Life Changing Decisions

[pinkroses]

((Reserved))

She was standing cowering against the wall, keeping as close to it as she could as she pulled her shawl as tightly around her body as she could. Her bright red hair was covered by the dull cloth and it shaded her pale, drawn face as well as keeping out some of the cold of the growing darkness. It had been a week since Ridley had thrown her out, but the had been a bad week for the girl and it showed in her face. Despite being pregnant she had lost weight; her face was thin and her arms like sticks. And the fear she was feeling was clear in her face and her heavily bagged eyes.

After living rough for the past week Mia knew how fortunate she had been not to have anything worse happen to her than being rained on. When she had left Ridley’s Mia had forgotten many things in her rush, including her small amount of savings and so she had nothing to get another room; she hadn’t wanted to go back there. She had still been going to work, arriving a little earlier to wash off the feeling of the streets and stayed as late as she could, but she knew she couldn’t live like this for long. She had been feeling so terrible she couldn’t eat, she just couldn’t swallow down the constant lump in her throat and if she did manage to eat then it just came straight back up again.

Her dark eyes were fixed on an alleyway across the street and as she watched the dark area her fingers fiddled with the cloth, pulling it more tightly against the cold. She had heard that this was where she should come to get rid of her problem, but now she was having serious doubts. It had been scary enough trying to find out where to go, actually going through with it was a completely different matter though. Abusing her own body and killing her child; no woman wanted that.

The teenager lifted a finger to her lips and lightly chewed on her nail. She felt like the people walking past were watching her, judging her, as though all of her problems were on display for the world to see. She didn’t want to be in this situation and had no idea how it had come about. She just wanted to go back to how things had been just a few weeks ago. But now Ridley hated her and she had a…baby…growing inside her. She took in a deep, shuddering breath and tightened her fingers around the small pouch she had in the pocket of her dress with the money she had earned this month, hoping that it would be enough. She didn’t know how much this person would charge for his services and desperately wished she didn’t have to find out.

From her place she could see the edge of a back door in the alleyway, that was where she had to go. She just had to work up the nerve to go over there and tell them what she wanted.  There was no sign of what happened in that small building on display, it wasn’t a healer’s shop, she wasn’t even sure if the person she was going to was at all medically trained. For all she knew it could be some old woman who had a lifetime of experience, although the people she had asked had said ‘he’. Mia had no idea what they would do to her; she had heard that if it was early enough they could give her some herbs and make it go away, but she didn’t know what to expect if it was too late. How late was too late? She didn’t even know how long a woman was pregnant before she gave birth.

Then she could go back to Ridley. Tell him that it was gone. Pray that he would believe that she had never slept with Dagger. Then it would all go back to how it had been, perfect.

Her fingers lifted to the necklace she wore from the money pouch, lightly fingering the silver charm, the symbol of her belief and a reminder of her parents.

“Adora, please forgive and protect me,” she murmured, quietly praying to the Goddess, hoping that  she wouldn’t be angry with this. She had given her this blessing, but at this time it wasn’t a blessing for Mia, it was a curse and the young red head still couldn’t work out what she had done wrong to deserve this. Maybe Adora believed that she was willingly living in sin with Ridley, but that sin was the only part of her life with Ridley that Mia hated and she was never willing to do that. But if that sin was what had caused this then maybe she deserved what she was going through. Maybe she should have resisted his advances more, just taken whatever he would have done to her. But she hadn’t and now she was here.

But despite having told herself she had made her final decision Mia just couldn\'t seem to make her feet move across the street and towards the alley way. She felt pinned to the ground, unable to go forwards and unwilling to go back.

[Mayquiri]

Of course people were judging her.  She was a waif, dirty, skinny, and shivering.  Nobody noticed that she was pregnat; she wasn’t yet showing, and nobody seemed to notice that she was newly homeless.    Admittedly, there were signs of these things; clothes that were dirty, but not yet tattered to the extent of a true vagabond.  Skinnyness coupled with a raw hunger, fear and worry when usually only hunger, fear and anger were present.  

