Face To Face

[Trillian]

Ben nodded, listening closely to what Murphy said about the owners of Venture.  There was something about the place that had made him uneasy, in a way that Risk hadn't.  Perhaps it was because he wasn't used to it yet, and he had to admit they'd taken a lot of the sleaze out of it (a lot, but not all).  Still, he'd be using it for the convenience of willing donors, that was for sure.  He shrugged when Murphy asked him the valid question of asking what was around and available in other cities.

"Maybe the Academy should teach that, too," he said, for it was something he was also interested in, and would be very handy.

He smiled warmly and placed a hand on Murphy's knee when told his friend wouldn't just split without him, even when they were going through a difficult patch.

"I know," he said softly.  "I wouldn't have just left, either."

He didn't know if he would've gone with Murphy though.  There was no telling now.  If the invitation had come before he'd met Vincent, before he'd become involved in the idea of an Academy, he very likely would've skipped town and run off with his friend.  It would've felt like running away though, and he'd done enough of that to know it never solved problems, it just found new ones.  Perhaps he wouldn't have then.  He'd never know for sure, and since Murphy was staying, he didn't have to.

"You should write that stuff down," he suggested.  "All the things you'd like to know about the supernatural world.  It's a starting point, right?"

[pinkroses]

Murphy gave a quiet snort of laughter, shaking his head slightly.

“Yeah, I’ll write it all down and then have someone like Jake look at it and laugh. Most of it’s probably stuff they wouldn’t even want to tell other vampires, let alone a class full of human students.” He hesitated though as he realised he might be sounding too negative about Ben’s idea and he didn’t want to do that. It was a good idea, Murphy just couldn’t imagine all of his questions would be answered, but he gave Ben a warm smile.

“But you’re right, it’s a start. And there might be a few answers to be had. I’m just used to people dodging my questions. I bet a lot of the groupies around Venture would be interested in finding out more. Although you want to make sure they don’t think it’s like vampire training or something. I mean, training in preparation to be sired.”

[Trillian]

[ooc] Sorry didn't even see this, thought it was your turn, ack! [/ooc]


"The Academy's going to be in the neutral zone, at the City Ward Headquarters," Ben said, but now that Murphy had mentioned Jake's possible rejection of the proposal, he was acutely aware that his idea for Kerr's memorial might not even get up off the ground.  Conner would give way to the ex-Oligarch members.

Or would he?  He was the most powerful District Leader of them all.  Technically speaking he didn't have their title, but he had the ability to work within their districts, and out of respect for their rules allowed his own to be trumped (as far as Ben had understood it, upon reading the articles in the supernatural publications).  He was much like the United Nations - working with the District Leaders to uphold a certain law-abiding citizenship throughout all districts.  If he had trouble in a certain district - like where Zoheret was, where Ben lived - he might choose to simply pull out of there and leave Zoheret to fend for herself.  Her territory might not be recognised.

"I definitely have to move," he said, the comment following his train of thought but not Murphy's spoken words.  He excused himself with a chuckle and a shake of the head, before addressing Murphy's valid points.  "You're right, but to be honest I don't see a lot of humans having access to particular classes.  You'll have special access," he said authoritively, though he couldn't really make such promises because Conner might decide to trump him.  It was Ben's chance to find out if money talked, anyway.  A donation of fifteen million wasn't going to be something he expected Conner would throw away, over a single person.  "I'll find out who's in charge of Chinatown.  It's not quite Metro, but it's probably Jake," he guessed incorrectly.

[pinkroses]

Murphy’s smile brightened at the thought of being allowed access to what other humans wouldn’t be able to get to, but then it faded again all too quickly. Special access hadn’t done him so well in the past. He’d been promoted to writing more about what he wanted too which not many people had got, then he’d had access to the information from that damn book. What if he fucked it up again by knowing something he shouldn’t? And Murphy definitely didn’t want Ben getting in the bad books of the vampires in control of the city because he was trying to get his friend more than he should have.

“I don’t want you pushing to get me into stuff if it’s going to cause trouble. I mean, I’m probably not top human in the lists of people allowed access. Conner definitely didn’t seem impressed with me and I don’t blame them if they don’t want me in,” he said, gently chewing on his lower lip.

“Thanks for finding out who it is in charge around here. It probably won’t make all that much difference, but I’d like to know,” he said, giving Ben a warm smile. “This is all starting to feel pretty one sided though, I mean, you’ve offered to pay my debt, and get me into classes in your academy, get me more work and I’ve got nothing much to offer you. Other than a drink, and I enjoy that too so it feels like I’m not even offering anything much,” Murphy said with a chuckle, running a hand through his hair. He didn’t even know if Ben would want to drink from him, not after what had happened last time they got close.

