Waiting for Sunrise

[Idrial]

(For Billiam)
(Listen to song before reading.)

Remember Me by Nomyn and Veela

The ride up the elevator had been nerve-wracking for Sam, trying to take her Maria's words to heart. There must have been a good reason as to why Jake wanted to meet here, butterflies filling her stomach as the elevator went ding on the twentieth floor. The doors sliding open as Sam quickly stepped out, only to come at a standstill. Sam didn't know how long she had been staring at the decorative framed door, so this is why Jake gave the thumb scanner and the key.  She didn't want to go in alone but Jake wouldn't be here for an hour or more, taking a deep breath she pressed her eye up to the scanner and her thumbprint under the pressure sensor. Revelling a hidden titanium door behind the decorative wooden door, her hand shaking as she opened the titanium door.

The penthouse had been filled with Jake's treasures he accumulated over the years, books artifacts, weapons all sorts of trinkets. Sam couldn't help but scan the room before her eyes came in contact with the fireplace, a flashback seared her mind. It was the second night she had been turned, the encounter had not been a pleasant one. She had tried to strike Jake with a chair and it didn't end well for Sam. Something about Jake always knew what she was thinking and she retaliated with violence. It didn't make her feel good as the butterflies transformed into a heavy pit of frustration in her stomach. Breaking her gaze with the fireplace looking around the room, cold and sad memories reappearing no matter where she looked now.

"I haven't revealed my name or what the clans mean, because you are not ready to know that information," Jake barked. "For now just call me sir."

"Insolent little bitch," Jake spat!

"You're an opportunity for me," Jake answered. "I can assure you that no matter what the circumstances of your creation were, I would never neglect or misuse you. You share my blood, and are therefore precious to me"

"If you are unpleased with your master," Jake yelled, "then you may try your hand at immortality alone. You were lying bloody in the park, of course you weren't planned. Yet, here you are. Get over it and move on, or if you're so unhappy with the way you were sired then go outside and wait for sunrise. Otherwise sit down, shut up, and listen to what I have to teach you about our clan!"

Sam shivered as she experienced the ghosts of past that remained in this place and that pit frustration kept growing. Wondering when Jake would get here to talk about whatever it was he wanted to discuss, he had been vague in the matter. She needed out of this room and proceeded towards the spiral metal staircase, placing her thumb on the lock, the door couldn't open fast enough as she exited onto the roof.

This was better and the frustration within Sam was subsiding just a little, she never spent too much time up here. This was more Jakes place than Sam's and she always was glad when he was on the roof and not in the penthouse, wasting time she started to walk around on the roof. A large garden was here and so a bed encased in glass. That made Sam raise an eyebrow, Jake never told her why that was on the roof. Shrugging her shoulders before turning her gaze towards the city, it was a beautiful sight and it almost made Sam forget about the memories down below. Staring out into the distance as she waited for Jake, he should be here soon. She was hoping anyways he did say he wasn't sure how long sentencing would take.

[Black Philip]

Jake arrived at the Dante's Inferno about an hour after Sam did, the post trial taking far longer than it was supposed to. He remembered the old driveway, and how proud of himself he'd been when he moved here and built this place. He'd dreamed of being a big developer then, not an Oligarch and not a District Leader. He had no children then, not even Scott. Sam was a human woman, looking for her sister. Now the building seemed sad as he approached it. They'd left it to stay out of Vomas's clutches and be closer to their people, but Jake had always missed it. Lots of humans and even a few vampires still lived here, but to Jake none of that mattered. It wasn't his home anymore.

He reached the apartment with ease, and saw the door to the roof was opened. He first went into his old bedroom and located the vault. He remembered the combination and placed his important belongings inside before heading back into the main room and up the spiral staircase. He emerged and saw Sam, and let her know he was there through the bond. He approached her and would attempt to greet her with a huge. His face wore a heavy look, and he wasn't starting any conversations. He walked to his favorite edge and dangled his legs over it. His eyes stared up at the night sky and the view of the city. He motioned for the ledge next to him. "Come sit with me," he said softly, waiting till Sam was comfortable.

