Thin Ice

[realworldweirdo]

(Reserved for Existentially Odd)

Conner had decided to go with the more formal route for meeting with Kerr about his concerns, and had made an appointment two days in advance. Jake had thrown him badly, when he\'d suggested he replace Brianna, for several reasons. The options presented to him were disturbing and he felt he was within his rights to discuss them personally with Kerr - a discussion that he thought was probably going to be more frank and tense than one would normally prefer.

In anticipation of his meeting, he had dressed up by his standards. The importance of making a good impression had finally gotten beaten into his head, but he had yet to be bullied into acquiring a suit. Instead, he was wearing black slacks and a dark gray cotton oxford shirt with a black silk tie. At some point, he didn\'t remember when, he\'d acquired a pair of black leather military-style boots that were polished to a low shine; he guessed they had been a gift from Jake or Scott at some point. A shiny steel tie clip and black leather belt with a steel buckle completed his wardrobe. His hair was styled neatly, but not formally, and he smelled lightly of aftershave rather than his usual smokey fragrance created by a constantly shifting blend of cigarettes. He\'d avoided smoking all night so as to smell pleasant for this meeting.

Nervously, he waited in the reception area outside of Kerr\'s office. Hopefully, either the aide would tell him to go in for his meeting soon, or Kerr himself would invite him in. He was quite early, so he anticipated a wait, but now it felt like time was grinding him away. Still, he did his best to be patient and school his expression into calmness; it wasn\'t particularly effective.

[Existentially Odd]

Conner was there only ten or so minutes before the lift nearest Kerr\'s office (the largest room on the third floor by only a small margin) opened and the reason for him not being attended to would become clear.  Kerr\'s aide was with him, juggling files and taking new ones from the small pile Kerr was holding as he glanced through the paperwork and made comments while they walked out of the lift and down the walkway between all the Oligarch\'s offices.

"No," the Irishman frowned, balancing his pile of paperwork on his left arm while he flicked through the sheets within the topmost one with his right hand.  "I don\'t see it on the floorplans, perhaps in the code violations notes...?" he queried, pausing in the middle of the carpeted space (a couple of metres from where Conner was sitting in a plush armchair in one of the communal waiting areas) to search his pile.  His aide - a young demon that only reached Kerr\'s shoulder in height and was dressed in a smart navy suit with a bluetooth phone receiver curled around one ear - was a step ahead of him, pulling out one of the files he held and causing a very serious bit of folder juggling to go on before he plopped it unceremoniously on top of Kerr\'s.

"Oh!" Kerr exclaimed when what he wanted appeared on top of his pile and he flashed a brief smile at his aide before he opened the folder, muttering to himself.  "Damn city permits only coming in hardcopy, what the fuck do they think we\'d do with digital versions?  That hasn\'t already been - yes!  There it is!" he exclaimed with marginal excitement, leaning the pile of papers balanced on his arm towards his aide.  Unfortunately, his aide had (while he\'d been muttering) spied Conner in the chairs ahead, had whipped a smartphone out of his pocket, swiped his thumb across the screen a few times and now glanced at his boss.

"Your nine o\'clock\'s early," he said, tilting his head ever so slightly in Conner\'s direction.  "Conner Iessan," he supplied subtly, having made the appointment a couple of nights before but not having been told whether his boss knew the visitor.  It certainly wasn\'t his place to ask anything beyond what length of appointment said visitor might require and he was a model of decorum in such things.  Supplying the name of the visitor was a polite prompt for Kerr, in case he\'d forgotten what - and who - was on the appointment schedule for the evening.

Surprised, Kerr looked in the indicated direction, his mouth open as if he was about to say something else when he\'d been interrupted and now couldn\'t remember what he\'d been going to say.  He blinked owlishly at the young-looking vampire for a moment, before the surprised look melted away.  "So he is," he murmured softly, giving a little laugh that indicated his pleasure at seeing the vampire after a stretch of at least two years, a smile forming slowly before he remembered himself and looked back at his aide.  "You\'ll be able to-?"

"Certainly," the aide replied briskly, not needing to be told what to do as he scooped all of Kerr\'s folders down upon his own and walked smartly towards his desk, past where Conner was sitting.  He spared the vampire a conciliatory nod as he went, his mind obviously on the work he\'d just agreed to do.

