Bill easily allowed David to pick him up and carry him to the couch in silence, thought he was dying to knowhow it had gone. David wasn’t very much help in determining just what had gone down, though. Bill remained silent, trying to outwait him, though Bill was bursting at the seams with questions. Questions that he knew he probably shouldn’t ask.
Is it over? Was he angry? Did he cry? What’s he like? What did you say to him? You ended it, right?
He had more than that, even, though he was terrified to voice them, as much as he was terrified of the answers. What if Cain had gotten angry and threatened Bill and called him a home-wrecker and a skank and all sorts of names? Had David defended him, or simply stood there until he was finished? Worse yet, what if he had cried and David had comforted him in a more-than-platonic way? Bill knew he didn’t really want to know, if that was the situation. David had certainly been gone long enough, though Bill wasn’t sure how far away Cain lived and couldn’t account for traveling time.
Bill smiled in return when David finally looked up at him, his stomach fluttering at the words. He didn’t know what that meant, or how to feel. He knew that he wanted to be here, living with David. He suspected that it might be more bearable than living with his alcoholic father. David seemed cleaner, at the least, not to mention the other benefits of living with a lover. David had already made the offer, but Bill was slightly afraid that, as before, he would try to take it back. He would probably say that it was much too soon, Bill reasoned, though David had just commented his approval of coming home to Bill.
“Yeah,” Bill agreed, deciding that he distinctly didn’t like the feeling in his stomach. He felt awkward, knowing that he had selfishly kept David from someone who probably really wanted to be with him. Bill had been upset at the time, shocked and hurt at the betrayal. He hadn’t thought of the other male, or else he might not have made David choose. That made him a bad person, Bill surmised. It made him a bad person, to want to deprive another of David’s company. It wasn’t that Bill was a particularly jealous person—indeed, David might have been able to date the two of them successfully, neither being the wiser. Instead, he had been honest, and Bill had turned on him.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, surprising himself at his vehemence. “I shouldn’t have made you choose.”
David clearly wasn’t in a great mood, Bill could immediately tell, and he could only blame himself for that. David had been willing to date him, too, he knew, yet he wanted to be the only one. No, not even that…he just couldn’t come to terms with David wanting to date him, yet deciding to be with another in only a few days. Why couldn’t he just let it lie?
Bill carefully studied David’s collarbone, unwilling to look at him in the eyes. Thomas had always gotten after him for being too emotional. He was an emotional person, though, which was why he always needed time to think things through. What he felt at first was quite often not how he felt after, one of the main reasons he had taken the time to think about dating David. Now, though…what had he done? He had no right to David, no claim. He didn’t even know for a fact that he had been in David’s life first, only that he had been asked first. David surely didn’t seem like the type to want to be in a relationship with someone the first night he picked them up off the street, after all.