[Idrial]

A familiar hum ran across her emotions, how long had she been staring at the city? Turning around to see Jake emerging onto the roof, he looked worse than when he came home from the war. Accepting his hug in silence unsure of what to say to Jake. This hug didn't feel as warm and inviting, making Sam realize things had changed. For better or worse she wasn't sure, maybe that's what this talk was all about. And why this place? A lot didn't make sense to Sam, releasing him after a short moment.

Jake walked over to an edge and dangling his feet, nodding at his request as she made her way over to the ledge, mimicking Jake and dangling her feet over the edge. Hands clasped in her lap, the silence was deafening between them and it didn't make things less awkward between the two. Sam scanned the stars in the sky, looking for familiar constellations in the sky. She found the Big Dipper easily enough and Orion's Belt was tricky this time of year. Once Jake started to speak she would focus all her attention on him with bated breath.

[Black Philip]

Jake stared at the stars, the clouds, the strange purples and violets of the night, and finally turned his head to look at Sam. She looked beautiful, and he grabbed her hand, finally feeling like he could speak.

"Thank you for what you did today. You didn't have to come help me."

He leaned his head on her shoulder and buried himself there, only moving if Sam made him. It felt nice to be up here. He'd always loved this spot more than any other in the city, White Rabbit included. It was the perfect place for two people to talk. They had about an hour and a half until they'd need to head to day sleep, some of the rooms on the lower floors still having beds and still being sun proof. He was sure Sam would rather return home to the Rabbit Warrens, but they didn't feel like home lately. They felt like the place a great tragedy took place.

[Idrial]

Jake grabbing Sam's hand brought her back to reality, turning her head and looking at him with brightly shining eyes. Letting him lean on her shoulder, it made Jake feel better. Shifting under his weight so his head could lay more comfortably on her shoulder. Speaking to Jake in a simple tone, looking at the stars for encouragement.

"You had been wronged and needed my testimony. I can't turn my back someone who has been so horribly wronged." A deep sigh falling from her chest.

"No matter how badly I been hurt I would have still testified. Even if I decided not to return home and not forgive you." Her voice cracking just a little as she finished her statement.

[Black Philip]

He was happy Sam didn't recoil from his touch. It gave him hope for their relationship. He listened as she spoke, feeling validated by her words in regards to his rape. She understood him better than most, and at first he thought that maybe she wasn't upset at all. However, then he heard the second part of her statement, and in that he sensed her pain, and he lifted up from her to look her in the eye.

"Sam. I'm a shit sire. I really am. I'm so sorry for how I've treated you all these years. You deserve so much better than me."

He laid back in his earlier position, and looked at the stars. "I didn't have the best relationship with the vampire who raised me. I promised I'd be better when the time to make another presented itself. I was wrong."

He thought of Mithras, and his seventy years of abuse. He also thought of Sophie. How different would his life have been if he'd grown up with her instead?

[Idrial]

Sam carefully thought over her words as Jake's statement was not false, he had been a shit sire. For the most part and he was not all to blame, Sam could be difficult to put it politely. He didn't know and it was painful to talk about, it made her feel unworthy in her clan. It wasn't the first time she realized she was different than the rest of the clan over the years. Still holding Jakes gaze, speaking slowly and unable to hide the shame in her eye's.

"I'm not innocent either Jake. You... we're not prepared for me," unable to hold his gaze now, "Not even my own parents were prepared for me." Shaking her head still looking downward.

"I was born with a severe dopamine deficiency, and my brain is also deficient in sending neurological signals. It has plagued me my entire life. No parent wants something to be wrong with their child." She stopped scared to go on for a moment

After hearing he didn't have the best relationship with a vampire who raised him, he needed to know this about Sam. Hiding it would only hinder them going forward, unsure of how Jake would take the information. Sam needed to push through it was the only way.

"I had also had severe depression in my pre-teens till I was twenty-two, I had it somewhat under control. When you sired me I had to stop taking my medication even though it was a lower dose, you didn't know." Her voice devoid of emotion as she continued.

