Nightmares

[Harlequin]

The giant shook her head, "Even the worst of us have something worth loving in them. There's nothing wrong in seeing that."

She wanted so badly to hold him. She felt his pain like an open, seeping wound. But that wasn't what he'd asked for.

"I can help with the nightmares. Let's get you cleaned up and fed, first?"

[Black Philip]

Having both his pain and his confusing, horrible feelings for Lazarus validated was just what Jake needed. As if waiting for only that moment to feel fully safe, Jake got up and hugged Sabrina, almost jumping on her. He thought he remembered how kind she was, but it seems he'd forgotten exactly how kind. He didn't cry this time. Now he smiled. He felt heard and while Lisa-Joe had heard him she was family. She had to support him. Sabrina didn't have to do anything. He heard her comments and nodded as she promised to help with the nightmares.

"Okay. I guess I should eat. And..." He looked at the clothes he was wearing. "I guess I do need to clean up. Okay. Let's do that first. Thanks you Sabrina."

He was like a babe in her arms, and would need a nudge to let her go, or at least a guiding hand to lead him to the next activity. He forgot about Ben, and Charon and even Lazarus for a minute. It was Jake and Sabs hanging out. It was long overdue.

[Harlequin]

Sabrina held him in her arms for...well, she couldn't rightly say how long. Until it felt right.  Time didn't really matter, to people like them. Not like it mattered to others. She wrapped her arms around Jake and let the inhuman heat below her skin sink through him, to his death-cold bones. The smile she wore as she rested her chin on the top of his head was beatific, and the first thing he'd see when he pulled back at her gentle touch.

The house was bothering her; there was work yet to be done. Tansy was downstairs ordering a plastic chair.

She guided him off her lap and back to the picture wall. A hand waved over the mirror revealed a luxurious, if outdated, bath suite. The furnishings were baroque and all slightly oversized -- Sabrina sized. Including the enormous copper clawfoot tub. "Use anything that has a label," she told him, gesturing to indicate that he should step through the newly-opened portal, "Stay away from things that don't. The radio will play what you need to hear --" In one corner of the room that he could see, there was an old-fashioned radio cabinet, of the kind families used to gather around to listen to, "--Mostly." She made a 'wishy-washy' gesture with one hand.

"I'll see what we've got for blood in the fridge. You can step back through when you're finished, I'll be along shortly. Take as much time as you need."

She paused, before hugging him again and bending to kiss the top of his head. "There's another door in there, as well. It leads to my bedroom. Please don't try to go through it." That space was hers alone.

[Black Philip]

Jake felt so safe in Sabrina's embrace, and was almost grumpy he had to let go, before smiling at how silly that was. He allowed himself to be guided to the picture wall, eyes going wide as the portal or passageway - he was never sure in this house - opened in front of him. He looked to Sabrina as she explained, and felt like Oliver Twist being brought into the home of Mr. Brownlow. He nodded at all her instructions and squeezed her hand once more.

"Sabrina, you are an island in a storm. I really need to visit more often. Thank you."

With that he steeped through the barrier and into the bathroom, feeling Sabrina close it behind him. He first looked at the door to her room and felt an immediate curiosity. He wouldn't disrespect his gracious host though, and settled for glancing at it as he went about starting to clean up. He turned on the water, letting it get hot and then started to fill the tub. He searched among the labeled products and found a bubble bath liquid and poured it in to the water and watched the water start to foam.

The young vampire moved to the radio cabinet and looked for an on switch before simply saying, "play The Arctic Monkeys, album.... Favorite Worst Nightmare".

The radio cabinet seemed displeased with the choice, and boom tubes fired off as it started up. It played the band he requested but seemed to have it's own opinions about the album, and played another instead.

Jake got undressed, dropping his clothes on the floor. He turned off the water, finding a tub of hot, soapy water ready for him. He was much smaller than Sabrina, and had probably more to grow before he was turned. He had to pull himself into the tub, and landed face first with a big splash. It was so silly and it made him laugh. The radio cabinet laughed too and quickly switched to the song Splish Splash before returning to his chosen programming. Jake took in a deep breath to float in the tub and embraced the sereneness of the room and of the music. The song switched suddenly, still Jake's favorite band, but a song he'd never heard before.

