Rolling In The Deep

[Black Philip]

Jake let out a subtle coo as Kerr pressed his ass down on his stiff rod, and he rolled his shoulders back. He was feeling hungry now, and his desire for blood contributed to his desire for other things. He kept his hips in their hypnotic dance, not trying to hide what he was doing now. Kerr had set Jake up to decide what happened.

Kerr had come to Jake, had wanted this private time with him, and was now pressing himself into him. Yet, it seemed Kerr needed Jake to be the bad boy, and pull him completely into what was happening. Well, Jake had long figured out playing the bad boy was his role, and so he decided it would be bags for them. He sent Chef a text, asking for four bags of AB- to be delivered to the training room.

With that out of the way, Jake decided now would be a good time to chat about Kerr's problems with Ben. As he looked under him, and felt what was under him, he knew this was a good moment.

So what brought you to me for a beating, Jake asked, sounding interested. He smiled more innocently at Kerr, letting his big eyes communicate instead of his swollen grin. What did he do?

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr’s enjoyment of Jake’s movements halted the moment Ben was brought to mind. Automatically, he moved to grit his teeth but pain exploded along his jaw, causing him to wince and flinch. This, in turn, exacerbated the sharp ache in his torso - he was certain Jake had cracked at least one of his ribs - and Kerr’s head dropped gently back onto the wooden floor. He released Jake’s hips and covered his eyes with his right arm, trying to sort through everything.

The turmoil that had brought him to Jake’s was lessened by his distracting injuries but it was still there when he thought about what Ben had said and done... the way he’d spoken to Kerr, which still inched along his spine like some sort of toxic caterpillar. He didn’t want to think about it nor speak about it to Jake but his friend had asked and he figured he owed him an explanation after Jake had accommodated his wishes without question. The sexual desire seeped slowly out of him as he thought, his erection flagging beneath Jake.

I brought someone home from Venture for us to play with. He wasn’t interested until he saw how he could manipulate him. Then we found out he’s been with Ichabod already, so I extricated us. Ben... objected. Kerr shared their final moment together into Jake’s mind, the cold way Ben had told him never to force his discomfort or an exit on him ever again. Since he and Jake were communicating on a relatively superficial level, Kerr’s emotional reaction to those words weren’t shared, nor did he manage to glean Jake’s feelings on what he saw.

Kerr wasn’t interested in opening up that level of intimacy between them; the dam holding his emotions in check would likely burst all over Jake and leave Kerr completely vulnerable if he did.

[Black Philip]

Jake saw the image, carefully frowning at the moment of Ben's outburst. He saw Kerr and the door, and while he didn't feel Kerr's feelings, he understood them nonetheless. Nobody came for a beating and a shag unless the alternative was despair and rage. Jake could understand that kind of displacement, a certain fruit basket fresh in his memory. He stopped his hips, but didn't get up.

That reminds me of another time, Jake said, sharing the memory of his first kiss with Kerr. It was so innocent compared to now, and yet it had spawned a feud that had effected the whole city. It was a powerful moment, and Jake wanted another. He ran the back of his hand along Kerr' cheek, his mannerisms caring and thoughtful.

I would never treat you like that. You're so wonderful Kerr.

He let his affection, respect, and attraction flow through their established bond, and he once more reached for the other's hand. Let me show you how wonderful you are.

[Existentially Odd]

Jake managed to capture Kerr’s attention and halt his downward spiral with very simple, subtle gestures; the memory of their first kiss moved his arm off his eyes. They fluttered open as Jake caressed his cheek. Sincerity and a compliment followed, drawing Kerr’s gaze to Jake’s. A wave of sweet feelings and appreciation that couldn’t come often enough accosted him, chasing away the bitterness and despair by depositing a refreshing understanding. Their connection deepened and Kerr fell into it, intrigued.

He had never lusted after Jake, though he’d never been blind to his beauty. They were colleagues, combatants and friends and he’d dismissed that kiss they’d shared as an inappropriate, fleeting fancy. Ben hadn't even cared about it, back then. They’d worked together fairly well and that was all. What Kerr was receiving from Jake now was more than mere flattery. It had depth and respect, passion and three dimensional attraction that wasn’t built on a whim but on a solid foundation of admiration and desire so strong it resonated in Kerr’s mind and echoed alluringly into his body. It was a seduction, expertly crafted and difficult to resist in his fragile state.

