Best Laid Plans

[Trillian]

A large reaction wasn\'t what he got, though Ben withdrew into his own thoughts and behind his usual blockade his emotions and thoughts were swirling at a dizzy rate as he pondered over what such a thing meant.

Visits.  Monthly visits with Sawyl and his mothers.  That freak-show 3-ring circus where he was prone to their skilled mental abilities and could probably not hide any of his secrets.  He was fledgling, he was vulnerable, and Kerr had agreed to put him forth in order to keep Mandy out.

Was she really so important?  Ben hadn\'t wanted the bond with her, but it wasn\'t something he would\'ve risked his life to stop.  Kerr obviously felt like the risk wasn\'t that huge but he hadn\'t been there when Sawyl had threatened him and mind-blasted Arles like a paper doll.  Plus, with Kerr coming back in the shape he\'d been in - and that had been considered going well?

Thing was, the agreement had been made, the deal was already negotiated and Sawyl would no doubt be angrier if they didn\'t visit him.  He was much more unstable and unpredictable than Lazarus.  Ben put him right up there with Declan.

Fuck.

"Yeh, okay," he said softly, for what else was there to say?  Though he stiffened in Kerr\'s arms, this was all that betrayed his irritation and fear.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr was watching him worriedly, frowning as his tongue stud rubbed against the roof of his mouth.  "He\'s promised you\'ll come to no harm, naturally, and if he still takes Mandy under his wing to train her - despite not being her sire - she won\'t be in the house.  My theory is that he\'ll grow bored with us after one visit so it won\'t become a big thing, though... if you\'re against it, I can renege?" he offered seriously.

[Trillian]

Ben looked at him steadily, lifting his head away so he could do so, shifting their comfortable position only slightly.

"That\'ll make things worse," he said, as though he knew Sawyl as well as Kerr did.  Strangely, his time with Declan had prepared him for doing tasks that he didn\'t want to do, to face them bravely and without real question or challenge.  This was something that needed facing, and hopefully Kerr would be right, that his visit would bore Sawyl and he wouldn\'t need to go back.  Maybe not after one visit - he wasn\'t as optimistic as Kerr - but he wouldn\'t go out of his way to entertain the child vampire.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr\'s expression was sheepish as he gazed at Ben.  "He has a way of talking me into things... a way of making me feel like I owe it to him, to visit.  It was weird," he said ruefully, giving a slight shake of his head, as if to dismiss such thoughts.

"We shook on it and I added that he wasn\'t to tell Mandy about our arrangement - that was what got me into the state I returned in," he pointed out, going on to explain everything Sawyl had explained to him about what he was doing to Kerr\'s mind and what had ensued when he\'d tried, finishing with how his sire had exited the room.

"He had no real idea what he was doing - I don\'t know if what he was trying will ever be possible, but it just felt a different way to hurt my brain, to me," he laughed, able to joke about it now that he was fully mended, despite the hideous state Sawyl\'s strange little experiment had left him in.  "I was just glad to leave in one piece, with his agreement that he wouldn\'t sire Mandy, if she asked."

[Trillian]

Ben couldn\'t hold himself back.

"I hate her," he blurted.  He couldn\'t even remember why he\'d so badly wanted to be friends with her at one point.  All he knew now was his resentment, the bitterness he felt at the obligation he now had to visit Sawyl just because she\'d got the idea into her stupid head that she wanted to be sired.  He felt like she\'d insulted him at the core - like his whole life of desiring to be a vampire was upstaged by a fickle whim.

There was no way the drawing she\'d given him was going to remain intact for long, and now Kerr had no chance of ever keeping her paintings in their home - let alone displaying them on any wall in the apartment.

He wondered if Kerr would defend her again, and looked at him with a challenging gaze, to see if there would be any kindness left in him for her.  Likely there was, which was why Ben loved him - his forgiveness, his softness and tenderness - but right now it was unlikely he\'d be calm if Kerr justified her reasoning.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr\'s expression crumpled and it was his turn to look worried.  He didn\'t want Ben openly confessing hatred for a woman he cared about and respected (even if he didn\'t respect her decision to become a vampire, he understood that it was a gesture borne of love), but he wasn\'t about to argue Ben\'s feelings away.  He felt what he felt.

"I\'m just... so sorry," he said softly, avoiding the entire emotional as pect of it all.  "When she offered to not see me any more tonight... I should\'ve accepted but, as far as I knew, you were okay with us seeing each other and... stuff.  When we get back from Europe, I have every intention of taking her up on the offer, okay?"

He looked hopefully at Ben, wanting to appease his fledgling\'s angst, needing to soothe his lover\'s ruffled feathers.

