Gaining Momentum

[pinkroses]

For that first week, hearing nothing from James, Ichabod began to think he wouldn’t hear from the human again at all. The promise of something good happening and he had messed it up completely in his rush to grasp it. He’d grabbed too hard and felt it slip between his fingers.

So when James had finally called Ichabod had been surprised and pleased, despite the awkwardness of their first telephone conversation. He’d began to feel more at ease though, pleased that James was asking questions and that he was able to answer them. They’d chatted about everything and anything and it felt… normal. More normal than anything that had happened to him for years. Even when he’d settled into living with Kerr, it had never felt completely right. How could it with Ben there and knowing he’d never have what he wanted with Kerr.

But this was… simple. The only thing that was weird with chatting late into the night with James was that Ichabod was a vampire, but that wasn’t going anywhere and it wasn’t Ichabod that felt weird about it. The loss of Kerr still stung, every night when he woke up feeling that empty space, and when he lay alone before the sun rose and drew him back to sleep the grief was still there. But James helped him forget about it for a while every time they spoke.

The topic of Kerr had come up briefly in their conversations as James had asked about his siring, but Ichabod had only given the barest details, not delving into their relationship and how he’d been wedged awkwardly into the mix of Ben and Kerr’s love. It was difficult enough to explain in person, let alone by phone and Ichabod hadn’t wanted to waste those happy hours on the phone talking about things that would only make him miserable. He was grateful that James hadn’t probed further after hearing the short answers and curt tone of voice Ichabod used when the conversation had turned that way and it had been easy to turn the topic to other things.

When they had finally made plans to meet up again Ichabod was overjoyed and worried at the same time. He was terrified he would mess things up again by talking without thinking. It wasn’t even the flirting or the thought that there might be anything more than friendship – just talking to someone and feeling comfortable again was amazing and he didn’t want to lose that.

He was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans as he paced back and forth across the apartment, waiting for James to arrive. He hadn’t been awake for that long, but as he’d waited, downing a glass of blood, it felt like an age.

So as soon as he heard the lift doors opening Ichabod had headed straight for the door, pulling it open before James had a chance to knock.

“I heard the lift,” Ichabod corrected needlessly, gesturing past James at the now closed doors of the elevator. “It’s good to see you too,” he added with a nervous smile, “I… I wasn’t sure if you’d come. Please, come in,” he said, stepping back to let James in before shutting the door behind him swiftly. He wondered if he should have given him a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a touch on the arm? But it was too late now and Ichabod twisted his fingers together, inwardly reprimanding himself for not doing more than that.

“Did you want a drink? I got juice – orange or apple, and tea and coffee, I didn’t know what you’d want,” Ichabod said, gesturing towards the kitchen as he took a few steps after James. He’d even remembered milk, which he had been pretty pleased about, even if James didn’t want any of it.

[Existentially Odd]

It was weird how exciting it was being near Ichabod again - because it was also just that little bit terrifying. James had never figured himself for an adrenalin junkie, he'd never gone in for extreme sports or crazy stunts on his bike as a kid but he thought that this was what those guys were seeking- that feeling that you were moments away from ecstasy or a beautiful death. Ichabod wasn't that sort of evil vampire but he still drank blood to survive, he still thirsted heavily for it and James knew he could hear every beat of his heart without trying; he was a predator and as safe as James might feel, he was stil prey. There was something dark and thrilling about that knowledge that had him on tenterhooks.

Of course, he'd been the opposite with Ichabod on the phone. He wasn't sure he'd call the vampire his friend per se, but he'd flirted with him quite boldly once he'd reached a point (in phone calls in the last week, he guessed) where he found talking to Ichabod relaxing.  Seeing him in person again was an entirely different thing because not only was there that element of danger, there was the undeniable attraction he felt for the guy to contend with. Ichabod was sexy, even dressed casually and James didn't see the nerves or any fallibility in the vampire; anything he might have noticed he automatically attributed to him projecting because there was no way that Ichabod could be anything less than smooth and assured, in his rose-tinted eyes.

"Oh, I'd love a coffee," he enthused.  "White with two. I had a hard time sleeping last night after we decided I should come over and I had a full day of lectures to contend with today - not the smartest idea to go to bed totally wired about seeing someone when that's on the schedule," he laughed, having no trouble admitting that he'd been so excited to come and see Ichabod again that he hadn't slept properly.

