Accused, Accusing, Accuse

[Trillian]

BEN found himself once again at the door at the Capital Building apartment that he and Kerr owned and Ichabod lived in.  Maybe Kerr had made another change to the deed and put Ichabod's name on it as well, he really couldn't recall if such paperwork had gone through.

The last time he'd visited, Ichabod had drunk from Ben, and then quite a number of truths had been voiced.  Ichabod had declared he had no interest in pursuing any sexual relationship with him, even if it meant being with Kerr too; Ben had admitted that he'd thought he'd fail Kerr when he'd pushed for Ichabod's siring; Ichabod had admitted he'd thought Ben would've failed Kerr too.  Did he still believe it, though?  After two years of seeing Kerr and Ben play happy families, did he still think they were doomed?  Had he said as much to Kerr?  Was that what had brought the comment to Kerr's lips after vising with Cain those few nights ago?  There was still much to discuss, and much to confess, on Ben's part too.

He knocked on the door.

[pinkroses]

It took Ichabod a little longer than normal to get to the door, as when Ben knocked he’d still been in the bedroom trying to decide what to wear. The night before he’d started his part time job - stacking books in the city library - and the change had made it difficult for him to sleep when he got home. As a result he’d woken late, rushed through a shower and was now rummaging through a drawer of t-shirts trying to pick one.

Hearing the knock he settled on a maroon t-shirt with the name of his university printed across the front, simply because it was the one which had come to hand. The brunette could feel butterflies in the pit of his stomach as he padded barefoot across the apartment, pulling on the t-shirt before he opened the door to his brother. He was hoping tonight might go differently to the other nights. Maybe there wouldn’t be an argument. Maybe there wouldn’t be an inappropriate proposition, or overwhelming blood lust. Maybe they could just be two brothers having a drink and chatting about nothing much at all.

Probably not.

“Hey, come on in,” Ichabod said, not quite managing to sound as enthusiastic as he’d been hoping for, but he thought it was friendly enough, considering he would rather Ben stayed on the other side of the city.

“Um, sorry, I’m a bit… uh, I slept in a bit for some reason,” Ichabod said with a shrug, gesturing for Ben to head to the seating area and he moved to the open plan kitchen, beginning to busy himself grabbing a couple of bottles of blood to stick them in the microwave. As it began to whir Ichabod moved a little closer to the living room, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets as he watched the blonde make himself comfortable.

[Trillian]

Ben was in his usual jeans and sneakers ensemble, with a polo-necked dark blue sweater instead of his usual button-up short sleeved shirt.  He had to pretend he felt the cold of winter, after all.  He smiled at Ichabod when the door was opened, and greeted him with 'hello' before walking in and then watching Ichabod move about while apologising.  What was it with Ichabod and the constant apologies?  He practically apologised for existing.

"It happens," Ben said lightly, hovering around the kitchen counter on the opposite side in order to watch what Ichabod was doing.  When the microwave door shut and Ichabod turned around, Ben pushed off the counter and turned in order to make his way to the living room huddle, selecting what he felt was the seat most inviting to conversation and waiting for Ichabod to sit as well.  "I've been looking forward to the Masquerade Ball," he said, as a start to their conversation.  "Kerr plans on hiring a tailor to make costumes for the three of us."

It had just been something in the air for discussion, but Ben had made it firm thanks to his conversation starter.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod waited for Ben to take his place before seating himself in the opposite corner of the large sofa, tucking his foot up underneath his other knee and sitting sideways to face his brother better. He felt a wave of relief as the topic of conversation was directed towards the ball, not towards the threesome again as he was afraid it might have done and he visibly relaxed sideways against the back of the sofa.

“Really? A tailor? Like… to have our costumes made from scratch? This is kind of a big deal then?” Ichabod asked. He’d never been to an event like this - dressing up smartly and wandering around talking to important people wasn’t really something he enjoyed - especially since he really wasn’t anyone important and he generally tried to avoid them. He didn’t have a position in the Oligarchy, or even a job there. He was just… well, not even Kerr’s partner. A masquerade had sounded like more fun though, and there were be a lot of other people there. He was friendly with some of the workers in the Oligarchy Chambers so at least he would be able to mingle with them.

