Here We Are in the Present

[suneater]

It was a little like watching a car accident, albeit one involving very attractive drivers in state-of-the-art automobiles. Harm just kept going, kept saying perverted things and even accompanying them with extremely provocative gestures. He didn't flinch away from the contact with his arm and hand- he was relaxed enough to let that my, accustomed to Harm's touch for the moment- but the idea of it being involved with sex was definitely a turn off. He was so stunned by the audacity of it that he didn't stop him, but Luke's face probably was probably transmitting his unease.

His own hard-on had flagged slightly, but then he became aware of Harm, hard and hot against him, and felt himself swelling again. His gaze drifted a few inches to Harm's full lips, and his cock surged slightly at the thought of them wrapped around it. He extricated his hand from Harm's just as the other pulled away. He folded both his arms to create a makeshift pillow for himself. He kept his head turned to continue regarding Harm. His heart was beating just a little faster, and his crotch felt, so, so warm, as if the proximity of their dicks created some kind of feedback loop.

"I'm not sure if its a good idea for you to work on my front," he said softly. His voice was breathy, a symptom of the arousal he couldn't quite disguise. He couldn't quite bring himself to completely eliminate the idea of them getting off, even though he knew it was a bad one. His need was spiking, though. His cock was practically pulsing as it remained trapped against his thigh. "Fuuuuuck," he groaned slowly, burying his face in the crook of his right elbow and squeezing his eyes shut. He had to stop looking at Harm. That was critical to his keeping it in his pants.

[Existentially Odd]

Harm had certainly been disheartened by the stoic/disgusted look on Luke's face before he pulled away but then he said those words in that spine-tinglingly breathy voice and it all changed. He watched in fascination as Luke hid his face and swore in what could only be frustration. Sexual frustration. The very notion that they might both want release sent a pulse of longing through him.

It occurred to Harm that he wasn't sure why Luke was holding back, exactly. Sure, there was the fact he was suffering from some kind of STI (but... condoms?) and also his dogged determination to scare Harm into wanting absolutely nothing to do with any sort of monster, especially him. There was likely also some sort of residual heroism from their History of Unrequited Love and the Oblivious Fool That Nurtured It.

But the more he thought about it, as he watched the back of Luke's head, the less sense any of it made. For a start, a body that could heal a stab hole the size of the one Luke had put in his hand surely could fend off any sort of viral sexual infection within a few minutes (let alone forty-eight hours). For another, only Luke was offended by the notion of fooling around with a monster, Harm was fascinated by the endless possibilities. As for the third thing... it probably wasn't real but even if it was, only Harm remembered anything and he'd let it go a few years back. Why should Luke worry about that stuff?

Harm bent his elbow and rested his head in the palm of his hand, regarding Luke thoughtfully. His other hand played with his hair, styling it reflexively before it floated over to Luke's bare back once more. Where before he'd prodded and squeezed in a detached manner, now he trailed a gentle hand over the plain of Luke's flesh, watching his fingers undulate as he swept them softly over profoundly sculpted troughs and peaks of muscle. He wished he was game enough to perform the same manoeuvre with his lips but he wasn't certain he was right about Luke's desire. Yet.

"Why isn't it?" he asked huskily, the question deliberately crafted. He really wanted an answer without giving his own thoughts away or saying something too incriminating. He'd let Luke say it first. Surely it was his turn to risk humiliating himself, after all these years.

[suneater]

He didn't look up when Harm caressed his way up his back, or when he spoke.

The question mattered less and less to Luke with each heartbeat, all of which he could feel in his dick. Why shouldn't he fuck Harm's pretty brains out? The guy clearly wanted it. He was seducing him. He couldn't keep his hands off of him. He'd wanted this for years.

Somewhere within the ardor, there was a voice still asking questions. Was Harm into him because of their past? Because he was a freak? He really didn't know Luke at all, so aside from baseline physical attraction, he wasn't into Luke, he was into some idea of his that didn't actually exist. If it was the former, wasn't it selfish to take advantage? If it was the latter, did he want to indulge that particular fantasy?

