My hubris knows no bounds.
“Haha, come on man, I’d make you feel so good.” The man who had clearly misrepresented himself on Tinder put his arm around Tobi’s shoulders. Tobi weighed the pros and cons of lighting himself on fire, and sadly there were still things in life worth living for.
Like caffeine.
“No really, I am meeting someone uhhh.” He looked inside the coffee shop they happened to pass by. It was decently busy. “Oh, here we are! Gah, our time just flew together.” Tobi smiled and gave a wave goodbye, genuinely hoping that the man would take a hint, but not believing that he’d be so lucky.
The danger of Tinder in the city is that it had an unnaturally high concentration of catfish. The “gentleman” standing before him was just one of those catfish. Tobi, naturally, planned on just a quick lunch to see if the guy was attractive, maybe going back to his place if it went well. It did not, in fact, go well. In addition to using eight year old pictures, minimum, the man was convinced he was god’s gift to gay men.
The lecherous man was being willfully ignorant at this point, and moved his hand from Tobi’s shoulder to his waist. NOPE. NO MA’AM. Tobi startled and moved out of arm’s reach.
“I said I was just looking for friends on my bio, remember~” Tobi pushed open the coffee shop doors and went inside, “I’ll catch you later, gotta meet my man.”
The man looked absolutely offended. “You’re just making shit up at this point, playing around like a bitch.” He closed the cap between them and gripped Tobi’s forearm too tightly for comfort, causing Tobi to wince in response. His voice dropped low, “Stop playing fucking games, you’re pissing me off.”
Yikesyikesyikesyikes. Tobi scanned the bar and saw a kind guy in scrubs standing next to the counter, watching him with some amount of concern.
Oh god please play along. “Sweetie!” Tobi shook his arm loose and went up to Harm, throwing his arms around his neck and giving him a chaste peck on the lips. In a fluid motion, he intertwined their fingers, and said “That looked bad. This gentleman here was just so excited to see a concert tonight with his hot date.” Tobi helped that helping the man save face would be enough for him to leave.
And leave he did, but not before calling Tobi an ugly slut — under his breath, but loud enough to catch. Tobi breathed a sigh of relief, perking up as he realized he was still holding a shell shocked stranger’s hand and had yet to really explain.
Without taking a step away, he gave a sheepish smile, “Uhhh. Hi sweetie?” A question in his voice as he gave a nervous chuckle.