Brothers (continued)

[Trillian]

(continued from Brothers)

Throughout the car ride Ben had said nothing, though he hadn\'t sulked nor feared Kerr\'s wrath so much as felt apologetic that things had gone south between himself and Ichabod once more.  He\'d promised Kerr that he would try and smooth things with Kerr\'s second fledge, but it was proving more difficult in deed than in words.

When Kerr reeled on him and Ichabod, he\'d at first felt sheepish in the face of Kerr\'s temper, for his sire had a point, but then Kerr said something that sparked anger in him.

"Defying you?" Ben replied questioningly.  "I thought we were equals, not that I\'m your medieval wife."

He could\'ve argued the fact he\'d wanted to support Kerr in his time of need.  He could\'ve argued that he\'d stayed because he felt obliged to watch over him.  Even though Ben himself was helpless against a foe like Lazarus, it was hardly the point.  He\'d stayed because he loved Kerr, and figured Kerr had wanted to send them away because he loved them.  Such a reasonable argument was lost in the face of his temper however, and in the time that Kerr and Ben had got to know one another, Kerr had discovered that Ben had a short fuse.

Kerr might think he had a different version of Ben thanks to the time they\'d lost with one another, but Ben had always been quick to anger, the main difference now was instead of keeping it inside of himself and turning it inward and negatively poisoning his opinion on himself and others, he let it out to face the issue.  It was healthier this way, though certainly not more peaceful.  He wasn\'t shouting at Kerr, though.  It took a lot for Ben to raise his voice, and as Ichabod knew all too well, Ben could be menacing enough quietly.

[Existentially Odd]

"Don\'t be asinine," Kerr spat, goaded further by Ben\'s response.  They hadn\'t had a fight in a very long time - and they\'d had some doozies, for sure - and something frustrated in him relished the fight back.  He was confident enough in their relationship now to feel he didn\'t have to worry about Ben slinking away and ending everything just because he\'d got a negative response, too.

"When it comes to times of danger, we are not equals, I\'m your sire and I told you it would be best if you left!  You knew I wanted you two the fuck away from there but you stayed, distracting me and making everything worse!"  His right hand had come up, pointing aggressively towards Ben\'s chest around the time he declared the two of them to not be equals, and then waving around, randomly punctuating his further remarks.  He was leaning forward too, his voice raised and passion rolling off him in waves.

If he\'d taken the time to stop and think about it, he\'d realise it was just a release of tension and relief that everything had turned out alright, but there was no time, with Ben fighting back.  Plus, it felt good to let it all out.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod chewed on his lower lip, as his gaze drifted between the other two. He felt like a complete intruder on a private argument, but he wasn’t sure where he would be allowed to leave or not when he felt like he should. But there was the worry that Kerr was about to turn that anger and raised voice on him which was also making Ichabod want to disappear.

The young vampire shifted his feet awkwardly on the floor, turning his gaze away from the couple, not wanting them to feel like he was prying on a private argument. Maybe they wouldn\'t notice if he slipped off... But if he tried and Kerr rounded on him then, well, it wasn\'t worth it.

[Trillian]

Ichabod\'s nervous anxiety could be easily read in his body language, in Ben\'s peripheral vision.  The other fledge\'s twitching movements brought him into Ben\'s conscious thought and he included the other in his argument.

"So it\'s okay if Ichabod and I stick together, but it\'s not okay for us to support you?"  Ben mocked straight back, his voice still even but inside he was a turmoil of emotion.  He was grateful that he\'d always managed a cool facade, for he was feeling anything but, and a display would only retract from his argument.  He held his right hand in front of his face, between Kerr and himself, five fingers splayed, the back of his hand shown to Kerr, and then wiggled his ring finger.  "Did you really think Lazarus would care about your powers?  To him we might as well both be fledglings."

He didn\'t mention the fact it was obvious Kerr had put all his faith in the Mimics, considering one had come home in the same car as them.