That whisper of a voice was drowned out by his rushing blood though. He lifted his head from the crook of his elbow and stared at Harm hungrily. The expression on his face wasn't one that his old friend would remember. His features were contorted by desire, tinted with rage, shaded with something darker and more dangerous. He rolled onto his side,  propping himself up with his head in his left hand and his elbow digging into the mattress. His movement revealed the unmistakable tent in his pants. Even battened down by cloth, the bulge was obscene, representative of the sort of cock most people only ever saw in pornography.

He reached forward for Harm's wrist with his pallid gray flesh, and if Harm allowed it, would then tug him closer- close enough to press Harm's hand into his crotch. 

[Existentially Odd]

Harm was startled by Luke’s expression when he looked up at him. Part of him quailed before it, thinking he’d somehow angered his companion with a question he’d thought sounded sexy but didn’t come out the way it had in his head (truthfully, he got that more often than he wanted to admit). Even in apparent anger - or perhaps because of it - Luke’s visage was frightfully compelling, though. There was a sinister beauty in his turbulent gaze, the flush of his skin, the grim set to his pillowy lips.

When Luke rolled onto his side, Harm’s gaze flowed along his sculpted physique to the unmistakable answer to his question. A thrill of triumph flared through him, chased lecherously by a shot of lust. He didn’t look away from it as his hand was pulled over, though he came up on his elbow and used it as a crutch to shuffle closer, for better access.

Bare chests, so close. Mingled, flighty breathing. Hand on wrist. Hand on pants on cock. A huge, rigid rod. A mouth flooding with saliva. Licking lips and throbbing blood. Want. Aching need and hunger.

It was almost clinical, Harm’s categorisation of the moment. The desire was so strong as to rob him of fluid, rational thought, all he was left with was the ability to compartmentalise and process in bytes... delicious sensory imprints. His hand knew what to do; it closed over Luke’s bulge eagerly, massaging gently along the steel impossibly contained by his clothing, stroking and squeezing with growing temerity. He longed for better access, skin on skin.

Harm looked into Luke’s cognac-coloured eyes, wanting to say something confident and bold about working on his front but the words wouldn’t come. They were already obsolete. He pressed his lips to Luke’s instead, kissing him gently despite the firm hold that was still exploring the limits of his dick. He captured soft, full lips between and against his own, his head nudging up and down, his tongue sliding forward in a tentative initial assault, requesting permission to enter with a sideways swipe.

Their hands became squashed between them, the pressure and the squirming against hard crotches frustratingly indirect but so enticing. Their chests touched, the contact zinging through Harm. He’d completely forgotten his resolve to never try to kiss Luke again and also the warning that he should carry no expectations into this meeting with him. None of that was relevant with his hand on Luke’s erection and his lips fluttering kisses all over his beautiful mouth.

[suneater]

Luke released Harm's wrist as soon as his hand made contact with his concealed but blatant cock, but he didn't seem sure what to do with himself; his arm remained lifted, not touching anything. He groaned as the exploration began, and shifted his hips involuntarily as Harm worked him over, bucking himself into grasping fingers. His gaze slipped down to watch Harm's slender, deft fingers at work, but then he sensed movement and looked up. He watched with almost detached curiosity as Harm moved in for the kiss, and then they were kissing.

There was nothing tentative about Luke's response. Harm's tongue would find resistance in Luke's, which forced its way into his mouth. The monstrous hand that had been hanging in the air suddenly found a purpose and latched onto Harm's neck, pulling him in even closer and holding him in place. His grip was implacable, and his tongue was inevitable. He filled Harm's mouth with it, seemingly intent to map every bit of flesh and tooth. Greedy, wet noises filled the air, but his pulse drowned them out. It was roaring in his ears, deafening, and his forceful kiss yielded to its inexorable rhythm.

One heartbeat, two, three, a dozen. Without breaking the kiss, he shifted his weight again, rolling on top of Harm and sweeping his hand away. He continued devouring his mouth while his considerable weight bore the smaller man into the mattress. He could feel Harm hard against him and smirked unseen into the kiss as he started grinding their erections together. He rocked back and forth with his hips with brutal focus. His left hand drifted up, tangling itself in Harm's soft hair, while his right burrowed underneath Harm's back to lock him in an embrace.

