Spin Off

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr's hand drifted up and alighted on Ben's cheek as he moved closer to kiss his jaw. He smiled and followed after Ben's lips to capture them briefly. Ben's reassurances didn't eliminate the sensation that his money had been a bigger focus on the show than their feelings for one another but Kerr took his love's words as the confirmation he needed. Their relationship revolved around much more than that and there was no point hanging on to concerns about others' misconceptions.

"Lovebite will improve your portfolio in no time, anyway," he murmured, dismissing the subject of money once and for all. The interview was ending. Kerr fell quiet and simply watched Ben's face as his closing statement vibrated around them, direct and passionate. He was interested in what his love's reaction to his own message would be but couldn't help adding his own verdict after, 'This is my home,' faded into silence in the car (apart from the minuscule, mechanical whir of the USB restarting the interview). "Strong finish," he commended, his smile proud.

Perhaps this whole thing had begun because of Kerr's 'death' but that didn't detract from the fact that Ben was a formidable intellect, covering as many bases as possible with every resource available to him. He wasn't shy about playing his strengths and capitalising on his assets, which made him ruthless enough to dominate most situations. He'd make the decisions that benefitted the people of Central District, not himself. Kerr wasn't a hundred percent certain where Jake's loyalties lay.

[Trillian]

Ben pressed his lips tightly together at the mention of Lovebite. He wasn't going to say anything but they were a team, they were supposed to talk to each other and tell one another everything. Even if it wasn't easy.

"Lovebite was your idea," he said. "Putting me as the CEO when I'm not qualified is just another way of giving me money. Only now you're trying to give me credibility, too."

He wasn't ungrateful - quite the opposite, he was extremely grateful, and it was that emotion that poured off him in waves. But it didn't change the fact that he was the one being supported.

"I don't have an issue with it. I mean, you had a head start. A four-hundred-year head start. And it would be petty of you to force me through hardship when you can provide for me, as your fledge, as your partner, as either of those two things, or in this case, both. We both love each other. We're both a team. I don't bring the money but... I'm not in a position to, right now."

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr’s lips skewed as he looked at Ben, unable to argue this truth. He shrugged the shoulder Ben wasn’t resting on, appreciating the gratitude he could feel but still distracted by the money stuff. It had always been such a struggle. He didn’t remember when it had stopped being so. Just that... one night he didn’t have to obsess about available resources anymore because he had enough to cover every contingency he’d ever fretted over.

“I don’t need you to. I had so many fights over it with Sawyl - because I always needed more and more of it to smooth over what they did and he just laughed at my silly ‘mortal priorities’, not getting it - that it’s still a touchy subject. I don’t want it to be a focus between us. It’s there, it keeps growing so we don’t have to worry about it and I can pay people to stress for me. You’re everything money can’t provide, which is worth so much more, to me.”

His fingers danced across Ben’s face again, coming to rest beneath his jaw and tipping his face up to meet his kiss. He expected Ben wanted to focus on the interview’s second play-through so he didn’t plan to distract him for long, he just needed a kiss to show him how he was his world. Beyond money, other lovers and political distractions, Ben was what really mattered to him. Again, he tried to connect purely with his fledge but failed, succeeding only in amping up his feelings of adoration and mixing them in with Ben’s gratitude.

It wasn’t a terrible result, for a failure.

[Trillian]

Ben wasn't listening to the second round of the interview. He'd already heard it and talked about it and those positive feelings coupled with the kissing was turning his mind to something else.

At first his hand that wasn't squashed up against Kerr moved upward to touch Kerr's face as well while they kissed, but then it moved downward, sweeping past Kerr's torso and between his legs to mould his hand against Kerr's crotch, attempting to inspire movement there. His kisses changed tempo once he began pressing and rubbing Kerr's length through his clothes.