[pinkroses]

“Okay,” Ichabod said, heading into the kitchen area and popping on the kettle before he began rummaging around in the cupboards. He hadn’t bought sugar, that had slipped his mind, but he knew he’d seen some in the cupboards somewhere.

“I didn’t realise you had such a busy day,” Ichabod said, frowning slightly as he glanced over his shoulder at James before returning to his search. He’d though the human might have been able to have a nap or something – or at least have had a restful enough day that he could stay up a few hours later than usual.

“Ah ha!” he said, his grin reappearing as he located the sachet’s of sugar stolen from a coffee shop over the years and he popped them beside James’ mug before grabbing his own mug and filling it from a bottle of blood in the fridge and putting it in the microwave. He’d had one already, but he always wanted more and thought it might be nice to have a drink at the same time as James.

“Do you have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow? I mean, I don’t want you to get worn out, especially if you didn’t sleep well,” he said, turning to face James as he leant back against the counter, studying the human, looking for signs of tiredness. He looked alert at the moment, but Ichabod could hear his heart pounding, but he couldn’t tell if it was excitement or fear. It felt weird, being told he was the reason someone hadn’t slept well and he was hoping it wasn’t that James was scared of him – he’d seem to have come to terms with what he was when they’d been chatting on the phone, but it was hard to tell.

[Existentially Odd]

"Tomorrow's Saturday," he told Ichabod with an indulgent grin, aware that people who didn't participate in a working week or even a school week didn't need to keep track of what day it was.  Every day was the same to them; he wondered what that would be like and it felt like a pipe dream.  "I don't have anything to do all day besides sleep and work doesn't start until five tomorrow night, I'll be fine," he assured Ichabod confidently, finally figuring out he could tuck his fingertips into the front pockets of his jeams and lean against the kitchen counter in order to look casual.

"I also told my parents I wouldn't be home until late because I said we'd be playing games until all hours, so they're not expecting to see me until tomorrow afternoon anyway.  They know I'm over here, just across the road, so they weren't too worried about me getting home safely, either - not when I have so little city to have to walk through," he smiled, feeling oddly shy about admitting this to Ichabod.  It was the thrill of danger, he supposed.  He'd just told a vampire that he was going to spend the night with him and no-one would worry or come looking for him.  Was that sensible or stupid?  He bit the inside of his lip gently, watching for Ichabod's reaction to his confession.

[pinkroses]

“Oh, yeah,” Ichabod said, his cheeks colouring a little as he glanced down at his bare toes when James pointed out what day of the week it was. Ichabod had begun to lose track of time as he mourned – he kept meaning to contact his tutors and get started on studying again, but the nights just flew by and it felt like he’d been meaning to do things for months.

He raised his eyes again as James went on, explaining what he’d told his parents about tonight. He was obviously a responsible guy, with a family who cared a lot about him. Ichabod knew his probably would have been the same, but he hadn’t been as responsible. He’d just up and moved out, caught up in the whirlwind of excitement of being with Lazarus. He’d gone back though, and said goodbye in his own way before being sired. They just hadn’t known it was goodbye.

Ichabod gave a smile when James did. He was pleased for him, pleased that he still had that normal life and that he hadn’t felt like he’d needed to lie to his parents about where he was going. As long as they didn’t turn up in the middle of the day banging on his door then it was fine. It wasn’t like he had any evil intentions towards their son.

“It is pretty handy and I can always walk you across the street, unless the sun comes up, then you’re on your own,” he said with a grin as the kettle boiled and he turned back to the task of making coffee, handing over the mug to James just as the microwave beeped.

“So we’re playing games, are we? Sounds interesting,” Ichabod said in a teasing voice as he stirred his blood then gestured for James to head to the sofas. He felt a little better now they were gradually easing into conversation and with James’ reassurance that he didn’t have anywhere to be tomorrow. Ichabod was sure James would let him know when he was tired and wanted to go, but hopefully that would be a while yet.

[Existentially Odd]

James took his coffee and headed for the sofa they'd sat on last time, the one that faced the lovely view of the city.  He walked to the far end before he sat, leaving Ichabod plenty of room to sit on his left.  He sipped his coffee as he settled, trying not to notice what was in Ichabod's mug - even though he knew what it had to be.  He wasn't sure he was ready to see a blood moustache on that handsome upper lip but he was trying to tell himself he would not freak out if he did.  That would be very uncool.