Did he even want to resist, though? On the principle that Ben had wanted him to manipulate Jake’s feelings by bedding him, yes. On his own principles? No. He’d danced with Jake not so long ago, held him close and moved in perfect synergy with him across a public dance floor. The promise of that synchronicity translating to them naked and writhing against one another in an entirely different dance was powerfully seductive, rousing his body and causing erotic speculations as Jake took his hand once more.

It wasn’t even that Ben had made him feel like shit and he’d be an asshole if he tried to hide behind that as an excuse. There were no excuses. Jake was making him feel good, hitting all the right notes and infusing him with something he felt could become love, if they let it. It was a tantalising feast of emotional security laid out before a starving man. It was not what he’d come here for but he found himself unwilling to turn from it. It was beauty and devotion and a moment of intense, overwhelming attraction he didn’t have the will or wherewithal to fight.

Show me, he thought and a foreign excitement fluttered deep in his belly, the knowledge that he’d just surrendered to Jake thrilling him in ways he’d never expected.

[Black Philip]

At those words, the mask dropped and Jake looked damn near joyful. Kerr had really agreed to go on this journey, and Jake was no longer imagining it. He didn't connect the dots around his loneliness, their long term prospects, or the potential political consequences of bedding his rival's lover. He simply wanted to feel good, and important and maybe even loved. He felt safe with Kerr, and in control. Jake never wanted that feeling to go away. He looked into the other man's eyes, hoping to get lost in them. A knock at the door broke his gaze, and he quickly said to Kerr, just sit up a bit, but don't move.

Kerr was too banged up to disagree, and so Jake climbed off, looking down at Kerr's newly formed pillar, and then headed to the door. He opened it to reveal a squat, middle aged bottle blonde, wearing a lap coat and house slippers. Her hair was mousy and half put up, and her glasses were frayed.

"What did you do to your nose young man," Chef chastised, handing Jake a satchel. "I warmed them up and placed them in the thermoses. Give those back when you're done."

"As always, thank you Chef," Jake said respectfully. Chef poked her head inside and looked at Kerr. "Looks like you won," she said to Jake, before moving down the hall like the odd bird she was. Jake shut the door and moved back to Kerr, sitting slowly and pulling out one of the small thermoses.

Open your mouth best you can, and chug this one, Jake instructed. I'll give you the other one in a minute.

He let his second statement sound suggestive, as he painfully opened his mouth and chugged hot, healing blood. He grabbed his nose and pulled hard, resetting it on his face and causing an incredible amount of fresh pain. His eyes watered and his mouth became a squiggle. He drank more of the blood. Once he'd finished the first thermos his jaw was a great deal better, although he was still sore elsewhere. His nose was about halfway to being healed. Jake looked to see if Kerr had use of his mouth now.

"Any better," he asked verbally, clicking his jaw a few times.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr rested on his elbows to watch the exchange at the door, raising his eyebrows - and is legs, hastily crossing them at the ankles to preserve a modicum of his modesty - as he was looked over by an inquisitive, bespectacled lady. He suppressed laughter (it would hurt too much) as she disappeared as quickly as she'd arrived and Jake sauntered back to sit beside him, bearing gifts.

He took the thermos offered to him and followed instructions, leaning up on his left elbow and forcing his mouth open (with a lot of wincing and high-pitched groaning) far enough to squeeze the rim between his lips and drink the blood. His eyes fell closed as it washed down his throat, awakening the beast within and satiating it in the same instant. He waited a moment, hoping like hell the most important aches would heal first.

Following Jake's lead, he gave it a few beats and then tested his jaw, cringeing in anticipation - but it didn't hurt nearly as much as he'd expected it to. The blood was doing its work even more rapidly than he'd anticipated. Kerr smiled and sighed with relief, realising with another flinch that his rib hadn't mended yet. He worked his jaw side to side and then licked his lips, upending the thermos to be sure he'd got every last drop out of it. His tongue stud clicked against the thermos as he licked everything from around the edge that he could reach and then offered it back to Jake.

