Best Laid Plans

[Trillian]

The trip was somehow soiled now, what with Kerr reminding Ben of the holiday in the next breath after speaking of Sawyl and his mothers.  He resented Kerr\'s mixture of the two topics, stirring them together somehow like a malevolent casserole.  It wasn\'t his fault, of course, that his history had those people in it (at least, at the start it hadn\'t been his fault), but Ben had been wanting to go to Ireland to visit Kerr\'s homeland to see how he\'d lived his life, not what had happened after that.

There was no use explaining, he felt, not with the strong vibes of not wishing to discuss the topic resounding through him, through the blood bond.  He knew Kerr wanted to turn away, he could feel that need in his bones somehow, but he was glad Kerr had fought that instinct - though now Ben was shying away from the taint.

"No, maybe next time.  France might be more interesting first up."

It was a lie, of course.  He would find France interesting but he hadn\'t wanted it to be the first country in Europe he stepped on now.  They would leave Ireland and the United Kingdom for later.

"Then we can go north, to... Holland or somewhere."  He looked studiously at Kerr.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr was desperately disappointed.  He finally looked up into Ben\'s eyes.  "Are you upset about the... children?  That I didn\'t tell you before now?" he asked quietly, knowing there was a quagmire of emotion surrounding them and wanting to just be sure about what it was there for.

[Trillian]

"No."

The answer wasn\'t about to be received as simply as it was given, so with a sigh Ben had to explain himself when he hadn\'t really wanted to delve into it.

"I wanted to see where you were born, where you grew up, where you lived, how you lived, stuff like that.  What it was like in that period.  You talk about Sawyl like you don\'t want to talk about him, but you bring him up anyway.  I thought you\'d had enough grief."

It was cruel, to say it like that, and it was Lazarus\' influence to be so direct, though Ben didn\'t know it, and Lazarus wouldn\'t have cared enough to mention it, so it was like a mixture of the cruel Ancient with Ben\'s heart.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr\'s eyes fell closed and he shuffled forward, seeking to rest his forehead against Ben\'s, reasserting his grip on the fledgling in a way that showed he was wanting comfort.

"I know," he admitted miserably "It\'s just... I\'m aware that we have this... unspoken agreement that the topic of Sawyl and Lazarus is off limits until... we can cope with talking about them, I guess, so that\'s why I don\'t want to talk about him.  It doesn\'t grieve me to talk about the little asshole; he pisses me off and I hate that he hurt you.  I\'m quite content to talk about him in my past because he\'s... part of it, that doesn\'t bother me.  Upsetting you bothers me.  I really want to show you where I was born and grew up and tell you everything I can remember," he admitted, opening his eyes and pulling back to look into Ben\'s eerie gaze.

"Definitely before we go to France," he added wryly.  "If I promise to keep the sire references to a minimum, do you think we could go to Ireland first?"

[Trillian]

Ben\'s eyes had narrowed in the seriousness of the conversation, but then he relaxed and they fluttered closed to enjoy Kerr\'s closeness.

"If you promise," Ben said, smiling a little.  He supposed it was finding out Sawyl\'s atrocities that was bothering him more than it was Kerr, but it was more so because Kerr had put up with it so long.  What atrocities could Ben perform before losing his sire?  Would the tolerance be as much, or none at all because of what he\'d gone through?  He wouldn\'t really know, that blurred line of not stopping Lazarus from killing those boys had been enough perhaps for Kerr to accept Ben back into his heart.  If Ben had...

"I won\'t be like them," he said firmly, because he\'d tried.  Now he knew better.

[Existentially Odd]

"You... won\'t be like Sawyl and Lazarus?" Kerr queried slowly, seeking clarification of Ben\'s final statement.  When he received a nod of confirmation, he smiled crookedly, emitting a breathy laugh as he nuzzled closer again.

"God, I would hope not.  That would kill me - it just about did, when I thought you might have been helping him kill," he admitted, thinking of Lazarus even though he didn\'t define it.  They both knew which \'he\' was being talked about.  "I tried and tried and tried for so long to change Sawyl and the twins - and I\'ve not even told you some of the really horrid stuff they did - and got nothing more than years of empty promises that there\'d be change, only to be freshly humiliated each time.  I know I wouldn\'t cope with that personality type again.  I\'m pretty thick," he snorted, tapping the top of his head with a fingertip, "but even I eventually saw what an idiot I was.  I couldn\'t have that happen again."

Deciding he was speaking negatively again (not to mention harping back to references he\'d promised to try and avoid!), Kerr spontaneously gathered Ben close and rolled onto his back, pulling the fledgling with him and positioning him atop his body.  Such a disturbance reminded him of stickinesses that still needed to be cleaned up but he ignored it for the time being.  Sheets could be washed; bodies would be.  It still felt like he should be treasuring every moment with Ben like it might be snatched from him, for there were still so many layers he daren\'t broach.  Plus, he had something else to say.

"Thankfully, I fell for someone with whom I can trust my heart," he grinned, leaning up to deliver a brief kiss.  "Hell, someone I trust with the rest of me, too.  You should marry me," he grinned (for, oddly, it had been on his mind quite often since he\'d mentioned it flippantly, and he couldn\'t help himself - especially now they\'d decided they\'d go to the U.K.), "might as well make your possession of me legal and binding as well."