Listen to Snap Out Of It

What's been happing in your world?
What have you been up to?
I heard that you fell in love, or near enough.
I gotta tell you the truth... yeah.

I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake baby,
Snap out of it.

As Jake listened he couldn't help but wonder was this Sabrina's doing, the radio's or his? Did he need to hear these words so they played? Was this even a real song? He allowed his mind to wander as he started to scrub himself, listening for all the witty lyrical hooks he expected from Mr. Turner. He was thinking of Lazarus and how things may had been different if they'd met earlier. Maybe a longer time with Jake would've humanized him more. He considered that he'd already started to have that effect. Lazarus was hurt when Jake betrayed him. You have to love someone for them to hurt you. So did he love Jake? Is that what he'd meant when he'd said Jake already hurt him? Was it not his pride, but his heart? The song changed.

Listen to I Wanna Be Yours

... If you like your coffee hot
Let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots babe
I just wanna be yours
Secrets I have held in my heart
Are harder to hide than I thought
Maybe I just wanna be yours

Jake did want to be his, but a different Lazarus, one who had never raped Ben, or him. He felt like a fool with too much love and not enough confidence, and he wondered if deep inside him, a good man was buried under 2,000 years of bad choices. He chose to think that's the part of Lazarus he touched. As he washed his hair, he couldn't help but think maybe there was something worthwhile about himself after all. Perhaps, if he loved again, he'd bring out the best in that person too, although hopefully a lot easier and sooner. He doubted he'd love again, still resolute that after this was all over, he'd join Lazarus n the fire. He dare not tell Sabrina. He feared she'd try and stop him, or worse, she wouldn't. As he awkwardly crawled out of the tub, he had to avoid slipping on the wet floor. He straightened up, applying a towel to his naked flesh. Another person pushed Lazarus out of his brain. Murphy Hilton stared him in the face. They'd met only once, and yet through this whole thing the image of Murphy kept being a guiding light, a promise of something different.

He doubted he'd ever see him again. He was Ben's best friend, and yet he couldn't stop thinking about him. The radio cabinet played one last song and Jake had a vision. Auspex, or vampire second sight, was not a gift inherent to Jake, but he'd worked on developing some basic skills. This denoted an upgrade of sorts. Perhaps it was the magic of Sabrina's home, or maybe he was just growing as a vampire, but  the scene played out before his eyes.

Listen to 505

Not shy of a spark
A knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark
Frightened by the bite though it's no harsher than the bark
Middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start

I'm going back to 505
If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive
In my imagination you're waiting, lying on your side
With your hands between your thighs

Jake saw a date with Murphy. It was awkward, and Ben came up more than once, but then, they settled into one another. Jake found himself being open, and candid and showing Murphy his gooey parts as well as his strong ones. Murphy was funny, and humble and most of all kind. There was also a transparency about him that made the date go super well. There was a flash and more time had passed. Murphy was a ghoul, his ghoul, their bond growing closer and closer. They were in his room dancing. He couldn't hear what song, 505 being the soundtrack to this vision. They were happy though. Sam walked in on them, and simply joined the dance party. Sam. She was back! He found himself running to her. Another flash. This time he and Mr. Hilton kissed under  a tree in Pisky Memorial park. It had been about a year since their first date and Jake had an important question to ask him.

Will you be mine? I mean my fledge. I mean...
Yes Jake. Stop talking and kiss me some more.
Oh. Okay. I love you.
I love you too.

It was here the vision ended and Jake was left wondering if what he saw was truly prophetic, or just a fantasy. Even if it wasn't real, it still made him feel joy. He began to question his earlier plan to end his life, but Jake was a slave to his own convictions, and considered the decision already made. He hated that he doubted it now, and pushed those doubts to the back of his mind. He dressed in the same clothes he'd come in, and once his hair was neatly styled back, he walked back through the passageway to where Sabrina would likely be waiting.