Kerr veered towards his visitor, his right hand out to be shaken and his smile genuine.  His suit was a deep, smooth black, the collared shirt beneath a rich red.  His tie was black with red flecks through it and his shoes were made of expensive, well-shined leather - also black (if his suit wasn\'t tailored so perfectly to his broad frame, a flash of red socks might be seen but it was unlikely while he was walking).  "Conner!  It\'s good to see you under much more auspicious circumstances," he greeted, his brown eyes twinkling at his little joke.  The fact that they both could have ended up dead in that warehouse two years ago could be laughed about now, it seemed.

[realworldweirdo]

Conner was slightly surprised by the warmness of the greeting, but he took it as a good sign and smiled in return. He stood and met Kerr halfway, extending his hand in anticipation of it being shaken.

"Kerr," he responded, trying to match the other\'s friendly tone but his uncertainty about using Kerr\'s first name instead of his title or last name caught the greeting and left it with an awkward twist. His smile was real, though, and stayed on his face with genuine pleasure. The memories of the raid had faded somewhat, but remembering that Kerr had been willing to enter the fray with them was a comfort. "It\'s good to see you, too. Congratulations, perhaps late, on your new office."

That hitch caught his voice again, betraying his intense and sudden awareness that he\'d avoided Kerr like the plague since his change in station. His left index and middle fingers began to toy with the corner of his pocket, betraying his nervousness at the conversation to come. Conner\'s eyes tried to wander of their own accord, but he brought them back to Kerr\'s face each time, trying to keep from looking as indecisive as he was. Of course, Conner being who he was, it failed miserably, but the effort was there.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr pulled a face at the congratulations - not in a manner intended to be dismissive of the gesture, but simply because he didn\'t feel gaining this \'office\' deserved such a sentiment.  His nose wrinkled, his lips skewed and a minute shrug of his shoulders accompanied the brief tilt of his head, all of it combined in an, \'Eh, what can you do?\' sort of way.

"Congratulations... or condolences?" the Luminary prodded, noting the awkwardness of the boyish-looking vampire.  Overall, he couldn\'t seem to hold himself steady and Kerr\'s heart sank quietly.  He\'d hoped for a spontaneous social visit (odd as that would be), but Conner\'s manner denied that.  With visions of more grand warehouse adventures burdening his thoughts, Kerr\'s expression turned a little more grim and he became business-like quite suddenly.

"Come to where we can speak privately, anyway," he invited briskly, preceding Conner with a sweeping arm that dropped as they walked a short distance to a closed door with his name inscribed on the brass plaque on it.  He opened it and stepped in, standing somewhat behind it as he waited for Conner to enter, then closed it behind him.  The large room was more or less square, though the side walls were skewed to give it more of a parallelogram shape.

There were two distinct sections; a lounge area just inside the doorway and a large desk with two chairs facing it at the back of the room.  The walls were mostly lined with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, though the wall behind the expansive desk presented as numerous wooden panels - and all the doors were closed.  There were no books beyond those doors, though; there were numerous widescreen monitors, a computer, a safe and a row of filing cabinets for highy sensitive material.  Getting the doors to slide open had proved a great headache for Kerr at first, for the security necessary was high and sentient (it seemed); it hadn\'t liked him trying to get at the heart of the Oligarchy\'s secrets.

To the right of the desk (when he was sitting at it) there was a discreet bathroom, for the original Luminary had been ostensibly mortal, but Kerr had never had cause to use it.  It was the reason the wall was skewed on that side though; its opposite was skewed for decorative purposes, to match the inclined outer walls of all the offices, that give a chevronned effect when walking down the wide corridor between.

Where there weren\'t books on the shelves about the room (and Kerr had had very little cause to do more than simply glance at the titles), there were pretty green pot plants and objets d\'art.  On one spare piece of wall an elegantly-framed erotic drawing of him, naked and entwined with Mandy - drawn by her hand, of course - had finally found a home, though there were framed photographs of him and Ben and him and Ichabod on the desk (the back of the frames would no doubt be all that Conner would see, however), along with his laptop and stationery caddies.  The oddest object on any of the shelves was hard to spot but it indicated that there were touches of him scattered everywhere in this room; he had a framed lock of his sire\'s ringletted hair, kept for almost four hundred years for no apparent reason.  Until his death, it seemed.

