Kerr tensed as Ben\'s hand travelled south, a myriad of conflicting thoughts and feelings striking him - visions of Jenna, feelings of regret, of lust, of a longing so deep it terrified him - but the instinct to stop his fledgling dominated them all. Oddly, though he could have grabbed his wrist and moved the hand completely away, he simply grabbed Ben\'s hand and contained it in his, holding it there against the bulge of his dormant sex, struggling not to be overwhelmed or embarrass them both.
"I think we shouldn\'t rush into anything and I would never expect you to come back to me and us to pick up where we left off," he said firmly, looking into Ben\'s eyes. Jenna and his relationship with her was on the tip of his tongue... but something deceptive in him wanted to avoid talking of such things just now (like he still conveniently forgot about her sometimes when he was with Ash).
"You need space... and time. And whether or not we travel down that path again... look, it\'s not something we should think about right now. I love you, I want what\'s best for you and I think that\'s us getting you back to the city and finding you somewhere to live where you won\'t have to feel any pressure and you can just get... grounded again, okay?"
His thumb swiped across Ben\'s hand and part of his wrist as he looked sincerely at his fledgling, thinking about
sneaking him into his own apartment
where you can visit him
alone
at your convenience
where Jenna doesn\'t have to know about him-
NO! That\'s not it at all, it\'s-
About loving him and wanting him nearby?
Yes.
On his own?
Yes.
Your secret.
getting him out of harm\'s way and to somewhere he felt safe and secure instead. Somewhere, hopefully, where very ancient Ancients wouldn\'t follow and try to steal him back... a room at the Chambers, perhaps?
"What do you think about living at the Oligarchy hotel for a while? Is it possible that this Themba will come after you?" he asked worriedly, neatly sidetracking and changing the subject to one he was more comfortable with. Acting shadily didn\'t come easily to him, but it was funny how Ben\'s sudden reappearance had him making excuses he hadn\'t expected he would.