A Disconnection With The Familiar

[Trillian]

A lump formed in Ben's throat, making it difficult to speak. He used his mental ability instead. Handy.

You and I bonded over history and knowledge shared
You were always generous with information
I liked to research and even Ichabod likes studying and learning
So I thought... it was better than a headstone

He pulled in a breath, hoping it would clear the lump out of his throat. Breathing felt incredibly strange to him now. He hadn't done it in ages. It was hard to imagine there'd ever been a time when he'd continued breathing even after he was sired. It seemed... silly now.

[Existentially Odd]

Especially with no body underneath, Kerr continued, amusement rolling out of his chest in more chuckles. Shaking his head, he lifted Ben’s off his chest and tilted it back to kiss him. The angle was good and the mood tender, so their mouths melded comfortably. Kerr savoured Ben’s taste, surrendering for a few blissful moments to the love of and gratitude for him. He broke the contact before it became too hungry, for he needed to know so much.

“Okay, I think you’d better catch me up on what’s happened in the city since I’ve been gone. When I left, Vomas was more or less going to coordinate with Jake and Conner to help the vampires and everyone else was going to take care of their own species as best they could. Is that how it’s working?”

[RPC Admin]

Ben blinked.

"Um, no. Money ran out. Someone got into the old Oligarchy accounts and took off with it. Once there was no more money, nobody wanted to invest into their districts. A lot of Oligarchs left the city, but there were a lot of threats made on their lives, too, so..." Ben shrugged. "Once Vomas left, that was the start of a domino effect. Loads of vampires left after him. Jake stayed the longest but he took off when he found out about some... uh... a gang of feral vampires sprang up in a different city? I forget the clan name. Um. He left some vampire named Isaac somebody-or-other managing his district. Some guy he knew from his past. Oh! He's Ash's sire. Remember Ash?" Ben twisted around, forgetting that Kerr hadn't been away for eighteen months but that it had been immediate, for him. "A few others have taken over some districts, but not so cleanly. Conner stayed for a long time, he only recently left. Someone needed him in Russia, or China. I don't know. He warned me about Charon - I don't think he trusted the Sacramentum. They've... uh... they've got a pretty big piece of the city's pie, now."

Ben stopped talking. He'd been out of touch of what had happened to the city for six months now. He only really knew the Academy and focussed on Kerr's businesses, which all ran along by themselves quite swimmingly. His fortune had grown bigger, thanks to the lawyers. Money made money, it was obvious.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr was alarmed to hear of all the failures the city had faced. It felt like the remaining members of the Oligarchy had all fled like rats off a sinking ship, though he supposed it would’ve been a gradual deterioration, rather than something so dramatic.

“What’s the Sacramentum? Are they controlling the supernaturals of the city? Have there been any untoward revelations of any species to the humans or has there at least been coexistence?” Kerr wanted to know.

[Trillian]

“The Sacramentum is a vampire family. An old one, from Roman times,” Ben explained, looking out at the darkness through the windows. He could have identified many constellations if he'd cared to, but his focus was turned inward. "Charon is the patriarch, who started it all. There's four generations of sires and fledged and very strict rules. They bought Risk before they shut it dow and opened Venture instead. Risk was getting overrun by werewolves at that stage. Just what I heard, I never saw any."

He sighed and chuckled before wriggling atop Kerr. "Did you want to be a part of it again? To rule the city? Or maybe fade away like the rest of them and just live your life? Maybe get the Academy going and call it something else? Hire a manager to run the Outlook and just let it be another income spinner." Ben remembered something else suddenly. "Hey, why didn’t you tell me about the Outlook, by the way?"

[Existentially Odd]

“Risk is gone?!” Kerr exclaimed before Ben explained it had been overrun by werewolves and then replaced.  As long as there was a club to help with blood supplies, that was all that really mattered, though Kerr was curious what Venture was like.

He was distracted by Ben’s squirming, enjoying the way his fledge’s narrow hips fit in between his and the pleasurable pressures that accompanied that. He toyed with Ben’s chin, watching his lips move while contemplating grand questions about the direction his life would now take. He was at a loss - and he still didn’t understand what this Academy was all about!

Kerr smirked. “It was a surprise. For you. It was supposed to be finished when I gave it to you, though, as a sort of restaurant slash club slash entertainment venue for you to manage. It sounds like you’re more invested in this Academy, though. What’s its goal?”

