"You... won\'t be like Sawyl and Lazarus?" Kerr queried slowly, seeking clarification of Ben\'s final statement. When he received a nod of confirmation, he smiled crookedly, emitting a breathy laugh as he nuzzled closer again.
"God, I would hope not. That would kill me - it just about did, when I thought you might have been helping him kill," he admitted, thinking of Lazarus even though he didn\'t define it. They both knew which \'he\' was being talked about. "I tried and tried and tried for so long to change Sawyl and the twins - and I\'ve not even told you some of the really horrid stuff they did - and got nothing more than years of empty promises that there\'d be change, only to be freshly humiliated each time. I know I wouldn\'t cope with that personality type again. I\'m pretty thick," he snorted, tapping the top of his head with a fingertip, "but even I eventually saw what an idiot I was. I couldn\'t have that happen again."
Deciding he was speaking negatively again (not to mention harping back to references he\'d promised to try and avoid!), Kerr spontaneously gathered Ben close and rolled onto his back, pulling the fledgling with him and positioning him atop his body. Such a disturbance reminded him of stickinesses that still needed to be cleaned up but he ignored it for the time being. Sheets could be washed; bodies would be. It still felt like he should be treasuring every moment with Ben like it might be snatched from him, for there were still so many layers he daren\'t broach. Plus, he had something else to say.
"Thankfully, I fell for someone with whom I can trust my heart," he grinned, leaning up to deliver a brief kiss. "Hell, someone I trust with the rest of me, too. You should marry me," he grinned (for, oddly, it had been on his mind quite often since he\'d mentioned it flippantly, and he couldn\'t help himself - especially now they\'d decided they\'d go to the U.K.), "might as well make your possession of me legal and binding as well."