"Please, sit," Kerr invited, allowing Conner a moment to look around as he moved to an armchair close by.  The lounge setting was covered in chocloate brown leather and consisted of a three seater and two armchairs positioned facing each other at the large sofa\'s ends.  A small elliptical coffee table filled the space between all the comfortable seats, upon it a very old cast iron statue of Themis, the Roman Goddess of justice and law - a lady most commonly called Blind Justice in modern times.  She was one of the few things of Halen\'s that Kerr had kept, loving the heavy feel of the miniature statue, as well as the craftsmanship and antiquity of it.  In his position, he felt it important that he wield a sword but remain as impartial as possible and he took the role seriously enough to put her in an obvious place at the front of his office.

Once Conner had chosen to position himself in either the lounge to Kerr\'s left or the armchair opposite, he spoke, unbuttoning the lower buttons on his jacket as he got settled.  His posture was wary but predominantly relaxed, his feet splayed and angled slightly forward; he also undid his suit jacket all the way and spread the lapels, indicating his level of comfort in he situation thus far.  "Tell me... to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?" he asked, his expression serene and mildly curious despite the trepidation he felt.

Those damn warehouse images wouldn\'t stop filing through his brain, no matter how hard he tried to remain optimistic.

[realworldweirdo]

Conner took a seat on the sofa, at the far end from Kerr, after absorbing the details of the room. He\'d made the appointment, and be damned if he didn\'t follow through on his intentions. The atmosphere of the office helped, though. It confirmed his thoughts of Kerr; that he was fair, had a heart, hadn\'t lost what made him a man. The presence of Themis also allayed his anxiety; most of the Tremere had shunned the idea of justice in favor of power.

Nothing like Hesiod\'s office, he thought to himself, then tightened his mental defenses when he realized the thought had slid along the outside of his consciousness instead of being restrained. He hadn\'t broadcast it, but it had been visible if Kerr had been listening. Conner didn\'t know what Kerr\'s telepathic abilities were like, but he knew that Jake was far more skilled than he was himself. Kerr might be that increment better than Jake. Fuck, but he was off-balance trying to think on his feet and act with proper decorum at the same time.

"I hope it is pleasurable, although I expect it might become rather intense," he replied at last. Then, realizing how that might be taken, let his pretense of formality drop. Wincing, he shook his head and sighed gustily.

"Fuck it. I\'ll be casual and get to the point. Jake wants me to take Brianna\'s old job. I wanted to know if he\'d been under any pressure from.... anyone, to get me on the books. Considering that he\'s been fine with employing me as his personal enforcer for several years now. There isn\'t a problem, is there? Do I need to be worried?"

At the word worried, Conner\'s mind opened incrementally, and he took a psychic look around the room, and tried to look into the rooms on either side and the hall, looking for demons or Ancients, or any other beings that could be a threat to him. He\'d unconsciously shrunk back slightly into the stuffing of the sofa, making himself appear smaller and even younger than he usually did, eyes wary.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr\'s expression was blank as he processed Conner\'s words, his eyelashes fluttering as if that might help him better understand what was being said.  Personal enforcer for several years now?  Get him on the books... meaning he\'d been... off the books... as an enforcer?  What the fuck?

"Uh, I\'m sorry," Kerr apologised, shifting into a more upright position in his chair, barking a humourless little laugh to accompany the words, his smile brittle.  "I\'m having trouble... with, uh... exactly what do you mean?  In what sort of role are you a \'personal enforcer?  For... Jake, I gather?"  His head tilted, his frown deep and baffled.

He had a feeling that the question was redundant, but his thoughts were spinning so rapidly, he wasn\'t sure about where the head and where the tail of this beast was, just that it was important he try to get a hold of one or the other as swiftly as possible.  He\'d understand then, hopefully.

The warehouse images were no longer troubling Kerr; now he was thinking specifically of Jake and what the fuck his oligarch was dabbling in.  The Oligarchy was certainly not in the enforcing business, as far as he knew!