[Trillian]

Ben said nothing more, not feeling secure enough to say anything further about Mandy.  It was enough that he\'d said what he said and hadn\'t been closed to the expression on Kerr\'s face.  His mind was so blocked that he couldn\'t hear his sire\'s thoughts or feel any of his conflict, but he wasn\'t blind to body-language and facial expression - he\'d always known how those around him had felt, by simple observation.  Kerr was uncomfortable with what Ben had said, and he thought he would\'ve seen that even if he hadn\'t known him so well.

"I\'ll put the bags in the fridge," he said after a long moment, not wanting to address anything further.  "I\'m tired and... I want to sleep," he said as he extracted himself from Kerr\'s hold.  The latter he explained in case Kerr tried to stop him, either with action or with words.  He just wanted to rest and forget about tonight.  About all of tonight.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr knew better than to push for a comment by now, so he followed quietly after Ben, watching him place the bags in the fridge thoughtfully.  He had other ideas about how they could absolve themselves of the night\'s activities besides just sleeping, but he wasn\'t sure if Ben would be up for anything active.  More than ever though, he felt he needed to confirm their connection with some acts of intimacy.  He preferred to settle down with the imprint of his lover on his body and in his mind, than his sire.

"Are you planning to drink some of them, too?" he asked hopefully, leaning his elbows on the kitchen bench to watch Ben load up the fridge.  He wasn\'t sure the animal blood would be something he could permanently acquire a taste for.

[Trillian]

Ben nodded and looked over at Kerr to see if his gesture had been noticed, though said \'yes\' softly as well, just in case.  He hadn\'t even realised that animal blood would be so different but Kerr\'s face on the final one he\'d drunk and after knowing what it was had told him that he might not like it either.  Being fledgling, the idea of blood from pigs didn\'t bother him so much, for he\'d eaten pork as a mortal so what was the difference between pig blood from pig flesh?  Maybe if he heated it up it wouldn\'t be so bad to Kerr, but he had to drink from it first.  Having the bags made him feel better anyway, just in case they needed an emergency supply like tonight - with Ben hungering and Kerr hurting.

He took his sire\'s hand as he passed, leading him to the bedroom and glancing over his shoulder a few times as he did so, to make sure that Kerr wasn\'t going to keel over.  Upon entering the room he intended on letting go of his hand and undressing, to sleep naked.  He wasn\'t thinking about being intimate, so anything Kerr instigated would be a surprise.

[Existentially Odd]

Relieved that Ben would help him finish off the porcine extracts in the refrigerator, he smiled as his hand was taken, amused by the fact that he was watched carefully while he walked.  He felt fine and had talked for the past twenty minutes without incident, so his fledgling should be fully aware that he was back in control of all his faculties; Ben was obviously scarred by the condition he\'d returned in, though.

Hell, it was obvious the blonde wasn\'t completely himself, for he\'d left Kerr\'s shoes and shirt strewn about the floor and Mandy\'s artwork... come to think of it, he wasn\'t sure where the painting and drawing had got to, the point was that Ben hadn\'t tidied up after Kerr, so he obviously was still upset on some level.

Watching him undress, the Irishaman did the same, believing they both would benefit from some togetherness to centre them.  The shutters closed down the apartment as he dumped his jeans and underwear in the hamper, signalling that the sun would rise in an hour.  Ben was in bed first while Kerr circled it and joined him, smiling at his love\'s habit of covering himself up modestly - or perhaps the covers over him were for comfort, he wasn\'t sure.  Either way, Ben snuggled in while Kerr ignored the blankets altogether, rolling up against him for a kiss.

Soon enough, Kerr\'s lips slid along Ben\'s jaw and to his ear, where he nibbled at the lobe and delved languourously with his tongue.  They had an hour and he was in no rush.  "I want to taste you," he whispered, making his intent clear as his hand slid beneath the blankets and trailed over Ben\'s body and down to his groin, a path his mouth would soon follow.  The images he was focussing on in his mind as he predicted what he would do to his lover were already turning him on.

"I want to feel you everywhere... around me... inside me... you\'re my everything, all that matters.  Tomorrow night, we\'ll be far away from everyone but it\'s just us now and I need you.  I love you so much," he confessed, eyes closing as he allowed himself to become swept up in the moment.  He began to move lower, attempting to nudge the blankets off Ben and give him the access he desired.  When there was some hesitation he looked up to see an expression of surprise on Ben\'s face, but some concern as well.  Kerr took that look to mean his love still wasn\'t entirely confident he was alright.

With a devious grin, he pushed the blankets away more forcefully and set out to prove, once and for all, that he was.