By the time Kerr was done with his shower, his vision was back to normal, which meant that he couldn't see much at all when searching for his earlier-discarded towel. The realisation only made him grumpier. He turned on the light, dried himself off and secured the towel around his hips before he headed back into the bedroom, filled with trepidation. The note on the end of the bed left him feeling hollow and abandoned. He embraced the anger that swiftly followed and stomped out of the room, intent on figuring out where the fuck he was so that he actually could leave. Why the fuck would he hang around to be a third wheel if he could help it?
Ben's haunting eyes and the memory of his addictive touch all over his body followed Kerr along hallways and down stairs that he quickly realised were familiar. When he got to the kitchen, he stopped and looked around in disbelief. "Fuck off," he told the air crankily, thumping down to the basement where all his stuff was. He made a beeline for his fridge, downing a Coke in about two swallows and eating a fistful of ham straight out of the packet while he buttered most of the rest of his loaf of bread. He grabbed another drink and sat with his sandwiches in front of his computer once they were made, eating and drinking and typing once he'd begun to fill the empty pit of hunger inside of him.
He journalled his experiences with Ben and Lazarus while he ate - not the sex, but everything that had led up to it. The near-death, the telekinesis, the failed trap disarm and the after effects, the consumption of vampire blood and its effects. He could only manage impressions, hasty notes and feelings that he didn't want to forget, because exhaustion was lurking at the periphery of his senses, ready to take over as soon as his body gave up on lucidity and turned its remaining energy to digesting the belly full of food he'd just given it. His eyes drooped repeatedly and he tried to shake himself awake every time he nodded off, in order to finish the sentence, the note, the thought.
Deciding he needed more caffeine, he got up and went to the fridge, standing beside it while he drank yet another Coke. He looked around while he did, marvelling at just how different the basement looked without Ben in the cage. It was cold and ominous, sending a shiver down his spine. He didn't want to sleep here alone but nor did he want to go upstairs and find somewhere nearby like an obedient little junkie.
Please don't leave.
Fuck him. Why shouldn't he leave? There was nothing here for him. The vampires were reunited, Lazarus was either looking at him like he was a tasty snack or an offence whose neck he wanted to snap, Ben just seemed to want him for fucking and then there was the threat of the Oligarchy. He'd have to own up to them that he'd failed and he couldn't predict the consequences. If he was in his right mind, he'd call them right now and get someone else to finish the job he couldn't, while the vampires were vulnera--
He couldn't even finish the thought. Contemplating ending Ben filled him with the same hollow clench that'd attacked him when he read the note. The 'WE' note. The note that made his place in the food chain clear, even while instructing him that he had no options. No, fuck that. He did have options. He'd fulfilled his side of the bargain; he'd let Ben and Lazarus go and he wouldn't turn them in to the Oligarchy. Why could Ben possibly want him to stay, when he had his sire and they were completely coupled up? It was just a power trip, it had to be. Or he'd enjoyed the fucking, maybe. It wasn't anything real and Kerr knew he was a fucking idiot for even letting a sliver of hope enter his heart.
Decided, Kerr got dressed, packed up all his gear and put it in his car. It took him multiple trips and lots of Tetris channelling to get everything in but he did it, eventually. He gathered up all the magic stuff, too, planning to drop it off at the Oligarchy the next night (once he knew Ben and Lazarus had had ample time to escape) when he owned up to his failure. He was dismayed that he couldn't find the knife but when he made a final trip back upstairs to write his phone number on the bottom of Ben's note, he searched the room on a hunch and found it under the bed. Shoving it in his jeans, he walked out of the house and drove into the city. It was mid-morning and the sun was hurting his eyes worse than usual, so he stopped at the first semi-decent motel he came to.
Securing a room for the day and a night, he parked outside it with relief, barely able to keep his eyes open any longer. He brought his clothes, food and the box of magic trinkets in to keep beside his bed, undressed and flopped onto the bed. He managed to put his phone on to charge on the bedside table and drop the mind-blocking ring inside the magic box before he fell into a deep, dreamless asleep.