He could feel the heat on Harm's skin, the sweat that he'd built up during the massage, the surges of pleasure that the frottage yielded. He wanted more though. He wanted everything Harm could give him, and it was his to take. His teeth caught Harm's lower lip suddenly, trapping it. His eyes were wide open, and he regarded Harm hungrily before pulling away... tugging Harm's lip almost painfully for a split second, but then releasing him. He got up onto his knees, looming over Harm. A damp spot had appeared where the head of his dick bulged obscenely in his pants, straining to escape.

"Take your clothes off." His voice came from somewhere low in his throat. His eyes bored into Harm as he reached for his own belt, making quick work of it and the button behind it.

[Existentially Odd]

Harm was instantly energised by Luke's tongue raiding his mouth. Although it was initially overwhelming, excitement soon surged through him, echoing frenziedly through his body and enhancing the empty throb he was already feeling. His tongue parried ensuing attacks with enthusiasm, swiping up and across the thick, thrusting muscle exploring his oral cavity, sucking when it became too much, countering with firm lips and an agile tongue of his own when it was being civilised. His jaw worked hungrily, his lips tingling from the brutality of the kiss, his tongue aching pleasantly from the incessant acrobatics.

Predictably, Harm wasn't a quiet kisser. He whimpered and sighed, making needy noises of desire or growling whenever the effects of the kiss shuddered all the way through him. When Luke rolled onto him and began humping his clothed dick, he emitted wanton mewls of desire that matched the rhythm Luke dictated, sighing throatily around Luke's tongue with every press, gasping for breath when his hips angled back. Being held like the lusty wench on the cover of your average bodice-ripper romance only enhanced the sense of fantasy and fervent need pulsing through him, leaving Harm writhing helplessly beneath him, his arms and legs locked around Luke's body and touching anything that might feel good. He wasn't able to think or plot, just react and try to keep from cumming in his pants; he was so slick, Luke's grinding had everything sliding deliciously around and he wasn't entirely sure he hadn't blown his load already.

The sharp sensation of his lip being bitten dragged Harm out of his lust frenzy enough to give him pause, though when Luke pulled away, he instinctively attempted to follow, his chest arching in an effort to keep his nipples brushing coquettishly against Luke's chest. He blinked when told to take his clothes off, not able to smoothly transition from kissing and grinding to process the implications of what was happening. He watched Luke yank at his belt, feeling seared by his gaze... and finally, his brain kicked in. Luke wasn't pushing him away. He was stripping. They were going to fuck. Holy shit. And thank fuck!

Harm's hands flew to his jeans but his fingers were suddenly dumber than bricks and even less flexible so all they could do was fumble and miss the buttonhole's extremities. He grunted his frustration, lifting his shoulders off the mattress to half sit up and look at what he was doing, though he was completely distracted by the man between his thighs. That wet patch made his dick pulse with want and the outline of Luke's cock made him feel intimidated and desperately empty at the same time. He remembered Luke's warning about becoming a monster when he was horny and something fearful quailed inside Harm. He wouldn't have been present for this whole talk if he didn't know he should be afraid but he tried to tell himself also that Luke wouldn't hurt him. He hoped. Still...

"I have lube in my bag," he panted, his gaze catching Luke's and then caterpulting towards where he'd left his bag on the coffee table. "And condoms, although... I'm totally clean," he breathed a laugh, finally managing to undo the button on his jeans. He made short work of the zip and began to shimmy out of his clothes as instructed, taking care not to snag anything sharp on his dick. It sprang eagerly out and up, then bobbed and wavered over his left hip as he shoved his pants down over his pert ass and onto his thighs. It was an angry red with a glistening mushroom head, the veins on it standing out, thick with blood and the need to be touched. He paused to do that, wrapping his right hand around it and sliding up and down while he watched Luke and calculated.

