Forbidden Fruit

[Existentially Odd]

Samuel couldn't have said exactly when he started looking at Remi again because it felt like he quickly became captivated with his story. And with his every movement. Watching him experience genuine emotional turmoil was both despairing and reassuring. The relief Sam felt when Remi admitted he'd been in a relationship settled like an encasing on his skin, making him tingle. It was disconcerting to hear about the other man but Sam took his presence as a positive.

Remi had had another lover - a love? Had he been in love? - so he and Samuel had a chance. Having had a prior relationship, Remi had to be wiser and know what he wanted, after all.

The angel rules hadn't prevented Remi and Diego from being together, though it seemed dark angels had a great deal to do with them parting ways. The second Remi's story faltered and he showed signs of distress, Samuel moved. His instinct was to protect Remi. He slid along the couch and pressed himself up against the angel, their sides perfectly aligned and Sam's hand on his thigh, squeezing as much equilibrium into Remi as Sam could. He leant forwards so that he could press his face in against Remi's throat, his heat and passion the equivalent of the sun upon a mortal's skin.

"Twist them to their influence to gain their power back, yes, I know, it's okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he murmured soothingly, his eyes closed as he nuzzled Remi's pulse and pressed soft kisses to his skin. His interest was piqued, of course, but if it was too hard for Remi to continue, he could figure enough out from what he'd already heard. A dark angel had corrupted Diego? Killed him, probably. Sam didn't know details, just the basic premise of how fallen angels became dark.

He shifted so that the hand on Remi's thigh was replaced with his other hand and the first could wind around his waist to comfort and encourage him, his chest pressed against Remi's arm as he struggled to get as close as possible.

[Ehcorn]

When he put his arms around him and pressed his lips to his neck, Sam plucked Remi from his turbulent thoughts and returned him to the rooftop garden. He was safe from broken memories, flashes of emotions, impressions of pain and fury and helplessness. He could’ve stayed there with Sam, but when he was able to swallow the lump in his throat back and could breathe, he realized he didn’t have to be afraid that he’d lose himself to his past. He’d be able to make it out again.

Sam would make sure he did.

“No, I want to,” he finally said, pinching at his eyes to remove signs of his earlier distress. He sighed and leaned back, this time making some effort to organize his wings so he didn’t spend hours sorting them out later, and opened his arm to Sam. Some gentle encouragement later, he had the vampire snuggled into the side of his chest, and his ringed hand wrapped around the pale one that’d landed on his thigh. Peace and calm enveloped him fully, making it far easier to delve into his past than it had been without Sam.

He picked up near the end of his time in Mexico.

Diego had become distant, and when they did spend time together, it was to fight. At first, he pushed down his doubts, but eventually, he followed Diego one of the nights he went out for ‘no reason’ and discovered another man with him; tall, darkly handsome, and more familiar with Diego than he had any right to be. Remi confronted them. He’d expected another fight with Diego — yelling, insults, threats — but it was the man, the stranger, that’d stepped forward, revealing red wings and a black-tipped spear. Before Remi could react, the dark angel swung his weapon around and cut Diego’s throat. When Remi had rushed to him, desperate to stop the flow of blood, the dark angel had laughed and Remi discovered what it felt like to have a spear run into his chest and out through his back.

“Stupid angel,” Remi repeated the dark angel’s taunt under his breath, but in a way that suggested he was in agreement. “He hit me three, four more times before I was able to get enough room between us to summon my bow and fight back.” As a ranged fighter in melee range, it hadn't been the greatest way to start their battle. Remi had still won, though, driven by his need to get to Diego and heal him before he died. “I got to him in time.” A ghost of a smile passed over his face. “I healed Diego, but when he got up, he started yelling at me. For um… well, for killing his new lover. Then he stormed off and I collapsed. Or I collapsed and he stormed off. I don’t remember which.”

Remi cleared his throat.

“I think it’s safe to say that’s when we broke things off.” 

[Existentially Odd]

Wedged tightly against Remi, Samuel became heavily invested in his roller coaster of a tale, imagining the horrific confrontation all too vividly. To have lost his heart to a man that was seduced, murderously betrayed, saved (barely) and blinded by stupidity when he walked away from Remi, having not seeing his own folly? That was one thing. Having it happen because of a vile creature with sinister premeditation was completely another. He'd been thinking earlier that Remi was a murderer but what he described now proved to Sam that he'd had the term wrong.