“You got to let me know if there is anything you need. I’ll do it,” Murphy said, reaching out to squeeze his friend’s hand. He’d felt shit leaving Ben alone when he’d obviously been at a point when he needed a friend, but Ben had made it clear he didn’t want Murphy around, so what could he have done? All he could do was be there now.

[Trillian]

Ben stared evenly at Murphy, understanding his concern, but wanting his friend to realise that they were in this together.

"I was your source, Murph," he said.  "I doubt they'll care about you knowing stuff as long as you promise not to write about it."

Ben hadn't mentioned this to his friend, but he wasn't keeping his journals anymore.  The whole idea of them had soured, first in New York, and then after Kerr.  He read a lot, and he made notes of things he wanted to try out, but he wasn't keeping those notes once he got started on the training.

When Murphy started talking about not offering much, Ben breathed soft laughter.

"I've also got you demoted, put you in the bad books of your past employers and ruined your reputation as a journalist for the supernatural quotient in this city.  You can call it whatever you like, but what you offer me is the value of a true friend, and I can't avoid sounding like a cliche, but it's the kind of thing money can't buy."  He grinned, feeling daggy but good about complimenting his friend when it was well deserved.

He was pensive for a moment, thinking about whether it would be wise to do something so intimate as drink from Murphy, considering they'd been a little too cosy last time and it had separated them.  But that was different - that had been grief and confusion and sexual undercurrents, and guilt, let's not forget guilt.

"A drink?" he prompted, then licked his lips and chuckled self-consciously.

[pinkroses]

Murphy forced a smile onto his face as Ben pointed out he wasn’t a risk if he promised not to write about what he knew. He hadn’t written any more articles about the supernatural – nothing anyone wanted to read anyway. But nothing else seemed to hold his interest when he was writing. He wouldn’t even feel comfortable writing fiction that had anything to do with the supernatural now, and writing was all he ever wanted to do.

Maybe they were in it together, but Ben was a part of that world. He wasn’t intruding where he wasn’t wanted. But at least Ben was here now and Ben wanted him to be a part of his life, even if no one else wanted him there.

He had lowered his gaze as the silence stretched out between them following his offer. Murphy knew Ben would probably have some doubts about it, and Murphy was almost wishing he hadn’t offered. But that peace which came to him when he was fed from sounded like just what he needed right now so when Ben finally took him up on it Murphy lifted his hazel eyes with a more natural smile.

“Sure,” he said, echoing Ben’s chuckle a little nervously as he slid closer to the vampire along the sofa. He didn’t bother removing his t-shirt, the neck as low enough on it that it wouldn’t get in the way and he didn’t think they needed any reminders of what had happened last time. He made no move to straddle Ben, or lie down, both of those positions seemed too provocative, although lying down was probably the most relaxed way to do this. He didn’t want to arrange himself in a way Ben would find uncomfortable.

“DO you wanna do it like this, sitting up, or…?” he voice trailed off, leaving the end of the question unspoken. They could just stay sat up, but he would follow Ben’s lead on it – it seemed only natural when Ben would obviously have the upper hand in this situation anyway.

[Trillian]

Ben was about to answer that sitting up would be fine, but that meant he'd either be straddling Murphy, or one of them draped over the other in some way.  It didn't matter how tiny a hold they had on one another really, it would be intimate enough.  He didn't want to be caught up in the memory of his mistake.  They'd already hugged, were touching each other as they'd used to without too much restraint or awkwardness - why behave any differently?

"We could lie down on your bed, we always used to do it lying down," Ben started, then eased what he anticipated was growing tension.  "I won't make a move on you, I promise," he said with a grin and a bad attempt at a boy scout salute, with the wrong fingers held up to his temple.

[pinkroses]

Murphy gave a small nod at the decision Ben had made, then a chuckle made its way out at Ben’s promise. No, there wouldn’t be a repeat – they’d both been in a weird place last time, this was different, this was more like how it had been every other time before. 

“Well that’s okay then,” he said with a grin as he pushed himself to his feet and gestured for Ben towards him into the bedroom. His pace quickened slightly in the last few steps into the room as Murphy moved swiftly to the bed, straightening the sheets as he’d only made a half-hearted effort at making it when he’d got up that morning. It was probably pointless since they’d be lying on it soon, but he felt like it needed to be done. At least he knew the sheets were clean, even if it didn’t look like a hotel made bed.

