The sickly green light of the alarm clock shone brightly through Eva’s eyelids as her brain slowly returned to consciousness. The first feeling to reach her thinking self was the incessant aching pain that had become her companion over these past few months. Every cell in her body screamed and begged for the poison it now needed to sustain itself.
Eva was tempted to give in immediately. It was always easier to go right back out on the street and find someone to drink from. Never a shortage of drunk idiots at this time of night, too far gone to notice until it was too late. Anything to numb the pain… Anything to quiet the voices… But maybe it was finally time to step off this path of reckless self-destruction she’d become so addicted to. Maybe it was time to finally come to terms with what happened and move forward…
Still wallowing in indecision, Eva reached out and grabbed a pack of cigarettes from her night stand as she flipped onto her back. The cheap sheets scratched lightly against her bare skin, causing goosebumps to rise across her body. The room was sealed tight from the outside world, leaving humid, warm air clinging to every bizarre contour of her lithe form. Despite the stunted and broken nature of her limbs, Eva moved gracefully upright against the wall and into a seated position, crossing her deformed legs underneath her. Taking the last of the Malboro Blacks out and tossing the pack off the bed, she stuck the butt into her sucker-like mouth and kept it firmly in place as she searched for her lighter. After some time, she found it and raised it towards her lips as she lit it.
As the flame erupted from the device, Eva was able to see her hands clearly for the first time. They were caked with dried blood, covering nearly every inch of her flesh slightly up past her wrist. She closed the lid of the lighter and raised her finger to her face. The same dried ichor covered the entirety of her face around and below her mouth. A deep sigh of regret escaped from around the cigarette as she swung her legs off the side of the bed. She rubbed the sides of her temples, feeling flakes of blood drift down onto her thighs, as she tried to piece together the night before. Vague images of blood spraying through the air and the overwhelming smell of alcohol were all she could discover. Two things that had become a consistent aspect of every single night for the past few months. Irritated at her inability to remember the finer details, Eva lit her cigarette, stood, and walked into the bathroom.
Walking into the middle of the room, Eva reached above her and pulled on a thin rusted metal chain. A sharp click was heard as a solitary lightbulb flickered back to life. Eva, taking the cigarette from her mouth and releasing a long stream of grey smoke, gazed distastefully at the image reflected back at her. Her face was even more covered in blood than she’d thought, with nearly every inch of skin beneath her elongated nose now a dark, rusted red. The color was darkest around her lips and the small teeth that circled the inside of her mouth were stained as well. Her milky white eyes looked even more haggard and miserable than usual and the skin that was not stained red appeared more grey than the porcelain white it had been a few months ago. Several months of nearly draining drug addicts and alcoholics on a nightly basis had clearly taken its toll. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had blood that was not tainted with other chemicals.
The longer she stared at this sad visage, the more angry Eva felt. How long would she keep doing this to herself? How long until she finally couldn’t control herself and drained someone dry? Honestly she was surprised it hadn’t happened already. She had long since lost the ability to remember most evenings and this wasn’t the first “morning” she had woken up covered in blood, although never to this amount. How long until she proved to be too much of a nuisance to be kept alive? Her whole body began to tremble and shake until she could no longer stand. She fell to her knees as a series of sobs erupted from her.
“Oh Bogrov… what you would think of me if you could see me now…” Eva whispered to herself between sobs. “But how am I supposed to move on? How am I supposed to know what to do without you here to guide me?” An ocean of memories and emotions came crashing down upon her in that moment, everything she had tried to hold back for so long. Everything she had refused to let herself feel since arriving in the City and learning of Bogrov’s death.
For over an hour she lay on her knees, her crying never ceasing. But eventually she ran out of tears and silence returned to the small bathroom. Eva rose shakily to her feet and gazed at herself in the mirror again. She reached out and grabbed the old bar of soap next to the sink and ran it under some water. Bringing the bar to her face, she began to scrub away the dried blood, moving onto her hands once her face was clean. As a final act of cleaning herself, she applied her mask, the terrifying nature of her true face replaced with the naive innocence of a young woman. The girl she’d always wanted to be…
With a grunt of annoyance Eva turned from the mirror and returned to her bedroom. She spent some time scanning the room and eventually located a suitable outfit and dressed herself. Eva exited her apartment adorned in an entirely black ensemble of leather combat boots, stockings, short pencil skirt, sports bra, and vintage leather biker’s jacket, with a small backpack strung across one of her shoulders.
Wind whipped her hair behind her and caused her skirt to flap softly as she stepped out into the night. Despite the breeze, the evening was warm. A desperate last gasp of summer before autumn finally arrived and killed it for good. Eva walked a block before entering the small bodega she routinely visited. The older Indian man who owned the shop greeted her with a polite grunt from behind the counter. He reached behind him and brought out a carton of Marborlo Blacks. Eva shot him a soft smile and placed cash on the counter for the cigarettes, with a small bit extra on top for the owner. The man smiled back, handing her the carton as he took the cash from the counter. She tore open the carton, taking out a pack and putting the rest into her backpack. Placing one in her mouth and sticking the pack into her jacket pocket, Eva waved behind her as she exited the shop.
She leaned up against the wall of the bodega and lit the cigarette, wondering where she should go. If possible, she wanted to refrain from hunting. She also knew she couldn’t go without feeding however. But most of all, she wanted information. She had been out of the loop for months and it was time to get back to work. The White Rabbit seemed like as good a place as any, although it might prove to be too full of temptation to handle.
“Can’t know until you try.” Eva said to herself as she blew out a cloud of smoke. Peeling herself from the wall, she began making her way to the White Rabbit.