The gorgeous blond was a hard barrier between his legs and he'd either need to swing a leg beside him or do some creative contorting and kicking to get his pants off around him. He was also expecting Luke would get up to take his pants off. As soon as he did that, Harm could leap off the bed and shuck his pants before yanking the covers off the bed and dropping them unceremoniously on the floor. He didn't fancy trying to get traction and brace himself for Luke's barrage on a bedspread and top sheet that would constantly slide out from under him, he needed a nice still bottom sheet under him. Again, nerves struck him as he watched Luke undress and he wondered anew at that wise adage about being careful what one wished for.

[suneater]

Luke walked backward on his knees, just enough to let a slight backward lean slip him neatly off the bed onto his feet- the very picture of economy of motion. There was a certain feral grace to it, lacking in calculation, as if his body were simply designed better than most, more efficient, more adept. His intense gaze never left Harm as he tugged his belt through every loop in one firm motion. His fly splayed open, revealing the very-full pouch of a pair of simple gray boxer briefs. The fabric clinging to the clearly displayed head of his dick was much darker, completely soaked through.

"Get them," he replied simply, his voice still emerging huskily from low in his throat, when Harm mentioned his supplies. He hooked his thumb under the waistband of khakis and underwear both and slid them down, stooping slightly to free himself from the confines of fabric. For a second, his bent upper body obscured his lower body. He lifted his feet one at a time to peel off his socks before standing upright again.

Even if both of his arms had been wholly human, Luke's body would have seemed impossible. His torso alone was impressive, but with all of him revealed, Harm, with his more than passing familiarity with human anatomy, might be hard-pressed to believe what he saw. Every muscle was perfectly developed, as if he had been sculpted rather than born. His chest was virtually hairless, but a trail of dark hair led from his navel to his groin and expanded into a delta of curly, short-cropped hair that didn't give much indication of regular maintenance.

His cock had length and girth to spare. It jutted upward and just slightly to the right. He was circumcised, and the heavy looking purple head gleamed with wetness. He wrapped his left hand around it, stroking slowly as he watched Harm undress hungrily. He waited for the other man to comply, working his shaft at a deliberate pace.

[Existentially Odd]

Compared to Luke's graceful exit, Harm's dismount from the bed was a flurry of energetic chaos. He'd blinked and Luke was standing, then stripping, inspiring Harm to do the same - only he couldn't decide what to do first so he chose to do it all at once. He wriggled towards the foot of the bed, cycling his legs in order to assist his momentum, get his pants off and drag the covers down with him at the same time. His erection bounced with his every squirm, overseeing the adventure with unflagging enthusiasm.

It felt like it took ages but Harm was deposited at the end of the bed beside Luke in under a minute, dragging the covers and a pillow off onto their feet with him. The rest of the pillows lay abandoned across the mattress, puffy islands of irrelevance floating on a sparsely white high thread-count sea. Harm didn't look back at them as he disentangled himself from his pants and the covers and stepped to his bag. He got his squeeze bottle of lube (brand new) and the strip of foiled rubbers out and dropped his bag negligently, hurrying back to Luke.

He was keen to get his mouth around that shiny purple head. If Luke was still standing, he'd sit on the end of the bed to get at it, pressing his sexy offerings against Luke's chest without a word so he could take them, keen to free his hands to help his watering mouth. If Luke had moved to the bed, Harm would crawl between his legs to deposit his goodies on Luke's stomach and begin his worshipful taste test.

[suneater]

Luke remained standing at the edge of the bed, at just the right height for Harm to service him. He stepped back just enough to make room for Harm to sit before him. His right hand closed around the lube and rubbers and his left pulled away from his dick to offer unfettered access. The bulbous head shone with the pre-cum that was flowing almost freely by that point.

His eyes were almost empty as he watched the other man draw near, so eager to please. He moved his left hand to Harm's back, just between his shoulder blades, tracing the right one with his thumb. When Harm finally made contact, an appreciative sound emerged from low in Luke's throat. His hand slid up Harm's back, his neck, and then his fingers tangled in Harm's hair. His grip firmed. There would be no tentative exploration, no gentle learning curve. Keeping Harm's head all-but-immobilized, he pressed his hips forward slowly, sinking his cock into Harm's mouth a centimeter at a time.