"Well, I recall a conversation where chess was mentioned," he told Ichabod airily, belatedly reaching down to undo his sneakers so that he could pull his sock-covered feet up onto the couch, his coffee mug placed on the table ahead of him just in case he spilled some.  He tucked his empty shoes to the side, at the end of the couch, even though he doubted either of them would be stepping towards the fireplace.  It wasn't in him to be messy.  Curling his legs behind him, he retrieved his coffee and settled against the back of the couch, smiling at Ichabod.  "We could play it - assuming you have a board," he hinted playfully.

[pinkroses]

“Ah, chess, of course,” Ichabod said with a grin as he curled his legs up in front of himself, sitting sideways on the sofa with his back against the arm so that he could look across at James. He glanced around the apartment with a thoughtful frown, chewing on his lower lip.

“There is a board around somewhere, the pieces are beautiful, antique I think,” he said, wishing he knew more about it (including where it was – probably the study). Kerr would have been able to say exactly where he got it, where it was made and when. Ichabod wished he’d asked more about it when they’d played, and about all of the items Kerr had left in the apartment.

“I’ll have a look in a bit, I think I remember seeing it in the study,” he said after a couple of seconds, turning his dark eyes back towards James. He didn’t want to leap up again just after they’d sat down.

“Tell me about your busy day then. What lectures did you have? You had time to eat before coming round, right?” he asked, a hint of concern in his voice at the last question. It had been pretty late when he’d met James for the first time but the human hadn’t eaten. Hopefully he would have done this time – Ichabod had a couple of snacks in the apartment, but nothing very exciting, just things which would keep a long time in the cupboard as he didn’t have much reason to feed people often.

[Existentially Odd]

James laughed good-naturedly.  "Yes, I ate just before I left home," he assured Ichabod, holding his hand out towards the vampire in a calm-down type gesture before it dropped casually back to his knee.

He began telling Ichabod about his lectures in a cursory fashion but soon found his companion was interested enough that he had to elaborate and give details.  He talked about the courses he was studying, the lecturers, his marks previously (all were sterling, of course) and how the study of law was segregated.  It would be obvious to Ichabod that James enjoyed the presentation parts of his course, the interactions with his tutors and peers, but was not particularly passionate about the dry facts of the law or the amount of study that went with his learning.

When there was a lull in conversation, James realised that he'd been talking - prompted by questions and insights from Ichabod - for over half an hour.  His coffee was long gone and his throat was dry so he decided it was time to change the subject.  "I feel like I've talked too much," he demurred.  "Would it be possible for me to get some water?  And perhaps a tour of the apartment?" he suggested, thinking it would be nice to listen to Ichabod speak instead, especially while he satisfied his curiosity about their surroundings.

[pinkroses]

“I like hearing you talk,” Ichabod said with a warm smile. James was so enthusiastic and genuinely seemed to enjoy the majority of his studies, apart from the sheer mass of it, which Ichabod could understand and it made him feel a little guilty that James was here spending the night rather than getting the rest he probably wanted to. The human was obviously intelligent, as well as being a pleasure to watch as he answered Ichabod’s questions.

“But I suppose I can’t make you do it all night,” he added with a grin as he stood up from the couch and headed to the kitchen to get the requested glass of water.

“Like I mentioned before, this was Kerr’s apartment from when I first met him. He moved out a few years ago and it was empty for a bit, well, still ready to be lived in, just with no one here, but then I moved back in. Some of the things are still his – the art and antique-y things. He loved all that stuff and had a great eye for it,” Ichabod explained as he handed over the water. He hadn’t meant to launch into talking about Kerr, but he felt some of the décor might need explaining since he didn’t know all that much about art or antiques and decided it would be better to get that out of the way before James started asking about it.

Since he had begun with talking about the antiques Ichabod led James to the room where the majority of the pieces were stored. He rarely came into the bedroom which held the items Kerr hadn’t taken with him to the Chambers – he knew he should take more care of them but he was worried that he might do more damage in his attempts. He could tell James about a few pieces though, and did, whilst attempting to answer any questions posed to him.

Next came the guest bedroom with its en-suite, immaculate and unused for some time and Ichabod didn’t linger long before leading James into the master bedroom. He’d purposefully left the study for after this as he didn’t want there to be the awkwardness of it seeming like he’d built this room up to last. How clichéd would that be?