The backseat, as roomy as it was, was awkward, but it was also heated and fun.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr's jeans got constrictive as soon as Ben's hand got near him - which made him chuckle through their kissing but also mildly exasperated him. He'd been planning on pleasuring Ben... but there was something deliciously wicked about this mutual business that he couldn't deny, either. Now, all his plans were shifting, fading away - but that was exciting, too, because he loved it when Ben was in charge.

He lifted his hips, encouraging Ben's attention as he got a firmer hold of the seat of his jeans and squeezed again. God, he had a great ass. And he tasted so good, everything was familiar and delicious. Love and lust swelled within Kerr, forcing him to break away from Ben's mouth momentarily to deliver a message. "Mmm, I don't want anyone but you anymore," he sighed happily before pushing back towards Ben's mouth, wanting to lose himself in it.

[Trillian]

Squirming, grinding, rubbing and kissing, Ben had a reply.

"'Cept Cain," he murmured with a chuckle, smiling into the next kiss he planted on Kerr. They'd taken a couple of turns with the three of them, and strangely neither of them had Kerr between them when he was the one they were both intensely attracted to. Ben wanted that for him, to experience that. They'd talked (giggled) about it, too.

[Existentially Odd]

"Nah. Just you," Kerr murmured, his voice constricted as his desire for Ben bloomed into a ravenous thing. "I love you," he murmured, more focussed on getting his hands inside Ben's clothes than on what he was saying.

[Trillian]

Ben's hand moved off Kerr's pants and onto his chest, pushing firmly to break their kiss so he could look at him. It took him a moment to assemble his thoughts through the haze of their growing lust but as he cooled off, he knew how to phrase his wariness.

"Are you saying you don't want Cain around anymore?"

Ben didn't know how to feel about it. He'd been nothing but cruel to the mortal and now that it seemed his position in the penthouse was precarious, Ben felt awful. A tendril of panic wormed into his chest.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr pouted his momentary confusion at being held at bay but then he realised what he'd said. His expression enlightened and then turned anxious. They hadn't had another chance to discuss his feelings about Ichabod's condemnation of their open relationship or his ensuing thoughts on the matter. Now was probably not the best time to bring it up; he was worried that Ben would feel some sort of pressure and that prompted guilt.

"No - well, not if you still want him around - he was for you anyway. I'm happy to have him live with us, I just... I just want to focus on you," he finished simply, with a shrug.

[Trillian]

Ben frowned, desire eking out of him as he stared at Kerr. How come he was saying this again? They'd spoken about this once before. Ben didn't understand why Kerr was insisting.

"He was never for me. He was for us." In his mind he considered how attracted Cain and Kerr were to one another. How on earth had Kerr ever considered that Cain wasn't mostly for his benefit? Ben shook his head and directed his frown to the radio. "Can you switch that off, please?" he asked, distracted by his own voice in the car. Kerr could use his powers with finesse while Ben could not.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it and closed it, chagrined. He glanced towards the front of the car and compressed the pause button with his mind. He rubbed Ben's arm in apology and sat up straighter as silence filled the idling car, cradling Ben close as he did.

"I know he was for both of us," he admitted, feeling awful that he'd tried to imply otherwise. "I'm deflecting," he sighed. "It's just... I want to pretend that Ichabod's opinion was just ignorant bullshit and that it didn't affect me but... I can't help thinking that it would be easier for me to concentrate on just you. No distractions."

He peered up at Ben from beneath his lashes, his expression contrite. "I don't mind if you want to keep Cain around?" he offered and shrugged. "I will just... abstain. Keep myself for you. And the campaign. And, hopefully, the city when you get elected."

Truthfully, he'd been abstaining from Cain already, they'd just been so busy with the carnival and all the nights leading up to it that no-one had had time to notice.

[Trillian]

Ben couldn't hide the disappointment in his face so he aimed it away from Kerr. The problem was that he couldn't hide his feelings as they thrummed along their blood bond. He sighed and explained himself.