[realworldweirdo]

Conner blinked owlishly several times, trying to process how Kerr wasn\'t understanding this. When he\'d been exiled, it had been common for influential and powerful vampires to have enforcers. Vampires who took the commands of the elite and made them a reality for the general populace. A little thrown by the unexpected communication glitch, he tried tentatively to explain.

"When Jake needs to have something done, he hires me to do it," he began, then started over hastily. "Not to say he doesn\'t use Oligarchy resources for Oligarchy business. He does, as far as I know. I have a side business," he ran out of words for a moment, but only a moment before continuing. "I clean up messes for beings who can\'t on their own, things that they might not normally take to the Oligarchy. I report the details to Jake, and he instructs me on what to do with the situation. The Oligarchy\'s network of spies is good, but no information network is perfect. I help catch some of the things that would otherwise slip through. I also do odd jobs for him, at times. Helping to manipulate the groups that aren\'t directly under Oligarchy control."

There weren\'t many, but there were a few, groups of demons and vampires who didn\'t recognize the Oligarchy\'s authority or resented it. As far as he knew, they were all watched by spies, but having someone who appeared rogue among them at times helped Jake keep them in line.

He watched Kerr with uncertainty as the information was processed.

[Existentially Odd]

With every word Conner spoke, Kerr\'s expression darkened, his lips pressing together in a grim line.

Immediately, he was terribly affronted that Jake - his trusted Oligarch for Vampires! - would do anything without Oligarchy resources.  Why the fuck would he??  They were an institute attempting to bring order to potential chaos, in a city that throbbed with ley lines drawing supernaturals to it like a corpse flower drew insects.  As Luminary of said institute, he was extremely angry that one of his workers would attempt to work outside their bounds, simply to contact anarchical sects that were of little relevance to their creed.

Once that emotion had rolled through him - and Conner would undoubtedly feel the sharp sting of Kerr\'s horror due to the power of what he felt - his righteousness retracted marginally.  Enough for him to see that there might be some benefits to such an arrangement (Jake was possibly doing it to maintain Oligarchy control in all factions), even though he violently disagreed with them

He was very quickly back to indignant fury with this idea and his gaze slid off Conner in order to  regard Themis in her quiet repose.  Was there justice to be found here, in such a muddy situation?  Or was it all just blind faith resulting in secrets and twisted benefits that detracted from the greater good?  The Oligarchy was not his brainchild nor even his chosen cause, but by God he would do his utmost to see it succeed, for he\'d trusted its inceptor and he saw the good it could do, when wielded correctly; a protective weapon, not a bludgeoning club.  Having divisions in the ranks undermined everything whole and good the Oligarchy stood for.

It was difficult for him to know, or even to think rationally through everything when his emotions were getting in the way of rational thought, though.  He needed to be as logical about things as he could be.  Conner had been fulfilling this... enforcer role (and even the term was unpalatable to Kerr) for however long, but now that Brianna had been fired, Jake wanted Conner to move into the Oligarchy\'s employ officially and spy for them.  As boggled as he was, it was difficult to be anything but blunt as he looked shrewdly back at his guest.

"I assure you, if I\'d known about your little \'arrangement\'," he sneered the word, his contempt obvious, "before now, there would likely also be an Oligarch\'s position we could discuss."  He smiled brittly, the false joke certainly not reaching his flashing brown eyes nor softening the rigid positioning of his shoulders.  "But I\'ll save that discussion for Jake, later," he dismissed, his gaze looking Conner over almost suspiciously.  "You probably should go for the spy job, though - if you like working.  Because your previous position certainly will not exist tomorrow night.  Tell me, why should I employ you officially?  What are your priorities?" the Luminary demanded briskly, his eyes narrowing as he lifted his head, his chin jutting forward assertively.

He might have had the wool pulled over his eyes by these two for the past however long, but there was no way that was going to continue.  Jake had sworn him fealty when he\'d first been offered his position and Conner had fought valiantly by his side, to defend the city and protect supernaturals and mortals alike, once.  Both men had broad streaks of honour in them; whether they were strong enough for Kerr to respect them enough to keep them around now would depend on how they performed beneath his scrutiny.  The fact that they\'d colluded outside the Oligarchy\'s realm left a devastatingly bitter taste in his mouth but he owed them both a chance to defend their actions, simply because of what they\'d been to him.  Despite it sounding like a firing-range job interview, that was exactly what he was expecting Conner to do now; prove his worth in action or be dismissed from consideration.

