The harpy could sense an uncomfortable energy in the room, the equivalent to a low, but constant ringing in her ears. Who owned that uncomfortable feeling? Was it Kerr's? That was most likely. She had just basically called him a dog. Granted she'd been civil about it, but they could both read between the lines of this particular exchange. She wondered, as Kerr went to some off location to retrieve blood, if she was the one who was uncomfortable. Her bravado getting here was normal for her in many ways, and yet even the mistress of entertainment herself knew this was all a bit much. More importantly, she wasn't one to doubt herself. It was a personality trait of the weak. Learning happened in retrospect. She often thought, I shan't do that again. This was different, and she recognized the moment for it what it was, self consciousness.
Lisa-Joe took off the fake glasses, but sat taller than she'd been before. Her posture helped her alleviate the mental space she'd just been occupying. Lisa-Joe wasn't ancient, but she'd already begun to feel the weight of an aged mind. While she and Lazarus disagreed on almost everything, there was one trait they shared that was linked to their sanity; focus on the good times. Kerr returned, and as if nothing at all had happened, she accepted the warm mug with a smile, waiting until Kerr was properly seated before continuing.
At his nod, the harpy relaxed her face and breathed out nervously. She was exposing a vulnerability to Kerr, and she hoped he would not use it against her later. Such a thing wouldn't be gentlemanly. Her mind touched his, and he would notice that her mental abilities were vastly underdeveloped for her age. The images came in choppy at first, and she was clearly exerting a lot of effort to show Kerr these memories with accuracy. After a few stilted moments, she achieved what she wanted, and the series of short moments played out in Kerr's mind.
The first one was years ago, the day Kerr had hired Jake to be an Oligarch. He saw Jake tell his good friend, her enthusiastic and over the top reaction, Jake's brand of cockiness coming through strong. But then, the Ventrue frowned and sat in a booth at the White Rabbit.
"I kissed Kerr," he told her, sounding grave.
"Well, was he any good," Lisa-Joe asked, sounding supportive but suspicious.
"No," Jake admitted, laughing a bit. "But I don't think I saw the real thing. He... didn't like it, me. He didn't like me like that."
Kerr would feel Lisa-Joe's concern and, more strongly than that, Jake's disappointment. "Well, probably not a good idea to screw the boss. Jake, this is really big for you."
"I know," he said, sounding a bit more cheery. "It's just, I really liked this one."
The next memory was much darker, incomplete, laced in discomfort and pain. Jake had just learned that Kerr died, or so everyone thought at the time. She played with the young vampire's hair as he cried for his friend, his mentor, his brother in arms. Jake had truly mourned Kerr. They played faster now, mostly Jake's feelings that he shared with Lisa-Joe during the war. There were several feelings about Kerr, mostly missing him. In what looked like an unrelated memory, Lisa-Joe kept encouraging Jake to try dating again, but Jake kept making excuses why he couldn't. This cycle played out many times in the memory series, a punchline.
She took a long gulp of her blood, using the essence of life to fuel her mental projection. The next memory was after Lazarus, and had nothing to do with Kerr at all. She showed it to Kerr so he'd remember how much pain Jake had been through. Ben was not the only one who suffered. The exact image was Jake having an anxiety attack, Lisa-Joe and Sam by his side as he looked into the bedroom where it had happened.
"I can't go in there," Jake said, sounding horse and shaking his head side to side.
Things moved up to almost present time. Jake was returning from his brunch with Kerr. He'd never looked happier, and was practically skipping into the White Rabbit near last call. Jake told Lisa-Joe everything, including how incredible the dancing had been. There were stars in his eyes, as he related every small detail.
"You never talk about Murphy like this," she observed. Jake suddenly frowned. "After being with Kerr tonight, I've realized Murphy and I aren't going to work. I need somebody like Kerr, but ya know, without the massive Ben baggage."
They'd laughed at that, but she'd been worried, concerned about where Jake's feelings were, and Kerr would sense his friend's boundless affection, and his desire for something greater. She'd felt it that night too. Now, they were at the night of the fight, and Kerr watched himself walk out of the White Rabbit as Jake walked up to Lisa-Joe.
I'm an idiot, he said to her, looking up with two red, blotchy eyes.
Yeah, you are, she said, making Jake laugh a bit. "But you're my idiot."
She could feel Jake's heartbreak, his hope that Kerr had finally seen that he was the better choice. She shared that feeling with him, Jake's love and his despair about it. He could never have Kerr, and yet he still wanted him. She shared her love for Jake, her personal feelings of love for him. Only Sam knew the depths of her caring for Jake. She wished he'd been made by her, and that he'd never spent a day with the Camarilla or the Ventrue clan. She was his mother, his sister, his best friend, and everything but a lover. Why she'd formed this bond with him, she didn't show, but she wanted Kerr to have no doubts that this was about Jake's welfare and she hoped to gain nothing personally or politically form this meeting.
She finished the blood, looking mentally exhausted, and perhaps slightly embarrassed. "So I hope you see what I mean now," she said calmly. "As long as he has secret hope for you, he wont give himself to another. I'm sure you've noticed he's a bit stubborn."