He watched himself disappear into Harm, monitoring what he could see of his expression from his vantage point. He wasn't planning to force himself in, not yet, anyway. As soon as he met resistance or Harm showed distress, he'd stop and let him adjust. His human hair remained tangled in Harm's lustrous hair, though, trapping him in place.

[Existentially Odd]

Once his hands were free, they fell upon Luke's hips, his fingers trailing along the v line of his muscles, herding him to that beautiful, huge cock. He needed two hands and he wrapped his fingers around it with wonder, angling it towards his mouth. He met it first with his tongue, tip to tip and then a swipe up and around, gathering sweet, musky nectar and mixing it with saliva as he went. Delicious. When his lips pressed forward next, his tongue slid down to prod Luke's frenulum while the rest of his mouth paid homage to the entire head.

Just as he was getting into French kissing the bulb, however, Luke clenched his hair and pressed his dick into Harm's mouth. He whimpered as it happened, instinctively quailing as his airway was blocked and he had to resort to breathing through his nose, the sound of his nostrils flaring to suck in air loud in the quiet room. Back and back it pushed and although Harm had a decently inactive gag reflex, even he eventually had to flail at the sheer volume of cock in his throat. He flinched, his muscles closing convulsively on the rigid flesh, his oesophagus milking Luke's cock gently while his head was held in place. The dick throbbed at him on the downbeat of his swallows, like it was independently alive. He wouldn't have been surprised if it was.

Harm moaned, the noise humming along the flesh in his mouth as he closed his eyes and slid his hands up and down the base, his fist bumping against his open lips as his mouth and tongue did their best to fuck Luke's cock. It was intense. He was scared yet so turned on he couldn't help but drop one of his hands down onto his own dick to stroke it. He couldn't move, could barely breathe and his throat was working so hard it felt raw, yet he had no intention of stopping. His tongue ached with the effort of swirling and swiping the silken flesh, greedily lapping up precum until it was only the thick mucous formed at the back of his throat coating Luke's dick, lubing it up.

He didn't open his eyes, lost as he was in the sensations. He wanted to feel Luke in his ass, he wanted to be held down and fucked but he also delighted in the cock ramming his throat and the whimpers, sighs and sexy growls emitted around it advertised his enjoyment. Giving head always made him so fucking horny and he couldn't remember ever being this turned on. Ever.

[suneater]

It was happening again. Just like with Riley, and the guy from the bar, he was losing control. The ample sensation he was getting from Harm stoked his blood to scorching. The rush of it through his veins almost drowned out the wet sounds from below. He registered Harm at work to please him- beautiful, eager, fragile. He could feel the power in the hand that was holding Harm fast by the hair. It would be trivial to hold him down and suffocate him with his cock, to toss him over like a ragdoll and brutalize his hole. That notion overcame him, and he couldn’t resist.

His left hand jerked Harm off his dick forcefully. He let the condom fall to the ground and then grabbed Harm by the left shoulder with his monstrous hand and shoved and lifted. Harm would feel gravity abandon him for a long second while Luke bodily slammed him onto his back on the mattress, turning him in midair so that he was lengthwise on the bed, his legs hanging off it below the knees. It would be more surprising than painful, thanks to the mattress, but Luke hadn’t been gentle at all. He loomed over His, his features contorted into a mask of unmistakable hunger.

He stepped around the bed in an instant and grabbed Harm by each ankle. Suddenly he would find his knees hooked over Luke’s shoulders and Luke’s implacable weight bearing down on him. He’d feel the head of Luke’s cock jab into his ass cheek before Luke reached down and aligned himself with Harm’s hole… with only Harm’s spit to ease the way.

He stared down at Harm, but there was very little of Luke left in his eyes. His gaze did not connect them. Primordial anger blazed behind those pools of hazel. He leaned forward and clamped his gray hand over Harm’s mouth, preparing to surge his hips forward and drive himself in…

He was sitting on his bed, legs folded up beneath him, and Harm was on a beanbag chair on the floor. He had a textbook in his lap, and Harm was leaned over another. They were studying, ostensibly.

