holding back his desire for her and continued to treat her like a gentleman, which made him all the more appealing.

She responded to his rocking by lifting up her hips towards him in time, mimicking the rhythm she expected they\'d soon share, but then he pulled back to grin down at her (and she couldn\'t see it properly, but she still got a sense of his expression through the darkness enough to know if he was smiling or not), and confessed even more to her, before asking her permission to go as far as she would like and no more.

"Kerr," she began, moving her right hand to the side of his face, pressing her palm gently to his cheek and stroking her thumb against his lips.  "I\'m ready for many things to happen tonight, but if you manage to discover something I\'m uncomfortable with, I\'ll let you know," she promised, while also letting him know he would likely be able to do all he wished.

[Existentially Odd]

He gazed adoringly at her for a moment and then he pressed forward and kissed her again, his aggression only stoked by her compliance.  Moments later, he began his descent down her body, taking the covers with him and squeezing himself between her legs as his hands detailed her breasts and ribs and waist and hips.  His lips kissed each of her knees before he began working his way back up, pushing her nightgown up now, expecting to find material of some sort covering her beneath it...

Seeing her bare to him gave him pause and he swallowed right before he looked up her body, towards her face.  She was looking down towards him but couldn\'t see him in the darkness.  "I don\'t mind if you want to turn on a light," he told her thickly, for he intended to be down there a while and he was excited by the prospect of her watching him pleasure her.  Besides, a light for her was only squaring up the circumstances; he could see perfectly well.

After that, he put his tongue to much better use than talking and, as it turned out, he didn\'t find anything that made her uncomfortable (beyond, perhaps, the different bits of furniture he insisted on bending her over or placing her on top of).  All night and even into the day.

~*~

When Kerr awoke the next evening, the first emotion that greeted him was guilt.  Overpowering, mind-numbing guilt like he\'d cheated on

Ben

someone and would be caught naked and entwined with Jenna in his bed at any moment.  The feeling was so strong, in fact, that he panicked and snatched blankets up to cover himself then leaned up onto his elbow with a start, to stare around the room.  Realising how stupid he was being, he then relaxed and flopped back down onto the bed, his sleep-fuddled mind clearing and telling him that he was imagining things, that yes, he was in Europe with someone he\'d begun allowing himself to care about (a lot), but no, it was not with Ben.  Stupid.

Kerr hugged Jenna close response, and kissed her shoulder, her neck, her cheek, nuzzling her awake.  "Wake up, sleepyhead," he murmured, "London awaits!"  they would continue their journey to the capital tonight and then onto Ireland in a few nights\' time.  The majority of their trip still stretched out before them but Kerr was newly invigorated now... and wondering if he should be cancelling the separate room bookings he had waiting for them in England.  "How do you feel?" he asked, kissing Jenna\'s swollen lips (she had such a delightful pout on her after a night of lovemaking, he decided) and taking his first step towards testing how she felt about what they\'d done the night before and whether she would expect it to continue from here on in.

With dismay, he then remembered that she\'d been a little drunk when they\'d come back to the room the night before.  What if she freaked out and didn\'t remember any of it tonight?!

[Trillian]

"Mmhmmm, good," she replied, curling into him as much as she could and pressing herself against him, nuzzling her face into his shoulder and neck after squirming into a more comfortable position.  She felt sore, and extremely satisfied, but she wasn\'t so gauche as to declare this.  Her positive reply was enough, she thought, to let him know she was pleased with last night\'s events.

It wouldn\'t take her long after waking to ask if Kerr wanted to change their bookings for the rest of their stay, so that they would remain in the same bedroom.  Being a little tipsy last night had given her the courage to say what she\'d said to him, and for that she was glad, because she was happy with how things turned out.  Now she had the courage to flirt quite obviously with him, as they\'d finally consummated their attraction to one another.  She didn\'t know how her relationship with Kerr would turn out, considering their striking differences, but there was no point not seeing where it led when there was an obvious mutual attraction and caring.