Arjan had been out trying to gather herbs earlier, but so far had no luck.  spring was long in coming, and it was beginning to wear on his business as well as himself.  After watching the young woman for a little bit, he began to follow her gaze before frowning slightly.  He knew that alley all to well.  women went there to get rid of certain problems that a married woman would find as a blessing.  

She wasn’t a very clean ‘doctor’ as she called herself.  Oh, she knew what she was doing, yes, but there were to many times when a woman would come to his shop, three weeks after and still bleeding.  She would beg for help, but they were all the same.  A foul odor rising from her loins, tired, weak, sickly.  The procedure hadn’t been done properly, and now it was infected.  There was nothing he could ever do for those ladies aside give them a small ammount of painkillers if they were sstill strong.  None ever came back, so he assumed they all died.

“Adora forgive you?” He asked softly, a faint smile playing on his face as he walked up to the woman, a meager scraping of mostly dead and nearly useless herbs at his side in a small sachtel.  “You do know that if i’m not wrong and you’re looking at that particular alley for a reason ‘side curi’osity, you’re better off praying to Talon?” Arjan further said, not yet offering a greeting, not yet even looking over at Mia; just over at the darkened alley.

[pinkroses]

Mia started and then shrank back closer to the wall behind her as she realised that he was talking to her. She had barely realised that she had spoken her prayer aloud and the fact that he had overheard brought the blood rushing to her face with embarrassment. The last time she had been cornered by a stranger in public it had ended badly and she wasn’t keen to start all this again. Going through that now was one of the last things she needed.

His words did nothing to quell her fears and Mia felt her lip trembling, pray to Talon? Oh no, that was something she would never do. Adora would protect her, but the young red head wasn’t about to say this out loud to him. She didn’t want to go there, but what choice did she have, and what did it matter to him anyway? She didn’t like the look of the smile on his face and instantly felt wary of him, but she still hadn’t worked up the courage to walk toward the alleyway.

“I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to disturb you,” she said in a quiet voice, lowering her eyes from him to the floor and folding her arms across herself in a defensive motion. He looked to be a merchant perhaps, someone with a home and money at least, Mia couldn’t see why anyone would be interested in speaking to her and despite Ridley’s explaining his reasons she still couldn’t believe them. Who was this man and why was he taking it upon himself to advice her about whom she should be praying to? Why did he care? Mia didn’t know, but all she wanted was to be left alone so that she could do what she must so that Ridley would take her back.

[Mayquiri]

When the poor girl started, then shrunk back, Arjan knew that he shouldn’t have just crept up on her like he did.  Unfortunately, the damag was done, and there was little he could do about it now.

"y’didn’t disturb me miss.  If anything, I disturbed you.  For that, I’m sorry." He said, chuckling faintly as he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to pat the mess down slightly.  Sighing faintly, Arjan began to compose words in his head before he smiled again, this one a full on, friendly merchant, happy healer smile.

"You look like you need a good hot meal.  Something tells me you haven’t had one in a little while." He said simply.  Arjan didn’t want to scare the poor skittish thing away, but he didn’t want to go around in circles for hours before getting to his point.  She also looked like she needed a talk, but Arjan could be more then wrong about the second one.

"Would you like to go back to my shop?  I have some soup there we could eat, and it’s warm.  Unless you have somewhere you need to be." He offered, holding out his hand to the young lady and stressing the word ‘need’ carefully.

Poor child.  She really did look like she needed a good meal and some kindness.  After all, often that’s all people need, someone that’s nice to them and good hot food in their bellies.  But then again, if everyone had that, he wouldn’t have nearly as much business, and what businss he would have, would be more then dificult.

[pinkroses]

Mia chewed nervously on her lower lip when he laughed, and her eyes flickered back up the the alleyway as he said she should eat. She had been trying to eat for the past week, she was hungry, more than hungry, but she just hadn\'t been able to. Everytime she tried to swallow she felt like the food would choke her She could get hold of good wholesome food at Dagger\'s manor, she cooked for herself and the other servants for lunchtime, but it made no difference if the food was hot, cold, freshly cooked or stale bread.