“Last time I did dressing up it was bits and bobs from a costume shop. And someone dressed in a big cardboard car…” he said with a grin as he remembered. That was years ago now though and he doubted that the masquerade was going to be anything like that night.

[Trillian]

Ben had to laugh at the idea of a cardboard car outfit.

"Sounds like the kind of costume I could afford back in the day," he admitted, though likely would've been selective enough to ensure said car was a muscle car of some description.

Man he missed his Dodge Charger.  Buying another car just didn't feel right.

"You should have fun.  Everybody loves you, back home.  I bet they're all waiting to catch up with you.  Umn, Stefan says hi."  He thought the mimic demon named Stefan was likely named something else, but had taken on something easier to pronounce.  The Mimics still intimidated him, for he still remembered how they'd hauled him in front of the Oligarchy back when he'd been accused of being Kerr's unregistered pet.  He didn't have the second memory to draw from, but he'd been told about it.

[pinkroses]

“Oh, right, yeah, it’ll be nice to see them. Tell him I said hi too if you see him,” Ichabod said, glancing down shyly, knowing his cheeks would have been flushing as Ben said everyone loved him, if he had had anything to drink already tonight. He knew he’d made better friends with people than Ben, but it was just habit, being nice to people, having them be nice in return. Pity it wasn’t his home any more and it might feel weird dropping in to say hello to them rather than going to see Kerr.

He lifted his gaze again though and stood up as the microwave ‘dinged’ and he headed for the kitchen to get the bottles, glancing over his shoulder at Ben.

“I haven’t really been back since I moved out. I guess I should do, to go say hello properly, rather than passing them on the way to yours,” he said, partially voicing his thoughts as he poured out the blood and returned to the sofas, passing one to Ben.

“How’s Murphy?” he asked as he sat down, cradling the warm mug in his hands. Ben had brought up their friends and Murphy was one of the people Ichabod knew Ben was friendly with, which was probably why he’d never really tried making friends with the human himself. But since Ben was mentioning people they knew, Ichabod felt he should ask in return.

[Trillian]

Ben took such care with his mug of blood that it likely would've looked strange to the casual observer.  Ichabod would know why.

"I think you should," Ben agreed, looking frankly at Ichabod.  He'd been about to add more but then the other vampire asked after Murphy when he sat.  Ben was momentarily thrown off his mental track.  "Um, he's good," he said with a frown, wondering why Ichabod was displaying an interest in Murphy now when he hadn't bothered before.  He returned the topic back to Ichabod's friends (and only belatedly realised the connection of asking after friends).  "It's easier to keep friends than to make them," he imparted wisely, before realising that this truth he'd discovered might not be so truthful for Ichabod, who seemed to make them without trying.  "For me, anyway," he added to the side, then thought he'd better shut up for a moment and think.

Damn, he was nervous, and he was a chatty nervous, which was extra unusual.  He figured it was likely he'd rabbit on at Ichabod at some point tonight, and hoped whatever he said would be safely trivial instead of the bomb-dropping kind of conversation they'd had last week.  Confessions had to be made tonight, however, and because he was planning it, it made him fidgety.

[pinkroses]

Ichboad blinked in surprise as Ben shot down his questioning about Murphy - clearly, no sharing was going to be coming about that friendship. Still, maybe there was good reason for that. Ichabod did find it easier to make friends, he guessed Ben might be a little protective over the ones he had since their numbers were fewer.

He took a sip of the blood, gazing at Ben’s silver eyes over the top of his mug as Ben tried to preach at his brother about friendship. What the Hell? Wasn’t he just saying everyone liked Ichabod? His molars pressed together tightly as he lowered his mug, but he took in a slow breath. Ben might sound disapproving and controlling, but Ichabod tried to tell himself his brother was trying to help. He was trying, in his own way.

