Author Topic: To Everything, There Is A Season (I)  (Read 1956 times)

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Offline Existentially Odd

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To Everything, There Is A Season (I)
« on: May 07, 2007, 11:25:20 PM »
After about three weeks, Kerr emerged from the fog that surrounded him.  It was unpleasant at first, because his emotions - which had been so beautifully remiss in his numbness - returned and left him rather crippled in their cruel grip.  He fluctuated from cold sweats of horror about finally ending his time with his \'family\', to fiery rages over the knowledge that Sawyl would have killed him and he now owed the bitches his life (though surely that was the least of what they owed him).  He shed tears, he yelled and cursed... he broke things that were replacable.

Through all this, life slowly bled.  He moved out of the hotel two days after his nominated week was up, having made the decision to find a real apartment and make a home for himself.  He chose the Capital Building because it was completely different to anything he\'d ever owned before, anywhere he\'d ever lived.  He inspected apartment one because it was furnished but quickly decided he would just get some ideas from that, instead choosing the empty half of the top floor - suite two, as it happened - to become his new home.

He commissioned specialised, hi-tech window/glass door covers to be installed (made of a fashionable metallic charcoal grey steel), complete with timers that would have them shutting down automatically every night, half an hour before the earliest of sunrises.  They wouldn\'t open unless manually triggered.  He spent exorbitant amounts of money ensuring the blinds would be done quickly and then on copious amounts of furniture - anything that caught his suddenly-whimsical eye - to fill up his abode.  The smell of newness was everywhere.

He moved in as soon as everything was in place... and more strange surrounds encouraged further mountains and troughs of emotion.  He wept, he flailed, he hated and loved... he found numbness again when he had nothing more to give.  By the end of the second week, he was so ravenous he ate on the street, a few doors down from his building, because he was deep within the bustle of the city and there were always crowds to choose from, people he could drink from that would be none the wiser when he released them; half an hour gave him five victims and left him dizzy with gluttony.

In the third week, he went back to... his old house.  He reclaimed any errant possessions he wanted and began negotiations with the twins.  They requested that he retain power of attorney and control of all funds, acknowledging, after all, that it was he alone that had nurtured it all into the grand amounts they claimed today.  They declared trust for him, where he expected none, convincing him to volunteer to continue paying the bills and watching over them indefinitely.

He blinked in surprise when he was graciously thanked, when they became emotional, when they tried to apologise.  They didn\'t mention Sawyl by name - just said they were terribly sorry for everything - and he didn\'t ask after his sire.  He felt him close by, but knew the wounds were too fresh on both sides for there to be conciliatory gestures at this stage.

When he left, his thoughts turned to Ben and he became ashamed that he\'d held them at bay for so long, though not surprised.  It was a defense mechanism after all, a protective reflex that his mind had instigated in order not to overload him.  It had been his time to mourn his past, not to entertain his future.  Knowing what might yet be gave him no hope, nor strength to fight what had already come to pass; they were two entirely separate halves of his life and himself.  He wouldn\'t have coped.

Of course, thinking about Ben and seeing him were two different things.  Knowing that Sawyl had interfered and shown the fledgling misleading information - very intimate, misleading information - left him stymied with indecision.  As a friend, he felt remiss; as a sire he felt inadequate.  Nothing about his life was exemplary and there was certainly a lot of bad things he could be held accountable for but this... was embarrassing, more than anything.  Ben wouldn\'t know why he\'d done what he had, wouldn\'t understand the depths of depression he\'d been in - over his imprisonment at Declan\'s hands and Mandy\'s pain - that had begun the whole thing, and he didn\'t think he\'d get a chance to explain.  Part of him didn\'t feel he deserved that chance anyway.

Fate had other ideas, of course.  He was out hunting at the beginning of his fourth week of solitude - early in the evening so he was still observing the homeward bound crowds more than anything - when he felt a familiar sensation that became a resounding quiver as he kept walking.  His instincts recognised it for what it was before his mind was willing to acknowledge it; his feet picked up their dawdling pace to a brisk walk, he felt energised, excited and he stretched himself up, hoping to catch sight of his goal over the heads of the crowds.

Ben

His mind called it, pushing it into the space between them without preamble, keen to make contact despite his general indecision over the matter before now.  Before he was faced with certain reacquaintance.   The void was too great to deny this opportunity to fill it... at last Kerr saw him.  His blonde head was lowered, silvery eyes glancing mostly down at the footpath or up at the crowd around him through his lashes, his body language closed off -- he looked like he was about to cross the street!  Kerr broke into a run, pressing every part of his being forward in an effort to stop the fledgling.

BEN!

Offline Trillian

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Re: To Everything, There Is A Season
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2007, 06:10:40 AM »
After the warning from Sawyl, Ben had retreated into himself even more than usual.  Arles had noticed the mental withdrawal and commented on it, but Ben had refused to be drawn.  He\'d reaction with high strung emotion when Arles suggested going to Kerr\'s place, and that night had ended with Ben\'s sudden and furious sexual passion for the blonde vampire that was his other sire, only vaguely aware that he was distracting the other, while Arles likely knew the truth.  He\'d accepted it though, Ben\'s sudden sexual appetite, in order to close the deal in his own mind.  He was with Arles now, he would remain with Arles, he\'d already made his bed in that fashion before Kerr had been re-introduced to his life (and un-life), he may as well enjoy his time laying in it.  Except he wasn\'t enjoying anything.

