Afterwards

[Saiketsu]

He sighed. "No. I want you to have a life outside of this house. I can't keep you cooped up in here any longer, especially now that you've tasted freedom." Damien smirked sadly against her hair, his heart heavy.

"Give me one week to figure out something. Can you stay home with me for a week?" He asked hopefully, knowing the solution wasn't perfect (or anywhere close to it, for that matter). "We can invite Quinn over on Thursday if you'd like?"

[The Cedar Witch]

"Not like I have a choice," she muttered against him, shoulders sagging heavily at the exhale of a sigh.  Was she overreacting?  She could feel herself oscillating between the grip of helplessness and stubborn persistence.  Every bit of her - even the bits squashed by fear - rebelled against the notion that she should stay inside and hide.  Even though that seemed like the safest, smartest option. 

Rachel remained quiet as she mulled over the interview bit by bit.  Decker was gruff, sure, but he didn't set off any alarm bells in her mind.  He seemed more than willing to challenge Damien if it came to making decisions in the best interest of her safety and that alone was impressive (even if it did rub Damien the wrong way).  But from the sound of things, if it were entirely up to Decker she wasn't even sure if he'd think it was a good idea for her to go out and about, do normal shit like errands. 

Some life.

After another sigh, she glanced hesitantly at Damien's face, wondering where his mind was and not sure if she wanted to know.  "I know you're not going to want to hear this," she said quietly, avoiding his eye, "But Decker seems like the best fit out of everyone we've seen so far."

[Saiketsu]

Once again he sighed impatiently through his nose, the irritation that Decker had caused in him stirring again at her words as she knew it would. He kept silent, his lips pressed into a grim line. Rachel's closeness, her warmth, and her human rhythms against him both calmed him and made his heart ache, bringing forth that fiercely protective side. Thoughts of her death and the subsequent panic he would undoubtedly feel threatened to remain a closer companion than the human. To fend it off, Damien squeezed his human a bit tighter, not unlike a pouting child.

Somewhere a part of him knew Decker was the only one they had interviewed with the right mindset, the right ideas about what Rachel's safety actually might look like. Damien hadn't realized what was missing from the other candidates until Decker had voiced it earlier.

"...not everybody will feel the same way or look at this as more than just a job."

In his own adoration and care for Rachel - something that was still relatively new after 300 years of being alone - he had forgotten that there would be those who would see this as just an opportunity to earn money while making a satisfactory living. Those like Greg. The night that the shifter had been fired, Damien had crawled into bed next to Rachel and apologized profusely, taking away her own ability to be out during the day. And while Rachel had understood and validated the concerns that he had expressed that night, there was still something bitter about the whole thing - an audacity that Damien just couldn't understand. Was he not paying Greg enough to care? Was the assignment too boring? Had Damien just overlooked the details of the shifter's credentials in the excitement of finding someone at last?

But then Decker had given voice to what Damien knew the whole time, the words escaping him when he needed it.

"I know. But he's human, Rachel. How are we supposed to look passed that?" He shifted her off of him and adjusted himself so that his chest was square to her, one knee folded and pressed into the couch as he spoke to her over his lap, the other foot flat on the floor. "This is ultimately your decision, not mine. You need to feel safe and trust whoever it is that is taking you out into the city." He took her hand and held it on top of his thigh between them, a despondent anxiety making him unconsciously rub his thumb over the length of her index finger as he laced his fingers with hers. He looked at her seriously, trying not to hide how he was actually feeling from her as he usually did in situations like this. "Do you trust him?"

[The Cedar Witch]

Immediately she regretted sharing that thought aloud.  His movement prompted a small noise of protest but she didn't try to stop him from putting space between them.  She watched his finger trace her skin as he spoke, fighting the urge to scramble into his lap.

Do you trust him?

It was a question she was expecting and one she'd been chewing over since the interview. 

You'll be safe with me.

The conviction, the promise, hadn't left her mind despite all of her emotional bullshit that came bubbling up.  She was impressed by him, really, after the underwhelming pool of applicants that came before.  None had talked about researching what they were up against.  They seemed more interested in the pay than the job - not that she'd blame someone for that.  Everybody's got to make a living somehow.  Decker seemed interested in more than that.  Or at least that was the impression she'd gotten, given the complete lack of ass-kissing during the exchange (not that ass-kissing was a requirement, but if she wanted the job she'd be bending over backward to make a good impression). 

Literally the only downside to the entire thing was the fact that he was human.  But that didn't mean she couldn't trust him.

"Yeah, actually, I do." she exhaled a sort of chuckle, stuttered with disbelief.  A slow sigh came next and she detangled her fingers from Damien's to wrap her arms tightly around herself. 

"I know he's human," she began slowly, gnawing gently on her lower lip, "And we could keep looking for someone who isn't.  But what if we find someone who's no better than the last guy?"  A look of desperation rushed to the surface.

"Or what if we never find someone good enough, and I'm just hiding here forever until - " Until I die.  But that sounded overdramatic so she kept it to herself.  Getting old and dying wasn't something that she wanted to think about right now anyway.  In her mind, that was a future far, far away or something that just wasn't going to happen to her.  Somehow.

[Saiketsu]

Her words had the effect of sobering his anger, his frustration. Damien shifted himself closer to her, feeling her discomfort, her fright and worry. With a practiced maneuver, he slipped his arm behind her neck and she slipped into his embrace, still holding her arms to her body, her gaze cast downward and away from him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, holding her close to his body, his cheek returned to the top of her head. With a hesitant hand she gripped onto his shirt, a small gesture of remaining present with him despite her feelings. Too many nights they had sat like this for long minutes, wordlessly attempting to comfort each other when their thoughts and fears became too much for the other to handle. Practicing being present.

The thought of losing her, of facing her death washed over him like a storm surge and threatened to drown him. He breathed deeply with the unconscious effort to loosen the vice-like grip on his ribs and chest. Images of how it might happen flashed through his mind like a film and turned into a downward spiral he didn't want to descend into. What would it feel like to miss her warmth, her laugh? To lose her presence in his nights? In his bed? How would Delilah take her absence? His fingers pulled Rachel closer and Damien put his lips to her forehead again, trying to chase the thoughts away by squeezing his eyes shut.

Come back to me, her words echoed in him somewhere, a memory of another sad time together in bed when Lucretia had interrupted something tender between them.

Damien opened his eyes and placed soft kisses repeatedly on her skin, enjoying the soft warmth of her.

She was with him and they were Present together.

He rubbed her arm to reconfirm their placement together on the couch, his care and need for her. His tone was gentle and weary, with a lingering attempt to be confident for her. "We will figure this out together, I promise." He wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her closer, comforted by the way her breath feathered against his Adam's apple and collar bones. "But not tonight. We should approach this with clear heads, yes?"

She gave him a nod before looking up with a tired, doe-eyed, guilt-ridden expression. He couldn't help but kiss the bridge of her nose then, eliciting a small, sad smile from her.