She eyed the hand he held out to her warily, taking another small half step backwards, but there was nowhere for her to go. She had tried to resist Ridley\'s offer of going home on their first meeting, but she had learnt that if someone wanted you to go with them, they wouldn\'t take no for an answer.

Besides, it would be out of the cold for a little while at least and she had no doubt that this place would still be there when she returned. Who knew what he would want in return, but she had been throguh so much she thought she would do almost anything now for anyone as long as it kept her from being hurt.

"Alright, thank you, sir, that\'s very kind of you" she said in a somewhat defeated voice, hardly more than a whisper, as though she was disappointed in herself for her words. She knew she should have had stronger resolve, she should have just gone straight into that place, but now she was just going to delay it a little longer. Her brown eyes darted up to his face then fell to the floor again as she stepped towards him hesitantly, not reaching out to accept his hand. She didn\'t want him holding onto her, just in case. If he turned around and the friendly face was suddenly gone she wanted to be able to escpae, she couldn\'t afford to lose the little money she had right now.

[Mayquiri]

Seeing her try to step away from his hand, Arjan’s smile  faltered slightly before it returned, bigger then ever.  He didn’t want to scare her, and as far as Arjan was concerned, scowling when she shrunk back might frighten her.  Arjan never though that his ven larger grin might worry mia as well.

“I’m glad you accecpted.” He said, nodding as he withdrew his hand, more thn willing to let mia lead herself.  “M’name’s Arjan miss, in case your’re wonderin.  An’ as I said, all i have it soup at my place, as far as real food goes.  But it’s warm.  and it’s filling.  And it should sit well on delicae stomaches.” He said, looking back at Mia as he nodded slightly.

“Oh, an you don’t need t’worry about me hurting you.” He said gently, rolling up his sleeve as he did so.  Once his thin and pale fore-arm was exposed, Arjan slapped it quickly, then shook his now stinging hand.  where he slapped his arm, a bruise was already beginning to form.  “I’m sure you could damn near kill me if I pissed you off.” He explained, rolling down his sleeve again and rubbing his now sore arm.

[pinkroses]

Mia felt a wash of relief as he withdrew his hand, but his wolfish grin scared her almost more than a scowl would have done. She could accept anger as a reason for him to want her to go with him, but she still could see no reason why he would want to help her. She knew how to attempt to sooth anger, by going along with what he wanted, but what if he was some crazed loon? What would she do then?

As far as she could see she hadn\'t had much of choice apart from accepting, she hadn\'t wanted him to get annoyed, or attempt to force her to come along. She gave a small nod at his description of the food, but as nice as it might be she still couldn\'t imagine eating a thing. She felt so tightly wound, she hadn\'t relaxed at all for days and constantly being on the verge of tears was exhusting.

At the sound of a slap Mia flinched, then glanced up. She didn\'t undertsnad why he had just hit himself, just because he could make himself bruise didn\'t mean she had a hope in hell of fighting him off. And she wasn\'t a fighter at all, if someone attacked her she would simply curl up and take it, she\'d learnt from experience that that made it take a shorter time, fighting back would make it a hundred times worse. But she gave another small nod anyway and lowered her eyes back to the floor before them as they walked.

"My name is Mia, sir," she said softly, the thought of giving a fake name never once entering her mind, although that is probably what Ridley would have adviced. He hadn\'t asked for it, but she assumed that his giving his was a silent invitation for her to return the information. Her voice stopped at that. She wanted to ask where they were going, but she rarely asked questions unless they were needed, she didn\'t like to draw attention to herself...yet somehow she always managed to.

[Mayquiri]

Of course, Arjan’s mind worked differently.  As far as he cared, so long as mia understood how easy it was to hurt him, she might feel a bit bolder if she felt threatened.  Or rather, if she felt more threatened then she must have now.

“It’s nice to meet you Mia, and please, don’t call me sir.  I’m just a peasent healer.  I’m not some hoity-toity noble who thinks he’s gods gift to women, or mankind in general.  Just call me Arjan, or whatever else decides to pop inyer head.” He said laughing softly as they rounded a corner.

Nt far from the corner sat a small shop, nestled between two others.  None of the three looked very distinguished.  they were just anonomyous little shops, most with signs posted, a few without, signifying that they were closed.