[Existentially Odd]

"To him, we are fledglings!" Kerr exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in frustration before they both landed back on his hips.  "That\'s not the point!  I had backup with me, I\'m not a fool!  Support me, by all means," he agreed, glancing at Cub to include him in the statement as well

he looks like a little kid trying to slink under a table because Mummy and Daddy are having a fight

before he looked back at Ben.  "But do it from a distance, that is all I asked of you!  You know as well as I do how Lazarus likes to use you as leverage to get under my skin - both of you," he declared, shooting another look at Cub, "and you two being there just turned you into playing pieces.  I\'m well aware that I no longer have any advantages against the fuckhead, but the least you could have done was put some goddamn proximity between us and my Achille\'s heels, that\'s all I wanted!" he huffed loudly.

He took a moment then, running one hand through his hair while the other rested on his hip, beginning to calm down.  Things were beginning to settle back into perspective for him, the haze of burning anger to dim and allow him to recall the details.  He glared at Ichabod.  "And why the fuck were you out of the club on your own, anyway?"

[pinkroses]

Ichabod had lifted his gaze to look at Kerr as the Irishman included him as well in the discussion and he slipped his hands into his back pockets, his shoulders hunched defensively. When Kerr finally turned his wrath on his youngest fledgling Ichabod took in a sharp breath, but stopped himself from taking a step backwards. He shot a glance towards Ben before looking back to Kerr.

His first impulse was to blame Ben, to say the blonde had goaded him into it, but there had been other options, other choices and he’d chosen badly.

“I… I just needed to get out. Get some air, get… away,” from Ben “It was stupid. Sorry,” Ichabod said quickly, knowing that probably wouldn’t be good enough to a reason and hoping that Ben’s name hadn’t been picked up on.

"It\'s not like you didn\'t know where I was though. And I didn\'t just go off, I was just outside. There were still demons there," Ichabod added in protest, although he knew instantly he should have just left it as it was. But he knew he might have projected Ben\'s name before and he didn\'t want Kerr to round on Ben again because of it. Fuck knows what Ben would do then - it wouldn\'t be good for Ichabod though, the brunette knew it.

[Trillian]

Ben was disappointed with the way the argument had gone, but it felt like it was over now.  He\'d said what he felt needed saying, except Kerr had taken it and waved it back into his face somehow.

After seeing Kerr rounding on Ichabod, and then hearing what Ichabod had to say for himself, he\'d thought that part of the argument was over too.  But his blood brother had to continue on with justifications.

"It was my fault," Ben said, surprising himself with his declaration.  Why was he putting his neck out for Ichabod when he\'d thought the other\'s choice to go outside was ridiculous at the time?  "He wanted to go and I wanted to stay."  This part was true enough.  "I meant to join him sooner than I did."  That part was dubious, but it wasn\'t like Kerr could claim it was false.  Ichabod, however, could hang Ben out to dry by contradicting him.  Ben had, after all, ordered Ichabod back inside.  He could still argue the point, but it wouldn\'t look good.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr frowned at Ben, shocked to hear him accept responsibility for Ichabod\'s position outside the club.  He didn\'t even need to be a mindreader to have understood that Cub had wanted to get away from Ben

Get away?
Away from what?
Gee, let me guess now... what are you always trying to find space away from...
Could it be... Ben?
Duhhhh!

yet here his lover and primary fledgling was, defending his blood brother.  It was certainly a surprise and the Irishman blinked a few extra times than was necessary, beneath his frown.

Kerr agreed.  He was sure it was Ben\'s fault that Ichabod had been out there on the street... just as much as it had been the younger fledgling\'s fault that he\'d reacted to something Ben had done or said.  It was the way it always was, and it was as wearying as fuck.  He ran a hand over his face tiredly, rolling his shoulders back in an effort to relax as the hand continued through his hair and latched on to the back of his neck.