He knew that he shouldn’t be lolling about with Ben, he owed it to Ichabod to visit him and return from the dead again, but he was putting the moment of his parting from Ben off. He wasn’t sure he had two resurrections in one night in him. Plus, there was an electricity between he and Ben, a sense of hope and renewal that was seductive; they’d changed as a couple, overnight to Kerr, and it was fascinating and too exhilarating to end quickly.

[Trillian]

Ben's face lit up. The Academy had been intended as something to remind him of Kerr, so being able to tell his sire all about it now meant he could get feedback straight out of the proverbial horse's mouth! Not everybody had understood his vision - except for Vincent who’d been charmed by the idea and had even offered to tach a class once a week, inspired by Ben's idea. Owen had signed up with the Ward but Ben hadn’t rushed knowledge along that slippery slide. It was a department of spies and informants, or was it supernatural police and investigators? He didn’t quite understand how it worked and hadn’t wanted to get into it with Owen lest it take up too much of their training time. Vincent's class was a little too basic for both of them.

"I had the idea for it to be a learning centre for vampires without sires. So if one older vampire was willing to donate their time, they could teach a bunch of fledglings the basics in one go. I managed to get all of the books left behind at the hotel, the place Vomas was making into his headquarters - some corporation owns it now - and a lot of them were Oligarchy reference books. I  have them in storage for the moment because the library is still under construction and there’s no room at Haven Crest right now. There are other classes though, not just for vampires. I... what do you think? Was it a fitting idea? Or... you can tell me if Ichabod was right. That it's more for me than for you." He frowned.

[Existentially Odd]

As Ben spoke, Kerr found himself welling with pride and love. It was the most selfless thing Ben had ever done and that he’d initiated it in his honour brought tears to Kerr’s eyes. He cupped Ben’s face in his hands and kissed him soundly before he pulled back to smile at him, eyes glistening.

“I think it’s wonderful. You took your loss and turned it into something positive, something to help others in the same situation. Perhaps it is more about you but that’s only because you recognised the need for educating the supernaturals in the city. Not one being made a suggestion that sensible the night I told them the Oligarchy would fall without its protectors. I was only worried about attacks and uprisings, the others were interested in protecting their own interests and maintaining the balance of power and intimidation. No-one thought of gathering the masses, training the uneducated to use their powers properly, working with the beings we used to dominate and punish. Only you,” he said, his voice vibrating with pride as he gazed at his clever, compassionate fledgling.

They’d had it all wrong. Crazed usurpers hadn’t broken down the gates, power-hungry supernaturals hadn’t poured into the void left by the defunct Oligarchy, lusting for control. Instead, organisation had faltered, beings had become disillusioned and slunk away, those remaining were left craving structure and needing help. Ben had provided a place for them to turn, as had Charon and his Sacramentum, apparently.

Ben was the one to thank, the vampire at the head of it all. The beacon in the darkness. The new luminary. Intentionally or not, he’d shrugged on the mantle of leadership less reluctantly than Kerr had and with far greater humility. Kerr was awed by his fledgling’s accomplishments and he pressed that wonder and amazement along their bloodline, letting Ben feel how humbled he was.

“I’m not much of a teacher but if you think I can be of any assistance, I’d love to help you there or... isn’t Haven Crest an apartment block? I’m sure I considered that place when we first came to the city. What’s it got to do with your Academy?”

[Trillian]

Ben felt full and satisfied at Kerr's reaction. Inside of himself he thrummed with pleasure at Kerr's approval. He'd thought this reunion might go badly, because he'd started by admitting his shitty behaviour. He supposed this had been the right time to admit to Kerr all of his wrongdoings, when his sire was grateful to be back in his arms after a rude awakening. Ben hadn't orchestrated it that way so he refused to feel guilty about it... though it was weird not to field any comments of disharmony. He'd forgotten he'd complained to his actual sire about being belittled.

Their conversation moved on.

"Haven Crest got turned into the Ward headquarters. Reception foyer, offices, classes. I'm pretty sure there are still a few apartments there, but I think Ward people maybe live there? I really don't know. Owen can tell you more, he still does things there, but I don't know what exactly. He stayed on even after Conner left. Conner... I miss him. He became a really close friend when you were gone. It was funny, we were mostly all business but at the same time, there was this... undemanding kind of friendship." Ben paused for a slight moment before explaining. "I get my training from a vampire called Vincent. He also teaches at the Academy, at the temporary location at Haven Crest. Owen is his husband, who he sired."