But Ichabod had found it easier to make friends than keep them in the past. His friends from school, university, Mandy. He’d been close to all of them and where were they now? So maybe it was good advice, but Ichabod didn’t like being told it from Ben.

“Okay. Yeah, I’ll go see them,” he said, trying not to repeat himself and watching Ben warily. He wanted to try to relax, but there was a definitely tension in the air that Ichabod couldn’t pin down. And it wasn’t like Ben to hold back.

Fuck, was this because of him? Was it because he’d drunk from Ben last him? There was no way Ben would be scared of him, right? Although he had been more shook up than he’d let on last time, who could say?

“Are… you okay?” Ichabod asked, frowning slightly at the blonde, leaning sideways to put the mug on the table before wrapping his arms around his knees, his toes curling up on the sofa between them to give away his sudden nerves.

[Trillian]

For a second there Ben thought he could feel anger and resentment emanating down the bloodline they'd shared, but it was gone once Ichabod spoke his agreement.  Had Ben said something wrong already?  It was difficult to know if he was saying the wrong thing or if Ichabod was taking him the wrong way because of their past.  He hadn't meant harm.  Ichabod was obviously picking up on his second-guessing and nervousness, even though they'd barely spoken past their initial greetings.  Ah, such were the benefits (and disadvantages) of a blood bond.

He nodded before speaking an answer out loud.  "Yes," he said firmly, hoping he didn't sound too blunt or accusing or bossy or whatever Ichabod thought he was being.

But was he okay?  He could feel the tension thrumming within himself.  He'd been a little wary about coming tonight, because he was planning on clearing the air between himself and Ichabod, but there was more to it than that.  He'd been fine walking through the door.  He'd been fine watching Ichabod warm up some blood.  He'd been fine, in fact, until he'd accepted the mug.

He looked down at it now, resting on the knee of his jeans, warming a circle of skin beneath it.  Three of his fingers were inside the handle, the pinky was beneath it, the thumb on top of it, keeping it safe,  though he had to relax the hand holding it a little more.  Not too much, lest it topple over, unbalanced.  Maybe he should just put it on the coffee table.  Yes, that was an idea.  He leant forward and deposited the mug carefully on the coffee table, near the edge.  Then he prodded it with his fingers until it was further away from the edge, just in case.  He leaned back and noticed the expression on Ichabod's face.

"Oh, I already had a drink before I came over," he justified, before adding for further benefit: "And it's hot."

He wondered if Ichabod would think the last comment was Ben having a go at him for making it too hot, and had to close his eyes for a moment to calm himself down.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod watched his brother carefully as the blonde placed the mug ever so cautiously onto the coffee table, his own body tensing up more with every second. He was treating it as though it was made of glass. Last time had been an accident, a complete accident, and he’d just got… carried away. He hadn’t really had much to drink and… Shit.

“Okay,” Ichabod said softly as Ben made up terrible excuses for putting down his mug. Ben had been a vampire for a couple of years longer, but Ichabod had no doubt that he was still hungry. The raving never faded. When there was warm blood in front of you, you wanted it. Hot or not. And the blood wasn’t too hot. Ichabod had tasted his own and it was fine.

“Maybe we should go out. Like, for a walk around the block. Or to the park. Whatever,” Ichabod suggested with a shrug, watching Ben as though he thought he might collapse in tears at any second. Maybe Kerr hadn’t told him everything. He’d known Ben had been shook up, but… this was Ben. He didn’t care about stuff like this. He was a rock. Or apparently not.

[Trillian]

Ben was grateful that Ichabod was letting him get away with his peculiar actions.  Both of them knew that he was remembering last week, and he appreciated Ichabod's caring nature now that he was finally at the receiving end of it.  It was just a small thing, to not point out or ask why Ben was doing what he was doing, but it was enough.

The suggestion to go out surprised him.  His eyebrows raised, he considered what a walk would do for them.

"Yeh, sounds good."  He stood up when Ichabod did, but took a moment to collect his mug of blood and gulped it down, while standing.  He wiped his lips with the back of his hand and inspected it for blood but there was none, then moved to the kitchen in order to rinse it out before checking how full the dishwasher was.  When he saw it was empty, he left the mug in the sink, figuring Ichabod might want to wash the mugs by hand.

