When The Stars Fall

[Trillian]

Vincent was astounded by Owen's callousness.  He gaped at his fledge.  Karen had raised this?  There was no sight of the young man she had raised, this icy creature had taken his place.

"So she's reaping a coward for sowing her love for you?" he asked carefully.

[Existentially Odd]

"A coward?" he barked scornfully, scowling at Vincent as anger overtook him and steered his tongue to places he'd been avoiding, so he didn't say something he regretted.  Apparently, that ship had sailed.  "You know what?  Fuck you, too!  I'm not a coward for needing some time and space to get over the shit you both hid from me for twenty-three years!"

[Trillian]

"All she did was not tell you that you were adopted!" Vincent shouted back, wondering where this courage was coming from.  He'd wanted to let it lie, to give Owen time and space, but when he'd found out that Owen's sword of hatred was swiping haphazardly, ready to strike everyone down, he could only defend the woman who was his mother.  His own mother!  If a person couldn't forgive a woman as loving as Karen had been to him, protecting him and raising him as best she could, and be forgiven one lie (that should really have no bearing on how he viewed her), then why would Owen care enough to be angry in the first place?  "You are a coward, to send me as your messenger!  She is your mother.  Not the stupid slut that dumped you."

He was shocked by his own words so much that he balked physically, and it was obvious that he immediately regretted this last spoken declaration.

[Existentially Odd]

Owen smirked, his jaw skewed as if he was delighted by what Vincent had said when really he just didn't know what to say to it and this reflex expression appeared on his face.  "All she did?" he repeated mockingly.  "Yeah, you're right, I should just go over there right now so we can hug it out!" he cried with obvious sarcasm, leering excessively before his expression shifted back into the dark and angry cloud it had been.

"Or not.  It's your little conspiracy, you tell her you dropped the ball and now I don't want anything to do with either one of you for a while!" he ordered, finding it ludicrous that Vincent would suggest he should contact his own mother to tell her he wasn't talking to her!  How would that conversation go, exactly?  Maybe he could just send her a text: Found out you're not my real mother.  Fuck you for not telling me earlier.  Talk to you someday.  Laters!  Yeah, it was really in Vincent's best interests if he did the telling.

Gathering his things again, he headed for the stairs, ready to lightly ascend them and head to his other belongings.

[Trillian]

"Dropped the ball?" he asked, thinking the expression on Owen's face was cruel and ugly.  "Putting my memories in a safe underneath the floorboards was dropping the ball?" he queried.  Oh, he knew he would be telling Karen about Owen's discovery - if only to spare her from seeing this side of the man she'd raised.  That would break her heart in other ways.  "If by not thinking you would be crawling around the floor and hacking into my safe is dropping the ball, then that's what I did."

Funny, he'd not thought about Owen's discovery of the information until now.  Seeing and hearing Owen saying such evil things and taking joy in them was giving him the ability to think past the pain.  This was not the man he lost.  This person was a new invention, he was sure.

[Existentially Odd]

He only got a step away from the bed before Vincent spoke again and he stopped, turning to look disbelievingly at him.  His lips thinned soon after because he knew he couldn't argue against that.  Oh sure, he could tell Vincent he'd never suspected there would be anything wrong in looking in the safe because he'd trusted him implicitly, but it wouldn't overshadow the fact that he had broken into it.  He'd delved where he hadn't belonged and whether that was the greatest mistake or the most freeing act of his life was yet to be revealed to him.

"Yeah, that's what you did," Owen agreed sarcastically, his contempt for the subject matter obvious.  He shook his head dismissively, like he wasn't going to lower himself into an argument travelling along irrelevant lines before shrugging, twisting the hand holding his bag so that it was slung over his shoulder, the bag against his back.  "And now you get to tell her that her little manufactured person knows the truth!" he announced with false cheer.  "We can all stop pretending, now," he said bitterly, looking at Vincent like he was challenging him to talk about love, with all this anger and resentment flying between them.

Vincent was already looking at him like he was a monster but he couldn't seem to stop himself saying the things that would make it worse.

[Trillian]

Once again he was hurt by Owen's words - but of course he was only lining himself up for it with his attacks on his lover.  This was a viscious cycle indeed, and he had to stop it now.  He disregarded the 'manufactured person' comment, even though he didn't agree with it - did Owen really think he'd had no say in his own life?  Karen likely had a lot of influence, but she'd been a parent.  Vincent had purposefully kept out of it, only checking in to become a friend.  There had been very little ulterior motive beyond that.  Pretense, however, was something he couldn't ignore.