He couldn’t help the way his gaze snagged on his friend. He was lying on his side, facing Luke, his body curved gently like a paren. His hair was artful architecture as always, and his Luke could see his collarbone, the hollow of his throat, his Adam’s Apple…

Harm caught him looking, and Luke offered the same easy, friendly grin he always did.

“What?”

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

Luke’s grip on Harm had faltered for just an instant. Those hungry eyes had lost focused, closed, and then opened. Confusion mingled with the lust scrawled on Luke’s handsome features. He blinked down at Harm and his exposed hole, at his own hard dick, at his hand muffling the other man’s mouth. He remembered everything that had happened in the hotel room, but it felt like someone else’s memory.

He peeled his hand away from Harm and stepped back. His mouth fell open, but he couldn’t form words. A single thought played over and over: I was going to hurt him. His hands curled into impotent fists and he stared down at Harm in horror.

“I- I’m sorry,” he managed, voice raw.

[Existentially Odd]

It all went sideways very quickly. One second Harm was getting into the groove of giving head, the next he was drifting through space and being tossed roughly onto the mattress. His heart thudded harder as fear flavoured his blood and spiked it with a healthy shot of adrenaline. Panic set in about the time his ankles were grabbed. "N-no, Luke, the lube, Luke?" he stammered as he was dragged over and his ass was jabbed blindly. He flinched backwards (as best he could) as his reminder about the lube was ignored and his hole was nudged sharply.

The flighty, winged thing fluttering around inside his chest became a wild, terrified beast of slashing claws and gnashing teeth as Luke stared at him from enraged eyes and covered his mouth, bearing down on him.

Harm fought as best he could, using his legs to lever his ass away and his hands to slap and shove at the wall of flesh that was Luke's chest and shoulders but it did no good. Luke wouldn't budge and, worse still, he seemed intent on punishing him. He had no idea why. Harm's mind was riding the ridged back of that panic monster as it scrambled to think, to think what to do, how to escape, how to stop this from happening!! His breathing was a gale, a tornado, erratic and exaggerated as he imagined being suffocated by a grey monster arm and an impossibly beautiful body in this anonymous hotel room.

No-one knew he was here, no-one in the city even cared where he was. He'd walked willingly into this and it was all his own stupid fucking fault!

It wasn't like Luke hadn't warned him. Was this just another lesson Harm was supposed to learn? Don't desire sex with monsters because it'll fuck you up and you won't enjoy it?! He was getting the fucking message loud and clear, if that was the case, and he wanted to get the fuck off this horrifying ride! Tears squeezed from the corners of his eyes and he screamed, "NO! FUCKING STOP!" as loudly as he could but his words were as muffled as his brain was, as futile as his body was to fight this tower of rock and muscle. He was going to be raped and he was punching and kicking and squirming as hard as he fucking could but it was just so futile.

Luke was just standing there. Like an evil statue that would come to life any second and force itself into his body and maybe snap his neck if it felt like it... and then, suddenly, he was being released and oh, sweet life and love and sterile gauze, he could move at last! Hitching in a hysterical sob, Harm scrambled off the bed as fast as he could and stumbled into the bathroom. He threw the door shut and locked it, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist, then grabbed another as he fell with his back against the door and slid down it onto the floor. He pressed his face into the towel and screamed and screamed until his lungs hurt and then he just cried into it.

After a few minutes, the terror scaled down to exorbitant fear and he pulled the towel away from his face. He was shaking and shivering uncontrollably, rocking back and forth with his knees up and the towel on them, clutching his ankles and staring into his memory. He realised he was in shock so he wobbled his way to his feet and put the towels on the sink on his way to the shower. He made it nice and hot and stepped in tentatively, his hands reaching in front of him like someone lost in the dark, leaning against the tiles and pissing himself as a few more sobs returned for their encore. He then sank down onto the floor, his head alternating between looking up and bending low, letting the water wash over him, soothing the rawness of his soul.

Once his skin was pink with heat, he located a cake of soap and washed himself, even though he wasn't dirty. He needed to wash Luke off him.