"Much. I can speak again! Thank you," he chuckled, carefully testing his nose and jaw before sitting up straighter and stretching slowly. Yep, the rib was still a work in progress but his aches and pains were diminishing with every minute that passed. He lowered his arms to wrap around his still-raised knees and looked at Jake, the blood offering a moment of clarity in a sea of swirling emotions (the fact that Jake was no longer riding him was also helpful). His linked hands were still, wrapped around each other as he acknowledged the flighty feeling battering his insides.

"It's good blood," he said softly, his gaze tracing Jake's features. Blood was smeared all over them but it somehow enhanced his looks rather than detracted from them. Kerr had the urge to lick it off but he was nervous. He'd encouraged Jake... now he was feeling more stable and his resolve was wavering; perhaps he should just head home?

[Black Philip]

Jake was pleased Kerr's injuries were healing, feeling slightly guilty for the brutality of his attacks. Then again, Kerr had asked specifically to be hit harder. He just didn't like the idea of hurting Kerr, not in any real way. He had Ben to cause him that kind of pain, and Jake felt his hatred for the lesser vampire strongly. Instead of letting it consume him, as he normally would, he directed into Kerr. Jake fetched the third thermos, and held it above his clavicle.

The Black Prince had seen the way Kerr had looked at the blood on his face. He'd chosen this wisely. "If you like it so much," he teased, pouring some of the blood directly on his body, letting some drip on Kerr's as well. "Then lick it off me."

Jake had never looked better, more intense, or more wicked and it was all for Kerr.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr's pulse leapt as he watched the blood seep over Jake's flesh, glinting a delicious crimson path down his muscular chest. He was torn. His mouth watered at the thought of breaking out of his closed-off position, getting up onto his knees and crawling over to do exactly as Jake said. He could imagine vividly what it would feel like to swipe his tongue up that red line, the bump of his tongue stud across Jake's collarbone, the feel of the blood pooling around it and coating his tongue.

He could also imagine how things would progress from there and his doubt grew. As much as Jake was a delicious temptation, the pain of their fistfight and the healing afterwards were stronger influences in that moment. He was calmer, ready to face Ben, to explain himself, to plead his case. The longer he took to approach Jake, the more certain he became about his next choice.

Looking back into Jake's eyes, regret curled through Kerr, loosing his hands and drawing him to his knees as he'd imagined. He crawled closer and grasped Jake's hips but there was no heat in his gaze, only apology. There was also deliberate space between their bodies.

"I really want to do that," he murmured, glancing wistfully at the blood before looking back into the enticing grey orbs before him, "but I don't think now's the time. It's too... I'm too mixed up. You've helped me enormously, graciously given me everything I asked for and I'm so incredibly grateful for that - I owe you. But... this isn't the way to repay you. I don't want to taint our relationship with my... stuff. And it would be, if we did that now. You mean more to me than being a revenge fuck. I won't do that to you."

Or Ben

Kerr's hands lifted from Jake's hips to grasp his face, leaning down in an attempt to kiss him. If he was allowed to make contact, he felt it would be counted as their first real kiss and he regretted that, too; it wasn't right that it would be a goodbye. He felt guilty, like he'd used Jake.

[Black Philip]

Jake felt like a complete fool. Had this been Ben's game, to send over Kerr the day he and Murphy broke up to further show off what he had? Jake was covered in blood, and it was for Kerr, but now he felt like it was somehow a mark of his stupidity. He wanted to summon anger and tell Kerr off. Yes, that would be perfect. He'd tell Kerr what a good little whipped boy he was. However, no anger came. He let himself be kissed, but wasn't able to enjoy it. Once it was over, he put some distance between them. His eyes were starting to well up, but Kerr didn't deserve his tears. Jake didn't understand why he was so sad in this moment. It was just a rejection for sex. He thought of how Shan must've felt.

"Well thanks for looking out for me," he said deadpan, unable to look at Kerr or he'd burst. "I need to go clean myself up before I walk you out."

With that, Jake completely moved away and went into one of the storage rooms, where he burst into those tears he'd been holding back. As he cried, he searched for clothes to wear and eventually was able to find body armor. It wasn't a proper shirt, but would give him something to wear. He used towels in the storage room to wipe up the wasted blood, licking his arms like some broken puppy. He'd forgotten that his link with Kerr was still open, and that if Kerr was tuned into him he'd feel Jake's sadness.