“This is my shop.  I live in the back room.” Arjan said cheerfully as he walked up to one of the signless shops and pushed the door open.  He never locked the place.  Part of it was because he couldn’t afford a nice metal lock with a key, and if he used a wooden beam when he left, he’d never get back in.  The other reason was because no one really robbed him.  He never labeled his wares, so unless the robber was an expert apocathary, they’d more likely wind up with simple chamomile, or mint leaves, or if they were unlucky and looking for spices, monkshood or nightshade.

“Take care not to mess to much with the bottles on the shelves.  Some of them have some pretty strong smelling things in them.” He explained as he entered, holding the door for Mia.  the shop certainly was warmer then outside, however it was still chilly as there were only a few glowing embers in the belly of a small woodstove in the corner.  If there were strong smelling herbs in any of the bottles, one could easily belive it.  the shop smelled like a hodgepodge of herbs and spices; a trace of mint here, somesage over there, peppers and flowers, and the smell of woodsmoke and hay all over.

[pinkroses]

She didn\'t laugh along with him, instead she stayed silent as they made their way to his shop. She barely even looked up until he pointed out her shop. It wasn\'t one she recognised, she rarely came to this part of the market, but it didn\'t look at all shifty or dirty. She was surprised that the door wasn\'t locked, it was a big difference to living with Ridley, he always kept the door locked when there was no one there.

Mia followed him in quietly, taking a deep breath as she entered the room. It was warmer than outside and that was good enough for her. She hadn\'t been planning on touching anything even before his warning, but lifted her hand to push the shawl that covered her head back onto her shoulders, revealing her bright red hair and letting it fall loosely down her back as she glanced around the shop.

She liked the smell of this shop, it smelt like there was a large mixture of herbs in this place. He said he was \'just\' a healer, but she had a lot of respect for someone who could heal people, although he was the first she had actually met. Most people were more interested in hurting people than healing them from her experience, although Ridley had known a few things, he had healed the cut on her hand, and his own leg.

She stood awkwardly near the door of he shop before edging slowly closer to the fire, eager for the little warmth it gave off. She spent all day in a hot kitchen, but that did little to help her when the night drew in and she was on the streets. She unconsciously dropped her hand down from the shawls on her shoulders and ran it over her stomach, feeling the slight bump which no one but her and those who knew her body intimately would notice.

"I won\'t touch anything," she murmured quietly, not wanting him to be watching her like a hawk in case of her knocking things over. She knew how to be careful in a place like this.

[Mayquiri]

She was very quiet. In a way, this somewhat worried Arjan, but on the other hand, she had a right to be worried, frightened, and quiet. After all, Arjan did more or less ambush the poor girl. Oh well, it wasn’t as if Arjan had never just spoken to random people before, making them think he was either insane, or working for someone. And their reactions never stopped him before either.


Once settled into the shop, Arjan sighed heavily and lifted the lid off of a small pot that was sitting on the stove. The food inside could barely be smelled due to the natural odor of his shop, but Mia, standing over the stove, should have been able to smell it a bit. Like the shop, the soup too was laced with the scent of different herbs and spices.
"Here, iffen you’ll move away from the stove a bit….I need t’get the fire goin again so it’ll heat up good." He explained as he grabbed a piddly piece of wood from a small stack near the stove. "Would you like something t’drink while we wait for the soup? It’d just be cold, probably water, or cheap wine if I got any left." He offered after the fire was stoked, the frail looking man flitting through the shop, disappearing in the backroom only to reappear a moment later with an empty bucket to sit on while he offered his stool to Mia.


"I didn’t think y’would, but I have to say it. Nothing in here’s labeled, so only I know what’s in the bottles. Even if the stuff was writ on, I wouldn’t be able t’read it."

[pinkroses]

She hadn’t been very close to the stove, but she quickly moved further away at his words, folding her arms across her stomach once more, watching him with her large eyes as he stoked the fire. The small scent of the food she had got before moving away made her frown slightly. It smelt good, but more heavily scented than anything she’d eaten before. She usually kept the food she cooked simple rather than using lots of different herbs and wasn’t really one for trying a lot of new things. She wasn’t sure that the food he offered would be any better than the other things she hadn’t been able to keep down.