“There’s still the study, but you’ve seen just about everything now apart from that, I'll show you that in a sec. It’s more space than I need, but I do love it here,” Ichabod said with a small smile. He’d liked it more when he hadn’t been alone, where Kerr had been here to keep him safe, secure and to make him feel loved. But then was no point dawdling on thoughts like that.

"The blinds are all automatic, lightproof during the day. There's a few companies in the city that specialise in that kind of stuff. I don't know how people think of it all. I'd probably have just ended up digging a hole in the ground if I'd've had to look after myself at first," Ichabod said with a light chuckle. He knew James wasn't all that comfortable thinking about him being a vampire, but he was hoping that maybe chatting about it would help a little more. Trying to make it normal perhaps.

[Existentially Odd]

Ichabod was right in that James wasn't yet comfortable discussing all things vampire but the only thing that might've given away his discomfort was the suddenly elevated pace of his heart and the fact that his eyelashes fluttered a couple of extra times as he thought about playing it as cool as he could.  Ichabod had entrusted him with a very great secret and his curiosity about all aspects of the life had been indulged during their phone calls, but that suddenly didn't seem to matter because - James rationalised the problem to be - Ichabod still seemed so normal.  Slightly paler than others but not freakishly so; hell, he knew an albino girl at school that was paler than Ichabod and that didn't bother him at all.  Being with him tonight had lulled him into a false sense of security, made him feel like he was on a quasi-date with a guy he liked and that was it.

To be reminded that this guy he really liked was actually a supernatural, alternate species was almost a slap in the face because he'd forgotten it.  Was that a good thing or a bad thing?  Bad when he couldn't stop himself from figuratively flinching when reminded of it, he supposed, but also good because he was learning to accept Ichabod for who he was, not what he was... right?  It was a confusing situation and, to stop himself from blushing or reacting in a manner that would certainly be interpreted as less than suave, James looked for the first distraction to hand.  His gaze fell on the sliding door barely visible behind the luxurious drapes and latched onto that, rather than insisting they move on to the study, doing his best to laugh idly with Ichabod before he spoke.

"Yeah, it's a good thing you were looked after.  This apartment is fantastic alright; could we go out on the balcony for a look at the view?" he queried.  No doubt it would be windy as hell out there (though there had to be a reason the designers had chosen to put the balcony outside the master bedroom rather than the main living area, right?  To James, that logically meant they'd be relatively safe by being on the least wind-buffetted side of the Capital) but it would be worth it, for the view.

[pinkroses]

“Sure,” Ichabod said with a small nod, heading to the drapes and drawing them aside so that James would be able to get a look outside before stepping out, and so that he could properly get to the sliding doors. He didn’t often go out onto the balcony – it wasn’t like he would go out to enjoy the sunshine – but they unlocked and slide open easily enough.

Ichabod stepped back to let James go out first, then followed after, moving to the edge and curling his fingers around the top of the half wall which kept them safe from falling. It was a long way down and there was a gusty wind blowing. It wasn’t a cold evening but there was a chill to that wind at this height.

His sharp eyes picked out a few details of their view which James wouldn’t be able to see and now they were out here Ichabod wondered why he didn’t come out more. It was a stunning view, the lights twinkling all over the city, lighting up the streets and the sky.

But Ichabod’s gaze didn’t linger long on the view and he cast a sideways glance at James to see his reaction, wanting him to be impressed but at the same time knowing that if he was, it wasn’t anything Ichabod had done. This was his now but he hadn’t really earned it.

“Not afraid of heights, are you?” he said with a smile, raising his voice a little over the wind.

[Existentially Odd]

"Not overly... but being this high up would make anyone a bit nervous," James laughed, glancing at Ichabod as he stopped beside him.  His gaze didn't stay on his companion for long, though; it was soon drawn back to the view.  "It's spectacular out here - has to be just about the best view in the city," he grinned, glancing upward in a manner that indicated he was talking about the penthouse's balcony on the floor above them.  "Almost, right?" he hinted cheekily, staring at Ichabod's mouth.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod’s gaze followed James’ upwards, letting it linger on the underside of Ash’s balcony for a few seconds. There wasn’t enough of a height difference for it to make too much of a change to the view, but there was something impressive about knowing you were at the top when you were out there.

But Ichabod wouldn’t swap apartments if he had the chance. This was his home, it had been Kerr’s home.