"I'm not a fledge you would have picked to make... I'm nothing like the Ventrue clan. To be fair I look back now and I feel as if I took a lot your freedom that night. I sometimes wished you would have put that metal rod through my heart." She was a mixture of feelings, shame, regret, sadness and burden to him.

[Black Philip]

Jake always knew Sam had mental health problems. Then again so did he. She might've had her depression, but he had his mood swings and impulsiveness. He hadn't been ready to have a child, but he couldn't agree that Sam had taken his freedom. She'd saved him tonight. She served such an important purpose in his life. He didn't disagree that she wasn't the child he would've made. It was true and however hurtful they needed to be honest.

"I don't care about the clan," he said, believing it in the moment. "I'm very proud of who you are. I don't need you to be the perfect Ventrue. I need you to be my Sam."

He couldn't handle that she sometimes wished for death, and held her tighter as they talked. His eyes were still on the sky, the view helping to keep him calm. He remembered coming up here a million times for that purpose, but he'd never taken Sam up here. It was nice to be here with her, despite the conversation at hand. "Well I don't wish that," he said with a touch more defensiveness. "I love you so much. How you came to me is one thing. Who you are to me is something very different."

"I can't replace your mortal family," he said, feeling sometimes like that's what Sam sought from him. He wondered if she'd see it or not.

[Idrial]

Sam shot a fierce look at him, "You care about your clan, don't give me that Jake." Her eye's then softened at him as he held her tighter.

It was heart-warming to hear him boast that he was proud of Sam. He stomach fluttered when expressed his love towards Sam. He had never said those words before out loud, yet she felt guilty. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out her cellphone, showing Jake the pictures of the damage he had done. It was not to make him feel bad, he needed to see this, everything had to come out.

"I do in some way want you to replace my mortal family. In a sense of having a family. I never thought I have the chance again," she stated softly.

"I expect you to help me find my own definition of Ventrue and be apart of that family. Our family." She stated seriously. Sam was strong with her blood, he could see from the pictures.

"I'm not strong in the mind but I am strong in blood. Why must I pull the strings from behind the curtains? Why be the strings when I can be the loom?" The loom being fortitude.

Sam always had a niché when it came to the physical, even as a young child. Strong and built like her mortal father, minus the height thanks to her mother. And now Jake had gifted her with an amazing ability. One that complimented one of the few things she good at in her mortal life. Now she just needed his help to grow. And he so desperately needed her help to change for the better. Jake was trying harder than he had before and it was not lost on Sam.

[Black Philip]

Jake looked at the photos, and grimaced during it. He supposed he had to face his actions as he'd required Lazarus to do moments before, but the knowledge he was doing the right thing made it no easier. Her rebuttal about him caring about being Ventrue was mostly true. Should he tell her the full truth? Yes, he should.

"Sam, you are unique and different. Don't try to be a Windsor. I made that mistake with you when we started. You're more like a community organizer, a social worker. Ventrue lead, but in different ways. I'm the Black Prince. You're Sam from the Academy. Don't be me, be you. I admit I want a child who is closer to my personality in ways, but that's because I have you to challenge me and be different than me."

He also didn't like her saying she wasn't strong in the mind. It just wasn't true. He grew angry she saw herself that way. He hadn't done enough to show her otherwise. "You are plenty strong Sam. You lack confidence. The only person who sees you as weak is you. You have the body sure. I'm not saying ignore it, but have confidence you'll master your mind too. I have confidence in you about it. These things take time."

[Idrial]

It was comforting to hear he did not expect her to be like Queen Elizabeth's family and in Jakes' eyes, she was unique and different. How she would lead would be different and it felt wonderful for Jake to acknowledge that finally. It even touched her heart to hear she challenged him, perhaps he would not grow bored like his pre-descendants. The truth of him wanting a child closer to his personality did not sting, she was just happy to hear the truth.

"I will agree I lack confidence," nodding her head to him.

"I just don't like the uneven playing field being a vampire and being this young," she couldn't protect Jake from Lazarus. That reality hurt more than anything.

