It hurt. Hearing it, that he’d been sired out of pity felt like a knife had been shoved through him, or as though he’d been plunged into a pool of freezing water and he took in a sharp breath which didn’t help in the slightest. In the past, when Kerr’s presence and love had been there, a comforting safety blanket, Ichabod would have been able to brush it off, to know it was a lie. But now… maybe it was true. They hadn’t wanted him to go with Cole, they’d pitied him; that was the only reason he was still here, the constant third wheel. Trapped in it.
Ichabod couldn’t have hidden the emotion from his face even if he’d wanted to. His mouth had clamped shut, all fighting talk gone as he stared at Ben. What was he even still doing here? It was because of Kerr he’d ever tried with Ben, and now Ben was the only link to Kerr he had left. And it was all a joke.
Ichabod flinched as Ben stepped towards him, drawing his shoulders up and barely hearing the apology as the words were still echoing around in his head.
“Stop it,” he breathed, not sure exactly what it was he wanted to stop. The shouting, the insults, the apologies, the pain. The tears finally came out as he sank into a crouch, running his hands through his hair to clutch at his head. He had nothing anymore and the only person he had a connection to hated him.
“I was scared, when I woke up and you weren’t there, I thought… but you don’t give a fuck anyway, you just...” His voice came in ragged gasps as he cried and then his words trailed off and he shook his head. Ben didn’t care about him, he never had, and Ichabod knew it but he’d still missed sleeping beside him and having him close.