“I guess,” he murmured, lowering his eyes again and glancing sideways at James. His smile returned as he saw James was watching him and he instinctively wet his lips. Clearing his throat he looked out at the view again shyly, his cheeks colouring a little, steeling his nerve for half a second.

“Mine’s got something better than his at the minute though,” he said hesitantly turning back towards James. At the park it had all been so spur of the moment, caught up in the excitement of feeding and James’ reaction to it. But James wasn’t exactly hiding that he was interested.

Ichabod took a small step closer to the human to close the distance between them, resting a hand on James’ hip as he leant in to brush a soft kiss against those warm lips, hoping he wasn’t misinterpreting everything like usual.

[Existentially Odd]

James' pulse leapt, his heart hammering tingles of excitement through his body as he realised what Ichabod was going to do.  He grinned as Ichabod's face loomed, causing the kiss to feel unsatisfyingly limited as far as contact went but thrilling on a romantic scale.  This night, these surroundings were heady and to have the dreamiest and most mysterious man he'd ever met lean in to kiss him just because he wanted to was a powerful aphrodisiac.  He wanted more and the smile quickly faded as he boldly sought it, turning his body and shuffling into Ichabod's tentative hold so that he could return the kiss with one of his own.

He was never greatly assured at this sort of thing so he knew it was important to trust his instincts and not let his head interfere - he had a habit of overthinking and second-guessing that had stalled him from acting more than once in the past and he was determined not to fall to that tonight.  He'd hoped for a signal, wished to know if what he was feeling was genuine attraction or simply a fascination for the bizarre and unknown and this kiss told him.  Ichabod was a creature he couldn't fathom but James knew that wasn't preventing him from developing feelings for him, nor was it the reason he was.  Their phone conversations had been so intimate, with Ichabod sharing so much of himself that James couldn't help but develop a true sense of the man beyond the vampire.  He liked him a great deal for who he was, even though what he was freaked him out quite a bit.

The kiss wasn't overly deep or wet, James kept it at a tentative tasting of lips and left his tongue out of it.  His eyes fell closed and he tilted his head slightly as he caught Ichabod's lips between his, lower and upper in turn, liking the feel and flavour of the beautiful vampire.  His pulse didn't slow the entire time, it was all exciting and it was hard to tell whether the shivers he was feeling shuddering through his body were due to the cold air whipping around them on the balcony or from the thrill of the kiss humming through him.  Either way, he wasn't about to stop this lovely, delicate kiss tasting any time soon.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod let his lips linger on James’, enjoying the slow pace and feeling a wash of relief that James hadn’t laughed at him, or pulled away scared now since he knew what he was. Ichabod could feel James’ heart pounding in his chest as they pressed together gently, and the dull throb of his pulse in his lips. It was calming, and Ichabod felt the tension in his shoulders drifting away as he held James close.

Whenever he’d been close to Kerr for years it had been small kisses, the briefest brush, a kind touch from his sire when he’d longed for more. And when there had been more it had been a rush, Ichabod wanting as much as he could, grasping and clutching desperately before Kerr turned him away or thought better of it. And Ichabod had lived with that, thinking it was better than nothing. Hanging on and waiting for more, thinking it would come one day. One day, after years, decades perhaps, maybe even centuries, that was what he had been prepared to wait for Kerr and Ben to go their own ways.

What a fucking idiot.

If Kerr was still alive Ichabod wouldn’t been here with James now no doubt. He wouldn’t have kissed James in the park, even if he had fed from him. He would have just waited and waited, hanging on to a thread of hope and nothing solid. No guarantees, just… longing for things that belonged to other people.

With the feel of James' pounding heart in his ears Ichabod felt the usual temptation to drink, but it wasn't an overwhelming need and there was no need to rush into it or anything. He would be happy to just listen to James talk more, or snuggle up on the sofa together, or just... carry on with this.

Eventually he broke away, but he didn’t pull back from James. He lifted a hand to lightly stroke the human’s warm cheek, unable to stop the giddy grin which spread across his face now his lips weren’t preoccupied with James’. He wanted to go on kissing him, and yes, he wanted more as well, but he was in no hurry any more. There was time for them to enjoy each other, not snatched moments before someone else took him away.

“We should get you inside, before you get chilled from that wind,” Ichabod said softly, reluctantly taking a step back, but his hand on James’ waist gave a gentle tug, urging James to move with him.