"I should be happy about that. I guess it's what most people want but... there are two parts to this." He looked at Kerr, searching his dark eyes, willing him to understand without requiring an explanation but they were so different. It kept things interesting between them but also risked a disconnect. It was why they'd had so much trouble at the start.

"It's not really coming from you. It's coming from him, from Ichabod. I will never forgive him for ruining our peace before skipping town. He's a coward. He's a conservative, closed-minded fucking coward that made you feel like shit about our relationship because he doesn't get it. What he did was mess with your head and it makes me really sad that his influence is so great that it affects us."

Before Kerr could interrupt Ben, whether or not he would, Ben held up a finger between them, wanting to get the second part out. He had to work himself up to it.

"We both agreed that a looser grip on one another was the best way to go for us, that anything else would feel restrictive or controlling. We didn't say it like that but that's what it's become. If you purposefully pull back on everything and cut yourself off from other people, it doesn't make us equal anymore. It turns me into..." He shook his head. "I don't think monogamy is a good fit for me. I love with all my heart but... there's this... this pressure to be perfect for you if I'm the only one and I... " his hand shook when he placed it on his chest. "I don't want us to implode again. I don't want to go back to what hasn't worked for us in the past."

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr frowned, seeing Ben's shaking hand, how deeply he was affected by this decision but he didn't understand how his abstinence could have this much impact. The notion of sex with other people giving them a looser grip on each other felt false to him; it didn't change their relationship either way, as far as he was concerned. He couldn't discount Ben's feelings and he needed to understand them.

"But... I don't mean to put extra pressure on you," he stammered. "It's not like we stopped having sex just because there were others, why would it be any different if I just stopped? I'm not asking anything more of you. As far as you're concerned, nothing would change," he appealed, shrugging as he tried to understand Ben's point of view.

[Trillian]

Ben struggled to find the right words but it was tough when he didn't really know exactly how he felt or what he wanted.

"I don't want to force you into anything you don't want," he said finally, his eyes lowered.

He thought of Cain and how the mortal wouldn't understand why Kerr wasn't going to touch him anymore. He thought of how he'd pushed Cain too hard, going much too far, putting on a ruthless persona like he was trying on a new jacket. He'd gone about things the wrong way and now Cain wouldn't have Kerr to balance it out while Ben tried to find out how he fit. How did Kerr not know that Ben had chosen Cain for him? Cain wasn't his type at all.

He'd thought there would be women at the very least, that Kerr would want to explore that side of things again. And yet every move he'd made had been to include Ben. Cain. Win. They were both for Ben to be with. He'd been forcing Kerr to try others, he could see it now. Kerr wasn't built that way. Ben had to accept it, just like he hoped Kerr would accept him. Did accept him.

But how long would it last before it stopped feeling like an equal partnership? Vincent had talked to him about his sire, a woman who'd needed gratification from others and had pushed Vincent to explore the same. He'd eventually given in and grown used to their partnership this way. Had she known that they wouldn't be equal unless she forced it? Had Vincent eventually realised it? What had made him agree? He'd loved her.

Ben didn't have it in him to make Kerr agree.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr wanted to reassure Ben, to tell him he was worrying for nothing but he couldn't find the right words, either. At the moment, the repercussions of Ichabod's reprisal were stronger than his desire to fool around with anyone besides Ben. Guilt was driving his decision but, frankly, he scorned the notion that sleeping around could matter so much that it would alter his love for Ben.

It might affect their relationship, he supposed, but surely that would only be if they let it? He and Ben were fundamentally different and whether there were other people in bed with them or not couldn't change that. It was creatures like Saraekiel and the lure of power that were a far greater danger to Ben's soul and, by extension, their relationship. A little abstinence might make Ben feel pressure but Kerr would do his best to alleviate that. They had bigger things to worry about these days, anyway, with the election looming.

"It won't be a big deal. You'll see," he smiled, reaching up to cup Ben's face in his hands and kiss him.