Unexpected

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain had woken and breakfasted with some cereal and a glass of apple juice, then he'd bathed using the tub - a luxury he usually didn't afford himself but had felt like doing.  Today was a lazy night, a night without David in it, and he wasn't really in the mood to go out or do anything.  There were a few things he had to do at home, like tend to his few plants, vacuum the apartment, sort out his CDs and DVDs, so that he could find stuff without scanning the shelves over and over.  He'd bought himself a digital camera too, and was hoping to take a few photos and learn about all the different things he could do with it.  It was a fancy one, with lots of lenses and stuff.  He'd been hoping to use it to document his time with David, and maybe surprise him with a photo album or something for Christmas.  It was a long way off, since the year had changed, but he needed all that time to get his shit together too.

He was pulling the vaccuum out into the living room after doing all the bedrooms and plugging it in when there was a knock at his door.  He went to it, looking through the peephole and was delightfully surprised.  He'd done things in reverse order tonight, sorting out all his CDs and DVDs first, because it had been relaxing work, and then had got around to watering his plants and now vacuuming.  He'd saved the most tedious job for last.

"David!" he said with glee, pulling open the door and launching himself at the vampire, his lips seeking out his new lover in welcome.

[Existentially Odd]

David had dropped Bill at his place and ridden to Cain's on his bike, unable to stand the feeling of unfinished business tightening his gut.  He felt he couldn't properly be with either of the men he covetted while there was confusion over where his loyalties lay and though he might have once shrugged such a quandry off and tried juggling them, he'd definitely changed now.  He wanted something meaningful... and he couldn't have that while he divided himself between two lovers.

Still, his belly flipped around with excitement when he had Cain in his arms and even though he kept his lips closed in the kiss (yet again), he was fighting his natural instincts.  He was given to wonder if he was a little bit crazy to be passing up this casual eagerness, this warm, welcoming pleasure in favour of uncertainty and restraint.  Bill had shown a different side of himself tonight, though.  He'd got angry and he'd fought for and stated what he wanted, which had pleased David endlessly.  Bill and he connected intellectually and physically but he'd never been sure about their baser instincts matching up; he was a predator, after all, and Bill was determined he was going to be prey.  Only Cain had previously displayed a more ruthless side but now David sensed that Bill could harden up and match him, given the chance.  Hopefully, he was right and not crazy.

"Hey," he breathed, smiling as he grasped Cain's waist and pushed him gently back, disconnecting their lips and creating a defined space between their bodies.  Cain would know right then and there that things were different, since he wouldn't normally pass up such a delicious opportunity, so David knew he had to be swift and clear with his explanation.  "I...

need to talk to you
have bad news
can't see you anymore
think you and I need to take a break
never did tell you that you were my second choice, did I?

came over tonight because, well, could we should sit down?  I have something to tell you that... uh... you won't like hearing and... I really don't want to tell you on the doorstep?" he appealed, his expression already apologetic and awkward as he gazed at Cain's mismatched eyes hopefully.  Frankly, by leading in so openly, he might well be refused entrance at all and told to say his piece right where he stood but he had to risk it.  Cain deserved the truth, he cared about him enough to do right by him... though he doubted his lover would see it that way.

[Malkavian Riddler]

David missed a step.  Cain knew there was something wrong when he wasn't invited into an open-mouthed kiss.  There was something restrictive about the way he was being held, also, and the kiss broke off much sooner as a result.  Cain kept his smile on, because he was still happy to see David, even though it looked like David wasn't in a great mood.  Maybe something had happened, and he was coming to Cain to blow off some steam, or for some comfort or familiarity.  It would be nice, if this was the case, because Cain wanted to feel important, to be important.  If he knew about Bill and how much his thoughts mirrored the other mortal, he would be devastated.

The words weren't what he expected, because Cain was a positive kind of guy.  Even knowing that David was off-kilter hadn't been enough to clue him in that something else was at work.  They'd been on such a high these past few nights, with Cain handing over his heart to David much quicker than he'd expected.  David had sung his praises, complimented him, made him feel special and indicated he wanted to know more on an emotional level.  Cain had been floating around in a bubble of joy, and even now that bubble wasn't about to pop, because even though he knew something bad was coming, he was expecting it was circumstantial, not personal.

"Sure," he said, stepping back and allowing David to come in, closing the door softly behind him and leading them both to the couch.  He sat down beside David, but at an angle so he could look directly at him.  "What's up?" he asked easily, wondering if he had to move because of all the District stuff that was going on, or if David had got into trouble because of Toby reporting their affair to Vomas.  He stopped wondering and listened intently to what David had to say.