Remi wasn't a murderer; he was a warrior. He'd defended his love and the earthly plane against evil, prevailing when the odds seemed ludicrously stacked against him. He was run through by a lance?? Sam's heart was in his mouth, imagining the pain and the blood everywhere. He was stabbed and bashed but somehow managed to win the battle, only to have his love turn on him and walk away. And that was when they'd broken up?

Samuel burst out laughing. It was probably the levels of near-hysterical panic he'd been feeling at the thought of Remi's battle and his near-death but the angel's wry statement struck him as completely ridiculous but so blunt and honest that he couldn't help it. Despite thinking it inappropriate, after an initial bray of laughter that he tried to swallow down, chuckles broke through even as he looked at Remi in wide-eyed apology. He pressed the backs of his fingers to his closed mouth, trying to hold it in but the more he tried to stop, the stronger the urge to laugh was. Snickers broke through and once the dam cracked, giggles followed.

He dropped his hand and gave up, laughing with such delight that tears moistened the outer corners of his eyes. "That... that was when you b-broke things off?" he repeated in a falsetto, his voice constricted by his efforts to hold his humour at bay and the hilarity he found in the innocuous statement. Upon hearing how he sounded, he could only laugh harder.

[Ehcorn]

Sam’s laugh was an unexpected crack of thunder that caused Remi to suck in a deep breath and stiffen. His body, convinced he needed to be in fight or flight mode, loaded his system with adrenaline that made his heart rate surge and set his every nerve ending atingle. When softer sounds of amusement followed — chuckles, snickers, giggles — Remi relaxed and the air eased from his lungs. Then Sam began laughing full-bodied, tear-inducing laughs and his reprieve ended.

Remi sat up and moved his arm to the back of the couch, leaving Sam to hold himself up, and frowned at the vampire until he managed to squeak out the reason for all the hilarity. Him. Sam was amused by him. "Hey now," Remi laughingly protested, but it didn’t stem the flow of Sam’s mirth. Nor did any of his other protests. It was just the truth: he hadn’t known what Diego was up to before that night, and really, it wasn’t that funny.

Growling mock frustration, he lunged at Sam to give him something reasonable to laugh at, digging his fingers into his sides and tickling him ruthlessly. He grinned as he drove the vampire to his back and continued to push his advantage, crawling over him and pressing his hands into Sam’s shoulders so he couldn’t squirm away.

"Let’s talk about your relationships, why don’t we?" Remi said, peering down at him. "How’d yours end?"

[Existentially Odd]

Samuel was spasming, fighting off Remi's hands by snatching them off him as gently as he could, squirming and still snorting laughter against his will. When Remi loomed over him, demanding to know how his relationships had ended, his eyes widened as he tried to look contrite. Hopefully, if he behaved, Remi would stop tickling him.

"Well, none like yours," he said, pinching his lips together so tightly, dimples appeared in his cheeks beside his mouth. It was very inappropriate to say what he was thinking (which was, 'not with death and carnage'). It made him realise that his reaction was based predominantly on discomfort and his inability to comfort Remi. He risked his ribs being attacked by removing his right hand from Remi's and lifting it to run his fingers up the side of Remi's face and into his hair.

"I've been around nearly two hundred years. There've been a lot of endings in that time. Most of them I don't remember much about, they're just faces that float through my dreams sometimes," he murmured, watching his fingers slide down from Remi's hair and trace their way along his jaw and beneath his lower lip. "My sire was significant - though she was the longest ago, I was with her for four years. That ended when she got bored with me," he shrugged, completely detached from feelings he'd had almost two centuries apart from.

"The most recent was Vomas," he mused, his lips pursing and his gaze riveted on the pad of his thumb as it slid across Remi's lips. "That ended almost a year ago. He changed and became someone I didn't recognise. So I left him. Eventually came back here." It was clear from the turbulence in his blue eyes that he was not detached from the feelings aroused by thoughts of Vomas but that the wasn't saying too much about it for that reason.

[Ehcorn]

Remi struggled to focus on what Sam said and not on what he did. The vampire was sharing intimate details of his life, giving insight about what a relationship with him might be like, and at the forefront of Remi’s brain was how nice it felt when Sam pushed his fingers into his hair and traced the lines of his face. The struggle turned insurmountable when Sam teased his lip, begging him to draw his thumb into his mouth and explore it with his tongue. If it hadn’t been for the concern that’d blossomed at his center when he saw the troubled look in Sam’s eyes, he might not have been able to resist.