[Trillian]

Ben didn\'t know how to respond to Kerr\'s joke for the subject was one he had no interest in nor ever thought about, so he merely smiled and pillowed his cheek upon Kerr\'s chest.  When next he spoke it was after a brief pause, allowing for a new subject to rise as he felt his own voice travel up his chest and out of his voicebox, sending little vibrations against Kerr too, he figured.

"I\'d like to see the little towns as well," Ben commented, thinking that Kerr might be assuming he wanted only the most well-known cities and places Kerr had lived himself to be on the itinerary.  "The ones that have old people with accents so strong I won\'t be able to understand them, and dodgy crooked English teeth, and tiny white dogs on leads.  And warm beer," he added as an afterthought, then smiled as he anticipated Kerr\'s reaction.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr mulled through just how flat his suggestion had fallen - yet again - and resolved to forget it.  There were other ways he could make Ben a permanent fixture in his life.

He laughed at Ben\'s descriptions, brushing some hair aside affectionately - though it did nothing for his view of his beloved, due to the angle from which he was looking.  "You don\'t drink beer anymore," he scoffed, "though I suppose we could hunt down a drunk or two, if that\'s your thing.  Assuming we\'ll be able to wade through the sea of little white dogs, of course," he smirked.

"We can buy a car anyway," he added offhandedly, growing more serious again.  He was pretty sure he didn\'t have one at any of his places, but he could have been wrong.  "Then you can drive on the right side of the road - I mean the correct side - to any village or pub filled with crooked-toothed inebriates you like.  Shall we get a map and plan an itinerary?" he murmured, believing that was what Ben wanted.

[Trillian]

Ben shifted his head so Kerr was no longer looking at his crown and placed his chin on folded fingers.

"I\'m not into beer," he said and screwed up his nose to reinforce his statement.  "Never mind weird warm beer."  At the statement that the left side was the correct side of the road on which to drive, he scoffed.  "Everybody else drives on the right!" he argued, thinking of the other European countries and those south of the US border.  And Canada too, come to think of it.  He could\'ve added a \'so there\' due to his tone, but didn\'t.  He got caught on the comment previous to the one that had made him argue.

"What do you mean buy a car?"

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr gave him a disbelieving grin, his manner becoming that of someone talking to a very young (and dim-witted) child.

"Okay, well buying is something you do with money," he stated slowly and clearly.  "When I say we\'ll buy a car, I mean we\'ll go to a place where they sell vehicles, pick one and give them money for the one you like the best."

He then smirked, looking very proud of himself as he gazed at the very cute picture his fledgling made, peering down at him like that.

[Trillian]

Ben\'s eyebrow cocked and he followed suit.

"There\'s a magic place called car rental, where you can rent one for a few weeks to save you from buying one that you\'re not going to keep."  Then he poked out his tongue and smirked right back.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr raised a single eyebrow right back.  "You poke that out at me, you\'re going to have to use it," he growled warningly, watching Ben\'s tongue slide back between his lips.  He blinked and looked up at silvery blue eyes then, mentally shaking off the minor distraction.

"Rental places... yes, I\'ve heard of them.  Those are those annoying stores where they ask for multiple forms of identification that I haven\'t had updated recently and charge exhorbitant prices for insurance I won\'t need - as opposed to dealerships where they ask no questions when confronted with cash," he said airily, as if the memory was just returning to him.

The charade was dropped almost instantly, as he became vaguely haughty.  "And who says we won\'t be needing the car again?  We\'ll be going back again before too long.  We\'ll just leave it at the Dublin house and always start out from there," he announced, the left side of his mouth lifting in a smug grin as he brushed the tip of Ben\'s nose with a finger and then ran both hands - firmly and exultantly - down the fledgling\'s muscular back to cup his ass.

[Trillian]

"I suppose," Ben said, tucking himself against Kerr again when the trembles and shivers accosted him after Kerr\'s sliding hand moved across his skin.  He closed his eyes and felt the flutter of excitement about the trip in his belly.  This was what he was after, that nervous sense of impending adventure.  "We can drive under that famous tunnel and then around Europe proper."  He was declaring this dreamily, for sleep was calling and beckoning to him again, after being so rudely awakened not long ago.  "And go to Oktoberfest in Germany, which isn\'t in October, but I don\'t know when, and go to Switzerland and eat chocolate."

He was forgetting he couldn\'t.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr chuckled.  "Can\'t say I\'ve ever had the pleasure," he admitted, knowing that Ben wouldn\'t be eating chocolate any time soon, either, but he could tell it likely wouldn\'t be worth arguing about just then.  Apparently his fledgling had fallen back to being dozy... after an arduous night of... feeding and sex?  The boy obviously had very little stamina to speak of... or perhaps he was just inestimably cosy and content.

"So when do you think we should leave?  I\'ll call the pilot and let them know that we want the jet.  I lend it out when I\'m not using it, so it\'s possible we wouldn\'t have been able to use it tonight, anyway," he said congenially.  It wasn\'t true, for his jet would come to him and be available as fast as flight plans could be posted, but he wanted to make Ben feel better about enforcing a delay.

[Trillian]

Ben shifted off Kerr, sliding away from him but tucking himself against his sire\'s side.  If Ben had caught the thought Kerr had about his stamina, it would\'ve earned the older vampire a poke in the ribs.

"Mmmm, how about Friday?"  Then his eyes opened and he peered up at Kerr.  "Is it Tuesday or Wednesday?" he asked, as if it was suddenly important.