[Existentially Odd]

David was also angled towards Cain, though he took some time unzipping his jacket and positioning himself so that he was sitting forward, his knees spread and his elbows on his thighs before he spoke.  He also cleared his throat, having been unable to figure out exactly what he'd say, no matter how many times he'd run this scenario through his head on the way over here.  His hands fussed at each other in the lee of his legs, rolling around and brushing at each other like kittens at play, nervous energy powering them.

"I've fucked things up, a bit.  Well, a lot, really," he admitted, gnawing on the inside of his lower lip as he watched Cain with a stiff expression.  "Do you remember, the other night, I told you I was seeing someone else besides you?  Well, I saw him tonight and it turns out he is more interested than I thought he was so... um, I can't see you any more.  Not... not like we have been, anyway," he winced, hating that he he was being blunt and then qualifying his statement because it sounded terrible.

It was the truth, and he was a terrible person but he despised the notion that he was hurting Cain.  The mortal didn't deserve this, not after he'd opened himself up so trustingly but David didn't see how he could avoid it.

[Malkavian Riddler]

The realisation that this was a break-up only came once David finished speaking, and Cain's lips parted and his eyes watered instantly, his cheeks reddening with the humiliation of rejection.  It was like being slapped but much, much worse.  His throat restricted, his chest tightened, and his gut lurched like he was going to throw up.  He licked his lips and could sense the snot immediately filling his nose.  He wasn't a sobbing kind of guy, but he could feel the tears running down his cheeks because there were too many to stop from falling from his eyes.

Even if he'd felt he could talk, there was nothing he could say.  David had made up his mind, and who was he to argue?  That 'someone else' was more important to David than Cain, end of story.  Why had he been so foolish to think that David's words would mean anything permanent?  Perhaps the vampire had expected they would last longer, but where had this other guy even come from?  As far as he'd known, they'd talked about David having sex with his other donors.  It really wasn't his place to ask, though there was something a bit odd about what David had said, that begged explanation.

"You must've forgot..." he swallowed, "to tell me, I mean.  About this other guy."

It wasn't even that important, but it was something he felt he could comment on without losing it completely.

"I might've seen this coming otherwise, you know?"

Because Cain was used to being the one set aside for the main attraction.  He might not have handed over his heart so willingly too.  He supposed he should've been grateful for the time he'd had with David, because that had been really nice, and he had some great memories, but he didn't feel grateful.  He felt hurt and angry and incomprehensibly sad.

[Existentially Odd]

"Oh, fuck," David whispered beneath his breath, his heart breaking as he watched Cain stoically crumple right in front of him.  He wanted to reach out and hug him but apart from that throwing mixed signals, he wasn't sure Cain would want him to touch him at all.  "Please don't cry," he begged, finding he was fighting the urge to do so simply because he was looking at Cain crying.  He shuffled closer to the mortal, so that their knees were together and put his hand on Cain's thigh, fully prepared to be pushed away and back away from.

"I... I sort of told you.  I told you that I wasn't seeing just you but... yeah, I expected you might ask about him but you talked about it being okay for me to drink from others and sleep with them so it sort of... didn't really get talked about properly," he admitted, feeling even more guilty because, in hindsight, he realised he'd avoided a direct explanation.  As Cain said now, that might have helped him see this coming and warded off some of the hurt.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispered again, feeling helpless and furious with himself that he'd managed to put two decent people through the wringer due to his selfish actions.  "I honestly thought he didn't want me.  Now he's mad and you're mad and I just... I'm so sorry I'm such an idiot," he confessed sincerely.

[Malkavian Riddler]

As soon as Cain felt the touch on his leg, he reached out and placed his own hand atop David's, wanting to keep it there.  David might think he didn't want to be touched, but Cain couldn't switch his feelings for the vampire off like a faucet, and he was yearning for their connection to be re-established.  Subconsciously he was wanting David to rethink himself, to change his mind again, to decide that keeping Cain around was a good thing, for both of them.  Fuck, Cain wouldn't even care (too much) if David had this other guy as well, as long as Cain got to continue having the type of relationship with him that he wanted.

"I thought you meant other guys, not another guy," Cain explained, but it didn't really matter now.  He lowered his gaze to look at David's hand upon his thigh, and his own one holding it, and soon both of his hands were holding David's one, and he squeezed it between both of his, knowing that when David walked out his door again he would be gone, so he'd just hold on a little longer, to keep him around that little bit extra.