[realworldweirdo]

Conner was indeed aware of Kerr\'s fury and quailed before it, wanting nothing more than to bolt from the room and then from the Oligarchy\'s territory forthwith. He fought the urge to squirm uncomfortably in his seat and instead held very still, staring wide-eyed at the Luminary. He hadn\'t been expecting this reaction at all; if he had, he would never have broached the subject. Indeed, if he\'d known that this would be the reaction, the situation would never have come into being.

At the comment about Jake\'s Oligarch position becoming available, Conner stopped trembling, which he\'d been unaware he was doing, and became rigid. What was going on? Jake had assured him that he had Oligarchy sanction to continue his actions, provided he stayed within guidelines and reported all of his actions to the Oligarchy, along with any intelligence he gathered.

When Kerr, at long last it seemed, asked him where his priorities were, it took Conner a moment to compose himself. A lot of powerful emotions were pushing their way through them, and he didn\'t want to lose control - not even slightly. Terror was predominant among them, an urge to break for the door and flee, never to return. Memories of his time in the wilderness, lonely times but with wonderful freedom, flickered to the surface and were replaced almost immediately by memories of that soul-crushing isolation. He found it difficult to maintain his mental barriers, and things slipped to the surface, even as he tried to shove them back down. That rabid part of himself was rising though, with its gibbering mantra.

Hesiod Hesiod Hesiod Hesiod Hesiod.....

Conner got a grip and stared at Kerr, meeting his eyes. Anger at the current situation helped him get a handle on himself.

"I do like working. I like knowing that I can provide for myself and my boyfriend. Jake and I came to our current situation because he didn\'t want to lose my abilities as a resource for the Oligarchy, but,"

I was too afraid to sign on

"I didn\'t know much about the organization at the time. The warehouse had just happened, Lazarus was Luminary, and Jake was trying to keep me out of trouble. This was before he was an Oligarch; he hired me to help make sure that nothing slipped through the cracks in the transitional period and, as far as I know, forwarded that information to the Oligarchy. When he became an Oligarch, we continued that arrangement. I\'ve effectively been working for the Oligarchy since I arrived in the city, but I...."

He trailed off for a moment, eying Kerr cautiously, as though he\'d just realized that the Luminary was wearing clothes and he\'d shown up to the interview in his shorts. Closing his eyes, he resigned himself to the truth. That was, perhaps, the only thing that could salvage something from this situation. Switching to mental communication, he laid his emotions about working directly for the Oligarchy out in the visible front portion of his mind like a buffet. His memories remained hidden, but his motivations were colored by his experiences and if Kerr looked closely, he would be able to guess at some of the general events.

I needed that buffer between me and the Oligarchy, even though I support your cause. We never meant to undermine anything, I swear that to you. Make me part of your team so that I can prove that to you. Let me redeem Jake.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr watched with growing curiosity as Conner\'s emotions wracked him first with fear - what the Hell was Hesiod?  The word came at him without even trying - and then with anger.  Through the stampede of his own roused ire, the Luminary could appreciate the other vampire\'s regaining of control and decided he was leading by example, really.  He needed to attend to what was being said more than what emotions and odd words were bombarding him errantly.

At the part where Lazarus was mentioned, Kerr\'s lip curled into a sneer and he shifted again in his seat, this time twisting and putting all his weight on his left buttock, his right leg crossing over his left at the knee and dangling towards the floor.  He rested his elbow on the arm of the plush chair he was in and lifted the hand to support his jaw.  His thumb was directly beneath it while three of his fingers curled under his cheekbone and his index finger extended up the side of his face to rub his temple thoughtfully.  His right arm was laid across his lap, the pads of his fingers compulsively smoothing the material of his slacks even while he frowned at Conner, listening.

When the other vampire\'s mind became even more open to him, Kerr\'s eyes widened.  Instinctively, he turned from worrying about himself and took on the concerns of his guest, feeling his irrational and overpowering fear even though he didn\'t understand the foundations of it.  Conner\'s words told him that he didn\'t trust the Oligarchy because it was an institution; Conner\'s emotions told him that there many good reasons to fear such beasts and that, if Kerr cared to peer closer into the darkness wrapped within his sanity, he would understand everything.