"Fuckit, maybe it\'s time you two spent more time apart," he grunted, giving a little shrug of defeat as he looked between them both.  His words more or less conveyed that he didn\'t really believe there\'d been a congenial decision made to split up, but he was beyond arguing about it any more.  Ben and Cub had had enough of being forced together and their sire had certainly had enough of asking them to do it.

"Granted, not the wisest move with Lazarus back in town but, unless you want to lock yourselves in this tower, he\'ll find you if he wants to, regardless of you being paired or solo.  I tried to send him off on Halwyn\'s scent but who the fuck knows how well that worked?" Kerr shrugged again, dropping his hand off his neck and hooking the thumb into the edge of his slacks waistband.  With the other hand still on his hip, he looked like an extraordinarily well-dressed cowboy - hardly an appropriate posture for a two thousand dollar suit, but what did he care?

He looked from one to the other resignedly, expecting to be overwhelmed as they immediately leaped at the chance of being freed from the bond he\'d invoked upon them at the start of Ichabod\'s training - that they look out for one another, stick together in crowds, help each other minimise the pressures of being \'the Luminary\'s fledglings\'.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod glanced towards Ben as the blonde leapt to his defence, unsure what to make of it. But he knew he should be grateful, even though no doubt Kerr would see right through the lie. Ichabod worried for a moment that the lie would anger Kerr further, but they were more fortunate than that.

At Kerr’s words Ichabod’s gaze turned towards his sire and a smile lit up his face. He knew he should try to hide some of his happiness, but he was ecstatic at the idea of not having Ben with him everywhere he went, not having to agree on where to go, not having to try to get along with someone he would rather stay away from. He tried so hard to get along with Ben, but they grated on each others nerves so much, they could both be on their best behaviour and would still end up snapping at on another. Even without everything that had happened between them Ichabod doubted they would ever have got along well.

But it wasn’t just about getting away from Ben. Ichabod was fed up of feeling like Kerr thought he needed a babysitter. Their sire must trust them both enough to allow this and Ichabod was determined not to let him down. He did manage to stop himself bouncing excitedly towards his sire and wrap a hug around his neck though, tricky as it was.

About time,
Thank God,
This is brilliant!

He didn’t try to project the thoughts, but they were clearly visible on his face, as well as the feeling of relief. He doubted they would go down terribly well said outloud or intentionally mentally - after all, they were still brothers, but what brothers really got along that well?

“Thank you, we’ll be fine alone. Even with Lazarus in the city,” Ichabod said, still smiling broadly, forgetting for now Ben’s guess that Lazarus would go for the brunette first, but the thought of the ancient did remind Ichabod of what he had wanted to ask earlier.

“How did it go tonight?” he asked, taking a small step closer to Kerr. He wasn’t sure if Kerr’s mood aftert the meeting had been just due to them or whether it was something Lazarus had said as well.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr gave a noncommittal grunt and shrugged one shoulder.  "It went as it usually does.  He doesn\'t seem to harbour any desire to be back here," he mumbled, swinging an elbow to indicate the foyer around them as he turned his thoughtful look upon Ben.

[Trillian]

To hear Kerr\'s declaration that they were better off apart brought a frown to Ben\'s face.  So, that was it then.  He\'d given up.  As Ichabod spoke his obvious joy, Ben lowered his gaze and inspected the flooring.  He wanted to mumble an excuse to leave so he could think about his relationships with each of them but hung around in order to hear the reply to Ichabod\'s question.  He wanted to know how it had gone as well, and though he didn\'t expect details further than what they\'d already heard, he stayed long enough to see if there was a chance for more information.

Kerr had a quick reply, as Ben suspected he might.  After a brief pause, he could feel eyes on him so looked up to meet Kerr\'s stare.  Upon making contact with it, he slid his gaze to Ichabod and then back again.  There was a hollow sensation in his chest and in his gut that he remembered well, even though it had been a long time since he\'d felt it.