[Harlequin]

Jake would indeed find Sabrina in the room beyond the door, but he'd be looking at her across a different table, this one very long and broad and strewn with the ephemera of her craft; some stereotypical, some not. Yes, there were the bundled herbs and crystals and tall glass bottles -- but there was also a messy stack of seemingly blank polaroid photos, and an assortment of tapes (8-track and VHS).

These were all pushed to one end of the table to make room for the silver-filigree tray which held a dutch oven, ladle, and oversized mug. Steam seeped from under the lid of the dutch oven, carrying with it the scent of human blood.  The room he had entered was low-ceilinged and chilly, but warmly lit with an assortment of stained-glass table and standing lamps. Its smelled of herbs and oils, and of cold iron. Clearly some sort of workroom, the surfaces were crowded with various equipment -- medical, magical, and otherwise. If he peered through the beaded curtain over a doorway one on end of the room, he'd see the familiar outline of the dentist's chair she used for tattooing.

"It's been magically preserved," Sabrina informed him, as he pulled up the provided chair. THe Vampire was clearly meant to serve himself. Her back was to him as she gathered ingredients from a floor-to-ceiling drawered cabinet in one corner of the room and setting them into a wicker basket held in one crooked elbow, "So it may taste a little funny, but it's good. I've been lucky enough not to need to keep it fresh -- less stray Humans wandering in off the streets bleeding." She smiled and looked over her shoulder at Jake, "Though I'll have it on hand if it means I'll be seeing more of you."

[Black Philip]

Jake wasn't surprised to see a different room. It seemed appropriate with everything he knew about the house. He found the work area unruly, the Ventrue unsurprisingly a neat freak. However, it seemed right for the wonderful strange quality of his host, and he could tell to her this system worked. The self serve was self evident, and the prince ladled himself a mug of hot, steamy blood. Unlike at Charon's Jake drunk deeply and polished off the glass. It was good, if not a tiny bit stale. Jake found it peppery and wondered who it came from. Was that blood resonance Choleric?

"That's some good stuff actually," Jake observed, leaving the staleness out of his assessment. He raised the mug in salute, even though her back was turned. He looked at all her witchy things, and was curious but superstitious. It was how he felt about magic in general. He happened to see the dentist chair, and touched his heart tattoo fondly. They'd become friends that day.

He heard her comment about seeing him more, and for a second felt a small pain. He would have to lie to her now. He hated that he had to do that.

"You'll be seeing more of me in the near future for sure." He moved the subject to related but different. "I missed you, and this place. We've both been busy."

[Harlequin]

"I missed you too, ma chere." A soft murmur as she ticked things off on her fingers, then nodded, and pulled up a chair beside Jake.

From her basket, she pulled a series of bottles and satin bags, and finally a large mortar and pestle, "Are you having suicidal thoughts?" she asked mildly, before she fixed her gaze on him, leaning with one arm against the table, her body turned toward her guest.

[Black Philip]

Jake's jaw dropped, and his eyes went wide. How did she know? Witches! Jake had always been weirdly superstitious of witches, and he didn't like being unsure for too long. At least with vampires he would know his mind had been read. In this situation all bets are off.

"I-."

That's about all he could get out, but his surprised reaction and subsequent shutdown all suggested that Sabrina was correct. 

[Harlequin]

"It's perfectly normal to think like that," She assured him, placing one hand gently on his knee, "After what happened to you. People blame themselves, they think they deserved it, they think it would be easier if they just stopped being around." She leaned back opened, one of her satin pouches.

"I've thought it. I've known a lot of people who've thought it, too. But I'm here, as an outside voice, as your friend, as someone you asked once to call 'mother' -- to tell you none of it is true, but that it's normal."