[pinkroses]

“Cool, ok,” Ichabod said with a nod. He hadn’t really planned on going out and had no idea where they would head, but it had to be better than being sat here freaking each other out. Leaving his mug on the table Ichabod headed back to his bedroom, pulling on some socks and shoes whilst balancing on one foot rather than wasting time sitting down and grabbed his wallet, just in case.

After returning to the living room Ichabod finished his blood to and dumped the cup where Ben had - he could wash them out later - before picking up his keys from the bowl near the front door. The small book Ben had got him for his key ring wasn’t attached, but it was in the bowl. He had been pissed at Ben when he’d removed it, but hadn’t been able to bring himself to get rid of it when Kerr had refused to take it back to his brother. After all, it was a tiny work of art and Ichabod did appreciate that Ben was trying. But it was difficult for both of them and things just seemed to get worse the harder they tried. Things could always change though.

“I found a good book at the library the other day, a sort of history of the city, but, like, before it was a proper city. All sorts of weird things crop up in it, but the author just sorts of skims past them as though they’re nothing unusual or nothing to be questioned. No real explanations,” Ichabod said, knowing he was rambling as he pulled the door shut behind them and there was the wait for the lift. It came quite fast, but Ichabod had fel the need to fill the silence and try to move on from the awkwardness of Ben’s fear.

Ichabod hated when Ben bossed him around, acted all high and mighty, but in a way this was worse. This made Ichabod feel like he was the bad guy and he couldn’t stand it.

[Trillian]

"Oh," Ben said thoughtfully in response, thinking to himself that he hadn't bothered looking up the origins of this city because he'd been so interested in pouring over the vampire history, extending to demons and fae.  He was quiet for a moment, watching as Ichabod shut the door and the pair of them moved to wait for the lift once it was summoned.  "I wonder if the Chambers Library has more on it, like a supernatural version."

He took a moment to look at Ichabod instead of at the steel doors before them.

"I haven't seen you there since you moved out," he said, and it had been the one thing they'd got on together with, during the two years they'd lived with one another.  They'd both used the library, appreciating its source of vast knowledge, while Kerr mostly ignored it.  They'd shared information on things they'd found of interest, and had at least bonded on that level.  "Do you still go?"

[pinkroses]

“Probably, I bet they would fill in the gaps in each other well,” Ichabod said with a small smile, keeping his gaze on the doors before them.

He lightly bit on his lower lip as Ben asked if he’d been to the Chambers Library, feeling his brother’s icy gaze on him but not returning it.

“No,” he said softly, relieved that the doors chose that moment to opened with a soft ‘ding’ and he moved swiftly inside, pressing himself into one of he corners, folding his arms across his chest as he gave a small shrug.

“The city library is closer, and I’ve been studying and stuff, not had much time for looking up the kind of stuff they have in there. The public one’s more helpful for what I’m doing now,” he explained, not quite meeting Ben’s gaze as he spoke and not mentioning the other reasons. He’d left because he and Ben couldn’t get on most of the time. And he’d been pissed off when the blonde had started showing up here, invading his space when Ichabod had been the one who had to leave. So he would be a hypocrite if he did it the other way around, showing up at the Oligarchy Library where he knew Ben spent a lot of his time.

[Trillian]

Ben was quiet, reading successfully between the lines.  He didn't know the details, of Ichabod fearful of hypocrisy, but he figured it had to do with his being there.  He entered the elevator after Ichabod, and as Ichabod chose a corner to hide in, Ben chose one of the walls to flatten himself against, as opposite Ichabod as possible.

"I miss it," he confessed, and this would be the first of many, but at least this one was easy enough.  "I miss finding stuff at the library and showing it to you, or having you find something and bringing it to me."

It had been like Switzerland.  There had been no fighting, no grudges brought up or snide remarks made.  They both respected the library and they'd both behaved well with one another while in it.  It was a big reason why Ben believed they could be friends, in time.