He was ashamed.  If Kerr didn\'t say anything in the next few seconds, Ben was going to make noises about going to the library and get himself out of the penthouse in order to straighten his thoughts out.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr didn\'t miss what seemed to be a pointed look from Ben - between Ichabod and himself - and he was puzzled by his lover\'s reaction.  Watching him and trying to figure out what that sour feeling he could detect coming down their bloodline was, the blonde declared he was going to the library and it spurred Kerr into action as well.

"I\'ll travel down with you," he declared, "I left things in rather a mess to go and see fuckhead."  He looked at Ichabod, standing closer to him, and stepped forward to grasp the fledge\'s upper arms gently.  He swiped a vague kiss across the younger\'s forehead - not a typical farewell from him, to be sure, but he was not in a particularly loving mood with the pair of them at the moment - and stepped into the lift after Ben.  Since the box had only just arrived there, it hadn\'t been called away.

He pressed the floor button he wanted as he walked in, then took up a position on the other side of the lift to Ben, watching him without too much emotion displayed on his face.  You alright? he asked, because the lift doors were barely closed and he didn\'t necessarily want to speak in front of Cub.  He wasn\'t sure why.  It just seemed that Ben wasn\'t reacting too well to his freedom and it was fitting to begin the conversation in private.

Of course, it was a fairly non-committal kind of question and bespoke the fact that he wasn\'t in an emotional mood.  If Ben chose to answer blithely, Kerr felt he wouldn\'t really care, at that moment.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod’s happiness at being granted more freedom faded swiftly as he saw Ben’s expression and Kerr’s reaction. What was wrong with everyone?

His eyes slipped shut as Kerr kissed his forehead and Ichabod managed to stop himself from frowning, at least until Kerr had moved beyond him into the lift. The younger vampire slipped his hands into his pockets as he was left alone and slowly wandered further into the apartment, wondering what to do with himself now. It was tempting to go out… now it was permitted for him to go alone, but Ichabod suddenly wasn’t in the mood.

[Trillian]

Ben waited for the doors to close and for the box to begin its rapid descent before replying verbally, not having the mental stamina to reply to Kerr the same way he\'d been addressed.  Considering his thoughts were revolving around what Ichabod and himself had been like historically (the part he knew, anyway), it was difficult to focus on a conversation.

"I\'m okay," he said, though the words travelled with a long expulsion of breath.  He seemed like a man defeated, and he snuck a quick glance at Kerr to see if his words would be accepted or if Kerr would push further.  Ben wouldn\'t resent him if he did, or even if he didn\'t.  He did, however, give Kerr a helpful start as to what (or rather, who) was on his mind.  "I\'m more of a loner than Ichabod, by nature."

Even so, he was sure the other fledge was celebrating the fact Kerr had given up on the pair of them being friendly.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr\'s gaze drifted away from Ben and he had to force down several bitter replies to that statement.  He settled for muttering a dreamy, "Oh, I\'m well aware of that," as he stared at the floor number displayed on the LCD screen ahead of him changing in rapid descending order.

"I don\'t know that he\'ll move out immediately to give you all your space back, but I don\'t suppose it\'ll be too long," the Irishman remarked placidly, now sparing a glance for his lover.  "He can have the Capital."  He knew Ben would understand he meant their old apartment, in the Capital Building.

The statements were calm, offhanded, reinforcing that he was resigned to accepting whatever came from decreeing that his fledges could separate.  It wasn\'t like Kerr had put too much hope into the three of them staying in the one home forever - especially with the way things could be going swimmingly one minute and the next his fledglings were at one another\'s throats.  He\'d always known that Cub would need to leave them and he\'d always planned to put him somewhere close and safe, he\'d just never stated it out loud.

Really, it was a miracle they\'d lasted as long as they all had together, considering their twisted history.  He didn\'t blame anyone more than he blamed himself for that; he shouldn\'t have listened to Ben tell him siring Cub was the way out of his despair (though it had been, really), shouldn\'t have trusted that they\'d all be able to play happy families considering the sex, the lies, the games they\'d played.  He should\'ve ended it sooner, in all likelihood, but it was what it was.