When he'd scrubbed himself and rinsed three times, he felt confident enough to get out of the shower. He shut it off and dried himself, his movements slow and achey. He didn't care about his hair this time. He ruffled it as dry as possible then finger-combed it out of his eyes, staring at himself in the mirror like he didn't know who it was on the other side. He wrapped one towel around his waist and the other around his shoulders, clutching it closed at his throat as he went and sat on the toilet seat to think. He couldn't hear any movement on the other side of the bathroom door but that didn't mean Luke had had the decency to leave him alone. He was very fucking stealthy. Harm chewed on his thumbnail as he thought, his right knee bobbing rapidly as it bounced the melody of his agitation out on the bathroom floor.

He was okay. He wasn't hurt. He was just scared shitless - or was it witless? - but he was whole. With a whole hole. A whinnying laugh warbled out of him and he cut it off immediately. This wasn't funny and he sounded like something dying a shrill and painful death. It was the shock, he was pretty sure, but he needed to get past that right now. He needed to find rationalisation and balance. He needed to be present for himself. He started his mantra over again. He was okay. He wasn't hurt. Luke hadn't come after him to finish the job and he could easily have busted the door down. He... hadn't meant to scare him?

The thought was like a bucket of ice had been dumped over his head, sending a wave of cold through him. He was pretty sure he could remember Luke apologising, now he thought about it. Why would he have said that? Because he hadn't meant to hurt him? Scare him? Flashes returned, his mind's eye throwing the image of Luke's face at him, devoid of any emotion but anger and maybe hatred. Hatred? Is that what he'd seen? That couldn't have been right... could it? Emotion was clouding his judgement, rising in his chest and making him teary again. He sucked in a sharp breath through his nose and squared his shoulders. He exhaled, letting calm permeate. Nothing was clear and he couldn't live the rest of his life in this bathroom, so he'd have to go out and get some answers.

Steeling himself, he stood and walked to the door. He stared at the lock, unwilling to release it just yet. He took some breaths and thought about how useless the lock was anyway. He opened the door and pulled it back a little, wanting to see where Luke was, what he was doing. He was too intimidated to come straight out without knowing he could keep a safe distance between him and his attacker. His clothes were out there, too. Taking another breath, which he held, Harm peered around the door.

[suneater]

Luke turned his head and watched Harm disappear into the bathroom in his periphery. He wouldn't have stopped him if he wanted to, and he didn't want to at all. Whatever had overcome him seemed to have passed, but he didn't trust himself. Harm's terrified expression, particularly the undeniable fear in his eyes, was etched into his working memory. He heard something- Harm- bump again the bathroom door, and then he heard the muted screams. The sound made his stomach twist, and for a precarious few seconds, he thought he was going to be sick. He lurched toward the waste bin near television, but by the time he'd taken two steps, the nausea had passed.

He caught sight of himself in the expansive mirror behind the dresser. What he saw transfixed him. His erection was flagging, but he was still half hard and gleaming wet. His skin seemed pale, except for his cheeks, which were almost crimson. A drop of blood had beaded at his right- no, left, he realized, when he went to swipe at it in his reflection- nostril. His whole body felt damp and cold as the perspiration from before amplified the effects of the hotel room's impeccable air conditioning.

His right arm hung at his side, and he couldn't bear the sight of it. The well of rage within him suddenly overflowed, and he almost grabbed the offending appendage by the wrist and started yanking. The sound of the shower running stopped him. Harm. He'd traumatized the man enough already; he didn't need to emerge to find Luke mangling himself. Besides, he doubted even with his own strength he'd be able to get the job done. He could hurt himself, sure, but he'd be fine before he could actually remove it. His brow knit, and the gray flesh rippled like wax, molding itself into more human proportions. He stepped lightly to the bed and tore the top sheet away, draping it around himself like a cloak to hide the physical evidence of his monstrosity.

He sank onto the edge of the bed, facing the bathroom door. He rehearsed dozens of apologies before the water finally cut out. Dread permeated him after that. Would Harm come out? It felt like a piece of him had been excised, a chunk of his decency, and he wasn't sure he could replace it without Harm's forgiveness. Anxiety buzzed in his chest as he huddled against himself, swaddled in a sheet. This had been a terrible idea to begin with. He should have trusted his instincts. He should have fled the moment Harm recognized him- vanished from his life yet again.