When he offered her a drink she hesitated for a moment but before she could answer he had disappeared. She accepted his offer of a stool with a murmur of thanks, folding her small hands in her lap as she sat.

“Could I, maybe, please have some water?” she asked quietly, wondering why he chose to tell her he couldn’t read. She couldn’t either, it was quite a common thing in this city, not many were able to afford the education and it was only through the need of paying for things that she knew her numbers.

While she waited for his response she hoped that he would soon tell her why he had asked her here. She couldn’t believe that someone would ask her into their home just to offer her food. There was no sense behind it that she saw, no one in this city that she had met would give something for nothing.

[Mayquiri]

Where Mia had always cooked her food plain, Arjan found it dificult to eat meat, or most vegetables, or really, anything without any spices added.  Believe it or not, the soup was actually one of his mildly spiced dishes, mostly because his stocks had been growing short, and it was not yet late enough in the season for him to stockpile.  mostly because enough herbs simply had not yet grown to maturity yet.
 
"Of coursde y\'can.  I wouldn\'t offer it, then say no when you asked." He said, grinning contentedly as he pulled a small fired clay glass from the desk(the only drinking glass in the shop it seemed) and wandered off to find some water.  He didn\'t have running water in his shop, it was to expensive to put in, but he did have a shop close to the communial pump, so he always had easy access.  Except on the really bitter winters when the pipes froze.
 
"Now, why, iffen I can ask, were you starin down that alley.  I know why people go there.  Hell, after a mistake there, they come to me to try an fix \'em, but I never can."  He questioned, cocking his head as he stared at Mia, trying to read her.  "Was it just curiosity, or sumfin more?"

[pinkroses]

She twisted her fingers together nervously as he went to get her some water, her eyes darting around the shop anxiously, not at all wanting to explore in all of the different jars and bottles that were on display. She thanked him quietly as he passed her the cup of water and took a small sip before cradling the cup between her hands, glad to have something to distract her from him watching her.

At his question she shuffled uncomfortably on the stool and lifted a hand to run over her long hair as she glanced up at him. She shook her head slightly as she lowered her dark eyes once more. His words scared her, she wasn’t sure what kind of mistakes could happen, but it definitely didn’t sound good, but what choice did she have?

“I can’t have a baby, I can’t,” she murmured, staring down at the water in the bottom of the cup as the lump of tears painfully returned to her throat. She opened her mouth to say more, but then shut it again abruptly. He hadn’t asked more, he probably didn’t want to hear it and she didn’t especially want to re-live it all again.

[Mayquiri]

So she was pregnet.  Arjan couldn\'t exactly say it surprised him, but he was dismayed to hear it.  "An why not miss?" He asked gently, moving to sit closer, hoping to comfort the poor girl, "Will the babe die in your belly?"  For the young man, he simply couldn\'t wrap his head around the issue.  not properly at least.
 
Oh, Arjan knew that having babies outside of wedlock was more then just taboo, and he assumed this was the case, but still.  What she was proposing doing wwould not only kill the child within, but may also harm herself.  Had there been real threat to the mother, Arjan probably wouldn\'t have minded.  After all, something so small that it didn\'t even make the belly stir couldn\'t possibly think for itself.
 
"Calm down there Miss Mia.  If yer married, an tis not the husbands, we cin work on that.  An if not married, there are always other options."

[pinkroses]

Mia took in a shakey breath and ran a hand over her face, shaking her head slightly. “I’m not married, an’ Rid… the father, he threw me out when he found out. He didn’t believe it was his, I need him, I need him so much,” she said, raising her eyes to look at Arjan. “I can’t go back to him with a baby, I don’t know what to do,” she said, blinking back tears. She didn’t want to be responsible for the death of her baby, but how could she look after a child when she was still one herself?

And she didn’t know if she would be able to keep her job when she had a child, Dagger might fire her for having a child out of wedlock, or for lying to him about being married, then what would she do? With no home and no job she really couldn’t see how she would survive.