Kerr opened his mouth to tell Cain not to undress but ended up saying nothing. If Cain was relaxed and happy, he'd be easier to subdue - and he was clearly happy, expecting to be included in their lovemaking. Kerr felt a pang of guilt as the mortal balanced from one foot to the other, pulling off his socks, but he pushed that down, too. His gaze raked Cain's body automatically and his cock twitched a response that mortified him. Taking advantage of their pet was what had caused him to be summoned in the first place; Kerr wasn't about to add insult to injury.
When Cain crawled up the bed towards him, Kerr smiled and met his eager lips, kissing him while he sat up and grasped Cain's upper arms. By the time Kerr turned him over onto his back and lowered his head down to the pillow, Cain appeared to be asleep, though his eyes were open. Kerr carefully arranged the mortal's limbs so they were stretched out, his arms by his sides, and checked that Cain's head was properly supported. He remained on his right elbow on his side, hovering over Cain. His left hand rested flat on Cain's chest. The mortal's heart rate had been skipping faster because he'd been getting aroused but his body calmed as Kerr isolated the awareness centre and flooded his brain with melatonin to subdue him.
Kerr closed his eyes and got straight to work, sifting through Cain's memories to the night in question. An eventful week had unfolded between tonight and the night Kerr had gone to see Ichabod; he quickly saw that it had been less so for Cain. The pet had been left largely to his own devices, having kept himself necessarily separate from them at the Carnival and never recovering any sort of momentum afterwards. As he sifted back through memories of what Cain had been doing - mostly reading, working out and watching television with the occasional conversation with some of The Luminary's other mortal residents - Kerr was inundated with thoughts of he and Ben. Generally they ere graphic and highly detailed sexual scenarios but there were some imagined conversations in there that disturbed Kerr, too.
When he finally found the moment where he was kissing Cain goodbye, he recognised the outfit he'd worn to Ichabod's and knew he'd found the right memory. Kerr focussed in on it, expanding it to a higher resolution so that he could watch what happened through Cain's eyes. Ostensibly, he needed to know where the incriminating memories began and ended, so that he could incise them accurately... but Kerr was also curious to know the details of what happened. Ben's description had been alarming and he wanted to understand how such a thing as tackling could happen. With a little encouragement and effort, the memory unfolded and Kerr finally understood.
Because Cain was reliving this like a dream, he responded to the replay in much the same way. As Ben taunted and lured him into a frighteningly dark hallway, Cain's heart picked actually up speed and his body twitched with fear but it was muted compared to what Kerr, immersed deep in Cain's senses, experienced. He was terrified. Cain had been genuinely distressed, hurt, pushed down, pounced on and bitten. It wasn't sexy or playful, as Kerr had imagined it had begun - it was cruel from the very start. When Cain's terror resulted in Ben tackling him and apologising profusely, Kerr was bewildered along with Cain but the Irishman had his own feelings about the scenario, too.
He was sickened, anger roiling in his gut.
Ben knew he'd done the wrong thing, he knew he'd been scaring Cain because he started babbling about not hurting him again once Cain was a sobbing mess. When Cain settled, Kerr was relieved but then Cain asked for some of Ben's blood and Ben outright lied. Cain was smart enough to see through it but that didn't erase the fact that it'd happened. Kerr began a mental tally of Ben's misdeeds in another part of his brain; torment, cruelty, lying and here came bribery and deceit as the game switched again. Cain decided he'd pursue Ben and demand respect via insisting Ben tell Kerr what had happened. Kerr couldn't help but admire Cain's resilience and intelligence - not to mention his courage in the midst of the situation.
Hearing Cain and Ben discuss Kerr's reaction and the potential consequences if Ben told him everything that had happened was surreal and infuriating. Manipulation and blackmail was added to Ben's rap sheet as he challenged Cain with, 'He already knows about that side of me. What are you hoping will happen?'. Kerr couldn't quite fathom Ben's motivation and Cain was too scared about losing out on time with Kerr and Ben that it distracted him away from wondering about it. And then Cain said something that rocked Kerr to his core. 'He... he really already knows how you want to hurt me and that my only value to you is for sex and because Kerr likes me?' Ben had said that to Cain previously? Fucking WHAT?!