The rest of the room was pretty bare – Murphy hadn’t got around to putting up any pictures or photos in here and the bookcase which was crammed with books was lacking the interesting personal items which were in the study. He hadn’t been sleeping too well and any distractions or reminders really just seemed like a bad idea.

“Sorry it’s a bit of a …” Mess had been what Murphy was about to say but as he glanced around it didn’t really seem too bad. There were no clothes scattered around, just a glass and a couple of books on the nightstand.

“Mess. Okay, it’s not as bad as the living room was,” he said with a grin at Ben. He just needed to get his head back in the right place, maybe when he was working properly again he would feel more normal again.

He waved a hand vaguely towards the bed as he slid onto it, urging Ben to do the same. He lay on his left side facing Ben, propping himself up on an elbow, his legs slightly curled. His heart rate had picked up in anticipation of the bite and his shining hazel eyes stayed fixed on Ben.

[Trillian]

Ben followed Murphy into the bedroom, and thankfully it didn't feel awkward or weird once he was in there.  He crawled onto it after toeing off his shoes, leaving them discarded at the bedside.  He lay down on his right, looking at and mirroring Murphy who was facing him.  He could hear Murphy's accelerated heartbeat, and also feel it through the bed, but that might've been his imagination.  He shuffled closer and placed his arm over Murphy's waist, his fingers splayed on his friend's back between his shoulder blades.  Murphy didn't often flinch, but it was a habit Ben had adopted to ensure his donors were safe - even the ones he didn't really care about.

He closed in and pressed his lips to Murphy's neck, and relished the familiar smell and comfortable feeling of being with someone he knew well and he could feel safe with.  He made sure Murphy was ready for the bite with a few nuzzles and scrapes of his teeth, a kiss and then the bite.  He was getting better at it, though he'd never been terrible, like some were.  He'd always been a quick study.  Murphy didn't flinch or wince or make any sort of pained movement or sound when Ben's fangs pierced him, and soon enough the blood took over and Ben's mind was no longer conscious of every single thing that was going on.  He just drank and drifted and listened to the steady pound of Murphy's heart, feeling like they were connected now, because it was thrumming through his body.

[pinkroses]

Murphy let his arm move over Ben’s, his fingers resting lightly on Ben’s shoulder. He felt safe in Ben’s hold, not nervous about pleasing him like he’d been with Charon, or worried that he might get hurt as he’d felt with strangers in Risk. No, this was warm, familiar, secure.

His eyes drifted shut as Ben nuzzled at his throat and he barely felt his fangs sinking into him, but he let out a slow breath as Ben began to drink. His head relaxed onto the pillow as Murphy felt all of his worries drift away. His job was shit, his apartment was pathetic, his name meant nothing anymore and he’d lost any chance he might have had at becoming closer to the Sacramentum. But none of it mattered. None of it was important.

His fingers stroked the soft material of Ben’s jumper in a soothing motion, like a child stroking a teddy bear. He only ever felt aroused being drunk from if he was drunk and that was rare. He much preferred this feeling, like he was floating happy away from all of his problems. His heart rate had picked up before the bite, but now it slowed to a calm pound that he could feel in the base of his skull.

[Trillian]

Ben drank selfishly, he thought, taking enough from Murphy that it was unlikely he'd be able to allow anyone to drink from him for at least a month.  As Murphy drifted and calmed, so too did Ben.  He ended up cuddling his friend, pressed firmly against him.  Once he was done, he swiped the tip of his tongue harshly across a fang and bled into the punctures he'd created, licking them clean even as he felt the skin heal beneath them.  His tongue healed before Murphy's skin, so he had to swipe a second time, and eventually lay his head down on the pillow.  He rested his forehead against Murphy and closed his eyes, the relaxed nature of his willing donor having the same effect on him.

"I love you, I really do," he said gently.  "You mean more to me than my blood brother, and I wish I hadn't chosen him to be sired.  I wish I'd chosen you."

The timing had been off, and he didn't think Kerr would've agreed to sire Murphy anyway.  Ichabod had been Ben's backup for Kerr, and Murphy would've been his backup for him.  It was strange to think of such things now, that there'd been a time when he'd thought that he and Kerr would fall apart.  They'd become so strong, fallen in love all over again, and despite all the trouble they'd had and the fact Kerr had been forced to go through his relationship with Ben twice (though Ben suspected the second time had been a great deal easier), they'd finally settled into a groove that Ben had thought would last forever.