"I've knocked out men the size of Lazarus as a mortal. I feel constricted being a vampire maybe that's why I feel weak and no longer have the confidence I once had. Perhaps that is hampering my mental skills," holding his gaze waiting for him to speak.

[Black Philip]

Jake could relate to how Sam felt. It’s how he felt as a District Leader all the time. Charon was three-thousand. Zoheret had been a soldier of God and even in exile had great and terrible power. Sabrina was a witch, and not just a witch but a powerful one. Even this new Sarakiel guy was closer to Zoheret than him in power level. Lazarus had worked for him and been four times his better in power level.  Jake had cunning, money, loyalty of his people and plenty of them. In a one on one with any of the other leaders he was sure he’d perish. He’d had three hundred years on this earth and still felt like a weakling. Apparently, it was the price one paid for immortality. He share these thoughts with Sam, hoping it would show her that she wasn’t alone in feeling this way.

“We have to deconstruct the narrative that because they have age and power they’re better than us. That is the Anarch way.”

He wasn’t sure how much his daughter thought of herself as an Anarch. Did she know what it really meant? Did she understand that all of this was temporary? One day the Anarchs would rule this city, or be driven from it. If they ruled then one day it would be time for Jake to step down. If they were forced out, they’d start over again somewhere else.

“Give it time, and practice, practice, practice. I will help you.”

[Idrial]

"If I had a dollar every time someone said that to me I'd be fucking rich by now," half laughing half talking. He was not the first to say this to Sam over her lifetime.

It was true if she didn't practice she would get nowhere, she would become like Lazarus and be only half complete. If Jake believed that she could master her mind why doubt herself? After the faith she received from Jake it gave her hope, maybe now she wouldn't be so hard on herself. They sat in silence for a moment before Sam spoke again.

"May I ask why did you pick the name The Black Prince?" Feeling more comfortable around Jake to ask an intimate question.

[Black Philip]

Jake laughed along with her. He understood that feeling too. He told her it would get worse before it got better, but around the time she mastered her first Discipline it would begin to feel easier. He’d only just mastered Dominate twenty or so years ago. It took a long time to master the blood. At least they had eternity on their side. Her next question caught him a bit off guard and he tensed up in their embrace.

“I killed the Camarilla prince who ruled New York City in the 1920’s. He was a Ventrue like us. They say a vampire who kills another vampire is left with a black mark on them that can be seen when their aura is read. I don’t think it’s true, expect for diablerie. But when I assumed control of New York it became the first Anarch free state. Ten years later we fell to the Camarilla. I agreed to step down to save my people’s lives. During the ten years I ruled New York the citizens dubbed me the Black Prince. It was meant as an insult about how I came to power, but the joke was on them. I took that name and made it my own. Now, it’s a name that strikes fear into some, contempt in others, and yet mystery for the rest. It’s a name that’s suited me well.”

He hoped this would satisfy her curiosity. Monarchy was about smoke and mirrors, and being more of a legend than a real person. The title of the Black Prince helped to create that legend. It was a tool, the same as his sword.

[Idrial]

One thing had remained constant in Jake's life and it was violence. He did not have a good relationship with the vampire that raised him, it was sad. It was like the only thing he ever knew was war and violence, that desperately needed to change. Yes she understood as a vampire murder or suicide was the only way you could die, another negative for immortality. There was no peaceful way to go, fire, sunlight, beheading all a terrible death. They had the power to lessen their chances of being killed but there would always be war. Without war, there can be no peace. But the path for some normalcy of peace could be achieved. And if war should come, so be it.

It fed Sam's curiosity about him choosing his name. It didn't feed Sam's curiosity of how much of his own humanity had he lost?

"Jake what do you do to make yourself in tune with your mortal side? To stay near your own humanity?" Moving her arm around his shoulders and pulling him in close.

Sam wanted to contain the violence within Jake in a strange and calm way. Death should be a last resort, it seemed Jake used it as a middle ground in the past. This cycle had to end and perhaps he needed to be reminded of his mortal roots. Sam wanted to give him faith that he could grow and for the better. Sam would help him too. Just as Jake would help Sam master her disciplines.