New York, New York

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr tensed as Ben\'s hand travelled south, a myriad of conflicting thoughts and feelings striking him - visions of Jenna, feelings of regret, of lust, of a longing so deep it terrified him - but the instinct to stop his fledgling dominated them all.  Oddly, though he could have grabbed his wrist and moved the hand completely away, he simply grabbed Ben\'s hand and contained it in his, holding it there against the bulge of his dormant sex, struggling not to be overwhelmed or embarrass them both.

"I think we shouldn\'t rush into anything and I would never expect you to come back to me and us to pick up where we left off," he said firmly, looking into Ben\'s eyes.  Jenna and his relationship with her was on the tip of his tongue... but something deceptive in him wanted to avoid talking of such things just now (like he still conveniently forgot about her sometimes when he was with Ash).

"You need space... and time.  And whether or not we travel down that path again... look, it\'s not something we should think about right now.  I love you, I want what\'s best for you and I think that\'s us getting you back to the city and finding you somewhere to live where you won\'t have to feel any pressure and you can just get... grounded again, okay?"

His thumb swiped across Ben\'s hand and part of his wrist as he looked sincerely at his fledgling, thinking about

sneaking him into his own apartment
where you can visit him
alone
at your convenience
where Jenna doesn\'t have to know about him-
NO!  That\'s not it at all, it\'s-
About loving him and wanting him nearby?
Yes.
On his own?
Yes.
Your secret.

getting him out of harm\'s way and to somewhere he felt safe and secure instead.  Somewhere, hopefully, where very ancient Ancients wouldn\'t follow and try to steal him back... a room at the Chambers, perhaps?
"What do you think about living at the Oligarchy hotel for a while?  Is it possible that this Themba will come after you?" he asked worriedly, neatly sidetracking and changing the subject to one he was more comfortable with.  Acting shadily didn\'t come easily to him, but it was funny how Ben\'s sudden reappearance had him making excuses he hadn\'t expected he would.

[Trillian]

Ben was watchful when his hand was stayed, wary of what rejections might come out of Kerr\'s mouth, but they weren\'t rejections so much as a kind of freedom.  He wanted Ben, but didn\'t want anything from him.  He didn\'t really understand such a thing after learning that everyone had motives for everything.  Because he was looking for an ulterior motive, he believed he found it when Kerr offered to have him stay at the Oligarchy hotel.  Kerr wanted to keep an eye on him, and that was the easiest way.  Ben wasn\'t terribly opposed to such a thing, especially when Kerr seemed to not want anything in return (so far, but he would eventually, he guessed).

"He might," he said in answer to Kerr\'s question about Themba.  "He\'s exceptionally old and powerful.  I don\'t really know why he wanted me," he said truthfully, though he\'d had lots of guesses about such a thing.

[Existentially Odd]

Feeling safer about removing Ben\'s hand, he slid both their hands sideways and onto his knee, nodding at the information he was given.  "Right, then if that\'s the case, I\'d prefer you were surrounded by a veritable army of demons that I consider my friends, and housed in a place akin to a fortress for extra protection.  If I had you at my place, I\'d hardly be able to look after you, should Themba come calling, especially if I happen to be at work!" he said

conveniently

seriously.  "You\'ll be perfectly free to move about the place as you wish, of course, and if you do want to go somewhere else, that\'s also fine, I just... want to be sure you\'ll be okay for a while, alright?"  His expression and his every sentiment travelling the blood bond between them reeked of concern and love; he genuinely did have Ben\'s best interests at heart.

The urge to kiss Ben rose in him then and he knew he had to hastily change the subject, lest he follow through on such a stupid notion.  He cleared his throat and looked around himself, as if just noticing the hotel room he was in.  "Right, then.  If you want to be me about ten minutes to pack, we should be able to get on my plane and back to the city before daybreak - if it doesn\'t work out that well, we can at least be on the plane and travelling, if it becomes necessary, what do you say?"

[Trillian]

"Alright," Ben agreed, wanting to be somewhere protected and safe, while also allowed to move about as he wished.  It sounded like perfection.  When Kerr offered to take him to that right away, there was no way Ben could refuse.

"I\'m happy to go right now with you," he said.  He\'d artfully manipulated Kerr, and deep within him there was a tendril of guilt about that, but it was much like how he\'d played along with Themba - it was a matter of survival.  Kerr was his ticket out.  If he hadn\'t come, Anu wouldn\'t have challenged Themba to let Ben go, and Ben wouldn\'t have been allowed to leave safely.  Everything was thanks to Kerr, who\'d finally come for him for whatever reason.  He didn\'t care if Kerr had intended to just meet and talk or if he\'d come to claim him back.  All that mattered was that he was out, and he would be safe where he went.

*

They did manage to reach the city before daybreak, though it was a race flying against the world\'s spin.  The flight was short and fast and they still had an hour to get from the airstrip to the hotel, thanks to the winter months extending their nights.  It didn\'t feel real, seeing a city he was familiar with blurring past the windows, and then pulling into the carpark of a building that upon sight, terrified him initially because of his one initial memory of it.

continued in Return of the Lost Boy