It was true, there used to be lots of other things getting in the way of his siring Murphy - and the fact he hadn't yet seen ten years as a vampire was the one that persisted. Siring someone when he'd been a vampire for only eight years would've sounded ridiculous to him, if he'd heard it about someone else. Being in this position though, it made sense to him. He had nobody else that was close to him anymore - his sire and true love was dead. He was facing eternity alone, and he'd believed that he would sire someone when he found the right person and was at the right age - but look at Vincent. He'd had to wait six centuries before finding Owen, and not for lack of looking. Vincent had made a passing comment that had implied to Ben that he'd been looking for someone to spend eternity with, a companion had been his word, and it was a word that suited Murphy. Murphy was the perfect companion, and if he didn't sire him, there was a possibility that nobody else would, and he would watch his friend age, and die. Worse, Murphy's mortality might strike at any time with a stupid accident, and then Ben would be alone and filled with regret.
"I always thought I would eventually sire someone," he began, needing to convey his thoughts out loud, because he respected Murphy to present him with the whole idea. "And I realise that it's always going to be a gamble. The timing isn't great right now, but I might never find someone else I connect with as well as you. I might never find someone I want to share this connection with. When I was looking for a sire, I didn't get it. I was young and craved independance, but being sired takes independance away. You become this baby bird, and you need someone who cares enough about you to look after you. I would do that for you, I really would. I want to. My mental powers are shit right now, though, and even if I got permission to sire you, I'd have trouble training you. But!" he said, lifting up his pointer finger between their faces. "This academy I'm funding, it would help. It would be clever to set up a class for fledglings who've lost sires, or with sires that left them without finishing their duty. Or those with sires too young to properly train someone. You and me both."
He paused to take in more breath, not to breathe but to finish speaking.
"We have to wait a couple of years though, for a few reasons," he said with a tiny smile, "the Academy needs to be set up and working. I'm going to ask for permission now, for me to sire you down the line, so the powers that be can see that I'm not rushing anything, and... and I need time because... because Kerr died and I have to... I can't just jump into this. I'm not ready for that," he said, stumbling over his words and hearing the tremor in his voice. Sometimes, even he couldn't sound calm and collected depending on the nature of the emotion nipping at him.