Kerr veered away from Conner\'s mind, however, knowing enough to realise that it was no place for him to be in the middle of this discussion about the present.  Those wounds were old, deep-seated - not all open to the light but certainly etched so starkly into Conner\'s every thought that his mind was stained with it, everywhere Kerr mentally looked.  Even though he shied from it, he sympathised.  It gave him a little more understanding - and even a feeling of leniency - towards the arrangement Conner had described he\'d had with Jake.  Although Kerr couldn\'t know all of Jake\'s motivation, he could see that Conner was strong, a powerful resource and one that his friend had wished to utilise rather than squander.

The loyalty displayed was also more than a little reassuring.

Remaining in his ruminative pose while the echoes of Conner\'s thoughts died away in his head, Kerr brooded on how to continue.  He did believe Conner, that neither he nor Jake had intended any wrongdoing in this situation and Kerr found he could forgive Conner.  Technically, Conner was under no oaths and was simply doing the Oligarchy a favour.  He could also understand that such a bond was necessarily forged under Lazarus\' reign, for everything had been loose and sloppy then, with no true leadership being displayed, no initiative and not a lot of control.  It would\'ve been easy for Jake to spark up any sort of quasi-underhanded arrangement and have it go unnoticed and then, when the power shifted, the status quo to be maintained simply because it was already an established paradigm.

Just because he could understand it didn\'t mean that he had to like it, though.  Jake should\'ve aired his arrangement - something established before he was an Oligarch, yet supported the cause, by the sounds of things - when he was officially brought into office, should\'ve realised that the Oligarchy didn\'t need to access renegade factions as long as it was aware of them and could monitor dissent.  Why pander to those who ignorantly or willingly chose to be outside the Oligarchy\'s clearly-advertised boundaries?  Doing so was a breach of the rules established by Halen, who would not tolerate any sort of anarchy after having cleaned up Lazarus\' first apocalyptic mess.

With a gentle settling of his shoulders that would\'ve equated to a sigh in one who needed to breathe, Kerr\'s lips unpursed and he chose to reveal his thoughts to Conner, speaking mentally as a courtesy.

I understand, he said, and a strong sensation of faith and calm was sent with the message, conveying the truth and depth of the statement in complex feelings that mere words could not express.  Truthfully, to communicate thus was more than a mere courtesy; it was a three-dimensional interaction that went well beyond being compared to mere speech and the limited range of tone and tenor.  Kerr decided that he needed to share more than just this, though, if he and Conner were to have a fair and open exchange here.

Do you know... I never wanted to be in charge of this place?  That Lazarus blackmailed me into being an Oligarch by threatening my boyfriend\'s life?  I hated him purely for it, but saw what a terrible shambles - a mockery - he made of the Oligarchy.  The demons have the true power here and they chose me, ousting Lazarus when it was time and putting me at the head of things.  Luminary is just a title for me, though.  It\'s just a word.  What this place - this establishment - has come to mean to me is far more.  It\'s about helping.  Protecting - mortals, supernaturals and the great, secret barrier that shimmers ethereally between us.  It\'s about standards, rules, etiquette and doing things right.  Now, I understand you and Jake hatched your plan in a time of chaos for the Oligarchy, what I\'m finding it difficult to forgive is the continued secrecy.  I\'ll take that up with Jake, though.  I find it admirable that you wish to redeem him, and can certainly appreciate your loyalty, but redemption will be his burden to bear alone, I\'m afraid.

A mental smile came with these thoughts, and an emotion of stern reassurance.  He would judge Jake on his own merits; Conner could not stand for anyone but himself and that was fair, as he saw it.  To that point, however, it was time for him to focus on Conner himself.  With a little frown that conveyed a fascinated kind of curiosity rather than anger, Kerr\'s hand dropped and clasped his other, in his lap.  His head tilted slightly as he regarded Conner, continuing with his questioning.