[Black Philip]

He'd forgotten that memory, and his mind fluttered back to that first moment he'd asked her to play that role in his life. He wondered what Sabrina saw in him that people like Ben never would. She saw past the tough guy routine, the monarch, the poser. She saw something only a few people had ever seen. She'd saw the boy once known as Jacob McCloud, and he'd  been a gentle soul once upon a time.

"Charon didn't know what you know, but he told me this moment would pass, and that in the end the fact that I was a vampire meant I had all the time I needed to get myself right."

Their advice sounded somewhat similar, and it was coming from perhaps the two people in the city Jake respected the most, other than Lisa of course.

"Thank you mother," he said, the voice so much younger than two-hundred and seventy nine. He looked at all her equipment, and looked to her expectantly. He didn't know enough about to magic to ask what she had planned.

[Harlequin]

"You're quite welcome, my dove," she leaned forward to give him a tender kiss on the forehead, and then returned to her task.

She crushed several different dried herbs together into a fine powder with the mortar and pestle, her big hands working deftly. He might notice the soft scents of lavender, anise, and juniper, among a variety of others, "Charon is wise man," she agreed.

Once the herbs were ground, she poured about shot of some sharp, clear alcohol into the mortar form a crystal bottle, "I'm making a tincture," she explained, noting the way he watched her hands, "Hopefully this and a little mental nudge will help with your nightmares."

She picked up the mortar between her hands and swirled the herbs and alcohol (counterclockwise) until they were thoroughly mixed, then reached across Jake to refill his mug from the dutch oven. A piece of cheesecloth stretched across the top of the mortar kept the ground herbs back as she poured the alcohol off into a small glass bowl. The herbs were bound up into the cheesecloth and dropped into the mug, while she dipped her fingers into the alcohol.

After gaining permission, she swiped her wettened thumb down the center of Jake's forehead, then over his cheekbones, in the hollow of his throat, and behind the lobes of his ears. All the while she hummed a soft, steady, note, and he'd feel some of the oppressive darkness life from brain like a fog. The alcohol dried quickly on his skin, and while the scent it left behind was strong and herbaceous, it was not unpleasant.

"Now drink the blood," the witch prompted, her voice holding an eerie echo of the tone she'd been humming, "And get back to me tomorrow evening."

[Black Philip]

Jake liked learning about things, and watching Sabrina practice magic was fascinating. Why these herbs? Why the alcohol? What was the science behind the craft? He nodded his permission. He wouldn't have fought her had she just gone to touch him, but wondered if that was because of who she was, or if wasn't quite protective of his boundaries again.The alcohol was cool, but Sabrina's finger felt warmer than a humans.

He felt the darkness lift, and felt something close to clarity. He wondered if this was what antidepressants were like, not a cure, but a way to feel good enough to seek out a cure. It was the first moment killing himself didn't seem like the best option anymore, and he hoped he'd keep moving in this direction.

"Tomorrow I will be setting up the court house. You should come by if you're free. We can discuss the final parameters and you can meet the prosecutor."

"Thank you so much Sabrina. Can I bring my children over for dinner sometime? I don't think they've ever met you."

[Harlequin]

"I'd love that," Sabrina rested a hand on Jake's shoulder and smiled, "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Once he drank down the herb-infused blood as directed, the pair embraced and said their goodbyes. Sabrina had some more work to do here, but Jake would find the door he'd come through lead once again into the lobby. He wouldn't feel anything now, but when next he slept, it would be peacefully.

[Black Philip]

Jake thanked Sabrina once more, and headed out of the Parlor of Purgatory. Sabrina really was a Saint, and saw the best in everyone. It made Jake think that if Sabrina could see the goodness in him perhaps he would see it in himself too. With her agreeing to judge Lazarus, Jake had the final piece of the puzzle in place. He thought about Murphy again, their time together in his vision. He pulled out his phone and wrote out a text.

Hey. If you're around tonight, come by the White Rabbit. I want to see you.

He didn't send it yet though. He had one more errand to run first. Now he would head to see Charon and let him in to Lazarus's cell.

/end