As much as Kerr was a shell, so too was his fledgling.  Hurt and silent, the young vampire had retreated his emotions further and further within him, the hope of seeing Kerr, of getting an explanation, faded with time and hardened his heart.  He\'d already stolen away and done his private mourning, on the sand a few miles up from the beach house.  There were no tears, but there was that sobbing hollow in his chest that he\'d always associated with crying.  Then he\'d stopped feeling that after a couple of weeks and there was only hollow.  He was moving on, he supposed.  Still, he mourned.

Instead of clinging to Arles as much as previously, he\'d decided to claim more of an independance, though always told the blonde of his plans.  Going out for a walk had started it, then it was going out to hunt on his own, beginning with short trips and then eventually long ones.  Always he\'d return and upon climbing into bed with his sire, complete their partnership and confirm his role with a sexual act before allowing the day to claim his consciousness.  It was a routine he could survive with.

Crossing the road was merely to get him towards his intended goal, of moving into the mouth of an alley and just standing around.  He\'d found it was the easiest way to get himself a blood donor - to not deny the question of his being a whore and wandering into the back of an alley and having the other follow.  Then, it was all a matter of a \'kiss\', which was Ben\'s feeding, and apparently good enough to have some of them give him money for it afterward, not quite knowing what Ben had done to them.  It went hand in hand with how he felt about himself sometimes, for that had been the impression he\'d got from Sawyl about him.

Sleeping with a man he didn\'t love as much as the one who\'d slept with someone who disgusted him.  It was on the heels of this thought that he was blasted with an impression of Kerr crying out his name in elation (and a tinge of urgency) and so he flinched, pulling a face before he searched the crowds, hesitating at the curb and knowing his heartbeat would\'ve pounded if he\'d still had one.

Kerr.  Oh God, Kerr.  He was unable to say anything, but his mental blocks that he\'d been practising solidly for a month now was thrown up subconsciously and blocked his every thought from his sire as he approached.  Ben was a wall.  An unreadable wall.  He\'d meant to say nothing, but when Kerr got closer, a greeting came out of him without his permission.

"Hi."
INFUSCO : Ben : Hugh : Lan Bao : Mick : Todd : Vincent : Win :
HALFLIGHT : Graille Min Sayer :

Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: To Everything, There Is A Season
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2007, 06:35:17 AM »
Kerr\'s abrupt approach halted instantly within arm\'s reach of Ben.  He wanted to embrace the blonde but settled for a hand going out to squeeze an upper arm instead.  Although he\'d been elated to stumble across his fledgling, now that he was close and could feel nothing close to the same emotion coming back at him (he couldn\'t feel anything much at all, in fact, including thoughts), he was hesitant.  It was obvious that he had a lot of explaining to do but... again, there was that feeling that he might not get (deserve) the chance.  His hand fell away from Ben\'s arm and tucked back into his coat pocket, like the other one was.

"I... a lot\'s happened, I know.  I haven\'t contacted you for... a few reasons.  I... left Sawyl and the twins - I know he came to visit you and... we fought," he said hesitantly, swallowing frequently because he wasn\'t sure how much to say.  It didn\'t feel right to spill everything on the street but would Ben care enough to listen to the rest, to accompany him to somewhere more private where they could talk?  There wasn\'t a lot of trust floating between them, it felt like, but he\'d have to offer.

"I have a new place now, on the next block.  Would you like to see it?" he asked as brightly as he could, complete with a smile.  It felt false and surreal.

Offline Trillian

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Re: To Everything, There Is A Season
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2007, 06:49:48 AM »
It was both relieving and disappointing that he wasn\'t embraced by Kerr.  He half-expected it and hadn\'t known how he\'d react - there was a good chance he would tense and not return it, but there was also a possibility that he would melt into those arms like he always had, a possibility that he\'d wanted to be close to Kerr again, to smell his familiar smell and be near him and engulfed by him when he did when he\'d been fed from.  It would\'ve been horrible to stiffen though, to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed, so perhaps it was for the best that he only got a touch high on his arm, though something behind his silvery blue eyes flickered.

He didn\'t know how he kept a straight face as Kerr\'s staccato sentence stumbled over Sawyl\'s name, but he did, he could feel the mask over his expression as well as his thoughts, giving nothing away as he watched Kerr struggle.  His body language wasn\'t closed to his sire, he was well aware of his arms hanging by his sides, his head tilted slightly so that he could look up at Kerr, surprised that he could meet the other\'s dark eyes without flooding memories.  It was never so dramatic in real life as it was in fiction, he could meet Kerr\'s eyes well enough.

Suddenly, he was invited to Kerr\'s new place.  The information that Kerr had given him about leaving Sawyl and the twins didn\'t really impact on him, though Ben took it in, as he took in the rest.  He hesitated before answering, not because he was thinking about whether to refuse, but how to phrase his agreement.

"Okay."

There, it was that simple.  Kerr had managed to extract two very positive words out of Ben.  \'Hi\' and \'okay\'.  It wasn\'t exactly a long conversation, quite the opposite, but it had the benefit of not being a tearful emotional discussion.  Maybe that would come later.  The hollowness in his chest that Ben thought had mostly passed, returned to him as he walked by Kerr\'s side, to his sire\'s new home.  He was a little hungry, for he\'d been thinking of having a meal just a few moments before, and had been looking forward to sinking his teeth into someone.  He figured Kerr would have baggies of blood like he always did.  Some things didn\'t change.

continued To Everything, There Is A Season (Part II)
INFUSCO : Ben : Hugh : Lan Bao : Mick : Todd : Vincent : Win :
HALFLIGHT : Graille Min Sayer :