Remi sighed and pecked a kiss to his thumb instead. Then he relinquished his hold on Sam to return to a proper sitting position at the end of the couch, hoping distance made it so intrusive thoughts about kissing or dropping his hips and grinding against Sam had a more difficult time of reaching him. The urge to be close to him didn't fade entirely, but it wasn't all-encompassing like it had been, and he was able to compose himself and figure out what to say in return. 

"I’m sorry about Vomas," he said quietly. "I really am. But at the same time, I’m glad it made you come back. I’m not sure I would’ve met you otherwise." He laced his fingers and pushed his fingertips into his knuckles as he continued with a wry chuckle, "I suppose we were reunited, though, not meeting for the first time."

Remi looked sidelong at Sam.

"What about Gene? You didn't mention him."

[Existentially Odd]

Samuel sat up when Remi kissed his thumb and pulled away, instantly missing his weight bearing down on him and wanting to snatch him back. He resisted, somehow. Sam didn't cuddle up like he had when he was trying to comfort Remi but he stayed close to the angel instinctively, lifting a knee onto the couch so he was mostly facing him, his leg touching Remi's in as many places as he could manage.

It was disconcerting, hearing Vomas' name on Remi's lips, spoken without malice or anxiety. If anything, it was sympathetically spoken, which just seemed wrong to Samuel. The fact that Remi followed it up by talking about them being reunited warmed him, though. Sam consciously recalled Vretil's visit, which had forced Remi to accept everything once and for all. Sam was so used to carrying the 'You were Gene!' torch alone that now it felt odd to be believed so easily.

Remi's question was therefore more startling than it ought to have been. If he'd fed tonight, Sam's cheeks would definitely have reddened in a blush. He recalled that Dominic had splashed everything about his relationship with Gene out for Remi to digest the night before but it had obviously all come out so fast and been so overwhelming that Remi hadn't processed it properly. If Sam recalled correctly, he hadn't commented on the mortal's spiteful little speech in any particular fashion, he'd just scolded them for bickering. Elaborating now was likely to make it very uncomfortable... but he couldn't lie.

"Oh," he hedged, lifting his elbow up to rest it on the back of the settee and wrap that hand around his nape. His gaze skittered off to the side due to his prodding at his own neck.. and because he couldn't quite look Remi in the eye. "Well. That was... Dominic was pretty accurate on that one. When I first met you - Gene - he was in a relationship with a vampire named Orias. Weird dude, that one. He had me knock Gene out so he could talk to me in private, even though Gene was pretty close to passed-out drunk. He was older than me, with lesser mental abilities - and mine aren't anything to write home about," Sam laughed.

The laughter died as he glanced up at Remi and could tell he was waiting to hear the rest of the story, not listen to him get sidetracked jawing about Gene's ex. He cleared his throat subtly.

"Anyway, he spooked me off Gene. The next time I saw Gene he was single but I'd started dating - well, okay, not dating, let's face it, that sounds way too cute. I'd started sleeping with Vomas, who was my boss but nothing was official. I told Gene about it, though and he was really disappointed. We, uh, had chemistry. The final time I saw him was quite a bit later and I... yeah, I used him. Things weren't going real well with Vomas, I was pretty sure we were headed for breaking up because he was barely spending any time with me and it felt like only a matter of time. I was convinced he was going to dump me. So I took Gene into a feeding room to make myself feel better. He wasn't drunk, he was consenting and all. Before we got down to sex, Vomas interrupted us and dragged me out of there. We had a big talk that night and sorted everything out but... I never heard from Gene again. I didn't contact him, either."

Sam's hand had made its way from the back of his neck to rub tiredly at his eyes now. He really hoped Remi was paying attention this time because he was getting pretty sick of recounting his worst decisions for the man he'd inflicted them on (sort of). With a sigh, he dropped his fingers and looked at Remi apologetically. "I really didn't have a relationship with Gene, just a lot of near misses and hopeful interludes that ended with me being an asshole, as Dominic told you. That's why I was so excited to see you again, because it's gotta be my greatest shame. I regretted it, even though I patched things up with Vomas. I always still thought about Gene. Wishfully. Maybe that was one of the things that Vomas knew and he didn't forgive me for."