He thought about Murphy and whether or not to mention the journalist who'd helped Ben to ruin the status quo. Murphy was beloved by the Sacramentum though, because he'd given them a foothold into power. Whether accidental or not, he was the Sacramentum golden child. "Um, there are a few more people in my life who I didn't see as often after I... after I indulged in you." He cringed inwardly. "In a version of you." Just say it like it is, he supposed. "In a weird fantasy bubble of perversion with your memory," he blurted.

[Existentially Odd]

Jealousy spiked through Kerr at hearing Ben was being trained by another vampire and it was only compounded by Charon being brought up again. He struggled to squash it down but the air between them was open and honest so he stopped fighting it.

“Rationally, I know you were grieving,” he prefaced, gripping Ben tighter against his body, his hands feeling large and bullish around his fledge’s lighter bones. “But I hate that you were trained by another, almost as much as I hate thinking about you fucking that ancient. I mean, you thought I was dead, I don’t judge you for how you got through it - I was messed up when I lost Sawyl and the twins and I didn’t even like them, so i imagine I’d be just as desperate for you if I lost you...!” he broke off with a choked sound, the horror of his thoughts showing in his eyes when words failed him.

But I don’t feel very rational when I think of you with others. I’m sorry. I feel... rage... when I think of him touching you, even though I know he was making you think it was me. I want to know... but I don’t, damnit! Is... is this how I belittle you? Treat you like a possession?

For all the fury and passion travelling with his thoughts when speaking of Charon, the sentiment that came with his final question was hesitant and sad.

[Trillian]

Hearing about Kerr's rage didn't worry him anywhere near as much as when he heard the word 'belittle'. Ben's lump returned to his throat, alongside heavy ripples of shame. Oh no, he'd talked about Kerr TO Kerr, in a negative way! It took him a moment to collect himself, blocking out his emotions from Kerr lest he make his sire feel even more guilty for the feelings he was causing.

No, no. I was thinking of when we misunderstood each other, or whenever I denied my terrible actions and didn't want you to be the bearer of my consequences. I didn't want to remember when things weren't smooth. I imagine the belittling had more to do with my perception than what you were actually doing, which was likely trying to help me.

The shame gave way to guilt and regret, then to sorrow for all the bad times existing in the first place. Ben had caused a lot of needless harm in their relationship.

I understand your rage... that jealousy. I know it's not a good characteristic, but I have it as well. I'm possessive and selfish about your heart. A big reason why Ichabod is... isn't well liked by me. I don't know how I'll feel about you sharing your physical self. I won't know until you have the opportunity and take it, I guess.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr felt better that Ben downplayed the belittling comment. Using the truth against him like a knife was no doubt much the same - a feeling flavoured by Ben’s perception in times of trouble or when Kerr was acting superior. Their years together had certainly been tumultuous but they always came back together. Unfortunately, tumult was an expected side effect with such passion and difference as he and Ben had between them. They didn’t rightfully belong together; they couldn’t survive apart.

The emotions that had pervaded their time in Europe were still hovering over Kerr; the humiliation of his behaviour with Cain, his plea for Ben to revoke his permission for Kerr to dally, his feelings about being physically with Ichabod because Ben had invited his blood brother to be part of their lovemaking. Nothing sexual had happened in Europe, though they’d all slept the days together, because he’d been too miserable and then Themba had impacted them all. When they’d got home, everything with the Oligarchy had fallen apart and personal matters had fallen by the wayside.

As fresh as it was for him, it was stale and beyond thought for Ben. Kerr was surprised his love even brought it up, considering he hadn’t spoken to Ichabod for a year or so and their relationship had once more deteriorated into bad will. He was obviously putting himself in Kerr’s place, thinking about what he’d wanted. He really was more selfless now, which warmed Kerr’s heart. Time and loss had worked in their favour, giving Ben a reason to grow beyond himself, to adopt others’ perspectives. The torture of loss and grief he’d no doubt been through to get there was not something Kerr would wish for anyone he loved to go through, but he couldn’t help but marvel at the results.

Don’t worry about that, I’m not looking to jump into anything just yet. The first step is just talking to Cub, to let him know I’m alive but... not yet. I need some blood, a shower and a change of clothes - I’ve been in this suit for a year and a half now! And maybe you’d like a chance to reacquaint yourself with my actual body? I hope I can live up to the fantasy... Kerr smiled, dropping his waggling eyebrows in order to appear concerned.

He felt guilty for not prioritising Ichabod but he was too eager to reconnect with Ben. Both of them had a distance to overcome, whether it was years or weeks, they’d been apart too long.  As Ben accompanied him eagerly into the kitchen, he knew his feelings were mirrored.