It took everything in Kerr's tank of willpower not to pull out of Cain's mind just to call Ben cold and ruthless. Yes, he knew Ben was dark but Kerr had no idea he'd been unleashing it all on poor Cain throughout his trial. How was Cain even still here??
With a snort of air pushed out through his nose, Kerr delved back into Cain's memory. Things took a bizarre turn next as Ben reversed their roles and encouraged Cain to dominate him. Kerr saw a completely new and surprising side of Cain emerge through his uncertainty and desire to grow. The feelings were about power rather than sex at first, Cain getting Ben to suck his toes after the tenderness he'd craved aroused him. And Ben. In the middle of toe sucking, Ben started confessing. He talked about pain making sex sweeter - which Kerr knew about - and said something that twisted Kerr's heart (begrudgingly): 'And I've only just been allowed to, without the risk of losing him'.
Kerr's good feelings evaporated and hardened when Ben talked about the different experiences different men gave him and he touched the burn Saraekiel gave him. The sickened feeling swelled and Kerr again found himself fighting to endure Cain's memory. He hadn't anticipated it would be as horrible for him as it had the mortal and he couldn't decide if he was better off knowing all this or not. It wasn't his business... but Ben and Cain were and... it was all just fucked. Resignedly, he persevered, watching Ben turn on Cain again when Cain dared to fight for what he wanted. Belittler added to the list. The fact that it twisted Cain into fighting back, hurting Ben just to please him, made Kerr incredibly sad.
The rest of it was just weird sexual play, which was draining for Kerr but he was glad nothing enlightening came out of it. He'd inadvertently returned during their play and he recalled hearing noises in the bathroom but he'd been so hurt by Ichabod that he hadn't paid much attention to it. Cain enjoyed their shower and left, Ben's message in his head. Kerr's heart pulsed at Ben's sweetness but it didn't quell his fury. Ben was complex, he knew this. Did he have to like all parts of that complexity or could he pick and choose? He felt like, as his sire and lover, he didn't have the right to the latter but he was desperately uncomfortable with the former, right now.
This was exactly why Saraekiel in Ben's life could never be allowed to happen.
Kerr's duty of care insisted that he follow any threads connected to this memory before he eradicated it from Cain's mind. Expecting a few thought strings to flow from it, he followed them. A sense of increasing doom overcame Kerr as he followed thought after thought, daisy-chaining off this nexus memory like an intricate snowflake. Cain had put a lot of energy into thinking about that night in the past week. A lot. He'd imagined intense and intricate scenarios where he dominated Ben, elaborate setups that involved Kerr walking in and discovering them sometimes, joining in or dominating them both as Cain's whimsy saw fit to create. There were so many and they occurred at random times over multiple days, their spontaneous nature making them impossible to predict and extremely difficult for Kerr to locate. He couldn't be sure that he'd get them all.
If he left those string thoughts in Cain's mind - just a few of them - attached to nothing, it could damage him. Kerr wasn't sure he was capable of getting all of them and he couldn't predict what the effect would be because the memory Ben wanted gone had been profound. It had altered Cain's essential outlook towards Ben but also about his life. Cain had become empowered that night in subtle, beautiful ways that had altered his intellectual makeup. If Kerr took the core memory away, Cain's mind would try to operate with his new outlook but without the inciting incident to power it. He might become confused, break down, revert... or nothing could happen. Kerr didn't have enough experience to predict it.
He pulled out of Cain's mind, leaving everything intact and the mortal sleeping. He swallowed as he observed his face in such peaceful repose, steeling himself to look up at Ben, whom he could feel watching him for a verdict. Kerr inhaled, looked up and met Ben's gaze with a riot of emotions in his eyes. "You... motherfucking asshole," he said, hearing the weight of his feelings in his thick voice, feeling the prick of tears behind his eyes. He sat up swiftly, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyeballs and then dropped them as he strode out of the bedroom. He needed a break and he needed to not be looking at Ben in that moment so he strode out to the living area and stood at the glass wall to glower at the skyline instead, arms folded across his chest and tongue stud getting a solid workout between his teeth.