If Murphy was a vampire and not a mortal, he thought that even though he would miss the drinking, there would be a different energy between them.

[pinkroses]

There was a dreamy smile on Murphy's face as Ben healed his neck. He wasn't sleepy, just peaceful and content to lie pressed close against his friend, drawing comfort from having him close. Someone saying they loved you was always nice and it sent a warm tingle through his body. He's always felt like this with Ben, ever since the first time the vampire had bit him. "I love you too, I'm so glad you're here," he murmured in response, squeezing Ben's shoulder lightly.

He gave a quiet chuckle as Ben mentioned getting him sired instead of Ichabod, nuzzling his cheek against the soft pillowcase. It would never have happened. Murphy guessed Kerr would never have agreed, they'd never really got to know each other and Murphy had never felt the need to try really. He didn't want Kerr to think he was any kind of threat - that might have put his and Ben's friendship at risk.

"I thought they might sire me one day, the Sacramentum. Not soon, Charon told me about people they had sired, or not sired in the end. Some of them waited years before they were deemed worthy, or were told they wouldn't be sired. But maybe, one day, I might have been." He gave a small sigh and half opened his eyes, almost surprised to realise just how close Ben was, although he'd felt him there. There was no breath on his cheek to remind him though.

"Could you sire me? Do you think? Are you old enough? Could you do it now?" He'd meant to think the questions but they all tumbled out one after another as he thought of them. Ben had already drunk a lot, Murphy could feel that, would it take much more to finish him off? Would Ben's blood be strong enough to change him or would he just die in his friend's arms?

[Trillian]

Ben was shocked into silence for a long moment, the last question hanging in the air awkwardly between them.

"Now?" he asked, stalling for time.  He wanted Murphy to retract his questions, because it would be easier than dealing with them.  He was fairly sure he hadn't flinched or pressed Murphy hurtfully in any way, that he'd simply lain very still while the questions rolled over him, but he couldn't be a hundred percent sure.  Even though he didn't want to pull away because he didn't want to see the look on Murphy's face, he ended up doing exactly that.  "You want to be sired, now?"

Or did he want to be sired by Ben, specifically?  Ben had declared love for him, after all.  It made sense that a declaration as powerful as that would be tested - but immediately?  He didn't know if Murphy had been waiting for those words before asking, or if being drunk from had lowered his guard enough for him to blurt out his true desires.  Either way, Ben had to deal with it.

[pinkroses]

And just like that, with the long silence and then Ben’s obvious distaste for the idea, Murphy’s good feelings began to evaporate and the rock in the pit of his stomach returned with a jolt. Why had he said anything? It had just seemed to follow on with the conversation since Ben had mentioned it first.

“I don’t know… it was never supposed to be now, or soon, whenever I thought about it,” Murphy said, dropping his hand away from Ben’s shoulder to rub over his own face, trying to pull his thoughts together from where they had happy scattered apart on a cloud. His face had twisted up as though in pain, but it wasn’t a physical pain, just wishing he’d stopped himself in time.

It was supposed to be in a few years, when he felt like he’d managed to make something of his life before becoming a vampire. But he wasn’t going to be a sought after reporter, write the great American novel and getting married and starting a family didn’t exactly fit in with the whole planning to die.

He’d never seriously considered asking Ben either – the blonde was so young himself, Murphy didn’t know if he was able to sire anyone yet, hence the questions. And Ben had always had Kerr. Ichabod was already a third wheel in that relationship, Murphy hadn’t wanted to become another spare part in that. But now Kerr was gone, Ichabod and Ben were obviously not best buddies and they only had each other. Murphy didn’t have anyone else to ask and going hunting for a sire hadn’t appealed to him. He’d wanted someone he knew, someone he would trust with his life.

“It doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about it, I was just wondering if you could.” But if Ben had said yes, he could, and then begun Murphy knew he wouldn’t have tried to stop him. He wanted to be changed sometime, why did it matter when anymore?

[Trillian]

"I'm sure I'm able," Ben said gently, the shock wearing off now that he'd had a moment to gather himself.  Of course he knew Murphy had considered vampirism, it was just that Ben was never part of the plan.  He knew it made sense to broach it now - during a time when they had nobody else but each other.  He gently stroked his fingertips down Murphy's face, not wanting to say no but not ready to say yes, either.  It was a hell of a commitment.  "Is this something you've thought about for very long?" he asked, doubting that Murphy had, because it had felt spontanous to him.  "I mean, with me siring you," he estblished.