After about ten minutes he reemerged, cleaned up and wearing armor. His face looked stoic, and his tears were gone. Beneath the surface was a forming hurricane.

"Are you ready to go," he asked quietly, but without rudeness. He couldn't be cruel or rude to Kerr, even though he could barely stand to be in the same room with him.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr opened his mouth to say... something when he pulled away from their kiss and saw how forlorn Jake was. Sadly, nothing remotely reassuring came to him. He was confused, because he didn't understand how his words - intended to clarify and let Jake down gently - had gone so far awry that Jake was close to tears. The guilt swelled from a drip into a gush, sloshing through him as Jake left the room with as much dignity as he could muster.

The continued heartache swirling out at Kerr as Jake pulled himself together in an offshoot room was debilitating and Kerr struggled with it as he got up and went to his clothes. His body still ached in numerous places and he latched onto that, as well as focussing on his clothing items, one at a time. Socks. Jeans. Shirt. Shoes. He was done dressing far quicker than Jake, left pacing and trying desperately to think of something he could say to fix this new chasm he'd created between he and his friend.

I'm so sorry.
It's not you, it's me.
You deserve so much better than this.
Sex isn't the way you'll fill that hole inside you.
I can't be your answer, not while I'm in love with Ben.

When Jake finally emerged, however, he couldn't say any of it. Insult to injury and all that. He merely nodded when Jake asked if he was ready and walked by his side back through the maze of corridors under the White Rabbit. Once the lift started upward, before the doors opened and he walked away from Jake once and for all, he turned to face him, afraid to touch but wanting to say something.

"Thank you again for your help. I'm proud to call you my friend. I'm sorry I hurt you but... I think we'd both regret it, if it happened like this. And this isn't where our story ends," he promised, waiting for Jake's reaction, his jaw setting and a frown emerging on his forehead when he got it. When the doors opened onto the bar and Kerr could see his exit, he headed for it with a final nod and a squeeze of Jake's hand. He had another emotional quagmire he had to be wading into tonight.

[Black Philip]

The walk to the top of the bar was silent and borderline eerie. Jake looked like a pressure cooker, slowly rising to an angry boil. His mouth was a pensive squiggle, his eye narrow, and his fists clenched. Their time in the lift was worse. He could smell himself all over Kerr, and while it wasn't as bad as if they'd had sex he still knew he was going to reek of Ben's lover the moment he got up there. It was horrifying. He closed his mind off from Kerr, putting up stone walls, with locks and puzzles. If he wanted in, it would be work.

The doors opened and Jake moved out, unclenching his hands and taking a composing deep breath. He turned to tell Kerr goodbye but then Kerr had to explain himself. Jake wondered if it made this half of a man feel better to justify toying with him. If Kerr had just left with a moderate amount of guilt, Jake might've been able to sweep this whole thing under the rug. However, once again Kerr needed to be good, a good man whose actions were justified. Couldn't Jake just understand? No. He could not.

Kerr saw the face of a cruel boy replaces Jake's. He knew it well. The Black Prince had been woken from his slumber. He pulled his hand away when it was squeezed, making a disgusted face. Jake's head coked to one side, his whole body seeming to tilt in disbelief at Kerr's words.

"Don't worry Kerr," he said with a heavy amount of wryness. "We both know exactly what’s between us." He smiled darkly, gave the finger, and held his position until Kerr walked away. He was glad to see him go, but as he left the bar Jake instantly regretted how he let him leave. The vampire waded through the club's crowd, for it was still packed even this late to closing. Eventually he found Lisa-Joe.

The Brujah had given Kerr a piercing and intimidating gaze, following him to the exit and making sure she caught his eye at least once. She could smell Jake on him, but not in the way's she often smelt dates. Something had gone wrong. She wanted to follow Kerr out and question him, but knew that would do no good. Besides, she might knock his teeth out if she followed him this hot. She's pay him a visit to discuss the issue. She wasn't surprised when Jake approached her, but was upset to see that Jake's shot of rage had faded back into his sadness. He placed a head on her shoulder, and she wrapped an arm around him.

"I'm an idiot," he said to her, looking up with two red, blotchy eyes.

"Yeah, you are," she said, making Jake laugh a bit. "But you're my idiot."

/End