"I wasn't pretending.  Nobody can keep up the kind of deceit you're accusing me of.  I love you.  It's real," he said, his tone switching back to pleas.

[Existentially Odd]

Owen's expression became mutinous as he recognised the genuine emotion behind Vincent's words.  He couldn't refute that, though he did question the emotion professed, wondering if even Vincent knew what was real and what wasn't.

"When did you fall in love with me, exactly?" he asked quietly.

[Trillian]

He was struck dumb for a moment, unable to comprehend Owen's question.  It hurt so much that it was even asked.

"I don't know, Owen.  It's not an exact science.  I loved you since you were a young boy, but I fell in love with you... sometime before Steve, I think, if the jealousy was anything to judge by."

His fist was on his chest again.

[Existentially Odd]

Owen was genuinely surprised by this answer and the shock registered on his face before he could smooth it away.  Intrigued, he stepped a little closer to Vincent, a frown accenting his brow but not distorting it.  "And... back then, I didn't even know you wanted me as a companion, let alone a lover," he thought aloud, finding himself drawn to Vincent's beautiful, wounded gaze against his better judgment.  "But then I became both and... now I don't even feel like me any more so... I don't see the truth of it any more.  That's why I say pretending.  I mean, do you think you love me for me, or because I'm your fledgling?"

It was a question bordering on 'the chicken or the egg?' philosophy and he wasn't sure either of them would be able to sort it out but it was something he felt compelled to ask.  When he felt like he was floating and not himself anymore and Vincent professed to love him, he needed to understand the nature of that love.  The angry part of him expected to be rejected and let down again, as he'd felt when he'd discovered their deceit, but in the core of him he wanted to know that this... this was something he could count on.  He just had a very poor and confused way of asking it.

[Trillian]

It was now that Vincent understood the depth of Owen's identity crisis.  He wanted to wrap Owen in his arms and soothe him, but at the same time he knew he couldn't because he was the reason for it.  Oh, if he knew that this knowledge would unravel his love so completely, he would never have kept it from him - or destroyed it.

"I loved you for you before you were my fledgling," Vincent said softly, and sadly.  He was unhappy that he had to explain this.  "They were all different, to each other and to you.  I wasn't moulding you for companionship, or turning you into what I wanted.  I was hopeful that you would want it for yourself.  I was hopeful, that you would want to be with me.  It's only in hindsight that I can look back and know I fell in love with you sometime before Steve.  At the time I dismissed it as my being protective, that I thought another boy would be better for you over Steve.  I wasn't thinking of me."

[Existentially Odd]

"Okay," Owen agreed, frowning as he nodded and looked away, accepting this answer but unable to pursue Vincent's feelings.  He decided to offer a glimpse of his own, in fairness (and also because he knew he'd scored some horrible points when discussing his mother that he was already regretting and simply couldn't admit to yet).  He looked back at Vincent, his expression as weary and sad as his sire's was.

"I get that.  I was the same way, really... loved you like a father and then a friend and then... in love with you.  Sometime.  It just... happened, I guess.  I get it, I just... I'm really mad at you, though, right now," he interjected fiercely, scowling at his sire.  "And I feel like if I don't know me, then you can't so... it's all more lies."  His expression softened, the enactment of his feelings concluded.  "I'm... defensive.  Sorry," he mumbled, his expression shifting worriedly and his resolve failing yet again.

He needed to go before he either cried some more or threw himself at Vincent and begged him to make it all better.  "I should go," he announced and spun towards the stairs once more.

[Trillian]

When Owen spoke to him this way, it was like his heart had started beating again, spreading warmth and tingles throughout his body.  He could see the light now.  Before his hopes had soared whilst pinned on some throwaway comment, but this... this was reasonable and wonderful and after the ugliness.  He felt he would choke on tears once more if he spoke again, so he just nodded and held it all inside.  When Owen made mention of leaving, he knew he couldn't let his fledge go without acknowledgement recognised.

"Thank you," he said, his words below even a whisper, they were breathed out on his lips.

[Existentially Odd]

Owen paused yet again, looked at Vincent over his shoulder and merely nodded, hefting his belongings even though they weren't heavy.  It was more a way of gearing himself up for walking away.  "I'll see you soon," he promised vaguely and headed up the stairs, not knowing if he was the liar now or not.