I asked what your priorities were not because I mistrust you, but simply because it\'s my nature to want to measure a man.  Against my principles, but that\'s my right, as Luminary - especially when we\'re discussing you working for me in a significant role.  You didn\'t wish to be part of the Oligarchy before now and have been happy without it\'s limitations; why change that?  For Jake\'s sake alone?  What do you owe him that you would forego your own beliefs and submit to an institute you don\'t trust?  I can\'t say that your skills would be unappreciated, for I\'ve fought alongside you and I\'m awed by your power, I know your worth, Conner.  But what good are you to me if your every action is one of duress?  It\'ll do nothing but breed contempt and hatred... and I fear you\'ve had enough of both in your lifetime that you shouldn\'t willingly submit yourself to it for the sake of another.  Work is work; your boyfriend, your personal worth... your sanity... these things are far more important for a man to have than a job.  Do you really want to work for me?

Kerr\'s eyebrows lifted almost cheekily and a small smile quirked at the corner of his mouth, not fully realised for the discussion was serious and intense... but he couldn\'t help letting his natural humour shine through.  If he didn\'t feel so damn obligated to the job, if there was another he could trust to do it right that would take his place, he\'d give up the role of Luminary in a mortal heartbeat and spend his time quite happily divided between his two fledglings.  Honestly, he couldn\'t see the draw for Conner, with all the trials he\'d faced in his life and the potential angst he was inviting by agreeing to do what Jake wanted.  What did Conner want?

[realworldweirdo]

Conner\'s head was spinning with the rapid change of tone; he wanted to stand up and scream at Kerr that there had been no secrecy, no deception. He\'d submitted reports to almost every Oligarch, or at least their aides, on matters touching on their realms of authority. Most everyone who dealt directly with the spy network or policing had either met him or had had information he\'d provided pass through their hands at some point. What the hell did Kerr want, a formal notification of what had been, for Conner, the status quo since his arrival in the city? All this, he kept in his own mind though, with the exception of a bit of generic turbulence. They were finally reaching the point in conversation he\'d come here for, and he was only very shaken and shell-shocked. He\'d been anticipating long-term trauma in the waiting room, so all in all, things were going well.

He would see what he could do for Jake, but not at the expense of this topic. Jake was the politician, Conner was the agent. If anyone should be talking either, or both, of them out of hot water, that was Jake\'s job. For now, he desperately wanted to simply have a job; not being exiled again also ranked in his priorities.

Keeping the specifics of his thoughts private, although he did so imperfectly, he continued using mental communication. He didn\'t trust Kerr, not yet, so his mental "voice" was somewhat flat and bland in comparison to the Luminary\'s richly layered communications. There were aspects of his thoughts and, largely, his frustration that Kerr made it sound like he was going to hang Jake out to dry without hearing the details of the situation first. He didn\'t want to project that, though. That would only hurt their understanding of one another right now, although he was far from a masterful telepath and it added a touch of emotion to his sending.

I don\'t know what my priorities are, he admitted, although the color of the confession included a sense of disorientation, as one would have when emerging from a dark space for a very long time into a bright light. Although I came here by chance, as a favor to Jake, I believe this place has become my home. The people I care about are here; the places I have grown attached to are here.

He fidgeted nervously in his seat, fingertips tapping each other rhythmically. He leaned forward, left leg jiggling nervously as he stared off into space, then his eyes would wander to meet Kerr\'s, before his focus would flee to Themis or a random bit of decor. Themis was the point around which he gravitated though; it was the highlight of everything different between the Oligarchy and the Camarilla.

I don\'t know if I do want to work for you, Kerr, he sent after a pause. What do I know of you? What do you know of me? After how my last tenure with an institution ended

Conner\'s mind was, for a brief instant, completely filled with a memory so compressed as to be nearly indecipherable; terror, betrayal, confusion, loss, pain, violation piling over each other and all mixed with grief. Half-formed memories of being subject to domination so intense as to be scarring to one\'s consciousness. In the scrambled mess of horror, the ever-present chant broke its monotone and gave a scream, howling his sire\'s name.

I\'d feel more comfortable knowing who I was working for. What your policies about things are. That\'s actually why I came here tonight; I never meant to reveal anything to you, as I had assumed you were already aware. The truth of that statement was supported by the general tone of surprise his mind took on, and curiosity about how Kerr hadn\'t known. My priorities, though, are to protect the secret of our kind and to live peacefully, conducting my research. Supporting the Oligarchy gives me the best chance of having that.