The click of the bathroom lock might as well have been a gunshot from the way Luke startled. His eyes, unfocused in thought, drew a sudden bead on the crack between door and frame as Harm inched it over. Harm would spot Luke seated at the edge of the bed looking completely miserable, the sheet wrapped around his still-naked form.

"It's okay." He winced; obviously it wasn't okay, but he only meant that it was safe for Harm to come out. "I'm not... it's over." He swallowed, forcing himself to meet Harm's eyes, such as he could see them. He shifted, crawling carefully onto the bed in a way that preserved the necessary modesty he'd implemented. He sat back down in the center of it, folding his legs beneath him and drawing the sheet even tighter around himself. "I'll stay on the bed. You can... come out if you want. Or I can go. Whatever you... whatever you want." He sounded tired. Defeated. He hung his head, staring at the pattern of the fitted sheet that clung to the mattress.

[Existentially Odd]

It was weird, seeing Luke so quiet and compliant. Devoid of the monstrous intent Harm had seen burning in him... however long ago it had been. He had no idea how much time had passed. It felt like hours but the light had barely shifted. There was maybe a little more sunshine angled through the enormous windows now. He looked at it as he stepped tentatively out of the bathroom, clutching the towel on his shoulders closed with both hands in front of his chest. It was like a fluffy white shawl of protection. Luke had a sheet for the same purpose, it seemed.

Why did he need protecting? The thought was fleeting, angry, evidence of a momentary resentment that passed almost as soon as the thought was given audience.

Harm edged sideways, taking a step before leaning back against the wall while he stared at Luke. It was over, he'd said. Like an event that had come and gone. A monster event. Right. Harm was having difficulty keeping track of his thoughts and they were being undermined by his body's sympathy for Luke's obvious misery. He wanted to go to him, but he didn't. He wanted to forgive him, but he couldn't. He wanted to question him, but did he want to hear the answers that would come? Unlikely.

"I'm... I dunno if I misread that or not. Maybe I... overreacted? I have an ex... he... hurt me once, when we broke up. I get... I'm not... I don't... well." He sighed, uncertain how to phrase what he wanted to say. Part of him was aware he was taking responsibility for what happened. But it wasn't all his fault. "You scared the shit out of me," he accused, his heart rate increasing and his breath coming more rapidly as the fear was given a voice and allowed to shine from his wounded expression. He'd trusted Luke and he shouldn't have - more fool him - but he was also furious that Luke had deceived him into presenting himself as interesting and funny and... honest. Damnit. He'd told Harm he wasn't safe. Why did he have to be so stupid as to think he knew better?

[suneater]

Luke didn’t move when Harm stepped out of the bathroom. It wasn’t until he spoke that Luke looked up. There was fear in his eyes, and he would have been hard-pressed to classify it. Fear of what he had done, what he could do, what Harm would say. He both hoped for and dreaded being sent away. He sat immobile and listened.

“I’m sorry,” he said again when Harm was finished. “You… didn’t misread anything.” There was something hopeless about his delivery, as if this had all been unavoidable. He was just glad it had stopped before any real damage had been done. He sucked in a breath, but his chest felt tight, making it difficult to fill his lungs.

“I’m… it wasn’t me,” he said quietly. “That’s why I don’t… why I say this isn’t me.” Loathing exploded in his voice as he uncovered his right arm, but he managed to get the words out. He slapped both of his hands to his face, violent enough to be audible across the room. He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes and dug his fingers into his scalp. “I knew better, I knew better, I knew better…” He repeated the words again and again. With each recitation his arms jerked as his hands exerted what was probably terrific pressure against his skull.

As suddenly as the fit had begun, it ended. He drew his legs to his chest and grabbed at the sheet, struggling to hold it in place as he wrapped his arms around his shins and rested his chin on his knees. His eyes fell on Harm again and his features contorted, as if he might simply start crying. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, shifting to press his face into his legs. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” The apology would continue until interrupted.