He shrugged, feeling like he should be apologising and knowing he hadn't but also finding his behaviour inexcusable. His shoulders were tight and his body rigid as he waited to hear Remi's interpretation of this very personal retelling. Could he forgive Sam for hurting his former self?

[Ehcorn]

“I— I see,” Remi said haltingly. But he didn’t. Not really. He couldn’t wrap his head around Sam committing any of the terrible acts he claimed he had. How could he? Sam had been nothing but kind to him, going out of his way to ensure he had food, a job, and had stood by his side while Vretil had attacked him based on nothing except what species he was. Like Remi had told his mentor, Sam hadn’t been obligated to do any of those things, but he’d done it anyway — uncomplainingly and without any expectation of gaining something in return.

This wasn’t the first time he’d been told unsavory things about Gene and Sam, though. It wasn’t even the second time he’d heard about the events that’d led to the end of Gene’s life and the beginning of his own. He’d had three different people provide enough evidence that he’d come to believe he’d started out as a guardian angel, yet he couldn’t accept Sam’s hand in Gene’s demise? The vampire sat right next to him, leg pressed against his, telling him in no uncertain terms that he’d mistreated Gene, reminding Remi that Sam had first approached him in hopes of gaining redemption for his misdeeds.

Nothing had changed since then. Remiel inhabited Gene's vessel now. He thought he’d gotten that point across to Sam, but the vampire continued to speak as if he could make things up to Gene by being good to Remiel and— The angel’s thoughts snapped back on him like an elastic band that’d been stretched too far.

Was that why Sam had taken care of him? Because he still thought of him as Gene? He swallowed thickly and his heart fell to his stomach, making his chest feel hollow in its absence. It was his habit to reach for the vampire’s hand when he felt overwhelmed, but he scooted away from him instead and unfurled the wing farthest from Sam to attempt calming himself in another way: he began to preen, running his fingers over individual feathers, fastidiously aligning them until questions became so loud in his head he stopped what he was doing to turn and blurt them out.

"Do you see Gene when you look at me? Is that who you want a relationship with? So you can make it up to him?"

[Existentially Odd]

Samuel forced himself to wait patiently while Remi processed his story. His beautiful face declared that he'd listened properly this time; he'd listened properly and it had hurt him. Sam wasn't sure of the exact pain he was feeling until his three questions exploded between them.

"NO!" Sam cried, his eyes widening in horror. He sat up straighter, his spine rigid as he realised the implications behind what was asked. His mind raced, a peculiar sensation where his digits were going numb seeping along his limbs. He made fists with his hands and then released them subtly. He needed to centre himself and answer coherently.

"Okay, initially, yes I saw you as Gene. You have the same face. But as you insisted you weren't and I got to know you as you, I stopped seeing him. You're very different. I see you as two different people now and," he broke off, frowning, licking his lips and dropping his gaze to the side as he consulted his feelings before clarifying them. His gaze returned to Remi's once he'd decided what he wanted to say.

"Being with you isn't about making it up to Gene any more. Truthfully, I don't even know how that was supposed to work out, now I think about it. If you had been Gene, I sincerely doubt you would have even spoken to me. I guess I would've just... look, it doesn't matter," he interrupted himself, swiping his hands in front of him to clear away that thought. Continuing with it would've only led him to more problematic comments he'd have to fight to erase from Remi's mind.

"My point is: it's you I want," he said earnestly, frowning into Remi's eyes. He reached forward and planted his hand on Remi's leg, firm and immovable (only in his head, though. If Remi made a move to brush him off or looked disgustedly at the contact, he'd remove it immediately). "Remiel. You're completely different to Gene - you're completely different to anyone I've ever met, quite frankly. You're sweet and funny and innocent but you're also strong and stern and... and when you stood up to Vretil just before - for me, of all people - I saw exactly what sort of amazing, powerful man you are. It's definitely you I want to be with!"

[Ehcorn]

Even through his jeans, Remi could feel Sam’s cold palm siphoning heat from him. He was sorely tempted to cover Sam’s hand with his own, link their fingers together, close his eyes and focus on nothing else except their temperatures equalizing, but he balled both hands into fists and pushed himself to his feet. Wings clamped tightly to his back and shoulders hunched, he rounded the coffee table and found a short strip of walkway to pace back and forth on.