"It's okay," he said finally, because it was in him to attend to David's needs, for he was the superior and shouldn't feel bad for it.  Cain was in conflict, for he both wanted David to feel ashamed and he also wanted to make him feel better.  His accomodating nature won out, for it was the most prevalent.  "I get it.  I mean, I told you straight up I wasn't special enough.  Not as special as him, I mean," he clarified, not wanting to be told that he was special, not now, not when David was proving in his actions that Cain really wasn't good enough.

[Existentially Odd]

"That's not true," David argued fiercely, gripping Cain's chin in his free hand and ensuring he was looking directly into his eyes when he spoke.  "You are special enough, it's just... I asked him first," he finished, the strength of his argument failing at the rather pathetic-sounding excuse he was giving.  It was true, though.  He was obligated, right or wrong, to honour his first request with Bill, because he couldn't split his feelings between he and Cain any other way.  "I like you both the same, I care about you both, it's the only way I can choose.  He was first," he shrugged, looking apologetically into Cain's sad blue eyes.

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain's anger slipped now, because David was telling him exactly what he hadn't wanted to hear.  He wasn't fucking special.  Not special enough, and that stupid paltry statement was just a fucking excuse!

"You asked him first, but I said yes first!" he exploded, then shook his head.  "Don't spoonfeed me shit to make yourself feel better.  You choose him.  I don't need to be happy about it."

[Existentially Odd]

David withdrew his hand from Cain's chin and smiled wanly at him, proud of him for fighting back and summarising things so succinctly, yet sad that he had to be right.  Cain had been the one who opened himself willingly to David's advances, who happily undertook the adventure of dating him without needing time to think about it... and here returned his thoughts of craziness as he realised he was turning away the one who'd been willing, in favour of the one who was first.

"No.  You don't.  You have every right to be angry, to hate me.  I'd choose you both if I could, but obviously..." he trailed off with a shrug, pulling his other hand out from beneath Cain's and standing up.  "I'll go.  I'm sorry," he said again, swallowing down all the horrible emotions that were clogging his throat and his chest as best he could as he watched Cain, waiting to be told good riddance and never to darken his door again.

[Malkavian Riddler]

He'd made changes to his life, to his appearance, even, to try and change his outcomes.  Now here he was, in the same place again.  David was making noises about going and Cain stood up with him.

"No!  Wait," he said, and his earlier decision not to beg and plead went out the window as he reached for David's hands in order to hold them in both his own.  "I don't hate you," he said, and looked up at the ceiling momentarily to give himself the courage to say the rest of it, with a shaking voice and a quivering lip.  "I'm so fucking pathetic that I still want you.  I told you that you didn't have to promise me exclusivity, that you could do what you wanted.  I just want to be a part of your life.  I just want to be with you, even with your seeing this other guy.  Even with me being... second best," he said, and hadn't that been hard to say? "I don't want to lose you.  I don't want you to never come back.  I'm not making you choose."

And he realised belatedly that the other guy was.

[Existentially Odd]

David watched Cain, his forehead creasing in an ever-deepening frown and his head shaking slowly as he listened to the mortal's words, wishing they would stop, yet unable to say anything to achieve that because part of him wanted to hear them.  Part of him wanted to agree.

"Don't say that," he eventually begged and suddenly found it impossible to look at Cain while these words floated between them.  He stepped in to hold him, drawing the warm mortal against his body by winding his arms beneath Cain's and crossing them on his back, pulling him close and pressing his cheek against Cain's, feeling his heart's beat reverberating in his own chest, like his once had, reminding him of how very fragile such things were.  As if he hadn't got that message already.  "I couldn't do that to you, you deserve better than being second string.  You're better than that, I won't do that to any of us.  Look, we can be friends, I guess, and hang out sometimes, but... no more... " he broke off and nuzzled his face against Cain's ear, his jaw, his cheek, insinuating sex and kissing and intimacy, "no more sex."

They couldn't be intimate any more, because he was choosing Bill for that, but he didn't dare say it in those words.

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain hung on to David tightly, squashing himself to the vampire as though through osmosis he could transfer his wishes to the other.  He could still take comfort from David, could still hope that maybe things weren't really over, though the plunging feeling in his chest knew it was.  Then David gave him hope, qualifying that he would return.  As friends, and only friends, and not even the kind with benefits, but it was an easy agreement for Cain to make.  Too easy.