Although his eyes took on a slightly more hollow look and his shoulders drooped almost imperceptibly, Conner displayed no reaction to the split-second flashback in either his mind or expression. It was as though he hadn\'t experienced it. In fact, he\'d become so detached from the emotional wreckage of his former life that he genuinely wasn\'t aware that it had happened. The pain and scars ran deep, and Conner\'s rational, thinking mind floated atop the raging sea as an island of relative peace. Such moments of pain, unless prolonged, were redirected away from his conscious mind.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr\'s tongue stud rubbed thoughtfully against the roof of his mouth as he gave Conner the courtesy of deciding what his priorities were, watching the other vampire carefully and keeping himself open mentally.  He physically blanched at the treat-sized morsel of terror that he gained from Conner\'s mind when he thought about the previous institute he\'d been associated with, though, and his calm demeanour bristled into one of startlement.

Finding it hard to stay focussed with numerous questions and offers of himself springing to mind, Kerr shuffled again in his seat (though his position remained largely unchanged) and cleared his throat.  He was baffled by Conner\'s apparent calm after his mind was so tenuously hinged as to be screaming that name, Hesiod, at him again, but he decided that addressing it might take a little delicacy, and some information given first.

Well... ask of me what you will and I\'ll answer truthfully.  I wish you to know me as an honest and lawful man... so how best would I demonstrate that to you?  If you would undertake this courtesy with me, in fact... I would like to know the nature of the last institute you were associated with?  It was a hesitant proposal only because he didn\'t wish to disturb Conner\'s mind... but he was interested in knowing what it was all about.  Quid pro quo.

[realworldweirdo]

Conner listened, liking the way Kerr\'s proposal sounded until he asked about his former loyalties. At that, his mind sealed shut like a bomb shelter, evicting all contact and wrapping his consciousness in a smooth shell, hard as steel with a dark finish.

"I\'d prefer we speak aloud if we discuss that subject," he requested, visibly uncomfortable. His hands sought his pack of cigarettes, which he hadn\'t brought with him tonight. Instead they located a dime wedged in the top of his wallet, which was immediately in his hands being rolled back and forth. Whereas he had been sitting up straight before, or at least mostly, now he hunched and pressed himself back into the arm and corner of the sofa. Fortunately, this time he managed to keep his eyes on Kerr instead of darting glances around the room.

"Secrets. Everyone has secrets," he started, almost began again, then realized that there really wasn\'t another way to approach the subject. "Every organization. If someone were to discover those secrets, without malice, what action would you take?"

One question of only a few he could think of, at the time. As he\'d searched for questions, he\'d realized that he already knew Kerr by reputation. Conner had even said as much himself; he\'d been effectively working for the Oligarchy since he arrived. His reaction, just to the ideaof the Oligarchy having enforcers, spoke volumes. Everyone trusted Kerr, and it was hard to find someone with a legitimate complaint about his role. Conner had come full circle and was staring his paranoia in the face, and that was part of the reason he\'d closed his mind.

[Existentially Odd]

"I\'d wipe their mind and send them on their way if the secrets must remain," Kerr answered promptly, uncomfortable with the premise but agitated enough by Conner\'s actions to answer instinctively and naturally.  He frowned marginally afterward though, considering his position with even more of his own personality imprinted upon it.

"That said," he drawled hesitantly, tapping his teeth momentarily around his tongue stud before continuing, "I\'m more in the business of running a transparent organisation.  Some things must necessarily remain hidden I suppose, but," he huffed a little, looking at Conner sharply, "I prefer, on the whole and as much as possible, transparency.  Is that what happened to you?  You discovered a secret that couldn\'t be undiscovered nor revealed?"

[realworldweirdo]

Conner stared off into space for a moment that stretched longer than was strictly polite, then answered with a monosyllabic sound of affirmation. Shoving his emotions and gut reactions down as far and hard as he could, he found himself staring intensely at the dime he was passing between his hands.

"It was. The punishment was.... unusual. I suppose I should count myself fortunate to be here to have this conversation, all things considered. All I wanted to know was the origin of my clan, but what I found...."

He trailed off, the dime slowing to a stop. "I believe I owe you an answer now."