One step, two step, three step, turn.

He should’ve felt better. Sam wanted a relationship with him. Not Gene. Had he ever wanted a relationship with Gene? Of the traits Sam had listed that he admired in Remi, Gene possessed few. He’d been weak, caving to a vampire’s desire to bite and bed him without any reassurance that it would go beyond that. He’d let himself be used. Remi rubbed at his face and pushed his hand into his hair, digging his fingers into his scalp as if he could pry loose all his troubling thoughts and fling them aside.

One step, two step, three step, turn.

Dominic had warned him to stay away from Sam, but by the human’s own admission, he’d slept with Gene when he’d been at his lowest. Was he any less guilty than Sam for what'd happened in the end? What about Vretil and his father? They'd lied to him about his mother. About his origins. Why would they tell him the truth about Sam?

One step, two step—

This was pointless. He'd wear a hole in the ground before he sorted through all his thoughts.

Remi came to an abrupt stop and spun to face Sam. "I need... I need some time to think— no, to not think. I need to fly, clear my head. Everything’s all…" He frowned and waved a circle near his temple. "I'm sorry, but can I take you home?"

[Existentially Odd]

When he'd valiantly asked Remi to take him home earlier, it had been for a noble (and delightful) cause. The two of them hadn't been able to keep their hands off each other and they were likely to do something they'd regret, overcome by their natural attraction to one another.

The situation now couldn't have been farther from that if they'd tried. Remi was upset and doubting Sam, pacing agitatedly as he tried to sort out just how he felt about him, while Sam watched on, silent and filled with leaden anxiety. Sam hadn't doubted Remi for a second when it was his turn to listen to the Angel's story. Not even when told he was a killer.

Sam didn't have the luxury of the benefit of the doubt, though, and it was all his own fault. His past deeds were the reason Remi was ready to condemn him as an unfit partner. The worst of it was that he couldn't argue his case and try to convince the angel that that wasn't him any more because it mostly still was. Dreki would say as much, if asked. He'd repeatedly owned up to his behaviour and told Remi how true it was. He wasn't likely to get any credit for honesty.

"Sure," Sam answered stiltedly, guessing his mind was in an equal amount of turmoil to the angel's as he leant down to get his jacket and bag. He stood and pulled them on in the correct order, feeling pretty proud of himself that he could act so normally while his hopes and happiness were dying inside him like grapes withering on a vine.

When he was ready, he walked over and stood in front of Remi, feeling guilty that he was trapped up here on this roof and regretting that Remi would be forced to touch him. He didn't look like he wanted to touch him anymore. Sam wished he didn't still want him to touch him. His heart quailed when he finally met Remi's gaze. "Sorry," he said softly, feeling like a burden in every sense of the word.

It felt like this might be the last time he ever saw Remi. It felt like there was so much to say, he couldn't even find the words to start him off. It felt surreal and confusing and just dumb but he couldn't argue with Remi's wishes. He'd said enough for a lifetime.

[Ehcorn]

Sam’s quiet apology grabbed his heart and wouldn’t let go. He dropped his head, unable to maintain eye contact, and took a deep breath, steadying himself the best he could. It was a lot harder when he didn’t feel like he could take Sam’s hands in his or pull him into his arms except to carry him home. He wanted to go back to the moments they’d had together on the couch before Vetril had shown up and torn everything asunder, but he needed to sort through his thoughts, not hide from them.

"Me too," he said back, glancing at Sam and attempting a smile, though it fell flat when he caught the look of hurt in Sam’s eyes.

The night hadn’t exactly been easy on either of them, and he wasn’t making it any easier by forcing Sam to leave.

With a resigned sigh, he gathered Sam in his arms, careful to only hold the vampire as tightly as he needed to keep from dropping him, and stepped onto the same ledge his mentor, Vretil, had. Instead of jumping off and working his way back up and over the building, though, he cut between skyscrapers and tried not to feel disappointed that Sam didn’t tuck his face against his neck like he usually did.

When he landed at the park, Remi immediately moved away from Sam and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"I… I should go now," he said. Before Sam had a chance to respond, he slipped a tendril of his magic to the ring his father had gifted him and blinked out of sight. There was only a shimmering outline for sensitive vampiric eyes to see as he turned and began to run the opposite direction, flapping his wings hard to launch himself off the ground and into the night sky like he so desperately needed.