"Yes," he whispered urgently, "yes, thank you," he said, but didn't bring up the idea of drinking in case David said no outright to that too.  David would still have to feed, right?  And Cain was willing.  That was intimate enough, for now, and he hoped it would be enough, or that this other guy with his wavering interest would lose it and move on, leaving David to return to him.

[Existentially Odd]

It was a tidy ending, bittersweet but one David should be happy with.  Still, he stood there, simply holding Cain and placing small, quiet kisses on his jaw and cheek and thinking back to the advances they'd made over the past few nights.  He would miss him terribly, his quick smile, his delicious body, his dancing blue eyes, and it was only becoming real to David now that he was surrendering this lovely connection, this beautiful friendship.  In its place would rise something false and awkward and strained for quite some time, until he could forget the way Cain had kissed him, the warmth of his body and the way it had welcomed his, drained him in spasms of pleasure, had curled against him throughout restless days of poor sleep, comforting him.

Those things were impossible for him to forget just yet, with Cain pressed against him, surrounded by his familiar scent and tears that seemed to have dripped their way into his soul.  His hands somehow found their way beneath Cain's shirt so they could caress the skin of his back while they stood, quietly clinging to one another, and it was like he was trying to commit every muscle to his tactile memory - despite the fact that it already had been.  "I'll miss you," he said on a sigh, and pulled back so that he was looking at Cain properly.  "I really am sorry, you have no idea," he shook his head and pressed his lips against Cain's in a chaste goodbye kiss.

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain knew no such things as chasteness, and his tongue hungrily stroked across David's lips, attempting to forcefully seek entry.  There was a saltiness to their taste due to Cain's tears, and he pressed himself heavily upon David's cool, hard body.  This was not goodbye, but felt too close to it for Cain to feel comfortable with it.  Hatred for David? No, no such thing.  But this unnamed, unknown, anonymous other man who would be experiencing David's touch selfishly?  Oh yes, there was hatred.  He turned that hatred for the faceless mortal to passion for the beautiful David, knowing he was probably jeopardising his position but unable to stop himself.

[Existentially Odd]

David attempted to resist Cain but his body wasn't yet programmed to do so; the mortal's tongue made one pass along his lips before they parted and his own tongue joined in, returning the kiss eagerly.  He'd try to tell himself later that the reason for his compliance was that he hadn't yet kissed Bill properly, that Cain had been the last one he'd kissed like that so it felt right, that it was an appropriate goodbye... but the truth of the matter would always be otherwise.  Cain kissed him and he was helpless to resist because he wanted to kiss him, to taste him one last time, so he did.

His only saving grace, when looking back upon this moment, this passionate embrace, would be that he pulled away, that he stopped it before it became overwhelming, that he broke the kiss and pulled back to look at Cain almost fearfully.  "I have to go, Bill's waiting," he said, deliberately using the other mortal's name like a totem of protection, like a slap that would knock some sense into both of them.  It was crass and he knew that as soon as he saw the echo of it in Cain's eyes, but it had to be done or he'd end up in Cain's bed and that would be much harder to explain.  He untangled his arms from around Cain (belatedly realising he'd been squeezing his ass pretty enthusiastically during the kiss) and attempted to step back.

"I... bye," he said weakly, his golden eyes burning with everything that he wanted to say and do with Cain but his body finally under the control of logic and honour.

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain now had a name to hate along with the knowledge that the guy had been told about him and guarded David's love jealously.  It wasn't like it was a depleting resource, and it was obvious that David hadn't wanted to choose between them.  It was this mortal's rotten manipulative core that had taken David away from him; he hadn't even cared about David enough to give his heart over, until he'd found out that David had someone else.  Yes, this was the way Cain saw it in his mind's eye.  That this Bill fellow hadn't wanted David until he'd found out someone else had him.

"I thought it wasn't goodbye," he said, his body and lips still tingling from where he'd touched and kissed the vampire.  He wanted confirmation that David would return.  He still had David's number for texting, and he would do so, but cautiously and patiently.

He would wait.

[Existentially Odd]

David gave him a wry smile and laughed breathily at the mortal, the humour reluctant but creeping into his eyes regardless.  "Yeah, okay.  It's 'see you next time' I guess.  Until we meet again."  His smile was genuine now, relaxed as his gaze roved Cain's countenance hungrily.  He leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek - which Cain managed to turn into unerringly and catch on his lips anyway - and laughed as he pulled back a final time, shaking his head as he walked out the door.  Cain was incorrigible.  But he really, really liked that about him anyway.